Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions in relationships—and often the most shamed. Which makes sense! Unregulated anger can be genuinely scary. But when we do have the skills to manage our emotions, anger becomes something different: a protective signal. It's telling us a need isn't being met, a boundary's been crossed, or our nervous system is maxed out. Learn to speak kindly when you're angry, or learn how to co-regulate each other's anger, and it can actually bring you closer to your partner.

That's exactly why I wanted to talk to Davina Hehn, an anger management expert. We get into why anger shows up so differently in different people, how emotional reactivity hijacks connection, and what actually helps couples move from blowing up to repair. Davina introduces the idea of anger archetypes, explains how your nervous system shapes your conflict patterns, and shares practical ways to respond to anger with curiosity—not defensiveness.

Here’s what we cover in our interview: 

Why is anger so demonized in romantic relationships? 

How do you differentiate “healthy anger” from reactive or destructive anger? 

What’s actually happening in the nervous system during emotional blowups? 

Why do some people explode while others shut down during conflict? 

How does childhood conditioning or attachment style shape our anger responses?

What’s the most common mistake couples make when anger shows up? 

How can someone respond differently in the moment (before things escalate)? 

How can people learn their anger patterns and practice regulation in real time? 

This conversation is for anyone who’s ever thought, “Why do we keep having the same fight?”—and is ready to understand what anger is really trying to say in love.