A Way Beyond the Rainbow

This is part IV of a 4-episode series dedicated to parents and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions (SSA) and/or gender dysphoria (GD).

In this episode, Aadam and I wrap up the discussion on healing with the topic of community healing, and then we answer frequently-asked questions from parents and family members of individuals experiencing SSA or GD. How important are therapists and mentors in the healing journey, and what are their responsibilities? Will my child ever "change"? If my child or sibling invites me to read their pro-LGBT material or attend their meetings, should I do that? How can I help my child overcome his/her porn habits and unwanted sexual behaviors? My son or daughter is having a gay wedding, should I attend? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References used in this episode:
- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen
- A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames Nicolosi

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This is part III of a 4-episode series dedicated to parents and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions (SSA) and/or gender dysphoria (GD).

In this episode, Aadam and I discuss practical tips and advice for parents and families of individuals experiencing SSA and GD, and we tackle proper communication skills and conflict resolution techniques. To what extent are time, touch and talk important in the lives of children, adolescents and young adults, and how can I offer that? How and why should the same-sex parent become more invested and the opposite-sex parent take two steps back? If my son is rejecting me, how can I, as a father, rebuild my relationship with him? Why are hands-on activities, sports and physical roughhousing necessary in the lives of boys and men, and how can we invite them to participate in these activities? How do we know if what we're doing is right and the level of intervention is appropriate? If I am a single mom or a single dad, how can I best guarantee the proper gender development of my opposite-sex child? How can I improve my communication skills with my child, resolve conflicts with them and learn more about their love language? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.

References used in this episode:
- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen
- A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames Nicolosi

Other references mentioned in the episode:
- Scene from the movie, Good Will Hunting
- The Five Love Languages book by Dr. Gary Chapman
- The Five Love Languages Quiz
- "Knowing Your Child's Love Language" - summary document

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This is part II of a 4-episode series dedicated to parents and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions (SSA) and/or gender dysphoria (GD).

In this episode, Aadam and I discuss the notions of gender confusion in childhood and highlight important considerations for parents dealing with young boys and girls as well as adolescents experiencing gender nonconformity, SSA and/or GD. What are signs that my child or family member is experiencing gender identity confusion? What are some possible causes for this? When should I be worried? How can I replace cross-gender toys and clothes to which my child is attached with more gender-affirming toys and clothes without hurting his/her feelings? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.

References used in this episode:
- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen
- A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames Nicolosi

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This is part I of a 4-episode series dedicated to parents and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions (SSA) and/or gender dysphoria (GD).

In this episode, Aadam and I read out survey responses sent by members of the online Straight Struggle community addressing parents and siblings, and we cover pertinent themes related to personal healing for parents and family members. What do men and women experiencing SSA or GD hope to get from their parents and family members? How can I, as a parent, sibling or family member of an individual with SSA or GD, navigate the "shock factor"? How can I step into their world and see things from their eyes? What does "unconditional love" mean, and can I still love them unconditionally while disagreeing with their behaviors and lifestyle choices? Why is doing my own work necessary before I help my child, sibling or family member who experiences SSA or GD? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.

References used in this episode:
- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen
- A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames Nicolosi

International support systems for parents and family members:
- Straight Struggle support group (online, Muslim-based, international)
- Strong Support's "Parent's Support Circle" (Muslim-based, UK and international)
- Positive Approaches To Healthy Sexuality (PATHS)
- Brothers Road (US and international)
- North Star Alliance (Mormon-based, international), including Voices of Hope and Journeys of Faith
- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX)
- Focus on the Family, Jeff Johnston (Christian-based)
- Courage International (Christian-based)

Healing seminars and family healing sessions:
- Positive Approaches To Healthy Sexuality (PATHS)
- Mankind Project (MKP)
- Adventure into Manhood (AIM)
- Brothers Road (US and international)
- Woman Within
- COR Experience: Noble Man and Women's Immersion Weekend
- Celebration of Being - for men and for women

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This is part II of a 2-episode series with Sh. Mustafa Umar addressing Shar'i perspectives related to gender nonconformity, gender dysphoria and transgenderism.

Is gender transitioning unconditionally prohibited in Islam or are there particular exceptions?  How do we, as families and communities, deal with individuals undergoing gender transitioning? How do we deal with individuals who identify as gender non-binary or gender-fluid, particularly if they are Muslim? How do we deal with situations where we have to "declare our preferred pronouns"? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.

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This is part I of a 2-episode series with Sh. Mustafa Umar addressing Shar'i perspectives related to gender nonconformity, gender dysphoria and transgenderism.

