Okay, I know — "run your relationship like a business" sounds about as romantic as a spreadsheet on Valentine's Day. I thought so too before I met Dr. Robin Buckley, so stay with me for a bit. 

Here's a question: Would you ever run a business with no clear roles, no regular check-ins, no shared strategy, and just... hope it all works out? Probably not. And yet — that's exactly how most of us run our relationships. We wing it. We cross our fingers. We assume love will handle the details.

Sometimes it does! Often... not so much.

That's what this episode of Soul-Shaking Love is all about. Dr. Robin Buckley of Marriage Inc. takes a business lens to your relationship — not to suck the romance out of it (I promise!), but to help it actually hold together when life gets messy. Think of it this way: love is the mission. Structure is what keeps the mission from going off the rails.

What I love about this framework is that it gives you and your partner a way to talk about the unglamorous stuff — who does what, how you make decisions, how you check in before the small annoyances snowball into those "we need to talk" conversations. You learn to catch issues early, talk about them without getting defensive, and actually steer your relationship instead of just reacting when things blow up.

This isn't about perfection. It's not about keeping the spark at a constant 10 (who can do that?!). It's about building something that can handle real life — a relationship that's stable, connected, and strong enough to grow with you.

If that sounds good, you're going to love this one.

Here are some questions that Dr. Robin Buckley answers during our interview: 

Why do so many relationships fail even when there’s real love and good intentions?

What does it actually mean to run a relationship like a business, and what does it not mean?

What are the early warning signs that a relationship’s systems are breaking down, long before a crisis hits?

Why is a shared vision more important than chemistry over time?

What’s some “boardroom-level” strategies every couple should be having on a regular basis?

For someone who feels like their relationship is already in trouble, where should they start first?

You can use code MARRIAGE20 for 20% off her book Marriage Inc.: The Boardroom Blueprint for a Lasting Love at

https://drrobinbuckley.com/books

More about Dr. Robin Buckley 

Dr. Robin Buckley holds a PhD in clinical psychology from Hofstra University, where she specialized in cognitive behavioral methodology and executive coaching. Her work has been featured by Entrepreneur, Chief, Authority Magazine, Nike, and on the TED stage in 2023.

Her data-driven coaching helps organizations, couples, and individuals create practical plans to reach their goals in both work and life. She’s the author of three books, with her latest, Marriage Inc.: The Boardroom Blueprint for a Lasting Love, which hit best seller status on Amazon in 2025.

With a blend of science, strategy, and heart, Robin gives people the tools to move from hoping things will get better to actually building the results they want.

Shame is something most of us carry but few of us talk about openly. It can show up in response to that inner voice telling you you're too much or not enough, as the impulse to hide parts of yourself, or as patterns in relationships that leave you feeling disconnected. Yet despite how common shame is, finding effective ways to work with it remains elusive for many people. 

In their latest book, Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work, Jessica Fern and David Cooley offer a fresh framework that uses parts work to help us see that shame is part of an internal “Drama Triangle” that they call “The Shame Triangle” and they present a groundbreaking system, integrating IFS with other modalities, to transform shame into Self-Love. When I saw that, I knew I needed to interview them to share these tools with more people. :) 

What makes their approach particularly valuable is the practical integration of parts work, giving us concrete tools rather than abstract concepts. They share some of these tools in our interview. 

Here’s what we covered in this groundbreaking interview: 

What is parts work in the IFS context?

What is the Shame Triangle & what is its destructive impact?

How do we heal Shame at its roots—not just manage it?

How do we transform the Shame Triangle into the self-Love Triangle?

What does integrating the Self-Love Triangle as a new way of living look like?

How have these tools helped you and your clients tangibly experience more love, creativity, and resourcefulness in all relationships? 

If you’re someone who has felt the weight of shame and wondered how to move through it, this interview meets you where you are. The authors bring both professional expertise and genuine warmth to a topic that too often gets treated with clinical distance or, worse, more shame.

