Able to Care

In this solo episode, Andy explores one of the most painful dilemmas in dementia care: When someone repeatedly asks for a loved one who has died, is telling the truth always the kindest thing to do? Using the scenario of Margaret – a woman living with dementia who searches anxiously for her husband – Andy explains why connection before correction is essential not only in dementia care, but also in parenting, teaching, trauma-responsive work, and supporting distressed adults.

Through real scenarios and practical tools, Andy unpacks what distress really looks like, why a nervous system in panic cannot process facts, and how small relational shifts can reduce anxiety, prevent escalation, and build trust.

Able Target System – Behaviour support framework for consistent, compassionate responses.

Adaptive Carer Model – Care roles and strategies for dementia support.

Andy’s Blog & Podcast Episodes on connection, communication, and behaviour.

Training & Courses via Able Training: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast

Correcting someone with dementia can recreate the pain of bereavement again and again. Emotional truth often protects dignity better than factual accuracy.

Whether in care homes, schools or families, a dysregulated nervous system cannot absorb logic. Safety first, facts later.

A person calling out for Teddy may be expressing fear, loneliness, confusion or sensory overload – not seeking information. Respond to the need, not just the question.

00:00 – The emotional dilemma

00:20 – Why dementia changes how truth lands

00:43 – Introducing Margaret’s story

01:17 – Why people still reorientate bluntly

01:54 – Intent vs impact

02:39 – Honesty is contextual

03:10 – Therapeutic truth

03:50 – Capacity, reactions and emotional patterns

04:41 – Connection before correction

05:10 – What is Teddy really representing?

05:40 – Why logic doesn’t reach a distressed brain

06:25 – Prevention matters more than crisis management

07:14 – Emotional availability in care

07:55 – Walking, redirecting & environment shifts

08:14 – Using these principles beyond dementia

09:03 – Why “I told you already” makes things worse

09:58 – Trauma, time-travel and stress responses

10:40 – The risk of confrontation

11:20 – The big takeaway

11:54 – Tools you can use: Able Target System & Adaptive Carer Model

This episode is for you if:

You support someone with dementia and feel stuck between “being honest” and “being kind”.

You work in education or care and want trauma-informed communication tools.

You’re a parent struggling with repeated questions, meltdowns or emotional overwhelm.

You want practical, compassion-first strategies that genuinely reduce distressed behaviours.

You want to understand why logic fails when emotions run high – and what works instead.

If you’re tired, overwhelmed or worrying that you’re “getting it wrong”, this episode brings clarity, relief and concrete steps you can use immediately.

Podcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

In this powerful and reassuring conversation, Andy speaks with Michelle Reshef-Ash, CEO of Dementia Prevention UK and a PhD researcher at University College London, whose work bridges cutting-edge research with real-world, accessible dementia-prevention support for families and communities.

This episode unpacks the big questions that parents, teachers, carers and support workers ask every day:

Can dementia really be prevented?

How much do genes matter?

What small changes genuinely make a difference when real life is busy, stressful or overwhelming?

How do we talk about dementia without shame, fear or blame?

Michelle offers clear, compassionate science, practical habit-building tools, and an honest look at the inequalities that shape people’s opportunities for good brain health. From supporting overstretched carers, to helping underserved communities, to empowering people in their 40s, 50s and beyond to take realistic steps – this conversation gives you hope without hype, and guidance without guilt.

If you support others – or simply want to protect your own long-term wellbeing – this episode is packed with insight you can use today.

Dementia Prevention UK – workshops, programmes and community tools: https://dementiapreventionuk.com/

Michelle Reshef-Ash (LinkedIn): https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-reshef-ash/

NHS App – track blood tests and biomarkers

Topics discussed: Alzheimer’s gene APOE4, biomarker checks (vitamin D, cholesterol, BP), COM-B behaviour-change model, epigenetics, movement for mood, social connection benefits.

The aim isn’t perfection – it’s improving quality of life and reducing vulnerability through realistic, sustainable habits.

People in underserved or stressful environments aren’t lacking willpower – they’re often lacking accessible, safe and affordable options.

For carers, the most protective “brain health habit” is reducing self-blame and prioritising emotional wellbeing.

00:00 – Welcome & setting the scene

00:43 – Can dementia be prevented?

02:13 – Understanding statistics & common misconceptions

02:43 – What does a brain-healthy life actually look like?

