Able to Care

If you’ve ever supported someone living with dementia and been faced with shouting, swearing, hitting, or refusal of care, this episode is for you.

In this solo episode, Andy Baker unpacks one of the most misunderstood areas of dementia care: behaviour that looks aggressive but is almost always communication driven by distress. Drawing on years of experience in behaviour support, Andy helps caregivers, teachers, and parents move away from labels like “challenging” or “difficult” and instead understand what the behaviour is trying to say.

You’ll learn why dementia affects far more than memory, how fear, pain, confusion, trauma, overstimulation, and even poor care practice can drive behaviour — and most importantly, what to do in the moment. Andy shares a simple, practical three‑step response framework and language you can use immediately to de‑escalate situations while protecting your own wellbeing.

This episode is especially valuable for anyone feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or unsure whether they’re “handling things right”.

00:00 – Aggression or communication? Reframing behaviour in dementia

Aggression in dementia is rarely intentional

Behaviour makes sense when you understand the context

You can’t calm someone else if you’re dysregulated

Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge by Andy Baker

You’re supporting someone with dementia and struggling with aggression, refusal, or distress

You want practical language and tools, not theory

You’re tired of feeling blamed, judged, or unsure

You want to support others without losing yourself

You believe behaviour has meaning — and want to understand it better

This episode offers reassurance, clarity, and immediately usable strategies grounded in empathy and realism.

In this episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy is joined by Gary Derbyshire, live‑in care business owner and care advocate, for an honest and practical conversation about what live‑in care really looks like in everyday life.

Together, they unpack how live‑in care differs from domiciliary care and residential care homes, why it can be a powerful option for people living with dementia, learning difficulties, anxiety, or complex needs, and how it can dramatically reduce stress and burnout for unpaid family carers.

This episode is especially relevant for parents, teachers, and caregivers who are supporting someone vulnerable, feeling overwhelmed, or unsure what “the next step” should be. Gary shares real examples, clears up common fears, and explains how joined‑up, preventative support can protect dignity, independence, and wellbeing — for everyone involved.

What live‑in care actually is — explained in clear, human terms

How live‑in care compares to domiciliary care and residential care homes

Why familiarity, routine, and one‑to‑one support matter so much for people with dementia

How live‑in care can reduce guilt, burnout, and anxiety for unpaid carers

What families should ask before choosing any care provider

How joined‑up working with charities, NHS teams, and local services improves outcomes

00:01 – What is live‑in care? A simple explanation

03:07 – Live‑in care vs domiciliary care vs care homes

08:00 – Who live‑in care is (and isn’t) suitable for

11:24 – Cost, value, and funding options explained

17:21 – Common fears families have about live‑in care

27:14 – Practical first steps for families feeling overwhelmed

29:16 – What a live‑in carer actually does day‑to‑day

36:50 – Joined‑up care: working with NHS, charities, and community services

45:31 – Guilt, burnout, and becoming a daughter again (not just a carer)

48:26 – Questions families should ask any care provider

57:39 – Final takeaway: when to seriously consider live‑in care

Live‑in care is about dignity, not dependency

Prevention matters more than crisis response

Good care supports the whole family, not just the individual

Promedica24 Live‑in Care

Dementia Forward

Lancashire Mind

Care Quality Commission (CQC)

Homecare.co.uk (provider reviews)

If you’re:

Supporting a loved one with dementia, learning difficulties, or increasing vulnerability

Feeling exhausted, guilty, or unsure how long you can keep going

A professional wanting a clearer understanding of care pathways

Trying to make sense of confusing care options

…this episode offers clarity, reassurance, and realistic alternatives, without pressure or sales talk.

Gary Derbyshire runs Promedica24, delivering live‑in care across Lancashire, Yorkshire, and Cumbria.

With a background in NHS work, care advocacy, and community collaboration, Gary supports families navigating dementia, learning difficulties, and complex needs. He is known for his calm, empathetic approach and for building joined‑up support networks with organisations such as Dementia Forward, Lancashire Mind, and local services.

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gary-derbyshire-5b484240/

Instagram: @derbyshire.gary

Website: https://www.promedica24careathome.co.uk

📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining

Why “just do as you’re told” doesn’t work — and what to do instead.

If you're a caregiver, teacher or parent exhausted by difficult behaviour, this episode is for you.

In this solo episode, Andy Baker (behaviour specialist, author, and trainer) challenges the outdated scripts we've inherited around control, punishment, and compliance — and shares a powerful mindset shift that actually works.