You can get their book, "Transforming the Shame Triangle," here: https://amzn.to/4a5mEQE

Jessica and David are teaching an 8-week online course to help you integrate and deepen the work in their book. It launches at the end of February of 2026. You can learn more about that here: https://the-azurite-way.mykajabi.com/transforming-the-shame-triangle-feb-2026

Here are their other books:

"Polysecure" by Jessica Fern: https://amzn.to/4bzCSnC

"Polywise" By Jessica Fern and David Cooley: https://amzn.to/3LLJpRG

More about Jessica Fern and David Cooley:

Jessica Fern is a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, a trained Internal Family Systems (IFS) practitioner, and an integrative therapist drawing on 25 years of experience in somatic, narrative, psychotherapeutic, and spiritual healing modalities. She is the internationally recognized author of Polysecure, and the coauthor with David Cooley of the books Polywise and their newest book Transforming the Shame Triangle. You can learn more about her work at: https://www.jessicafern.com/

David Cooley is a professional Restorative Justice facilitator, diversity and privilege awareness trainer, and bilingual cultural broker. He is the creator of the Restorative Relationship Conversations model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair. You can learn more about his work at: https://www.restorativerelationship.com/

We’ve all been there: we want to communicate about something that’s bothering us, but we know that if we bring it up, it’ll lead to an argument and then we’ll have 2 problems instead of one: the original problem and now you also feel disconnected. Few of us had good modeling for how to communicate in a way that brings us closer. 

That’s why I chose to interview Raffi Bilek. Raffi has developed a streamlined formula for how to communicate with your partner in a way that inspires connection rather than conflict and isolation - even when it comes to the really hard stuff. He has helped hundreds of couples improve their communication, boost their connection, recover from hurts and betrayals, and, in many cases, save their marriages.

He shares his formula in our interview and also in his book, “The Couples Communication Handbook,” which he talks about in our interview. 

Here are some questions that Raffi answers in our interview: 

You can get the first 2 chapters of Raffi’s book, “The Couples Communication Handbook“ for free at https://www.thecommunicationbook.com/ (PDF or audio files!)

More about Raffi Bilek: 

Raffi Bilek has been working with couples across the globe for over a decade. He has helped hundreds of couples improve their communication, boost their connection, recover from hurts and betrayals, and, in many cases, save their marriages.

​Before that, Raffi earned a degree in computer science from Brown University, but never much enjoyed it because the computers wouldn’t laugh at his humor. Besides being a couples counselor and a computer programmer, Raffi is a dad to four girls, a former swing dancer, an Orthodox Jewish rabbi, and a nationally ranked Scrabble player.

​Raffi speaks English, Hebrew, French, and Spanish, has seen the fjords (they really are that good), and enjoys playing word games and telling good (and bad) jokes. He deeply loves his wife, but frankly wishes she got more of his jokes.

Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions in relationships—and often the most shamed. Which makes sense! Unregulated anger can be genuinely scary. But when we do have the skills to manage our emotions, anger becomes something different: a protective signal. It's telling us a need isn't being met, a boundary's been crossed, or our nervous system is maxed out. Learn to speak kindly when you're angry, or learn how to co-regulate each other's anger, and it can actually bring you closer to your partner.

That's exactly why I wanted to talk to Davina Hehn, an anger management expert. We get into why anger shows up so differently in different people, how emotional reactivity hijacks connection, and what actually helps couples move from blowing up to repair. Davina introduces the idea of anger archetypes, explains how your nervous system shapes your conflict patterns, and shares practical ways to respond to anger with curiosity—not defensiveness.

Here’s what we cover in our interview: 

Why is anger so demonized in romantic relationships? 

How do you differentiate “healthy anger” from reactive or destructive anger? 

What’s actually happening in the nervous system during emotional blowups? 

Why do some people explode while others shut down during conflict? 

How does childhood conditioning or attachment style shape our anger responses?

What’s the most common mistake couples make when anger shows up? 

How can someone respond differently in the moment (before things escalate)? 

How can people learn their anger patterns and practice regulation in real time? 

This conversation is for anyone who’s ever thought, “Why do we keep having the same fight?”—and is ready to understand what anger is really trying to say in love.