03:50 – Why brain health matters beyond dementia

04:39 – The dangers of “miracle cures” & misleading claims

07:30 – Genetics, family history & the boat analogy

09:27 – Biomarkers everyone should check

11:55 – Medication, risk and honest conversations with your GP

13:42 – Dementia prevention also lowers other health risks

16:53 – Seasons of life & being kind to yourself

18:14 – The first three changes that give the biggest payoff

21:24 – Sleep, routine and tiny habit anchors

25:59 – Habits come in groups

27:34 – Behaviour change without “just” or shame

28:47 – Dementia prevention in underserved communities

32:47 – Affordable changes for real families

36:27 – Supporting exhausted carers

40:57 – The importance of being known to services

42:49 – Is it too late for older adults?

47:22 – What changes when people understand their brain

51:36 – Memory lapses, panic and early warning signs

58:31 – Changing the conversation in families, schools & workplaces

1:00:39 – The one kind step to take this week

This episode is essential if you:

Support someone with dementia or fear a diagnosis yourself.

Work in education, care or community settings where brain health matters.

Want practical, culturally aware, non-judgemental guidance.

Feel overwhelmed, tired or guilty about your lifestyle and want realistic steps.

Want to understand how trauma, stress, inequality and opportunity shape health.

Need reassurance that it’s never too late to make meaningful change.

Michelle brings depth without doom, hope without false promises, and compassion without judgement.

Website: https://dementiapreventionuk.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-reshef-ash/

Email: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

In this solo episode, behaviour specialist Andy Baker explores one powerful scenario that reveals the truth behind so many so-called “challenging behaviours”: they are not defiance, manipulation or greed – they’re survival strategies built in the past and carried into the present. Whether you’re a foster carer, teacher, parent, support worker or dementia practitioner, this episode gives you a clear lens for understanding why people repeat behaviours that no longer fit their current environment, and how we can respond with curiosity rather than judgement.

Andy breaks down his motivation climate framework – unmet need, stress, and strategy – and shows how meeting needs and reducing fear leads to safer, calmer, more adaptive behaviour. You’ll hear real examples, practical steps, and trauma-informed approaches that work across education, care settings, parenting, learning disability support and dementia care.

Andy’s Book – “Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge”

Able Target System – A trauma-informed, strengths-based behaviour support framework used across care, education and family settings.

Atomic Habits – James Clear (Referenced concept: making habits obvious, easy, attractive and rewarding.)

Before reacting, ask: What need is unmet? What fear is present? What strategy kept them safe in the past?

When we remove shame and build predictability, behaviour improves because fear reduces.

Meeting needs, reducing stress and offering adaptive alternatives creates lasting change.

00:00 – The misunderstood behaviour: stealing food

00:25 – Introducing the scenario: Claire’s story

01:28 – Yesterday’s logic vs today’s logic

02:04 – The danger of labels and assumptions

02:48 – Confirmation bias in behaviour support

03:38 – Andy’s Motivation Climate Model

04:48 – Why some maladaptive behaviours were once perfectly adaptive

05:47 – Proactive strategies that actually work

06:39 – Reducing shame triggers

07:59 – Adding friction, not punishment

09:11 – Broadening the lens across settings

10:06 – The key question: how do we make the behaviour unnecessary?

11:01 – Atomic habits and behaviour change

11:48 – The Able Target System

This episode is for you if:

You’re tired of behaviour being labelled “naughty”, “attention seeking”, or “manipulative”.

You want a trauma-informed way to interpret actions before reacting.

You support children or adults with histories of neglect, trauma, learning disability or dementia.

You want practical, compassionate strategies that actually reduce behaviours rather than suppress them.

You want to improve connection, safety and trust in your home, classroom or service.

You will walk away with a new way of thinking – one that brings empathy, clarity and confidence to the most confusing behaviours.

Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

If you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver wondering “Why is this child always in trouble at school?” this conversation will land. Dr Neil Alexander-Passe – teacher, researcher, exam access assessor, and author – unpacks what schools often misread in neurodivergent behaviour (dyslexia, ADHD, autism), why “naughty” can be a disguised help request, and how shame, repeated failure, and isolation-style discipline can build school-based trauma. You’ll also hear practical steps for spotting needs early, how to push for screening and support, and how simple shifts (like not doing your child’s homework for them) can create the evidence schools can’t ignore. Neil also connects the dots to the “school-to-prison pipeline” – not as scare-mongering, but as a systems warning and a call for earlier, wiser intervention.