From his own story of being mugged at knifepoint to practical insights for managing aggression, defiance, or withdrawal, Andy explores how a person-centred, trauma-informed approach to behaviour support can improve outcomes for everyone — including you.

Whether you work in a care home, a classroom or your own home, this episode helps you move from reactivity to reflection, from “what’s wrong with you?” to “what’s going on for you?”

Book: Targeting the Positive: With Behaviours That Challenge by Andy Baker

Able Training: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast

Challenging behaviour is subjective – what we find difficult often says more about us than the person we’re supporting.

Old logic harms connection – the “do as you’re told” mindset leads to fear, shutdown or escalation.

New logic builds trust – curiosity, empathy, and focusing on needs (not punishment) create better outcomes for everyone.

00:00 – The problem with “just being difficult”

01:20 – Andy’s story: being mugged, fear, and the start of a career in behaviour

02:00 – What does “challenging behaviour” actually mean?

04:00 – Subjectivity, values, and why we label behaviour

06:00 – Task-focused vs. person-centred: why we get stuck

07:30 – The pause: learning to respond, not react

09:00 – From punishment to curiosity: the ‘new logic’ in behaviour

11:00 – The danger of “should” and “must” scripts

12:00 – Maladaptive vs. disliked behaviour

13:00 – The cultural lens: are our expectations even right?

14:00 – 3 mindset shifts to start using tomorrow

15:10 – How “Targeting the Positive” can help you become the weatherman of behaviour

If you’ve ever thought “why won’t they just behave?” — you’re not alone. This episode gives you a practical, mindset-shifting framework that moves beyond punishment and helps you better support children, adults, or anyone with distressed or confusing behaviour. It’s compassionate, empowering, and refreshingly honest.

In this vital conversation, I’m joined by Ben Gyles, co-founder of Urban Nest Property Solutions and The Housing Partnership Forum, to tackle the growing gap between housing and care. Ben shares his personal connection to council housing, his work supporting care providers and councils, and how housing shortages and visa changes are creating a chokehold on care delivery across the UK.

Whether you’re a parent, teacher or caregiver, this episode sheds light on how stable, trauma-informed housing isn’t just about bricks and mortar – it’s about creating safety, healing and dignity for those we support.

Care Needs a Roof: Housing is not just a backdrop to care delivery – it’s a fundamental part of it. Without suitable homes, care packages are delayed, disjointed or completely unworkable.

The System is Reacting, Not Planning: Providers, councils, and landlords are trapped in reactive firefighting. We need better communication, forward planning and strategic housing pipelines to meet future care needs.

Homes Can Heal: Trauma-informed environments matter. With insight from his partner, therapist Silvia Costa, Ben shares how thoughtful design can support mental wellbeing and long-term recovery.

00:00 – What happens when care is approved, but there's nowhere to go?

02:00 – Delayed discharge and the £2bn cost of nowhere-to-go patients

05:00 – The impact of housing shortages on small care providers

10:00 – The missing link: communication breakdown between councils, landlords and providers

20:00 – How Urban Nest is bridging the gap with property pipelines

25:00 – Visa changes, staff shortages and housing as recruitment infrastructure

30:00 – How trauma-informed design transforms housing into healing

35:00 – Advice for caregivers and advocates struggling with housing support

40:00 – Behaviour, stability and the ripple effect of insecure housing on families and schools

45:00 – What councils and government could change today

50:00 – The Housing Partnership Forum – a new space for collaboration

The Housing Partnership Forum: Join on LinkedIn

Ben & Silvia on LinkedIn: Ben and Silvia

Your Local Guardian Article: Urban Nest launched to save Croydon's forgotten homes

Targeting the Positive (Book) by Andy Baker: Find it on Amazon

If you work in care, education or support families in any way, this episode will challenge how you think about housing. Ben Gyles offers a fresh, solutions-focused perspective on how to overcome housing barriers in care – from planning better homes to understanding trauma-informed design. It’s a conversation packed with heart, real-world examples, and practical hope.

In this powerful solo episode of Able to Care, Andy Baker – behaviour specialist, author, trainer and speaker – explores one of the most transformative frameworks in person-centred support: the Six C’s of Preventative Wellbeing.

Too often, we fight fires instead of fireproofing. Whether you're a parent trying to reduce meltdowns, a carer supporting someone in distress, or a teacher dealing with disengagement, this episode reframes the problem: It’s not just about reacting to behaviour – it’s about creating environments where the behaviour doesn’t need to happen.

