A Way Beyond the Rainbow

This is part II of a 2-episode series on the topic of self-discipline and building healthy habits.

In this episode, Aadam and I discuss building atomic habits, overcoming procrastination and failure, and developing morning routines. How can I build healthy habits consistently and overcome some of my bad habits? How can I deal with distractions in my life and overcome procrastination? Why is a morning routine important and what does it constitute? How can I develop a contingency plan in case I fail? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References used and resources mentioned in the episode:
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- The School of Greatness: A Real-World Guide to Living Bigger, Loving Deeper, and Leaving a Legacy by Lewis Howes
- Mindful Self-Discipline by Giovanni Dienstmann
- "A Better Way to Track Your Habits" video by Thomas Frank (including the Journal Method)
- Habit-tracking apps: Habitica, Habit Bull and Strides
- Fabulous app - build better habits and achieve your goals
- The concept of dopamine detox: example videos here, here and here.
- Lewis Howes' "School of Greatness" podcast episodes: on overcoming procrastination + on creating the perfect morning routine
- Explanation of the Pomodoro technique
- Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...and Maybe the World by Admiral William H. McRaven (also see his viral talk here)
- "The Two-Day Rule" by Matt D'Avella

Extra books on time management and overcoming procrastination:
- The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People  by Stephen Covey
- Eat That Frog! 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time by Brian Tracy
- The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Tim Ferriss
- Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen

Mindful time management resources (Giovanni Dienstmann): time planning, boundaries, awareness,  and time focus.

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This is part I of a 2-episode series on the topic of self-discipline and building healthy habits.

In this episode, Aadam and I outline the differences between self-discipline, motivation, willpower and self-control, highlight the benefits of self-discipline, and discuss practical methods to cultivating that in our daily lives. How can I prevent my "monkey mind" from taking over when I try to work or study? How can I develop practical goals, aspirations and strategies in my life? How can I start building more structure, focus and discipline in my life, and how can I develop more willpower to do the things I have to do even when I don't feel like doing them? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References used and resources mentioned in the episode:
- "5 Timeless Strategies for Building Self-Discipline" by Sam Thomas Davies
- Dandapani's tips to developing willpower, video on Youtube
- "Jordan Peterson’s Method for Self Discipline" video by TopThink
- Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day by Jay Shetty
- "Master Self-Discipline" video by Jay Shetty
- The School of Greatness: A Real-World Guide to Living Bigger, Loving Deeper, and Leaving a Legacy by Lewis Howes
- Mindful Self-Discipline by Giovanni Dienstmann
- "Marcus Aurelius – How To Build Self Discipline (Stoicism)" video by Philosophies for Life
- Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
- Take the Stairs: 7 Steps to Achieving True Success by Rory Vaden
- Don't Sweat the Small Stuff . . . and It's All Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life by Richard Carlson

Developing practical plans of action (resources from Giovanni Dienstmann, in order):
- Start with Purpose, Difference between Goals and Aspirations, and Specify Your Aspiration with SMART Goals (also: Want-to Goals vs. Have-to Goals)
- Find your: Core Values, Deeper Why and Role Models
- Design Your Aspirational Identity, Magnify Your Aspiration and cultivate The Triple Commitment

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*TRIGGER WARNING: Episode discusses themes of sexual abuse, assault and rape*
 
This is part II of a 2-episode series on the topic of sexual abuse, assault and rape.
 
In this episode, we discuss the process of defining and processing sexual abuse experiences and outline stages of healing, practical work and different coping strategies. We also cover the topic of rape, as well as the intricacies involved with disclosing sexual abuse experiences to loved ones. We also offer tips to parents, spouses, family members and friends of individuals who experienced sexual abuse or rape.
 
What are some barriers that prevent sexual abuse survivors from healing and recovering? What are the different stages of recovery, and what are practical recommendations to help me heal? Should I disclose my sexual abuse trauma to my spouse, family or friends, and how can I do that? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References used and resources mentioned in the episode:
- Dr. Jim Hopper’s website
- Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse, by Mic Hunter
- Trauma and Recovery, by Judith Herman
- The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, by Laura Davis (book and workbook)
- Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, by Jay Stringer
- Sexual Assault Resource Guide from HealthLine
- Recommended books and films from the "1in6" website

Male-oriented websites, support groups and resources: "1in6" website, Male Survivor website, Mankind Initiative (UK), Dr. Richard Gartner’s website, Living Well website, British Columbia Society for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse

For males and females:
- Sexual Assault Demonstration Initiative: Online support groups and general resources for survivors of sexual violence
- S.H.E UK
- Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
- The Survivors Trust (UK)
- International support: Handbook of International Centers for Survivors of Sexual Assault and Harassment
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA)

For parents and families: Stop It Now organization, books and films for parents

Suicide Prevention Resource Guide from HealthLine

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*TRIGGER WARNING: Episode discusses themes of sexual abuse, assault and rape*

This is part I of a 2-episode series on the topic of sexual abuse, assault and rape.