00:00 – Why neurodivergent children are “always in trouble” at school

03:10 – The three groups teachers often see: “naughty”, “quiet”, and “middle”

05:33 – What school feels like from the inside with dyslexia and ADHD: shame, threat, learned helplessness

12:52 – “School-to-prison pipeline” explained in plain terms

13:52 – Hidden literacy needs and prison systems that assume reading and writing

19:06 – What adults misread: disruptive behaviour as a masked request for help

22:40 – EBSA, school distress, and why “avoidance” can be the wrong frame

31:22 – Homework: why doing it for your child backfires – and what to do instead

34:59 – Language that shapes mindset: grades vs effort, global labels vs specific feedback

38:19 – Practical screening clues: early signs of dyslexia, ADHD, and autism

44:05 – Rebuilding identity after “I’m stupid” / “I’m the bad kid”: strengths, passions, and the right tutor

47:25 – Post-school success: neurodivergent strengths, entrepreneurship, and support networks (including AI tools)

52:09 – A message for exhausted teachers: ask “why” before punishment

54:26 – Hope: inclusion awareness and the changing role of SENCOs

56:16 – Parent takeaway: don’t wait, raise concerns early, and don’t be pushed into removing your child

57:55 – Mainstream vs specialist provision, EHCP realities, and why Year 5 timing matters

01:04:12 – Neil’s upcoming books (including neurodivergent entrepreneurs)

Behaviour is often communication – and “naughty” can be a child protecting themselves.

Early identification beats late consequences.

Stop feeding shame – in school and at home.

Screeners and early identification: Neil recommends parents do their own initial research and use screeners for dyslexia, ADHD, and autism, then push the school with something concrete rather than “my child is struggling”.

EBSA and school distress: the idea that what’s labelled “emotionally based school avoidance” may often be better understood as school-based distress caused by the environment.

EHCP, PRU, managed moves: discussion of how systems and placements can unintentionally intensify difficulties when underlying needs aren’t properly supported.

Homework boundary strategy: allow a set time (eg 30–40 minutes), stop, then add a note stating how long your child worked and what they managed – so home and school evidence matches.

Martin Seligman’s work: shifting from global labels (“I’m rubbish at maths”) to specific struggle areas – and focusing praise on effort rather than grades.

Using AI as an accessibility tool: an example of simplifying language (eg menus) to support independence and reduce shame.

Because it challenges a common (and tempting) assumption: “They’re in trouble because they’re choosing it.”

Dr Neil Alexander-Passe is a London-based teacher, researcher, author, and exam access assessor specialising in the emotional lived experience of learning differences. He completed a PhD in 2018 on dyslexia, traumatic schooling, and post-school success, and has published multiple peer-reviewed papers and books exploring dyslexia, ADHD, autism, trauma, and outcomes including the “school-to-prison pipeline”.

Featured / upcoming books mentioned

The Mind and Motivation of Neurodivergent Entrepreneurs (DIO Press).

Neil also mentions a forthcoming 2026 title on dyslexia, art, and school-based trauma (as discussed in the closing minutes of the episode).

LinkedIn: Dr Neil Alexander-Passe

🌐 Podcast hub: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast 

In this solo episode, behaviour specialist and author Andy Baker unpacks one of the most overlooked parts of behaviour support: what happens after the incident. Whether you’re working in a school, supporting adults in care, or navigating tough moments at home, the post-incident debrief is often where the real growth happens – yet most settings rush it, avoid it, or unintentionally turn it into another punishment.

Andy breaks down why restorative conversations fail when done too soon, too harshly, or with the wrong focus, and offers a simple, practical framework for debriefing that protects dignity, reduces shame, builds connection and genuinely improves future behaviour. This episode is essential listening for caregivers, parents, teachers, support workers and anyone navigating distress or dysregulation in others.

Andy's Book – Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

Able Target System – Trauma-informed, restorative, person-centred behaviour support framework embedded throughout Andy’s training and consultancy.

Debriefing is learning, not punishment.

Restorative practice only works when shame is removed.

Boundaries and humanity belong together.

00:00 – Why debriefing matters more than we think

00:24 – Where schools, care services and parents go wrong

01:14 – Learning from incidents: the fire analogy

02:23 – Why we avoid debriefs

03:33 – Punishment vs restorative learning

04:12 – Supporting the adults too

05:26 – The PERFORM Debrief Script

P – Prepare

E – Explore the story

R – Reflect on feelings and needs

F – Feedback on impact

O – Ownership through repair

R – Responsibility for next time

M – Map the future

08:53 – A real-life story: shouting match avoided

10:18 – Why shouting never teaches what we think it does

12:14 – The true purpose of restorative practice

13:34 – Behaviour is like the weather

This episode will help you if:

You want to repair relationships after meltdowns, crises or confrontations.