Andy introduces the Six C’s – Comfort, Consistency, Connection, Choice, Competency, and Challenge – and explains how each one contributes to better outcomes for those we support, and for ourselves. Grounded in trauma-informed practice, psychological safety, and real-world experience, this model gives carers and professionals a clear, compassionate roadmap for prevention and wellbeing.

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Targeting the Positive – Andy Baker’s book exploring proactive and person-centred behaviour support.

Able Training – The Target System – Learn more about the framework featured in this episode.

Preventative wellbeing is proactive, not reactive. When we build safety, predictability, and purpose into environments, we reduce distress – and therefore, behaviour that challenges.

The Six C’s aren’t just theory – they’re culture. Comfort, Consistency, Connection, Choice, Competency, and Challenge must be embedded into everyday life, not just stuck on a poster.

You can’t thrive in fight-or-flight. Until people feel safe, they cannot learn, relate, or grow. Support must begin with emotional safety.

00:00 – Why Firefighting Doesn’t Work

01:40 – The Six C’s Explained

02:53 – What is Preventative Wellbeing?

04:28 – Comfort: Psychological and Physical Safety

07:17 – Consistency: The Quiet Rhythm of Trust

09:49 – Connection: The Gateway to Regulation

11:11 – Choice: Autonomy and Dignity in Action

13:17 – Competency: Building Self-Esteem Through Mastery

15:11 – Challenge: Stretching Without Overwhelming

17:00 – How to Use the Six C’s in Practice

19:13 – From Compliance to Culture

19:50 – Final Thoughts and a Call to Reflect

You’re a parent who wants less shouting and more connection

You’re a teacher frustrated by behaviour but unsure what’s beneath it

You’re a carer trying to create calm, not just contain chaos

You’re a leader looking to reduce burnout and improve wellbeing

This episode helps you see support differently – not as a response to behaviour, but as an opportunity to shape it before it ever appears.

What happens when a headteacher leads not with policies, but with purpose? In this inspiring episode of the Able to Care podcast, behaviour specialist Andy Baker speaks with Fiona Booth, Headteacher at St Nicholas Church of England Primary Academy, a school recently featured by the BBC for its outstanding, relationship-driven approach to education.

With 12 years in leadership, Fiona shares how she rebuilt a “dark” school culture into one where every child—and adult—feels safe, seen and supported.

From tucking in shirts as a symbol of belonging to using data as a torch, not a hammer, Fiona’s message will resonate with caregivers, educators and parents navigating systems while trying to hold onto humanity.

This is an essential listen for anyone who believes behaviour is communication, and that education—and care—must start with connection.

This episode is proudly supported by Order your card today

Fiona Booth – Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge by Andy Baker

Able Training Podcast Hub

Love is not soft—it’s structured.

Real behaviour change comes from consistency and culture.

Every human being carries light.

00:00 – Introduction and Sponsor: Carers Card UK

01:40 – Meet Fiona Booth: Relationship-Centric Leadership

03:00 – What is a relationship-first school and why does it matter?

06:00 – Finding the untold stories behind behaviour

08:00 – How trauma-informed leadership reshapes whole school culture

11:00 – Building trust, not compliance, with staff and students

14:00 – Stories of real transformation: from despair to belonging

18:00 – The 'shine' philosophy and embracing every child’s light

22:00 – Rethinking data: Is it a hammer or a torch?

28:00 – Boundaries, belief and building expectations

34:00 – Being a lead learner: How Fiona models continual growth

39:00 – Music, movement and joy as staff wellbeing strategies

44:00 – What Ofsted and the DfE miss about real behaviour change

48:00 – Gratitude journals, emotional literacy and peer celebration

53:00 – Culture-shifting through connection, one moment at a time

56:00 – Final stories: Why this work really matters

01:05:00 – What drives Fiona on hard days

Discover how to build compassion-led culture in any school or care setting

Learn why vulnerability is a strength in leadership, not a weakness

Explore how boundaries + empathy create safety

Be inspired by real-life stories of hope, healing and transformation

Gain tools to help you connect before you correct in behaviour support

If you're a parent, teacher, caregiver—or anyone supporting people through challenges—this episode offers emotional insight and practical hope.

🎧 Listen to all episodes: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast

Have you ever said, “Be quiet,” or “Stop crying,” and meant well — but noticed it shut things down rather than opened them up?