As we prepare to enter the new year, most people think about what they want to create — in our health, our work, and especially our relationships. Whether you’re single or partnered, getting clear on what really matters can make a big difference in how love feels. That’s why I chose to interview LaShawn McCrary, a conscious relationship coach who helps people clarify what they want and learn the skills to create healthier, happier love lives.

Creating Conscious Relationships is a bold, heart-led conversation about connecting with awareness. We explore how self-honesty, emotional responsibility, and spiritual maturity transform the way we connect—so relationships become a place of growth, truth, and real partnership.

Here’s what we cover in our interview:

You can get LaShawn’s books here: 

“I Am Not an Option: A Woman’s Guide to Self-Love and Relationships” https://amzn.to/44Fin4G

“Before We Go Any Further: Pre-Engagement Workbook for Couples” https://amzn.to/4s959Hv

You can get in touch with her through her website: https://lashawnmccrary.com/

More about LaShawn McCrary: 

LaShawn McCrary is a multi-talented woman whose passion for empowerment shines through her diverse pursuits. From her self-reflective books, “I Am Not an Option: A Woman’s Guide to Self-Love and Relationships” and “Before We Go Any Further: Pre-Engagement Workbook for Couples,” to her roles as a conscious relationship coach, speaker and energy healer. LaShawn is dedicated to uplifting others and helping them realize their full potential. Her love for travel, fitness, literature, and gourmet cuisine enriches her life, while her commitment to teaching and learning fuels her endeavors. Currently based in Metro Atlanta, LaShawn’s mission is to encourage individuals to harness their strength and live a truly divine life.

We don’t stumble into our relationship patterns by chance. Most of us are quietly replaying the beliefs we absorbed as kids — about love, safety, power, and what parts of ourselves are welcome. This isn't about blame; by understanding what our patterns are, we can change them and enjoy happy, healthy love.

Reprogramming childhood patterns is one of my favorite topics, so I decided to sit down with Matthew Riven, a coach and guide who helps people break the relational patterns they inherited — from childhood, culture, and past pain — and create relationships rooted in truth, power, and choice.

In our lively interview, we unpack how those stories sneak into our adult relationships, how they influence the way we show up with a partner, and how we can finally rewrite them for good.

Here are some of the topics we cover in our interview:

What are script beliefs, and how do they shape our adult relationships?

How does childhood shape the way we relate to power and intimacy as adults?

What does it mean to "perform" or "wear a mask" vs. authentic connection?

What does Matthew's work as a Dom have to do with healing relationship patterns? (And what do people often misunderstand about that?)

Why are so many people terrified of their own desire — and how can they begin to reclaim it?

Matthew offered a free gift to my audience, a free 30-minute session with him: https://stirinstitute.com/intro

A free 30-minute one-on-one session with Matthew to explore the relationship patterns that might be keeping you stuck — and what it is you want your relationships TO look like. Whether you're navigating partnership or feeling disconnected from your own needs, this is a chance to slow down, get honest about what’s actually running the show, and learn what is possible!  Include the phrase "Soul-shaking love" in your intake form so I know where you’re coming from.

More about Matthew Riven:

Matthew Riven is a coach and guide who helps people break the relational patterns they inherited — from childhood, culture, and past pain — and create relationships rooted in truth, power, and choice. He’s trained in Transactional Analysis and Re-decision Therapy, with a focus on power and desire dynamics, and brings a deeply grounded, sometimes irreverent approach to intimacy, shame, and personal transformation.

He also draws on experience from his training as a Professional Dom — not about leather and chains, but about emotional attunement, boundaries, and self-regulation. Who better to understand how we relate to power?

His clients are often successful on the outside, but secretly exhausted from performing the life they were told to want. Matthew helps them stop apologizing for their desire, get honest about their patterns, and build relationships that are real.

Mismatched libido, or "desire discrepancy" is on of the most common problems couples experience. But few people know how to find the underlying cause or teach us what to do about it.

Our interview reveals what's really going on (hint: it's not what you think!) and what couples can do to return to connection, flow, and deeper intimacy, love and pleasure.

Here's what we cover in our interview:

1. What are the top 3 reasons why couples might have mismatched sex drives?

2. How can we discover what really turns us on? 

3.Once we identify what we want, how do we communicate it in a way that doesn’t kill their turn-on?

