A Thousand Tiny Steps

As I look back on my professional life, I realize that I've been asked to leave almost every job I've had. I've ignored so many red flags from nasty coworkers to recognizing my own issues with following rules and having boundaries. In this episode, I explore my relationships with others in the workplace and why I have struggled so much.

Key Takeaways:

[3:13] I've always struggled with my behavior and boundaries in the workplace

[5:02] I changed jobs a lot and self sabotaged my chances

[5:45] Teaching in Woburn, getting into arguments, and probably not doing a good job

[7:06] Teaching in an elementary school, but deciding to leave after a year

[8:10] I contemplated my next move and applied to jobs

[9:09] I took the job at Second Start and didn't work as a team with another teacher

[11:13] My brother Jonathan with ADHD inspired me to become a SPED teacher

[14:25] The job at Second Start was challenging and only lasted a year

[15:59] Working as a teacher at Walker school and being overwhelmed

[18:45] I struggled to coach and teach with the same discipline

[22:24] Taking a new job as a health teacher with a less than warm welcome

[24:28] Julie and I split the job and it became so much better

[26:25] I questioned myself and felt like I wasn't fulfilling my potential

[29:34] I've been asked to leave almost every job I've ever had

[31:36] I push a boundary or decide rules don't apply to me

[37:06] I returned to Concord and stayed here, but I didn't think I would

[39:17] I met so many wonderful people, but struggled to show up on time

Resources:

• The Body Keeps the Score

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

When I moved back to Concord, I didn't have a large group of friends and I had to build my social circle up again. There were so many important people in my life that made a big impact at one point and changed the path I was on. From spending time together with the girls I coached to the students I supported, I received something from all of them. Along the way, I learned how to build a family and what that means to me.

Key Takeaways:

[3:17] I was social, but didn't make close knit friends

[5:03] I kept myself busy and my relationship with Meg at Second Start

[9:22] My time with Chaz was a whirlwind who has supported me heavily

[11:47] Jack and I grew up together and we ended up both coaching cross country

[14:15] I didn't get close with the people I worked with

[15:25] Polly is my rock who I've fought with, but has always been there when I needed her

[16:51] Struggling with boundaries and coaching track

[17:38] Chris was on the first team I coached and we clicked as people

[19:40] Chris and I made each other scrapbooks of our time together

[21:26] Rachel felt validated by me and I felt validated by her

[24:57] Ember comes from a very religious family and how that played into my life

[27:05] I didn't take time off of coaching even after giving birth

[28:17] I bonded with everyone on my track teams and we spent so much time together

[30:12] Mariah was there to support me when I lost my job and Molly died

[32:37] Reconnecting with my college friends who I didn't see for years

[35:43] Erin and Anna both had such strong ties to their family

[38:08] I had to recreate my life when I moved back to Concord

Resources:

• My Soul House blog

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

Family is a complicated word that has so many meanings, but I think that at the end of the day it's about creating a community. Over the years I have worked to create my chosen family, alongside my biological one and I encourage my children to do the same. In this episode, I explore the concept of family and how it can be whatever you want it to be.

Key Takeaways:

[3:29] Feeling out of place in my family

[5:46] My biological and extended family growing up

[11:42] Redefining what family means with adoption and who we are as people

[15:20] My life falling apart with Molly dying

[17:58] The definition of family and what it means

[22:37] The meaning of the word "queer" has changed

[25:03] Choosing what you think is right or your family

[27:31] Family is community

[30:08] Sharing a history of abuse with the women in my family

[23:59] I always want to have a resolution with the people in my life

[34:52] Thinking about what everyone in a family needs to thrive

[36:51] Feeling obligated to honor your family

[38:34] I want Jack to have lots of chosen family

[40:12] I was trying to create a white picket fence life which didn't exist

[41:19] Trying to find more balance in my life

[42:55] What is your family like?

Resources:

• Queer Family Building 101
• Eat Walk, Half Double podcast

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

In this episode, I reflect on the birthdays I've had, my age, and my mortality. Age is a concept that has changed over time for me. I used to think 50 was old, and now I realize I still have so much life to live ahead of me. As I ponder how I will take care of Jack and analyze my decisions, I also think about how I have improved as a person.

