All Purpose Cleaner

Every life is made better by a loving animal companion. Whether you are: freaking out about cat labor, killing birds with facial cleanser, exposing dogs to poisoned coconuts or introducing your pet to creative and disgusting uses for peanut butter, we are here to commiserate (well, maybe not the last one).

Pets-Master

We are sorry to say, Christmas is over.  But don’t worry, New Years Eve is just around the corner and we’re here to guide you through it all. Whether you are resolving not to commit as many felonies this year as last, crushing your best friend’s heart or engaging in an annual tradition that may or may not involve lubricant and legumes; we are there to kiss at midnight, join you when you put on the lampshade at one and  hold your hair while you “reminisce” about the night at two.

As always, slightly adult content.

NewYears-Master

It is that time of year. Festive lights, annoying music, laughing children and disembodied Snow White head ornaments. That’s right, its Christmas. This week we discuss grandma stabbing Robb for a a pair of porcelain balls, Patrick’ s heartless gift giving traditions, John’s utter neglect of his youngest child, Ross’ possession of the aforementioned disembodied head and Ami’s unmitigated decorating sloth. Yeah! Bring on the creepy voyeur elves.

As always, mildly adult content.

Christmas-Master

Sisters are doing it for themselves! That is right, on this week’s episode of All Purpose Cleaners we find out what beats at the strong resilient core of a woman. Our all female panel discusses: powerful women, lessons for their younger selves, and the challenges of being a female comedian. Also, boobs; but in a very Gloria Steinem friendly manner. In fact, listening to this week’s episode counts as half a credit in “Women’s Studies” at most unaccredited on-line for profit universities (valid only good for students studying in Latvia, Bulgaria and Lesotho). It is girl power distilled down to its ass kicking essence. And guess what; we pass the Bechdel test with flying colors.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Womanhood-Master

Did you have three pink peg wives (or blue peg husbands)? Did you always insist upon playing Miss Scarlet because she was so damned hot? Did you try to convince your little brother that qazer was an Arabic word for “used soap”?  Did you keep pink 100 dollar bills in your pocket and red houses up your sleeve? Did you get callouses on your fingers from Hungry Hungry Hippo? Do you spend more on Euro games every month than you do on heat? Do you know what the phrases: card sleeve, re-playability, traitor mechanic and resource management mean? If so, this is the episode for you.

This week we discuss boardgames; which include tales of flipped tables, relationships ruined, families torn asunder and children scarred for life. In other words, a great session of Lords of Waterdeep.

Boardgames-Master

Welcome. Won’t you step into the DEAD center of the room. We’ve being DYING to meet you. It will be a SPIRITED visit. Hopefully, you won’t get eviscerated by the homeless guy we gave two rocks of meth to work the chainsaw. I mean, of CORPSE you’ll have a good time.

We love them. Whether they are the real deal of a bunch of guys wrapped in toilet paper in a church fellowship hall, haunted houses give us a wonderful thrill. Sit back and listen to our wonderful tales of terror. Ami tells us why she will never buy a house with carpet. Robb tells us my he will always connect screams of terror with early adolescent arousal. Ross explains his wet pants. And Patrick confirms that he is, in fact, a horrible husband.

Haunted-Master

Facebook is going to destroy everything sacred and good. Twitter is the sign of the decline of Western civilization. Tumbler is the new bastion of freaks and sexual deviants. And reddit… well have you ever heard of Michael Brutsh? Of course, its not all bad; unicorn chasers, awesome facebook pet accounts and this twitter account. In this episode of All Purpose Cleaner we explore social media: facebook shock and awe; the death of privacy and smart phone etiquette.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

SocialMedia-Master

Fish don’t fry in the kitchen, beans don’t burn on the grill. Oh yeah, we’re moving on up. By the way, what in the name of heavens do those lyrics mean? Of course, we’re going to suppose it has some kind of faintly racist element; since, after all it was the 70s. But I own a kitchen, and I have fried many catfish therein. Yes, its messy, but its incredible easy to do. Also, did the Jefferson’s not have a kitchen? They lived next to the Bunkers and they had a kitchen. Was their house that very different. I mean while their new location was nicer, I would presume that their old house was actually larger. Again, I have seen much of the Bunker household and it was huge. Also, beans do in fact burn on the grill. While I am not much of a grilling historian, I suspect propane grills were not widely available in the 70s. Therefore, they were probably using charcoal in their grill, the temperature of which is much harder to control. Additionally, one assumes they are boiling the beans, which could certainly be done much more easily on a range. Were rich people in the 70s always grilling things? Because now rednecks grill all the time. I would not call becoming a redneck, “moving on up.” Seriously, Jeff Barry and Ja’net Dubois are dumbasses. Oh, podcast; right. This weeks podcast is about moving. Ross talks about… you know what, just listen. It’s funny. You’ll like it.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Moving-Master