Aimed at caregivers, educators, and parents, this thought-provoking episode shows how subtle shifts in language can transform your connection with the people you support — from young children to adults.

This isn’t about being “soft.” It’s about being smart with your words. Learn how to move from control to connection, from correction to collaboration.

The Able to Care podcast is proudly supported by  Order your card today

Andy’s book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

Podcast hub: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast

The way we phrase things shapes behaviour and safety.

Small changes in words lead to big changes in connection.

Words don’t just describe reality — they create it.

00:00 – Introduction: Why the words we use matter

00:43 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK

01:50 – Connection vs control: The impact of phrases like “Stop crying”

02:14 – How language reflects mindset and changes how others see themselves

03:12 – Language as emotional regulation and safety cue

04:44 – Trauma-informed language: Validating vs dismissing distress

05:49 – Replacing correction with collaboration

06:36 – Building a growth mindset with words

07:53 – Avoiding minimisation: Why “it’s not that hard” can harm

08:28 – Reframing “mess” and “behaviour” in play and exploration

09:38 – The principle of positive phrasing: Say what you want to see

10:19 – The TARGET model: How to reflect and shift language patterns

11:14 – Final thought: Every word is a seed — plant safety, not fear

You’ll gain practical, everyday language swaps that calm instead of escalate

You’ll reflect on your own communication habits and how they shape behaviour

You’ll understand how trust and safety are built one phrase at a time

You’ll be better equipped to help children or adults feel seen, heard and respected

If you’re a parent, teacher, carer, or support worker, this episode will leave you thinking differently about what you say — and why it matters.

📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining

In this episode of the Able to Care podcast, behaviour specialist Andy Baker is joined by Kathryn Lovewell, founder of Kind Mind Academy, award-winning speaker, and best-selling author of The Little Book of Self-Compassion, The Voices in My Head, and Every Teacher Matters.

Together, they explore how self-compassion isn’t soft—it’s essential. Drawing on Kathryn’s experience working across schools, prisons, foster care, and families, they unpack the power of mindful self-compassion in daily life, especially for those in support roles.

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or carer feeling stretched thin, this conversation offers something rare: permission to be kind to yourself—and practical steps to start today.

We’re proudly supported by The Booster Way Community

Kathryn on LinkedIn: Kathryn Lovewell

Instagram: @theboosterway

Kathryn’s books:

The Voices in My Head

The Little Book of Self-Compassion

Every Teacher Matters

Andy’s book: able-training.co.uk/podcast

Self-compassion isn't self-indulgent—it's essential.

We pass on our inner dialogue.

Start small, stay consistent.

00:00 – Intro: The power of how we speak to ourselves

01:42 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK

02:00 – Meet Kathryn Lovewell and her journey into self-compassion

05:00 – Understanding the inner critic and “Crusher” vs “Booster”

10:30 – Why self-compassion is so hard but so necessary

15:20 – How changing our inner voice transforms relationships

20:00 – Recognising signs of emotional depletion and burnout

28:00 – A guided Self-Compassion Break exercise

35:00 – The Booster Way: Building emotional language in families

42:00 – Creating a culture of compassion in schools and homes

47:00 – Modeling healthy self-talk for children

52:00 – Practical ways to calm and regulate during tough moments

56:00 – Busting the myth: Self-care isn’t selfish

59:00 – Final message: No one needs to suffer alone

You’ll learn practical tools for calming the inner critic

You’ll hear powerful real-life stories from education and parenting

You’ll walk away with a new language to share compassion with your children and yourself

You’ll discover why modeling emotional wellbeing is the most effective teaching tool of all

This is an episode for anyone who’s ever said, “I just don’t have time for self-care.” You do—and Kathryn Lovewell shows you how to make it count.

The Able Hub: www.ablehub.uk 

Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining

In today’s solo episode, behaviour specialist and author Andy Baker shines a light on one of the most overlooked behavioural patterns in care and education: submissive behaviour.

When someone is compliant, quiet, or “no trouble at all,” we often assume they’re fine. But beneath the surface, they may be masking distress, emotionally shutting down, or building up stress that will eventually erupt elsewhere.

This episode is essential listening for teachers, parents, and caregivers who want to truly understand the people they support—not just by what they do, but what they hide.

Andy explores the cost of emotional suppression, the danger of unseen stress, and how to spot when “quiet” is actually a cry for help. If you support someone who’s “easy,” “shy,” or never says no—this episode could change everything.