Key Takeaways:

[4:27] The concept of age is a funny thing

[9:09] Realizing I was halfway to 30

[11:40] Turning 30 and looking at myself in the mirror

[12:27] When I was 40 I had just had Molly and my life took a turn

[13:46] Being 50 and having multiple part time jobs to pay the bills

[15:30] I haven't celebrated my birthday since Molly died

[17:14] Having a baby in my late 50s and thinking about my mortality

[18:35] Thinking about adopting a baby and what I want my future to be

[20:54] Finally starting to take better care of myself physically

[23:59] College was not the best time of my life, it doesn't need to be

[28:18] You do not have to rush with life

[30:10] Being in great physical shape

[31:46] Thinking about death

Resources:

• The Nest Group
• 28 Carrots Group
• Barb's commercial
• Okay, Yup podcast

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

Remembering the birth of Gracie and Molly has brought up raw emotion within me. I envisioned this white picket fence life: 2 kids, a loving husband, and a big house in a good neighborhood. That is not how life turned out in the slightest. Dealing with the grief of what I don't have anymore, and what I'll never get to experience is something I process everyday.

Key Takeaways:

[6:06] Winning a championship race and getting Coach of the Year Award

[10:35] The birth of Gracie

[20:17] I couldn't keep being pregnant with Molly a secret

[25:02] The birth of Molly

[33:27] Gracie felt ignored when Molly was born

[34:49] Continuing to coach full time after Molly was born

[35:57] Forgetting my breast pump and my day almost ending in disaster

[39:01] Gracie and Molly nursed really well

[40:24] I thought I would have this white picket fence life forever

[43:09] Memories of Molly as a baby

[46:18] Repeating old patterns of behavior when life is quiet

[50:14] RB Productions of Rent was beautiful

[53:02] Being able to give joy to someone else

Resources:

• RB Productions

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

When Kenny and I met it was a time of chaos. We were both getting a divorce from our ex partners and trying to juggle the realities of adulthood. Our relationship was built on a solid friendship and I imagined what my life would entail, but that got turned on its head when Molly died. In this episode, I explore how Kenny and I met, the struggles we had, and how it set the foundation for the chaotic life that was to come.

Key Takeaways:

[8:43] Giving it a year to see if we could work, but knowing Eric and I were over

[10:11] Dating new people and still going to AA meetings

[12:12] A student confessing she had sex with her teacher and sharing my experience

[15:14] Chaperoning a field trip, meeting Kenny, and becoming friends

[18:37] Chaperoning another field trip with Kenny and spending time with his kids

[19:57] The chaos surrounding Eric and Kenny

[21:49] Spending time with Kenny and buying a house

[24:31] Struggling with drinking again and Kenny's ugly divorce

[27:05] Helping Kenny find apartment and feeling safe with him

[29:30] Moving in with Kenny, but feeling like I was tearing Kenny's family apart

[31:44] Realizing I was pregnant with Gracie

[34:19] Cutting down on alcohol in the summer of 1999

[35:09] Kenny and I come from such different family structures

[36:25] Making big progress in my career and timing a race at Martha's Vineyard

[41:06] I planned to have kids with Kenny

[41:49] Buying my current house the second I saw it

[43:34] Feeling like everything was in place, but that the bad was around the corner

[44:40] Waiting for Kenny's divorce to finalize to get married

[45:13] Our wedding plans almost ended in disaster

[47:47] Feeling such joy, not knowing how my life would turn upside down

[51:17] There is a 30 foot billboard with my face on it in NYC

[54:42] People's response to me filming this commercial

[56:17] Please give feedback for the podcast

Resources:

• The Body Keeps the Score
• Barb's commercial

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

After 11 weeks, I got married - to a narcissist. I didn't recognize the signs: I was his third wife, younger than him, and he isolated me from family and friends. Marrying him was an impulsive choice accelerated by trauma bonds left unhealed. As I dive into this episode, I ponder what led me to marry him and why I keep repeating the same choices.

Key Takeaways:

[4:37] Starting to date Graham and alcohol in our relationship

[7:01] Working at a summer camp and immersing myself in the faith

[8:49] Meeting Eric, my first husband

[11:02] Getting married after 11 weeks

[12:51] Regretting getting married so quick and breaking up with my ex

[14:46] Eric wanted me to quit coaching and clean the house

[15:47] Going on a trip to Israel where Eric tagged along

[17:47] Starting a youth group and working at the summer camp

[20:01] I was Eric's third wife and younger than him

[21:54] I stopped talking to my friends from Concord

[24:07] I repeat patterns again and again

[27:12] Becoming a really good coach

[29:29] I hate the term adulting and not feeling like one

[31:06] There are two sides to me

[32:17] Eric made me thrown out my love letters, but not his own

[33:11] I worry about boring people

Resources

• The Body Keeps the Score

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

Going to my first AA meeting in the 90s was a positive step in recognizing I had an issue with alcohol. Throughout my life I've had an on and off relationship with alcohol that has been difficult to manage. As I recount my experiences from 30 years ago, I reflect on where I am today.

