Able to Care

Lying is one of the behaviours that gets under our skin the most. Whether it’s a child saying “I didn’t do it”, a teen spinning a story, or an adult covering up a mistake, our instinct is often to jump straight to moral judgment. But what if lying isn’t about dishonesty at all? What if it’s about survival, safety, control, and self-esteem?

In this solo episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker explores the psychology of lying—why it’s a universal behaviour across ages and cultures, what research reveals about punishment versus empathy, and how parents, teachers, and carers can respond in ways that build trust and honesty instead of shame.

💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UK

An ID card with emergency info access

A growing discount network (gyms, days out, clothing, glasses & more)

A Wellbeing Hub, Carers Circle tool, and app-based community

🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned

@AbleTraining

When dementia takes away memories, what happens to identity—especially if the world never truly recognised it in the first place? In this powerful episode of the Able to Care Podcast, host Andy Baker speaks with Neil Cutler, advocate, presenter, and trustee at Dementia Forward. Drawing on his personal journey of caring for his late husband who lived with dementia, Neil shares candid insights into how dementia uniquely impacts older LGBT people. From navigating prejudice in care settings to the fight for inclusive dementia training, this is an unmissable conversation about love, loss, dignity, and the urgent need for change in health and social care.

💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UK

Are you caring for someone, paid or unpaid? You could be missing out on thousands of pounds in discounts.

🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned

Dementia Forward – Neil’s organisation supporting people living with dementia across communities.

Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

🧠 Three Key Messages

Identity matters in dementia care – recognising and respecting who someone is can be as important as supporting what they can do.

Language shapes inclusion – words like “placement” or “contact” can feel clinical; replacing them with “home” and “family time” fosters dignity.

Training is essential – mandatory LGBT dementia awareness training can transform care home culture and ensure no one is forgotten.

⏱️ Chapter Timestamps

00:00 – Introduction: Dementia, memory, and identity

02:00 – Neil’s story: Love, care, and losing his husband to dementia

10:00 – How dementia impacts LGBT identity in care homes

16:00 – Person-centred care vs. identity never recognised

21:00 – Why inclusive training matters

25:00 – Activities, community, and belonging in care homes

34:00 – Family, friends, and chosen support networks

38:00 – Turning grief into purpose: Neil’s advocacy and training work

46:00 – Hopes for the future of inclusive dementia care

🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?

🔗 Connect with Us

📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining

In this solo episode, Andy Baker unpacks why calling someone a “good kid” or a “bad kid” (or colleague, or parent) is a trap. You’ll learn how confirmation bias, the fundamental attribution error, and the halo/horn effect quietly shape our judgments—then get practical, trauma-informed ways to move from moral labels to needs-based, descriptive language. Perfect for parents, teachers, and carers who want better relationships, calmer behaviour, and fairer decisions.

💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UK

Are you caring for someone, paid or unpaid? You could be missing out on thousands of pounds in discounts.

All for less than the price of a box of chocolates per year.

🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned

Confirmation Bias (explainer) — how we only see what we expect: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

Fundamental Attribution Error — why we blame their character but excuse our context: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error

Halo/Horn Effect — first impressions that distort everything after: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_effect

Targeting the Positive by Andy Baker (the TARGET model & de-escalation tools)  Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

🧠 Three Key Messages

Labels limit: “Good/bad” thinking triggers confirmation bias, making us collect evidence to prove ourselves right and miss the full picture.

Describe, don’t judge: Swap moral labels (“He’s aggressive”) for neutral, specific behaviour (“He shouted when asked to stop playing”). Curiosity beats certainty.

Need behind behaviour: Most behaviours serve a function (survival, regulation, communication, control). When we meet the need, behaviour improves.

⏱️ Chapter Timestamps

00:00 — The “good vs bad” trap: why it feels neat but harms decisions

00:19 — 💙 Sponsor: Carers Card UK

01:40 — Why black-and-white thinking shows up in care, education & home

02:21 — Spectrum thinking: people aren’t heroes or villains

03:14 — How labels drive prejudice, stigma & shame cultures

04:01 — Ignorance vs malice: why learning is non-negotiable in care

04:24 — Psychology 101: confirmation bias

05:10 — Fundamental attribution error in everyday life (and traffic!)

06:01 — Halo/horn effect: when looks & first impressions mislead us

07:14 — Moral lens vs needs lens: “What happened to you?”

