Abject Suffering

Dick Dagger: It's more than just an incredibly predictable porn star name. It's what you kill things with in this awful game. Join us as we try and talk about anything and everything but this atrocity.

Hey Robin Williams: You cool, dawg? Can't quite settle on a single voice there. We're on to your "spaghetti against the wall" garbage. Black preacher? So played, and kind of racist. Nobody actually remembers when you were any good at anything.

It's all we ever wanted to do: to talk about The Simpsons on a show. But it shouldn't have been like this. Not like this. These aren't the aliens we were told to expect.

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GENERAL MILLS MEMORANDUM: All Staff. For several fiscal reporting periods, we've all felt the systemic pressure on the Chex brand that arises due to the close relationship between the corn-square vertical and the dairy vertical. If you will open the nearest box of Chex, you will see the results of our new corporate initiative to demonize milk and the phlegm it causes. And you'll also get 50 free hours of America Online.

Job Posting: NEEDED - Tone Lōc Lookalike (or: Lōcalike). Does not need to sound like Tone Lōc, I will cover the auditory portion of the ruse. Need to handle infestation of Bébé's kids at my theme park. Will pay in funnel cakes and ride vouchers. Call between 7am and 4pm, ask for "Rap Man".

Text found on a flyer of a Bronx corner store: "HEY, YOU KIDS. DROP YOU'RE CYBADEKS AND STOP CONTRIBUTIN TO THE DEGRADATION'S OF SOCIETY. THE NEXT CYPADEK I SEE IS GOING RIGHT IN THE GARBAGE" and then the rest is torn off.

We're tired of it. Being pushed around, look down upon, treated like garbage. One day, soon, we're going to... oh god, we're bugs now. Fortune, and good mojo, have ordained that our 50th episode be about a good game that one of us actually played to completion!