In this episode, we tackle some relevant definitions and statistics, discuss some reasons why survivors do not disclose their sexual abuse experiences, and highlight some of the psychological and emotional repercussions of sexual abuse. We also cover some facts and myths with regards to unwanted sexual experiences, particularly those relating to male sexual abuse.

Why do many survivors of sexual abuse experiences keep such incidents to themselves and prefer secrecy? Why is there more shame surrounding male sexual abuse than female sexual abuse? Do childhood sexual abuse experiences contribute to the development of same-sex attractions? Is there a chance for survivors of sexual abuse to become perpetrators themselves? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References used and resources mentioned in this episode:
- Guidelines from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry on communicating with survivors of childhood sexual abuse
- Jim Hopper: Sexual Assault and the Brain
- Booklet “Understanding Children’s Sexual Behaviors: What’s Natural and Healthy” by Dr. Toni Cavanagh Johnson
- "Do Children Sexually Abuse Other Children?” online guidebook by  "Stop It Now"
- "Why Do People Sexually Use or Abuse Children?" article from 1in6 website
- "Am I Going to Become Abusive?" article from 1in6 website

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This is the fourth and last part of our 4-episode comprehensive series on understanding and overcoming porn and sex addictions. In this episode, we examine together relevant spiritual themes on the journey of sexual recovery, including patience, perseverance, surrender, repentance and going back to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. We also discuss many lessons from the story of Prophet Yunus (PBUH) in relation to sexual recovery.

What are some gems that we can learn from Prophet Yunus (PBUH)'s story that are relevant to our journey of recovery from addictions and unwanted behaviors? How can my temptations, habits and sins turn into prayers and a path to the Divine? How can the themes of patience, surrender, admitting one's powerlessness and tawbah form the foundation of my recovery and healing journey?  These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References used and resources mentioned in this episode:
- Coffee With Karim podcast episode 9: "Sex, Porn & Paradise"  with guest speaker Zeyad Ramadan
- Secrets of Divine Love: A Spiritual Journey into the Heart of Islam by A. Helwa

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This is part III of a 4-episode comprehensive series on understanding and overcoming porn and sex addictions. In this episode, we examine together the withdrawal period, potential pitfalls and mind games on the journey of healing and recovery, as well as practical tips and tools that we can use on our journey. We also talk about helpful apps, websites and support systems, how to deal with periods of difficulty, and how to disclose to people close to you, should you choose to do so.

What would I expect to happen when I choose to quit my compulsive sexual behaviors? How do I handle the withdrawal period? What are some games that my mind can play on me during this period? What are some screen control apps, website blockers, online counseling venues and other helpful resources and support groups that can help me maintain my recovery and offer me support on my journey? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References used and resources mentioned in this episode:
- Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame by George Collins
- The Porn Pandemic: A Simple Guide To Understanding And Ending Pornography Addiction For Men by Andrew Ferebee
- The Easy Peasy Way to Quit Porn
- TED talk “How to Make Stress Your Friend” by Kelly McGonigal

Parental (and personal) screen control/monitoring apps: Bark, Boomerang, Clean Browsing, Net Nanny, Qustodio Parental Control, OurPact

Website blockers: Cold Turkey, Covenant Eyes, Stay Focused (Google Chrome extension, app on Google Store)

Helpful apps on the journey of sexual recovery: Fortify, Brain Buddy, Quit Masturbation Calendar, rTribe, 12-step apps

Online counseling for overcoming porn and sexual compulsive behaviors: Sexual Recovery Institute, Purify Your Gaze (Muslim organization)

Other helpful resources: Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), NoFap (main website, Reddit “NoFap” forum, Reddit "Muslim NoFap" forum), Reddit “Porn Free” forum, Reboot Nation, Muslim PMO Central Discord server

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A 17-minute meditation that involves mindfulness, breathing and connecting with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala using some of His Divine Names, reorienting our being as we call unto Him and ask for His help.

Background music from Benjamin Tissot (Bensound).

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A 13-minute meditation focused on breathing and a full body scan to practice mindfulness and demystify triggers.

Background music from Benjamin Tissot (Bensound).

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A 10-minute meditation focused on grounding and breathing to practice mindfulness and demystify triggers.

Background music from Benjamin Tissot (Bensound).

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This is part II of a 4-episode comprehensive series on understanding and overcoming porn and sex addictions. In this episode, we discuss many practical techniques to help us demystify sexual triggers and overcome the urges of sexual "acting out".

How can I communicate with my "inner addict" and deconstruct my urges? How do mindfulness and conscious awareness exercises help me overcome my sexual triggers? What are some practical tools that can be used when I experience intense urges to watch porn or act out sexually? How can all of this be transformed into acts of worship? These and other questions are explored in this episode.

References used and resources mentioned in this episode:
- Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame by George Collins
- The Porn Pandemic: A Simple Guide To Understanding And Ending Pornography Addiction For Men by Andrew Ferebee
- The Easy Peasy Way to Quit Porn
- "Taking Your History" Questionnaire
- TED talk “A Simple Way to Break a Bad Habit” by Judson Brewer
- Secrets of Divine Love: A Spiritual Journey into the Heart of Islam by A. Helwa

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