08:21 — Practical reframes: replace labels with descriptive language

09:15 — Be a detective, not a judge: 3 context questions to ask

09:35 — The “benefit behind behaviour” (survival, regulation, communication, control)

10:20 — Create a balance sheet: record positives as diligently as incidents

11:14 — Notice & reinforce what you want to see more of

13:07 — Boundaries + understanding: compassion isn’t “excusing”

14:20 — Culture shift: stop cementing identities, start spotting strengths

15:01 — Your one-week challenge: swap judgment for curiosity

🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?

Actionable: Concrete language swaps & prompts you can use today.

Evidence-informed: Social-psychology concepts made practical for parents, teachers, and carers.

Relationship-first: A humane, trauma-informed path to better behaviour and trust.

🔗 Connect with Us

📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining

If you found this helpful, please rate, review & share with a colleague or fellow parent/carer who’d benefit. Your support helps the show reach the people who need it most.

In this powerful episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker sits down with Ryan Kennedy, whose journey from being in care to becoming both a foster carer and social worker shines a light on resilience, reform, and real change. Ryan opens up about the reality of entering foster care, why language matters, and how lived experience can shape better practice for children today. With honesty and insight, Ryan challenges the system while offering hope for what truly works in supporting young people.

💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UK

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🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned

access exclusive courses, events & resources for carers

Kennedy Framework – Ryan’s developing model for trauma-informed fostering (link to Ryan’s socials/website if available)

The legacy of Victoria Climbié and reforms in children’s services

Key concepts: trauma-informed care, ACE’s (Adverse Childhood Experiences), family time vs. contact

🧠 Three Key Messages

Language matters. Words like “placement” or “contact” may feel clinical to professionals but can deeply affect how children experience care.

Lived experience is a superpower. Ryan’s perspective as someone who has been a child in care, a foster parent, and a social worker gives unique insights into what the system misses.

Consistency builds trust. Beyond policies, what young people need most is a constant, safe adult who remains present—even after they “age out” of care.

⏱️ Chapter Timestamps

00:00 – Intro & sponsor: Carers Card UK

01:42 – Ryan Kennedy’s story: from child in care to carer & social worker

02:36 – What social workers miss in those first “safe place” moments

05:40 – Wearing different hats: child, foster parent, social worker

09:14 – Reading files as someone who once was a file

12:20 – How AI could reshape social work language & empathy

13:33 – What training doesn’t tell you: system flaws & barriers

16:00 – Saying no as a foster parent & setting boundaries

19:00 – The difference between being cared for and being understood

25:00 – “Placement” vs. “home” and why language shapes belonging

30:00 – Biggest challenges: advocating within broken systems

42:00 – Education struggles & supporting excluded children

48:00 – Facing the “care cliff” and supporting beyond 18

54:00 – The Kennedy Framework: safe spaces, noticing the unspoken & developing trust

59:00 – Closing thoughts & staying connected

🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?

Hear the reality of care from someone who’s lived it on all sides

Learn practical insights for carers, teachers & professionals working with children

Understand how language and consistency can change a child’s sense of safety

Be inspired by Ryan’s Kennedy Framework for trauma-informed care

🔗 Connect with Us

📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining

👉 If Ryan’s story resonated, please follow, rate & share so more carers, teachers and families can learn from this vital conversation.

In this solo episode, Andy Baker breaks down the early indicators of distress—the subtle “bottom of the rollercoaster” cues most of us miss before behaviour escalates. Whether you’re a parent, teacher or carer, you’ll learn how to recognise micro-signals, why early intervention is everything, and exactly what to say and do in those first crucial moments to prevent crisis, protect relationships, and build trust.

💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UK

Are you caring for someone, paid or unpaid? You could be missing out on thousands of pounds in discounts. Carers Card UK offers:

All for less than the price of a box of chocolates per year.

🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned

Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

Think Bike campaign video – awareness analogy Andy references

Key concepts: Polyvagal Theory, Window of Tolerance, Crisis Development Model, Co-regulation

🧠 Three Key Messages

Early beats urgent. Escalation rarely comes “out of the blue.” Spot baseline deviations early (posture, tone, fidgeting) to intervene before the “click-click-click” climb.

Respond, don’t react. Use calm tone, gentle noticing (“I see you tapping—are you okay?”) and small adjustments to redirect stress.

Connection is the brake. Empathy, predictability and co-regulation calm faster than control or confrontation.

⏱️ Chapter Timestamps

00:00 – Hook: invisible escalation & the rollercoaster metaphor

00:28 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK

01:49 – Why “out of the blue” behaviour is a myth

02:10 – Escalation model: intervene before the climb

03:02 – Cinema story: how timing changes the outcome

04:32 – Why late intervention is harder (polyvagal & tolerance window)

06:28 – Knowing a person’s baseline to spot deviations

07:05 – Universal & individual micro-cues (fidgeting, eye contact, silence, self-soothing)

09:34 – Don’t “park” early signs—proactive saves time & safety

11:04 – Scripts: what to say without provoking

12:28 – Co-regulation & calming tools (breaks, activities, sensory adjustments)

13:52 – Awareness vs. “code white” autopilot

14:43 – Regulation as a skill, not defiance

15:30 – Challenge: spot your “bottom of the rollercoaster” cues

16:40 – Classroom example + Think Bike analogy

18:01 – Wrap up

🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?

Learn how to spot escalation before crisis

Get scripts & strategies you can use right away at home, school, or care settings

Protect relationships and trust while preventing harm

🔗 Connect with Us

📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining

👉 If this episode resonated, please follow, rate & share so more carers, teachers and parents can benefit.

What if we stopped talking about neurodivergent children and started talking with them? In this powerful, practical conversation, dad–daughter duo Cliff Kilmister (host of the Parenting, Autism & ADHD podcast) and Eva (13) share real-world insights on autism/ADHD, school placements, EHCPs, praise that actually helps, and why listening to young people changes everything. Whether you’re a parent, teacher or carer, this episode gives you language, mindset shifts and everyday strategies to help neurodivergent children thrive.

Proudly supported by Carers Card UK — the UK’s #1 carers card. Get recognition, an ID card with emergency info, a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle tool, community access and discounts on everything from days out to glasses — for less than a box of chocolates per year.

Parenting, Autism & ADHD Podcast (Cliff Kilmister) — search in your podcast app.

Eva’s YouTube channel “INSPIRE” — short videos on topics like masking, stimming, and bullying.

IPSEA (independent SEND law advice for families): https://www.ipsea.org.uk

Gov.uk: EHCP guidance for parents and carers: https://www.gov.uk/children-with-special-educational-needs/education-health-and-care-plans

National Autistic Society (resources for home and school): https://www.autism.org.uk

Andy’s book — Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

Voice over labels: Neurodivergent young people don’t just need adults to speak for them — they need adults to listen to them. Voice, choice and collaboration reduce anxiety and build trust.

Praise the process, not the person or the grade: Switch from “You’re so clever/10-out-of-10!” to “I noticed how you stuck with that and found a strategy that worked.” Process-based feedback supports resilience and reduces performance pressure.

Regulation makes learning possible: Stimming, doodling/sketchbooks, movement and fidgets are tools, not defiance. When classrooms allow regulation, attention rises and behaviour improves.

00:00 — Opening: Why talk with neurodivergent children, not just about them

00:20 — Sponsor: Carers Card UK — recognition, community & discounts

01:41 — Meet Cliff & Eva: lived experience behind the mic

02:28 — Moving from mainstream to an SEN setting: confidence, belonging & hope

07:08 — Diagnosis journey: how long it took and what helped

09:07 — Eva on podcasting: sharing honestly to help other kids feel less alone

12:22 — “Look at me when I’m talking!”: why eye contact isn’t the measure of listening

14:02 — Sketchbooks, routines & self-regulation: doodling to focus

17:08 — EHCPs: what we wish we’d known sooner (and why persistence matters)

23:20 — Rethinking praise: process vs. person/outcome — examples for home & school

29:07 — Eva’s videos: masking, bullying, and making sense of school

32:20 — Hopes for the new school year: safety, acceptance and the right support

35:24 — Free/independent SEND advice & why to keep asking for help

39:07 — Guilt, labels & advocacy: you can adapt support before diagnosis

42:26 — What teachers/carers should know: one thing that changes the day

47:14 — Messages to parents and kids: you’re not alone; your needs are valid

49:02 — Has this journey brought the family closer?

51:09 — Eva’s tip: journaling to feel heard and remember what matters

51:53 — Outro & how to share the episode

Actionable for home & school: Concrete language swaps and classroom accommodations you can try tomorrow.

Lived experience: Hear directly from a neurodivergent teen on what helps — and what harms.

For the whole support circle: Parents, teachers and carers get aligned around connection-first support that improves behaviour, learning and wellbeing.

