1- Dial Up News.
2- State of the Union.
3- Obama, would you stop it?
4- Today, I’m a Philly fan.
5 - Dry land is in my future.

1- Shut 'em down.
2- My grandfather had the answer.
3- Making America great again costs money.
4- We fold.
5- I’m 6’3, 239 lbs. Real news of fake weight.
6- Will someone tell tubby the women were marching against him.
7- What’s wrong with the racist misogynistic party I supported?
8. Wanna borrow some cash?

1- Smart people are too smart to say it.
2- You didn’t believe that wall story, did you?
3- You wanted the con.
4- Nice, sweet racists.
5- "We was just bein' ‘Merikkkan."
6- A tough job to do well.
7- Ain't easy being white.

1- Yes, California is high. LEGALLY.
2- Buttons
3- I resolve to get rich
4- It's a new year, I’m shipping milk and pumping gas.
5- Jesus Coins
6- Hey, Brother, can I build you a statue?

1- Taxing: the long con.
2- Listen to Pop.
3- Bye, Felicia.
4- 7 dirty, I mean, intelligent words.
5- Spicer and the Mooch
6- Alternative facts from Fake News
7- Yep, that’s a hurricane.
8- Guns! Guns! Guns!
9- Summer of Supremacy
10- Are you sure about that whole Civil War thing?
11- They all agree to attack the intern
12- #metoo
13- Don’t judge me.
14- Aaron (the Good Judge) and Jay-Z and Black princesses and Wonder Woman and Star Wars and other random good.
15- Don’t give up…yet.

1- I’m wrong. Thank you, Alabama.
2- They cry voter fraud because none of their disenfranchisement worked.
3- Trump unfit to clean toilets. We knew it, but it's still nice to hear.
4- Fear is down and so are gun prices.
5- Viral video = cash. Hmmm...
6- Happy Holidays, Ivanka.

1- Thanks for nothing, Tiger.
2- No pie for you.
3- Couldn’t make it through one speech... Pocahontas? Really?!
4- Date 14 year olds or arrest guys trying to date 14 year olds? WWJD?
5- Keep my net neutral!
6- Warriors did it to me again. Kudos, K.D.. Now please call Tiger.

1. I’m back from vacation.
2. Citizen of the Year.
3. Lookin' for the good.
4. Trickle down again.
5. International House of Twitter Feuds.
6. Vigorous Denial.
7. It's ok. Joseph was 107 when he met Mary.
8. This week in sexual harassment.
9. Is it worth it? Ahhh, just blame Hillary.
10. Clippers losing, Trickle Down Economics: Welcome to the bad 80’s.

1- Mass Murder in Church.
2- Thoughts, prayers, and other Top 10 hits.
3- Hey, FB, track dis!
4- "Donna Brazile, thank you." Signed, the Republicans.
5- Terrorize NY? The city keeps running.
6- There is peace in the force and on Twitter.
7- Public schools to private prisons.
8- Yeah, Ben, you don’t know s**t.
9- Happy Holidaze.