Against The Stream

There’s this tiny little book from my teacher Ajahn Amaro titled, “I'm right. You're wrong.” It's about loving kindness and how much suffering we get ourselves into with, “I'm right. You're wrong.” How much conflict and extra - unnecessary - suffering we get into by clinging so tightly to being “right”.

It will destroy relationships and affect communities.

There are four types of clinging. The first type is the clinging, ‘clinging and craving’. This also means ‘aversion’. So when I say ‘clinging’ know that I'm talking not only about attachment but I'm also talking about craving as a form of clinging, “I want. I need to have. I'm craving.” This is clinging.

Clinging also means, “I can't stand it. I can't bear it. I wanted to get rid of it.” This is also clinging. Aversion seems different than cleaning, but it's all in this same basket.

In Buddhism, the way we suffer, is by trying to control what's happening, whether it's trying to keep it or get rid of it, both are encompassed in ‘clinging’.

Most of our suffering is generated by, “I'm clinging or I'm craving for something to feel more pleasant than it does” or “I'm aversive to what's happening. I'm not accepting it. I'm hating it.”

Ajahn Amaro say that an aspect of loving kindness is not holding to our fixed views of, “I'm right” even if you believe it.  

Not having to be so attached to it. Not having to suffer about it.

Of course we all have an opinion. We all have a view. But it’s the clinging to our views as the ultimate reality, as a, “for sure I'm right”. 

I always wonder this: How much evidence do we need that we have so often been mistaken when we thought we were right?

I mean, when you reflect on your life how many times were you so ******* convinced that you were right, but in retrospect, you realized, “Oh…well that was…I was wrong. 

And then we continue thinking, “I'm pretty sure I’m right even though I have all of this evidence to show me that I could be wrong.”

I am obeying this mind that doesn't support my own best interests.

30-minute guided mediation followed by a dharma talk.

In order to actually make some progress, experience freedom, we have to be incredibly intentional -

Intentional living

Intentional training of the mind

Intentional

It's the second factor of the eightfold path

Right | wise intention is not going to happen by itself.

It’s not going to happen by reading the books.

It's not going to happen by listening to the Dharma talks.

It's not going to happen from just trying to download the Dharma intellectually.

It takes our life's energy. Our intentional training of the mind. Our intentional renunciation.

When you enter this kind of path there's a whole bunch of s*** you have to add.

There was for me anyway. I had to add meditation - I didn't meditate and I wanted to end my suffering, so I added that to my life.

I'm going to add service. I used to be, “I. Me. Mine.” all of the time.

So, I'm going to add helping others, be generous, be of service, that's something I'm going to add to my life.

I'm gonna add some study.

We add into our lives all these things that we didn't use to do.

And then, I need to subtract:

I better stop smoking crack now.

I better stop stealing.

I better stop lying.

I better stop cheating.

I better intentionally change my relationship to my self-centered mind.

I gotta slow down and have some healthy skepticism about what my mind is telling me to do 'cause my mind was telling me to lie, cheat, steal and get loaded.

My mind was telling me these things, and so now I have to intentionally reflect on things, like, “oh is this true? Is this a trustworthy thought? Is this what's really going on here?” because I hope that you know that your mind is not trustworthy.

Nobody’s mind is trustworthy. The human mind, untrained, is unintentionally creating suffering, clinging to pleasure, craving, taking everything personally.

The Buddha referred to people who didn't meditate as, ‘untrained worldlings’…they go around annoying each other with their views and opinions.

30-minute guided mediation followed by a dharma talk.

30-minute guided mediation followed by a dharma talk.

Reflect for a couple of minutes…

What do you know for sure?

What are you sure about? Certain that it is true? What's the truth?

I think a lot of people are sort of wired to think, “whatever I think, that's the truth. I'm just certain about my views and opinions and attitudes and outlooks. They’re right, and if you don't think this way, you're wrong. I'm for sure right and everybody else is unfortunately confused.”

What's it feel like to be certain, to be right, to know the truth?

Thoughts on the idea of ‘safety’.

Sharon Salzberg tells a story about when she’s in India on a rickshaw going to see her teacher Dipa Ma when she's assaulted. She gets away, but she's traumatized. She's just been ******** assaulted. She goes to Dipa Ma and she asks her, “What should I have done? I'm trying to practice loving kindness and I'm not safe.”

Dipa Ma asked her if she had her umbrella (in Calcutta it's often raining). She said yes. Dipa Ma replied, “well, if that ever happens again, with all of the loving kindness that you can muster, take your umbrella and smack him in the face.”

Self-defense. You don't even have to hate him to be able to say, “get the **** away from me.” Protect yourself.

Buddhism is non-violent. And I believe that there is a level of self-defense that is not violent.  When you're in a situation where you may be assaulted, there's a level of physical self-defense that is not an act of violence. There's a line between hitting him in the face with your umbrella and stopping the attack…but when there's the anger, when there is the rage where you're you think, “Now I’m going to stab you with this umbrella 17 times.”

There’s a line between defending, the stopping of harm to yourself when you can then say, “I’m safe again”… and “I'm safe again and I'm hurt and now I want to hurt you.”

Then, it's no longer self-defense, it's violence.

I love Buddhism.

I love that the first Noble Truth just normalizes our suffering. We're in this culture where suffering is thought of as a failure. You're supposed to respond when someone asks,

“How are you?”… “I'm good.”

You are supposed to say that because it's expected.

“I'm good. I'm fine. I'm OK.”

When people ask us how we're doing, they don't really want to know. They’re really hoping you say, “I'm fine.” Right?

They don't want to hear, “Well, I'm really quite afraid in the moment.”

Or, “I'm really freaked out about what's happening on this planet.”

Or, “I'm really lonely.”

Try this, when somebody asks you how you are, say, “terribly lonely, thank you for asking. How are you?”

The first Noble Truth is, “yeah I'm suffering sometimes.”

And if I am honest about it, then I'm healthy.

I’m not just stuffing it all of the time and pretending I’m not suffering.

Honesty and vulnerability are what we're trying to build, what I believe the Dharma is trying to build again. Part of the Dharma is this honesty and this accountability that is freely offered. Forgiveness, not judgment.

Part of a series of dharma talks on sex, drugs and the dharma.

Addiction is rampant in our society. A means to escape, even for moment, from the painful reality of things, yet drugs and alcohol use only makes matters worse.