4. What is the most effective way for couples to resolve differences in sex drive?

5. How can couples get what they want without sacrificing their needs or desires just to please the other?

Here are Susan's free gifts:

https://www.pathwaytopleasure.com/pleasure-keys.html The Pleasure Keys e-Guide is a free guide to deepening connection, enhancing pleasure, and reaching your orgasmic potential. Learn the first triad of the Pleasure Keys Process tm and practical things you can do right away to experience more mutual sexual fulfillment.

Here's how to take Susan's Sexual Speedometer Test: https://susanmorgantaylor.kit.com/967f66a91a

More about Susan Morgan Taylor:

Susan Morgan Taylor, MA, is a leading somatic sex therapist who helps couples deepen their intimacy and create lasting, fulfilling connections. With over 25 years of experience in somatic healing, she developed The Pleasure Keys Process™, a powerful approach to reigniting sexual and emotional harmony in relationships. After a personal awakening from a sexless marriage, Susan became passionate about helping others remove obstacles to pleasure, love, and orgasm. She is also the creator of the Pleasure Keys Retreats and host of the Sex Talk Café Podcast. When not working, she enjoys hiking and singing karaoke in the mountains of Western North Carolina.

Ever wonder why some couples grow closer over time while others drift apart? It’s not fate—it’s patterns. The small, often invisible ways we communicate, react, and repair can determine whether love deepens or disintegrates. And once you can see those patterns, you can change them.

This week, I sat down with Zoey Charif, author of Love Can, In Fact, Be Calculated, to unpack the science (and soul) of lasting love. Zoey spent two decades decoding patterns of human attraction, pulling from her background in criminology, data analytics, and a drive to challenge everything we’ve been taught about love. She reveals what secretly destroys connection—and the small but powerful shifts that can bring it back to life.

Here’s what she covered in our interview: 

-What inspired Zoey to explore the idea that love can actually be calculated?

-What are the most important findings that determine whether love thrives or fades?

-Zoey says that self-worth is the foundation for healthy love. What are the signs someone’s operating from low self-worth—and how can they shift that from the inside out?

-Zoey says that admiration is crucial in long-term relationships, and settling leads to resentment. Why is admiration so essential—and how can people hold out for alignment without closing their hearts?

-For people who keep choosing the same kind of partner and getting hurt, what do her findings reveal about how to break that pattern?

-How can someone use her insights to make their current relationship stronger, not just to find “the right person”?

You can learn more about Zoey’s book, Love Can, In Fact, Be Calculated, here: https://amzn.to/472uLx5

And Zoey’s website is here: https://www.lovecaninfactbecalculated.com/

More about Zoey Charif: 

Zoey Charif isn’t just redefining how we think about love — she’s giving us a blueprint. As the author of Love Can, In Fact, Be Calculated, Zoey spent two decades decoding patterns of human attraction, pulling from her background in criminology, data analytics, and a drive to challenge everything we’ve been taught about love.

Born in Afghanistan, raised in Vancouver, and now based in Orange County, California, Zoey brings a rare blend of emotional depth, analytical precision, and lived experience to her work. Her framework is coachable, actionable, and designed to help people transform their relationships.

Her work is a wake-up call: love isn’t magic. It’s math, psychology, and emotional mastery.

Outside of the relationship space, Zoey is a powerhouse entrepreneur helping startups and established businesses secure funding and scale with precision.Whether she’s helping people find aligned love or success, Zoey’s mission is the same: to turn hope into mastery and potential into reality.

Boundaries—we all know they’re important, but putting them into practice? That’s usually the hard part. So often, we’re caught between voicing our needs and feeling guilty, or keeping quiet and subtly losing ourselves.

That’s why I sat down with Emotional Resiliency Coach Jennifer Febel, author of How to Set Boundaries (Without Feeling Like a Dck)*. She busts common myths about boundaries and shares a down-to-earth, empowering framework for creating them with clarity and ease. With over twenty years of expertise in communication and personal growth, Jennifer offers practical tools and compassionate guidance to help you express your needs confidently—without shame, conflict, or endless second-guessing.