Are the gender roles defined by Islam rigid or flexible compared to modern Western notions of gender roles? If gender roles are, to a degree, socially determined, what are the permissible limits of not conforming to such gender roles? Where do individuals who identify as gender-fluid or gender non-binary fit in the Islamic paradigm? For individuals who imitate the opposite gender, what does imitation involve and what would be considered blameworthy? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.

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In this episode, Br. Mobeen Vaid and I discuss the Islamic perspectives on gender-reassignment surgeries as well as the ripple effects of the modern day transgender movement.

What are the major Islamic fatawa regarding sex-reassignment surgeries within Sunni and Shi'a Islam? On what grounds were such fatwas issued to begin with? Do communities like the Hijras in Pakistan and Bangladesh as well as the Warias in Indonesia represent legitimate "third gender" communities? What are the ripple effects of the modern trans movement on family units, schools and academia, Muslim scholarship, as well as our mosques and  places of worship? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References used and resources mentioned in this episode:
- “And the Male Is Not like the Female”: Sunni Islam and Gender Nonconformity (Part 2) by Mobeen Vaid and Waheed Jensen
- When Harry Became Sally: Responding to the Transgender Moment by Ryan Anderson
- Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters by Abigail Shrier
- The Man Who Would Be Queen: The Science of Gender-Bending and Transsexualism by Michael Bailey
- 4thWaveNow website

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In this episode, we dive deep into the topics of gender dysphoria and transgenderism from scientific and medical perspectives, by exploring the most recent research and developments on the topic.

Are there biological factors that contribute to transgenderism? Is gender dysphoria one entity or are there different kinds of it? What is the genesis of gender dysphoria and how is it treated nowadays? Is the “affirmative model” healthy and appropriate for individuals struggling with gender dysphoria? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References used in this episode:
- “And the Male Is Not like the Female”: Sunni Islam and Gender Nonconformity (Part 2) by Mobeen Vaid and Waheed Jensen (references for medical articles included therein)
- Time to Hit Pause on 'Pausing' Puberty in Gender-Dysphoric Youth
- Transgender Docs Warn About Gender-Affirmative Care for Youth
- Sex Change Regret

Support groups and relevant resources:
- International: Genspect, Partners for Ethical Care, Parents of ROGD Kids, Our Duty,  Gender Identity Challenge Scandinavia (GENID)
- USA: 4thWaveNow, Child and Parental Rights Campaign
- UK: Bayswater Support Group, Transgender Trend,  Safe School Alliance UK, Fair Play for Women
- Canada: Canadian Gender Report, Detrans Canada

Detrans support groups: Reddit detrans server, Post Trans, Detrans Voices, Lost in Transition,  Pique Resilience Project

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In this episode, we continue our discussion of gender nonconformity with Br. Mobeen Vaid, and we discuss the notions of gender atypical individuals from an Islamic perspective, as well as the concepts of intersex/disorders of sexual development from a medical perspective.

What are the differences between al-khunthā al-mushkil (ambiguous khunthā), al-mukhannath al-khilqī (congenital mukhannath) and al-mukhannath ghayr al-khilqī (affected or non-congenital mukhannath)? Does khunthā represent a third gender? To what extent does Islam accommodate gender atypical individuals and guarantee their legal rights under Shari'a? Who is the verse in the Qur'an about "men who possess no sexual desire for women" referring to exactly? Biologically and medically speaking, how do intersex syndromes arise and how can they be treated? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References used in this episode:
- “And the Male Is Not like the Female”: Sunni Islam and Gender Nonconformity (Part 1) by Mobeen Vaid
- “And the Male Is Not like the Female”: Sunni Islam and Gender Nonconformity (Part 2) by Mobeen Vaid and Waheed Jensen

Extra resources:
- Intersex Society of North America - official website
- Support and advocacy groups for intersex individuals - here and here

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With this episode, we begin a series of episodes addressing the topics of gender, gender nonconformity, gender dysphoria and transgenderism.

In this episode, Br. Mobeen Vaid joins me in a discussion on gender and gender nonconformity in the modern world and from an Islamic legal perspective. Why are we witnessing an explosion of gender and sexual identities nowadays, and where is this expansion heading? Does Islam have a constructionist or essentialist view when it comes to one's gender? Does Islamic Shari'a allow flexibility in terms of our gender expression, or are we limited to strict and predefined “gender roles”? Does Islam allow for leeway in non-typical interests and pursuits for men and women? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References mentioned in the episode:
- “And the Male Is Not like the Female”: Sunni Islam and Gender Nonconformity (Part 2)

Relevant writings by Br. Mobeen:
- On Openness
- Men, Women, and the Perils of Constructionism
- On Gender Wars, #Metoo, and Building a Program of Virtue and Dignity
- Appraising Motherhood
- On Muslim Masculinity
- Why Marriage Requires Meaning

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