You support children or adults who experience overwhelm or dysregulation.

You feel stuck repeating the same incidents without seeing change.

You want a script, not just theory.

You’re trying to build a culture of safety, dignity and accountability.

If you’re a parent, teacher, care worker, foster carer, SENCO, TA, support worker or leader in education or care, this episode will give you grounded, real-world tools to use today.

Podcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast

What if preparing for the future wasn’t morbid… but empowering?

Whether you’re a paid carer, an unpaid family caregiver, a teacher supporting overwhelmed families, or a parent trying to balance your own future alongside your children’s, this conversation offers something essential: clarity, calm, and a roadmap for what so many people avoid thinking about until it’s too late.

We unpack why people discount their future selves, the emotional blocks that stop families having conversations they desperately need, and the key steps every adult should take long before aging, illness or caring responsibilities hit.

Ourlives – Future planning community & tools

Connect with Vicky Jones

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ 

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast 

If you’ve ever felt like you’ve “tried everything” with a child or adult showing distressing behaviour—this episode is for you. In this solo episode, Andy Baker, behaviour specialist and author of Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge, breaks down the misunderstood world of Positive Behaviour Support (PBS).

With real-life examples and practical insights, Andy explores why PBS is more than a poster on the wall. It’s a mindset and a method—rooted in assessment, adaptation and empathy. Whether you’re a caregiver, teacher, or parent, this episode offers a compassionate and science-backed look at how to reduce distress, not just manage behaviour.

📘 Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge by Andy Baker: Buy on Amazon

🧠 The Able Target System: able-training.co.uk/ats

🖥️ Learn more about Able Training’s behaviour courses: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast

PBS isn’t soft—it’s strategic. It’s about analysing the function of behaviour, not just punishing the form.

Every behaviour has a benefit. If you don’t see it, you’re not asking the right question yet.

Focus on skill-building, not shaming. Replacement behaviours work best when they meet the same need in a safer way.

00:00 – Behaviour vs Punishment: Why "we’ve tried everything" often isn’t true

00:42 – What is Positive Behaviour Support?: A real-world breakdown

01:08 – Integrating Trauma-Informed Practice: Going beyond the behaviour

02:01 – The 6-Stage TARGET Model: Andy’s unique approach to PBS

03:43 – Real-World Example: Head-Scratcher Strategy

06:19 – Skill-Building vs Compliance: Teaching safer ways to meet needs

07:42 – Autonomy and the Competing Pathway

08:29 – Why PBS Often Fails (and how to fix it)

10:21 – Book Excerpt: Weathering Behaviour with Insight

If you’re a parent or carer constantly firefighting distress without long-term change

If you’re a teacher struggling to apply behaviour policies to neurodiverse students

If you want a clear, compassionate alternative to sanctions, shame, and suppression

🌐 Podcast hub: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast

In this deeply moving and often joyful episode of the Able to Care podcast, Andy Baker is joined by Peter Berry, who lives with Alzheimer’s, and Deb Bunt, author, counsellor and Peter’s close friend. Together, they explore what it truly means to live well with dementia — not through clinical labels or deficits, but through friendship, dignity, purpose and shared humanity.

This conversation will resonate strongly with family carers, professional caregivers, teachers and anyone supporting someone with additional needs, as it challenges common assumptions about memory, identity and “loss”. Peter and Deb share honest reflections on diagnosis, stigma, trust, cycling challenges, writing together, and the idea of being an “external memory” — all grounded in a relationship that prioritises connection over care and moments over memories.