We’re proudly supported by carerscarduk.co.uk/promocode/abletocare

Andy Baker’s Book – Targeting the Positive

www.able-training.co.uk/podcast

Quietness is not always calm—sometimes it’s a trauma response.

Submissive behaviour is costly—physically and emotionally.

Psychological safety allows people to show their true selves.

00:00 – Introduction: The myth of the “quiet, good one”

02:05 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK

03:00 – Why compliant behaviour often masks distress

05:00 – What is masking, and why does it drain emotional energy?

06:00 – The physiology of freeze and submit

07:00 – The Coke bottle analogy: When pressure builds up

08:00 – Why meltdowns happen at home, not school

10:00 – How quietness can be a trauma response

11:00 – How disassociation shows up in care and education settings

12:00 – Spotting the signs: the cost of never saying “no”

14:00 – Why we must reframe “no” as a healthy boundary

15:00 – Masking exhaustion and emotional burnout

16:00 – A story of hidden pain in a school toilet

17:00 – Practical signs to look out for

18:00 – Supporting safe expression and psychological safety

20:00 – What schools and services can do better

22:00 – Self-erasure vs. authentic self-expression

24:00 – The final message: Notice, name, and nurture the quiet ones

If you’ve ever worked with or raised someone who “never causes trouble,” this episode might completely shift your perspective.

You’ll learn:

Why submissive behaviour can be more dangerous than defiance

How stress builds when there’s no outlet for emotion

What to watch out for in “easy” children or quiet clients

How to build safe, trusting environments where true feelings can be expressed

This is a must-listen for teachers, parents, support workers, foster carers, and social care staff who want to offer truly person-centred care and connection—not just good behaviour on the surface.

🎧 Listen to all episodes: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast

Facebook – Able Training

LinkedIn – Andy Baker

YouTube – Able Training

In this powerful and insightful episode, Andy Baker, behaviour specialist, author, and trainer, is joined by John Gray — the legendary author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, one of the most influential relationship books of all time.

Together, they unpack how gender, stress, hormones, and communication interact in modern relationships — especially for people who care for others every day.

From understanding emotional needs and managing burnout to learning how men and women can better support one another, this episode offers life-changing insights for caregivers, teachers, and parents who want healthier relationships, stronger self-care, and deeper human connection.

John shares tools from his upcoming book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus – For Women Only: Be Happy With or Without a Man, exploring how finding balance, appreciation, and authenticity can transform both romantic and caregiving relationships.

The Able to Care podcast is proudly sponsored by  Order your card today

🌐 John Gray’s Official Website – MarsVenus.com

📘 Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus – Amazon UK

📕 Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: For Women Only – Be Happy With or Without a Man (New Release)

🎥 John Gray on YouTube

📱 Facebook: Mars.Venus.John.Gray

📸 Instagram: @johngraymarsvenus_official

🧘 Transcendental Meditation Foundation

📗 Andy’s book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

Men and women process stress differently — and that’s okay.

Caregivers often give too much — without receiving enough.

Self-care isn’t selfish — it’s hormonal balance.

00:00 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK

00:46 – Meet Dr. John Gray – author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

02:00 – Why his work still resonates decades later

03:30 – Understanding gender differences in communication

05:00 – How hormones influence emotions and stress responses

09:00 – The importance of polarity and attraction in relationships

12:00 – Caregivers, codependency, and burnout

15:00 – How women can balance giving and receiving energy

20:00 – The power of asking for help effectively

25:00 – Self-care for caregivers: “You time,” “We time,” and “Me time”

31:00 – Meditation and journaling for emotional regulation

38:00 – Why men need challenge and women need connection

45:00 – How to truly listen — and when not to offer solutions

53:00 – The secret to being happy with or without a partner

58:00 – Finding purpose, spirituality, and meaning in service

01:00:00 – Dr. Gray’s parting message: “When you’re unhappy, you’re often looking in the wrong direction.”

If you’re a parent, teacher, or carer, you’ve probably found yourself exhausted from giving to everyone else.

Understand why relationships feel harder when you’re under stress

Reframe communication through empathy, hormones, and mindset

Recognise when you’re giving too much — and how to restore balance

Apply timeless Mars & Venus principles to modern caregiving and family life

Dr. Gray’s advice bridges psychology, biology, and compassion, offering a roadmap to healthier connection — with others, and with yourself.

🌐 Website: www.marsvenus.com

🎥 YouTube: John Gray – Mars Venus

📸 Instagram: @johngraymarsvenus_official

👍 Facebook: Mars.Venus.John.Gray

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