If you’ve ever struggled to say no or felt anxious about how others will respond when you finally do, this is a conversation you’ll definitely want to tune into.

Here’s what we cover in our interview: 

-Jennifer shares her inspiring journey to heal herself and discover her own boundaries after being diagnosed with over seven different mental health conditions by the age of 19.

-What is the biggest misconception about boundaries, and why do so many people struggle to set them?

-In her book, Jennifer talks about “the language of boundaries.” She shares examples in our interview that help us put these tools into practice!

-How can someone start setting boundaries today, even if they’ve never done it before?

-Jennifer’s advice for handling people who push back when we start enforcing boundaries.

Jennifer’s Free Gift:

Jennifer is happy to offer her online course 'Rewrite Your Story' as a free gift to my audience. To access the gift, you just have to register at www.btgwellness.com/rewrite. At checkout, use coupon code NICENOMORE to access the course for free.

More about Jennifer Febel

“You are not broken.” This phrase has become Jennifer’s personal and professional mantra and is one she’s determined to share with as many people as possible. After being diagnosed with over seven different mental health conditions by the age of 19, Jennifer embarked on a unique journey of healing and self-discovery that helped shaped her belief that no one is broken and that everyone can find the healing they crave. 

Today, as an Author, Emotional Resiliency Coach, Mentor, and Communications Instructor, Jennifer brings over two decades of experience in psychology, communication, and linguistics to her work.

Through her private practice, trainings, retreats, and podcast, she empowers individuals to overcome their challenges using the same tools and principles that transformed her own life. By blending her professional expertise with the hard-earned wisdom of her personal healing journey, Jennifer has become a trusted resource in emotional resilience and offers support that is authentic, grounded, and deeply meaningful.

In relationships, we don’t enter adulthood with a blank slate—we inherit a “love script” from our childhood. It tells us what love looks like, how much we’re allowed to receive, how we should express ourselves, and what it takes to feel safe or chosen. 

That’s why I decided to interview Inner Child Expert Anat Peri. She’s an expert on how early experiences with our parents shape the way we show up in romantic relationships—and how to rewrite those patterns to create conscious, secure, soul-shaking love. 

Whether you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners or find yourself shutting down when things get intimate, Anat’s guidance will help you reconnect to the part of you that knows how to love and be loved—without losing yourself.

Here’s what we cover in our interview: 

What exactly is a “love script,” and where does it come from?

How do we know if we’re living out our childhood patterns in our current relationships?

How does Mom teach us about self, and dad teach us about others?

How can someone begin to rewrite their love script, especially if they feel stuck in repeating dynamics?

What role does the nervous system play in shifting these deep patterns?

What are some common survival strategies people use in relationships—and what’s underneath them?

How does Anat’s 5 Stages of Healing framework support this transformation?

You can get Anat’s free gift, “Cultivating Safety: A Guided Meditation to Rewire for Love” here: https://trainingcampforthesoul.com/cultivating-safety-meditation/

Before we can rewrite our love script, we must feel safe enough to do so. This 10-minute guided meditation helps you gently reconnect to your body, regulate your nervous system, and create an inner sense of emotional safety—the foundation for conscious love and healing.

Perfect for anyone who feels overwhelmed, shut down, or stuck in survival mode in relationships. Use this meditation daily to come home to yourself and create the safety you didn’t receive as a child.

More about Anat Peri:

Anat Peri is an Inner Child Expert, Founder of Training Camp for the Soul™, and Mentor to Coaches and Healers. With over 20 years of experience in emotional healing and leadership, she helps people rewrite the emotional patterns they inherited from childhood—so they can finally create the love, success, and freedom they desire.

Through her signature 5 Stages of Healing, Anat blends somatic work, subconscious reprogramming, and nervous system regulation to help clients break free from survival strategies and embody their true selves. Her TEDx talk, Why Thinking Positive Doesn’t Work, challenges the status quo and champions the power of emotional truth.

Anat has guided over 10,000 hours of transformational work and trained hundreds of coaches to do the same. Her work has been featured on MSN, and she’s known for making deep healing accessible, actionable, and lasting.