00:01 – Living with a dementia diagnosis: shame, silence and the turning point

05:30 – Purpose, advocacy and planting a new future

06:30 – Not being defined by dementia

08:45 – Dignity, stigma and the “shabby coat” metaphor

13:50 – Living in the moment and finding joy

17:10 – Metaphors, meaning and communicating the unsayable

19:20 – Cycling, challenge and staying active

25:50 – Life after diagnosis: what is still possible

33:15 – “External memory”, trust and friendship

41:45 – Making moments, not memories

47:00 – Support versus care and mutual relationships

56:05 – Messages for those newly diagnosed or supporting someone

59:05 – Books, advocacy and what comes next

Dementia does not erase identity

Dignity is shaped by how we respond

Moments matter more than memories

Slow Puncture – Living Well with Dementia

Walk with Me – Musings Through the Dementia Fog

Patching the Puncture – Continuing to Live Well with Dementia (Released February 2026)

🌐 Peter & Deb’s website and media appearances: https://www.peter-berry.com

If you support someone living with dementia — professionally or personally — this episode offers hope, clarity and a reframe. You’ll gain:

A deeper understanding of memory, identity and emotional connection

Practical insights into supporting someone without diminishing them

Reassurance that life, joy and purpose do not end with diagnosis

A reminder that friendship, humour and dignity still matter deeply

This is not a conversation about “managing dementia” — it’s about being human together.

Deb Bunt – Author & Advocate

Peter Berry – Living with Alzheimer’s

Why trauma-informed practice isn’t soft — it’s smart, strategic, and essential for real behavioural change.

In this solo episode of the Able to Care podcast, behaviour specialist Andy Baker unpacks a powerful mindset shift: what if “won’t behave” is really “can’t cope”? With relatable examples from schools, care settings and families, Andy explores how trauma impacts the nervous system, why traditional discipline strategies often backfire, and how a more compassionate, strategic approach creates better outcomes for everyone. If you support children or adults with complex needs, this episode offers practical insights to rethink behaviour, build connection, and respond with clarity—not just consequences.

Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge by Andy Baker

Able Training – Trauma and Attachment Courses

Behaviour is Communication: What looks like defiance is often the nervous system protecting itself.

Language and Goals Matter: Swap “What’s wrong with you?” for “What happened to you?” and “Compliance” for “Safety.”

Connection Before Correction: Build trust and co-regulation before expecting behavioural change.

00:00 – Why trauma isn’t a behaviour problem

Whether you're a teacher facing ‘challenging’ behaviour in the classroom, a foster carer navigating emotional outbursts, or a support worker helping someone who keeps shutting down—this episode reframes what behaviour really means. Learn how trauma impacts the body and brain, and why responding with curiosity and connection changes everything.

🌐 Website & Podcast Hub

📸 @AbleTraining

💼 Able Training

📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast

What happens when the person you once cared for… becomes the person you are?

In this deeply moving and insightful episode of the Able to Care podcast, host Andy Baker speaks with Michael Booth – dementia educator, author, and advocate – who brings a rare dual perspective to the conversation. Michael first cared for his mother, Christine, through young onset dementia. Then, just months after she passed away, he received the same diagnosis himself, at just 46 years old.

Now 51, Michael is defying expectations. He’s speaking out, mentoring others, and sharing his powerful message: dementia is not the end. This conversation challenges misconceptions about identity, memory, and diagnosis – and offers practical guidance for anyone supporting a loved one with dementia.

If you're a parent, teacher, or caregiver, this episode will help you better understand distress behaviours, communication, and how to stay present when everything feels uncertain.

📖 Dementia: You Are Not Alone by Michael Booth – Order on Amazon

🏥 Tees, Esk and Wear Valleys NHS Trust – Website

🌐 Able Training Podcast Archive – able-training.co.uk/podcast

Dementia is not the end – A diagnosis does not erase who someone is.

Behaviour is communication – Even ‘aggression’ often signals distress, confusion, or unmet need.

Perspective matters – Understanding dementia through both the eyes of a carer and the person living with it changes everything.

00:00 – What if the person you cared for became you?

03:00 – What it feels like to live with dementia day to day

06:20 – Lessons from caring for his mum Christine

10:40 – Receiving his own diagnosis at 46

17:00 – What people get wrong about identity and dementia

22:00 – Can you still enjoy life after a dementia diagnosis?

26:00 – What really helps on a good day

30:00 – Writing Dementia: You Are Not Alone

36:00 – How services need to change

50:00 – If you’ve just had a diagnosis: Michael’s message to you

Gain insight into young onset dementia from both carer and lived experience

Understand how language, environment, and expectations shape support

Learn how to build emotional safety when words are lost but feelings remain

Be inspired by Michael’s resilience, clarity, and practical wisdom

This is a must-listen for anyone navigating dementia – professionally or personally.

📘 Dementia: You Are Not Alone – Buy on Amazon

💼 Michael Booth on LinkedIn

🌐 Website & Podcast Hub

📸 @AbleTraining

💼 Able Training