Against The Stream

Befriending Yourself

Dharma Talk & 30-minute Guided Meditation at Against The Stream Meditation Center

Meditation Techniques to Pacify the Wild and Crazy Mind

Giving does not have to be material or financial; in fact, it doesn’t have to cost anything at all. We can give meaningfully and generously of our time and/or energy. Think about it: time is a precious resource—most of us feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to finish everything we want to do. So sharing some of our time with those who need it can be a true act of generosity and a great source of merit. There are countless ways to give our time and energy to those who could use some help at a difficult time in their lives.

Another form of generosity consists of the giving of attention. I see this on two levels. One is the deep inner attention of meditative training, of paying close attention to ourselves. The other is the quality of being fully present and paying attention to the people we are with. In giving our full attention to people as an act of generosity, the meditative training allows us to be consistent and intentional. Without giving ourselves the gift of training our mind in concentration and mindfulness, we may find it incredibly difficult to be present for our friends, partners, and children. Our mind is all over the place, stuck in planning the day’s activities, trying to remember something important that we meant to do, or lost in resentments, still rehashing a difficult conversation we had at work. So yes: meditation can be an act of generosity.

Taming the monkey, through meditation, is a great gift to oneself. It is perhaps the most generous thing we can do as we set off on the path to true happiness and freedom. And with the ability to pay attention—with the monkey finally at ease enough to sit still for a while—we can be fully present for others.

There is this very human experience that we all have on one level or another of anger and resentment. Even just for a moment reflect on how many enemies you have? How many people do you hate?

I know, you're nice spiritual Buddhist folks and you pretend like you don't hate anybody, but really, who's on the list? How many people are you like, “you know what? **** all of those people!” And they kind of live with free rent in our heads…

We’ve got all of the resentments that we're carrying around, and whether those are about people that you have harmed or have harmed us in some way or another, or it’s the bigger politicians, you know other people with different perspectives; people who we think are completely ignorant and confused in whatever way. There's that kind of judgment, anger, fear, spite, ill will.

The Buddha's teaching is that nothing is worth suffering about – including and probably especially – suffering at confused people.

Even though it's totally normal, the mind all by itself without any help from us says, “I'm right. They’re wrong. How dare they? How could anybody believe that? Or believe this? Or say this?” It’s natural for this self-centered, resentment making machine that is our brain.

But then, we suffer enough that we come to the Dharma, and the Dharma offers us this radical proposal, “how would you like to not suffer? How would you like to be free from suffering?”

And then, we have to start taking stock at all of the ways that we suffer.

There's lots of different ways to talk about the Dharma, but I like this simple way…I'm going to propose that the solution to whatever you're suffering about, is kindness. That actually, if we can develop a kind relationship with whatever we're suffering about, whether it's that you're attached to something and that's why you're suffering – because you're clinging and you're attached – the kindest thing to do is let go.

Right?

Non-attachment as an act of kindness. Stop clinging.

Easier said than done.

And that's what we're training for, that's what we're meditating towards, “can I be less and less attached, can I create less and less suffering?”

When we’re suffering about anger, resentment, fear, judgement; the kindest thing to do is to forgive, is to have compassion, is to accept.

Kindness is the solution.

30-minute guided meditation followed by a dharma talk.

This living being, right here, is the one that you have most influence over, your own body, heart, mind.

The Buddha once said when asked about loving kindness, “we could search all realms of existence and never find anyone more worthy of our love, of our kindness, than ourselves.”

I invite you to remember your own worth and ability to get free; to wake up, to heal.

A talk Looking at Identity and the Nature of Reality Through the Lens of the Aggregates

A Dive into Impermanence and Perception

In this talk, we’ll look at two types of love, saving loving-kindness for the next talk.

One core aspect of the heart is love. Love is experienced on several different levels. There is the personal love that we feel for our relatives and friends. There is the romantic love we experience in our sexually intimate relationships. Lastly, and most important to our heart’s freedom, is universal love (or unconditional loving-kindness).

Personal love.

As I practiced forgiving myself and others, I began to experience a change in my relationships. I stopped seeking the unavailable and started to feel that I actually deserved a love that was present, available, and open to real intimacy. Slowly progressing in my relationship choices. The Buddhist practices of mindfulness, forgiveness, compassion, and loving-kindness do a tremendous amount of good for personal love relationships. Unless we train the mind and heart through meditative discipline, our love will stay limited and conditional forever. But with some effort, and with the wisdom that arises through meditation, the heart’s capacity for love will grow and grow, eventually expanding to the ability to stay loving in the midst of painful situations.

Romantic love.

For those of us who are spiritually minded, our sexual relationships become a key aspect of our dharma practice. The practice and goal is one of nonattachment. But remember that nonattachment does not mean detachment. De-tachment means “separation from”; to detach is to pull away, to disengage. Nonattachment, on the other hand, is a fully engaged and connected experience of being in the middle of whatever is going on, without clinging to or trying to control it. In romantic relationships we do the dance of clinging / detaching / reconnecting / being lovingly connected (nonattached) / clinging / detaching . . . over and over. But the Buddhist practices of the heart help us to gain more and more ability to sustain the ideal of nonattached loving connectedness. And when we fail, as we surely will, we have the practice of forgiveness to help us let go more easily and to begin the dance again.