Key Takeaways:

[2:04] Thinking my time in Concord would be temporary

[5:00] Going to my first AA meeting

[7:53] Finding a new group of friends and a new job

[11:00] Being sober for 4 years, but drinking again on and off

[14:08] Feeling happy and trying hard to clean up my act

[19:01] The 12 steps of AA

[27:41] Getting involved in the baha'i faith again

[28:50] My social life changed because it wasn't surrounded by alcohol

[30:51] Surrounding myself with new people, but not letting go of the old

[32:53] Why I'm an alcoholic and my childhood

[35:01] Alcohol was my saving vice after Molly died

[36:40] Not drinking during pregnancy

[37:50] Different treatments I've tried for my alcoholism

[47:24] Jack helps keep me sober

[50:20] Going to the hospital because of an extreme allergic reaction

[53:08] Alcohol is still a bad habit for me

[56:44] Wanting to make a change in my life

Resources:

• The Nest
• Alcoholics Anonymous The Big Book
• This Naked Mind
• The Alcohol Experiment
• A Return to Love
• A Course in Miracles
• The Body Keeps the Score
• Reframe App
• Atomic Habits

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

In the fall of 1989 I returned to Concord after almost 10 years in Boston. I needed a fresh start: to get sober, to get into a good relationship, to get out of debt, and to start my career as a teacher. In order to achieve all that, I turned down running for Nike and broke up with a boyfriend. It was a rocky first 2 years back in Concord, but I started to get involved in my community and worked on bettering my relationships.

Key Takeaways:

[6:32] The fall of 1989 and returning to Concord

[8:40] I turned down an opportunity to run for Nike for a boyfriend

[10:10] Having dedication, but lacking consistency because of partying and alcohol

[11:59] Moving back in with parents and drinking too much

[13:45] Teaching at a new school and starting off on the wrong foot

[15:14] Recognizing I needed to make a change in my life and go to AA

[16:25] I cut off people from my life in Boston

[18:55] Trying to get more involved in the community by doing a play and running

[21:24] 2nd year in Concord and losing my job

[23:42] My relationship with Chaz in the first 2 years

[26:40] Reconnecting with my parents and siblings

[28:41] Starting to coach at Concord High

[29:44] Never feeling secure in a relationship, rushing about, and goal setting

[31:14] Summer of 1990 and working at Walker school

[32:55] Please give feedback for the podcast

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

Crying is an emotional release that has so many mixed feelings surrounding it. Growing up, I was admonished for crying and that hasn't changed in adulthood. As a woman I'm often seen as too emotional for crying and I make people uncomfortable. When I look back on my life, it's so interesting to see who wasn't afraid to cry and who was. In this episode, I explore the cultural, gender, and generational impact on crying.

Key Takeaways:

[3:47] Being told it wasn't okay to cry as a child

[6:23] Society telling boys not to cry and thinking girls are lesser for doing so

[8:03] Crying should be normalized

[10:12] My college boyfriends weren't afraid to cry

[13:46] Crying a ton after Molly died and making people uncomfortable

[15:23] Being admonished for crying

[18:50] Learning I needed to not cry while my daughter does

[22:23] Young girls being ridiculed for crying and being uncomfortable about it

[27:53] Miriam Bialik and Nora Mcinerny's discussion on grief

[29:14] Glennon Doyle and Elizabeth Gilbert's talk about terminal cancer

[31:03] Karen Kenney's episode on crying

[33:35] Kenny being okay to cry, but generational differences separate us

[34:43] Being given permission to cry

[36:21] Thinking back to how different people in my life viewed crying

[38:07] Panicking about how time goes by so quickly

[39:42] I cry a lot about what I've lost

[41:29] The many emotions around crying and what I've stopped crying about

[42:55] My kids being different around crying

[44:02] $13,000 in scholarships for kids

[46:36] World events are causing so many tears: guns, abortion, and war

[49:18] Everyone is so different with crying

[50:45] My journey of crying, expressing my emotions, and dissociating

[53:16] How much do you cry?

Resources from this episode:

• Death Be Not Proud movie
• On Golden Pond movie
• The Woman in Gold movie
• Libby's podcast on The Power of Crying
• Skylar's podcast Get Ready to Crumbl
• Miriam Bialik and Nora Mcinerny's discussion on grief
• Glennon Doyle and Elizabeth Gilbert talk on cancer
• Karen Kenney's episode on crying
• My TV commercial

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation