Addiction Makes Three

In this episode, I am diving deep into the complexities of recognising problematic behaviour in loved ones, when dealing with addiction and recovery.

I highlight the emotional toll such behaviours can take on your life and mental health, stressing the importance of trusting yourself. Here I discuss why it's crucial to identify if a loved one's actions are affecting your well-being, even if societal norms suggest otherwise. I offers insights on navigating recovery, establishing healthy boundaries with yourself, those around you and your loved one, and most importantly taking personal responsibility for your own wellbeing, choices and happiness.

• Recognise the Impact: If your loved one's addiction or behaviour is negatively affecting your life, it’s a problem for you—even if no one else sees it that way.
• Trust Your Instincts: You don’t need anyone’s validation to determine if a behaviour is problematic for you. Trust your own judgment.
• Alcohol and Society: Alcohol is deeply ingrained in society, making discussions about its misuse and impact on relationships even more challenging.
• Set Your Own Boundaries: It’s important to define what acceptable behaviour looks like for you, independent of others’ opinions.
• Prioritise Your Happiness: Your happiness and mental health should not be dependent on someone else’s actions or their recovery journey.
• Take the First Step: Acknowledging that there’s a problem is the first step toward creating positive change in your life.
• Recovery is a Journey: Sobriety and recovery are ongoing processes that require commitment from both parties involved.
• Evolving Boundaries: It’s okay to adjust your boundaries as you grow and evolve in your life and relationships.
• Avoid Gaslighting: Gaslighting can make you question your reality and whether something is truly a problem. Trust yourself.
• Healthy Relationships: Clear communication and taking personal responsibility are key to maintaining healthy, supportive relationships.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating the challenges of addiction in their relationship, providing tools to protect your mental health and find clarity amidst the chaos. Whether you're questioning your partner's alcohol or drug use or other problematic behaviour, or dealing with the emotional complexities of a loved one’s recovery, I'm hoping this episode will empower you to take control of your own well-being.

Show Notes:

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 And I know you are going to ask… BUT HOW do I do that when addiction throws its chaos around?! How can I focus on me?

And I know. I've been there too... not knowing what to do. It can feel impossible to change. Especially by yourself. You can feel completely consumed by your loved one’s state of being.

We think if we love another person just a bit harder, care about them a bit more… just focus on them entirely… then they WILL get better/stay better.

❓But ask yourself… how is this serving you? And is it getting the outcome you are hoping for?

In this conversation, I talk about the importance of focusing on personal wellbeing when dealing with loved ones struggling with addiction - and how that is actually going to help not only you, but your loved one and your family.

Here you need to recognise over-functioning behaviours, set boundaries, and take responsibility for one's own happiness. I am really encouraging you to engage in your own personal goodness and recovery and to lead by example, rather than waiting for your loved ones to change and for THAT to be the start of good things (just one of the unhelpful stories we tell ourselves).

When we understand that recovery is a shared journey that requires effort from both parties - that we both have work to do here and changes to make... then we have a chance.

Importantly - stop sitting in the cheap seats of your own life. You deserve better than that. Put the key to your happiness in your own pocket and take action accordingly.

Key Takeaways:

• You will achieve more in one year focusing on your wellbeing than five years focusing on others.
• Over-functioning can prevent loved ones from developing their own skills and autonomy.
• Recognizing where you end and someone else begins is crucial for healthy relationships.
• Personal work is essential for navigating the complexities of addiction and recovery.
• Change is hard, and it requires tools and support to navigate effectively.
• Putting on your own oxygen mask is necessary to support others.
• You have the power to control your happiness and decisions.
• Healthy communication fosters connection and understanding in relationships.
• Leading by example can inspire change in loved ones.
• Life will not magically improve without conscious effort and personal growth.

Let's get into it!

Show Notes:

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In this episode we have the necessary conversation debunking the myth that supporting someone struggling with addiction is enabling their behaviour.

The term 'enabling' perpetuates shame and stigma and paralyzes those trying to help. I talk about how we can reframe our behaviours in a way that actually helps.

It's hard to watch our loved ones struggle, and we just don't know what to do here - I know you are doing your best, and I did too. When we know better we can do better and we will keep tweaking. The key is to align actions with what's right for you and make decisions that feel right.

Families and spouses don’t need more shame here, from doing their best with the information and resources they have had up until this moment.

In most cases the fear of enabling does more harm than good.

The term enabling actually perpetuates the shame and stigma further. It says you’re not good enough, you’re not doing it right.

There is so much you can do here - for yourself and your loved one.

You can do it. It’s possible. And you can do it in a healthy way that’s right for you.

xx

Key Takeaways:

• Supporting someone struggling with addiction is not enabling their behaviour.
• The term 'enabling' perpetuates shame and stigma and paralyses those trying to help.
• Reframe - behaviours can be either healthy or unhealthy
• It is important to set boundaries and expectations to maintain connection and relationships.
• Align actions with what's right for you and make decisions that feel right.
• Seek support and drown out the noise of others when navigating the challenges of addiction.

Let's get into it!

🎧 If this resonates, share it with someone who needs to hear: You’re allowed to not be okay and still be amazing and capable.

✨ For spouses and loved ones who are looking for resources and support:

If you haven’t the Crisis Conversation Guide (What to say and what not to say when addiction takes over) ? Grab it now—it’s free and full of practical scripts to help you say what you mean (even when it’s messy):

👉 Download the guide

📞 You can also book a friendly, no-pressure chat with Amanda and explore what support might look like - without doing this alone, because you know you’ve been trying ‘that way’ for long enough by now.

👉 Book in a friendly chat - Click here to find a time and let's talk about what's possible

📝 Or join the waitlist for Pathway to Wellness, my signature program designed to help you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction.

You can find your way through this. And you don’t have to do it alone.

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In this episode, I discuss what rehab looks like after someone comes home and the importance of doing your own work. Emphasising that rehab is not a silver bullet and that both the person in recovery and their loved ones need to take responsibility for their own growth and happiness. I talk about and encourage open and honest communication, setting realistic goals, and handling the truth in a safe and healthy way. will also talking some big truths about the importance of stepping off the roller coaster of addiction and focusing on personal growth and self-trust.

In this episode I talk about what the the tail end of rehab and coming back home looks like and all the complexities around that for the loved ones. The constant and low hum of anxiety about your loved ones up coming departure from rehab/recovery program, and a lot of thoughts and worries about what happens now, what does it look like and how do we go about living life once rehab is done.

Things are usually quite dire when someone goes into rehab, the situation is constant chaos and crisis and you are both on the roller coaster of crazy, toxic and unhealthy behaviours. So how do we rebuild and move forwards in a healthy way?

I talk about what I wish I then that I know now and some tough truths that you need to do for yourself, so you can step forward together in a healthy way.  Digging into what does success look like, for you and for them? And how can we build on that with the model fo change and realistic expectations - so that everyone is on the same page.

If your loved one is going to, in or has been to rehab/recovery programs, they are (trying to) step off the addiction roller coaster and the hamster wheel - you need to work out how you are going to do the same. And that might be hard to hear.

I would invite you to stop sitting in the cheap seats of your life and think about how you can show up as a main character - Independent of what loved one does…you need and deserve to live a great life.

Key Takeaways:

• Rehab is not a silver bullet and both the person in recovery and their loved ones need to do their own work.
• Open and honest communication is crucial for a healthy relationship after rehab.
• Setting realistic goals and handling the truth in a safe and healthy way are important for personal growth.
• Stepping off the roller coaster of addiction and focusing on self-trust and personal happiness is essential.
• There are many different paths to recovery, and it's important to find what works best for each individual.

Let's get into it!

Show Notes:

I love getting mail! Send me an email here or [email protected]

Would you like the weekly wellness wires emails in your inbox - Yes please!

Are we Instagram friends?

Book in a friendly chat: Click here to find a time

If you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast Join the waitlist for the next Pathway to Wellness Coaching Program: Drop your details here

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is rehab from the other side... from the lived experience of a loved one on the 'outside'.

This is a personal episode for me, as I dig into the memory box and go back to the rehab time, and the (very) long lead up to it. The rehab roller coaster of hope, dreams and disappointment.

Not much is said about what happens to the spouses when their partners go to rehab. What it looks like, what it feels like, and the roller coaster of emotions while continuing to juggle all the balls.

In this episode I talk about what the beginning was like when my loved one was in rehab, walking out the doors and resuming 'life'. And that's the thing here, nothing changes for those on the outside, life still carries on. And we need help and support too. What about us?

I talk honestly about how I thought rehab was a silver bullet and how this dream was slowly crashing down around me, piece by piece.

The directive of the rehab that we should respond to a lapse or relapse with "care and compassion" put my in a tailspin, as I had nothing in my tank, I was operating in survival mode, and I just wanted to know HOW to do that.

Rehabs very rarely give the loved ones, families and spouses the support that THEY need to rebuild their lives along their loved ones. And this is the shortcomings.

This is part 2 of 3 - there is a lot to be said about rehab from the other side.

This is opening the can of rehab worms because they are certainly not all created equal. And while there are some amazing people out there doing such great work, there are some less than great also.

What I wish I'd known.

What I wouldn't do again.

Why it's not a silver bullet.

Let's get into it!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is rehab from the other side... from the lived experience of a loved one on the 'outside'.

This is a personal episode for me, as I dig into the memory box and go back to the rehab time, and the (very) long lead up to it. The rehab roller coaster of hope, dreams and disappointment.

Not much is said about what happens to the spouses when their partners go to rehab. What it looks like, what it feels like, and the roller coaster of emotions while continuing to juggle all the balls.

In this episode I talk about the lead up to rehab (it's long and brutal), the absolute confusion about what to do, the hope that is dashed each time they say they'll do it alone, the relief when they eventually go (if they do).

I talk honestly about how I thought rehab was a silver bullet and how I put my life and goodness and all my hopes on this one small part of the journey, and how a woman's words in a lift brought my reality crashing down around me.

Fears of cafe escapes and hard conversations.

This is part 1 of 3 - there is a lot to be said about rehab from the other side.

This is opening the can of rehab worms because they are certainly not all created equal. And while there are some amazing people out there doing such great work, there are some less than great also.

What I wish I'd known.

What I wouldn't do again.

Why it's not a silver bullet.

Then denial dance we all do.

Let's get into it!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A bit of a pointy episode today.

Because while I want to shine a light on this side of addiction. If this is impacting your life, I actually want to help you.

So here it is.

"What got you here, won't get you there"

All the habits, ways of navigating a loved ones recovery addiction, routines and behaviours that got you to this point in life, 'here'. Are not going to get you 'there', to your great life.

The next chapter of your life, if you want it to be different and better, requires different from you.

And it is you that needs to do that (this is annoying and empowering - trust me!)

In this episode, let's have a look at what we might be doing that needs tweaking and how we can bring self awareness to this for change. How frustrating and infuriating is it when you see your loved one do the same things on repeat and you just want to SHAKE THEM into doing something differently so they might get a different and better outcome?

... how might you be doing the exact same thing, but on the other side?

Let's talk about changing our course, charting new paths and planting our garden in a different way so that we can live our great life and head to 'there'.

Try it - let me know how you get on.

Show Notes:

I love getting mail! Send me an email here or [email protected]

Would you like the weekly wellness wires emails in your inbox - Yes please!

Are we Instagram friends?

Book in a friendly chat: Click here to find a time

If you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast Join the waitlist for the next Pathway to Wellness Coaching Program: Drop your details here

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

--> Sign up to the free Open House Group Coaching - All the details are here

The Pause.

This is something that you can start doing immediately after listening to this podcast. It's simple, yet it's not easy - and it's worth it.

The power of the pause is an amazing tool to have in your pocket to keep you in alignment with your values and gives you the ability to respond in situations rather than react.

It is exactly as it says on the tin - pause.

It can be the difference between responding with kindness and blurting out some hurtful/unhelpful words and further disconnecting from those around you.

It can be the difference between yelling at your kids over spilling the milk (true story) and responding with kindness and understanding.

It can be the difference between sleeping that night because and staying up all night being annoyed at yourself for what you did/said.

Try it - let me know how you get on.

Show Notes:

I love getting mail! Send me an email here or [email protected]

Would you like the weekly wellness wires emails in your inbox - Yes please!

Are we Instagram friends?

Book in a friendly chat: Click here to find a time

If you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast Join the waitlist for the next Pathway to Wellness Coaching Program: Drop your details here

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we are ripping off the language bandaid. And it is going to be uncomfortable and I would love you to stay the course with me as this is what is going to help EVERYONE.

This is 100% the hill I will die on. Because THIS, the language we are using at the dinner table and in our conversations is keeping people stuck in stigma and shame and it is preventing people from getting support.

There is not doubt here.

We all use words every day and words are so powerful - their meaning, their subtext and connotations.  

That saying, STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES, (BUT WORDS CAN NEVER HURT ME)

Is quite frankly a load of crap.

Let's uncover the words that we use here and ask ourselves an important question... do they serve us, do they serve our loved ones?

And if not... are you willing to try and do better and to change the conversation?

If you would like to submit a listener letter or piece of writing, please (please!) do send them in an I will read them out - email here or [email protected].

I think this is a lovely form of expression and goes very much to the core of it all.

Show Notes:

I love getting mail! Send me an email here or [email protected]

Would you like the weekly wellness wires emails in your inbox - Yes please!

Are we Instagram friends?

Book in a friendly chat: Click here to find a time

If you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast Join the waitlist for the next Pathway to Wellness Coaching Program: Drop your details here

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ooof.

I came across this heart breaking, courageous and beautiful piece of writing recently and I couldn't get it out of my head. So I sent SITC an email asking if I could read it on my podcast as I know it'll resonate in your heart and soul like it did mine.

What struck me most, aside from the rawness was the accountability, ownership and the acknowledgement of the hurt caused and the consistent effort required to stay on the good path.

And that is everything.

What hit me in my stomach were the two simple sentences on trust... so so true.

So thank you to the lovely man that wrote that and I'm sure your Bush Tribe are very proud to support you and walk alongside you.

This writing was published on Sober In the Country (SITC) Instagram's page and you can read more about their good work and things they do here

Change isn't easy, and it's possible. For everyone. No matter where you are in this.

I too then thought - I have had many requests (so uncomfortable writing this) about my poem and could I read it again - save it somewhere... well here it is.

I thought it was fitting to put these two pieces of expressive writing together. An expression from both sides of the same coin, both drowning in pain and shame, but experiences that are different.

If you would like to submit a listener letter or piece of writing, please (please!) do send them in an I will read them out - email here or [email protected].

I think this is a lovely form of expression and goes very much to the core of it all.

Show Notes:

I love getting mail! Send me an email here or [email protected]

Would you like the weekly wellness wires emails in your inbox - Yes please!

Are we Instagram friends?

Book in a friendly chat: Click here to find a time

If you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast Join the waitlist for the next Pathway to Wellness Coaching Program: Drop your details here

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.