In this solo episode of the Able to Care Podcast, host Andy Baker dismantles one of the most damaging labels we use in care,

00:00 – Why “attention seeking” is misunderstood

This episode is for anyone who has ever rolled their eyes at “attention seeking behaviour” — and wants to understand the truth behind it. Parents will gain tools to respond to their children with empathy. Teachers will discover proactive strategies to reduce classroom disruptions. Carers will learn how connection can de-escalate distress and build trust. Instead of seeing behaviour as a problem, you’ll leave with the mindset and tools to see it as communication.

📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining

In this episode of the Able to Care Podcast, host Andy Baker speaks with Karen Thomas, Head of Young Onset at Dementia Forward. Karen shares her journey from volunteer to shaping specialist services that meet the unique needs of people diagnosed under 65. Together, they explore the realities of young onset dementia—from identity and employment struggles to financial challenges, family dynamics, and the living loss carers face daily.

Karen also introduces the You and Me campaign, the Young Onset Dementia Awareness Day, and the upcoming 2025 national conference designed to bring professionals, carers, and families together to change systems and perceptions. This is a powerful, practical, and deeply human conversation that sheds light on a misunderstood condition.

The Able to Care Podcast is proudly sponsored by Carers Card UK – the UK’s number one carers card.

For less than the price of a box of chocolates a year, carers can access:

An official ID card with emergency information

Discounts on gyms, days out, tech, clothing, glasses & more

A wellbeing hub and Carers Circle tool

A supportive community through their app

👉 🎟️ Order your card today

Dementia Forward – dementiaforward.org.uk

You and Me Campaign & Awareness Day – YouTube: You and Me Song (insert link once confirmed)

Young Onset Dementia Conference – October 14, 2025 – Conference Info

Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

Young onset dementia is different – People diagnosed under 65 face unique challenges with identity, finances, and family roles that require tailored support.

Community and creativity matter – From outward-bound groups to music, poetry, and campaigns, connection and self-expression are vital for wellbeing.

Awareness creates change – Recognition, coding in the healthcare system, and workplace understanding can transform lives and reduce isolation.

00:00 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK

This episode is essential listening for carers, teachers, health professionals, and families seeking to better understand young onset dementia. Karen Thomas shares inspiring stories, systemic challenges, and hopeful initiatives that prove life with young onset dementia can still be rich, meaningful, and connected. You’ll come away with a deeper awareness, practical insights, and clear ways to support both individuals and carers.

📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining

In this solo episode of the Able to Care Podcast, host Andy Baker takes on one of the most common — and most counterproductive — phrases in behaviour support: Calm down. Drawing from neuroscience, trauma theory, and decades of behaviour management experience, Andy explains why these two words can actually escalate situations rather than resolve them. You’ll learn why regulation always beats control, how your body language can make or break de-escalation, and exactly what to say (and do) instead when emotions run high — whether you’re a parent, teacher, carer, or professional working with vulnerable people.

Are you caring for someone, paid or unpaid? You could be missing out on thousands of pounds in discounts.

Access to a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle tool, and mobile app

Dr Bruce Perry — Neuroscience of Trauma

Stephen Porges — Polyvagal Theory

Regulation before instruction — A dysregulated brain can’t process logic, consequences, or even well-meant advice.

Your calm is contagious — Non-verbal cues like tone and posture often speak louder than words in de-escalation.

Replace “Calm down” with collaboration — Phrases like “Let’s sit down and talk” or “Walk me through what’s happening” lower emotional intensity while preserving trust.

00:00 — Why “Calm down” fails and what’s happening in the brain

If you’ve ever tried to defuse a heated moment with “Calm down” and watched it backfire, this episode is for you. Whether you work in education, care, health, or simply want better conflict resolution skills at home, Andy gives you practical, research-driven strategies to help others regulate — without damaging relationships. It’s an essential listen for anyone who wants to turn tense situations into moments of connection and trust.

In this heartfelt and powerful episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker speaks with Helen Archer, a long-term foster carer, writer, and passionate advocate for care-experienced young people. With over 30 years in roles from nannying and social work to lecturing and recruiting foster carers, Helen brings deep lived experience and emotional insight into what it means to “live alongside” teenagers in care. She opens up about trauma-informed practice, the life-changing power of creative writing, and the unseen challenges of leaving care — known as the “care cliff.” Whether you’re a carer, teacher, social worker, or simply someone who believes in the power of compassion, this conversation will stay with you.

The Able to Care Podcast is proudly sponsored by Carers Card UK – the UK’s number one carers card.

An official ID card

Access to emergency info

Discounts on gyms, days out, clothing, electrical goods & more

A wellbeing hub and Carers Circle tool