Animorphing Time

WHAT UP SHOOOOOORMS!! Today the Morphy Boys are joined by artist, Animorphs animator extraordinaire, horse girl, and all around COOL PERSON Char Reed (@CharReedArt). Strong clap game in this one. The hands are the gateway to relationships. I don’t know. Nate said it. This is the Four Corner episode. It’s all corners. We can be self-help guys. Tony Robbins type guys. Wait, no, he’s a sexpest. We won’t do that. Tyler is naturally wet. Nate has a perennial dad bod and it’s Very Good. Nobody cares when women have strong opinions about video games. Tyler won’t stop talking about bad 90s tv. He’s all hornt up thinking about Jared from The Pretender and Fran Drescher from The Nanny. Tobias is getting bullied in his meadow. Char jumps in with the analysis and digs into our Sad Bird Boy. Tyler talks about going for a pure Third Eye Jack. Rachel like’s being in the shit. Nate doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. Diet Coke is way better than rat blood. Give Nate money! I could keep going. Does anyone read these? If you read these, tweet the word “grambley” at me. I just wanna feel again. Like Tobias—who is going to finally learn about his lineage. Two white guys defend golf, can you believe it? We also think that we need to pay reparations and give healthcare to all indigenous folks in the USA. DEAL WITH IT. We go down a Beck hole. Char gets dirty with rabbit facts. Hope is a weapon to the abused. Welcome Back!

Taaaaaint talk! The Morphy Boys are joined by Drew (@AnriLefebvre)! They drink apartheid lager. This book is a Yub Nub. The worst advice you can give an Animorphs fan is “watch Animorphs on Nickelodeon.” Some people need that extra grit to clean their Brawny ass. We watch a bb boy get Flowers for Algernon’d. Visser 3 is a weeb. This might be the book where Jane Goodall falls in love with her ape to fight in a guerrilla war. Avatar stole everything from the Hork-Bajair Chronicles. Nate wants to dominate a mind, like what? Would you let your bro dominate you if you get to dominate them too? Tyler is learning a lot about himself. Nate wonders why he has to be there for that. The loss of innocence continues for sweet, stupid Dak Hamee by the hot bloodlusted Aldrea (Andrea?). Hork-Bajir are himbos. Andalite fussy (yes, it means THAT). We all hate pulling out and it’s a real goober moment when you do it. Drew dog walks the Morphy Boys by being a better, smarter, and hotter Animorphs podcaster but no one is self-conscious about it or anything. CALIFORNIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The Morphy Boys are joined by MSW, child therapist, and badass horse girl: Heather (@SheepishSoprano). The boys start off talking about a Thicc Molina. Alfred Molina, what a talent, am I right folks? Nate doesn’t trust horses and Heather uses horses on kids. Horses know when you’re lying. Everyone in the episode is glad to see the Potter fandom die. The Morphy Boys are drinking Mt Dew margaritas to honor our fallen Animorph—the human turd David. Rachel goes bigmode in her stress fat dream. One of the best Animorphs books starts with a South Park reference. Boooooo. Heather goes over children trauma responses. David makes a shift into super evil. They all put Tyler in a Dexter-hole. Tyler and Nate lean into the homoeroticism of their friendship. Heather explains how the brain works in regard to trauma responses. Deep dive into Rachel’s subconscious and her bloodlust. Once again, we remind you that your boss is not your friend with some goon talk. Steal from grocery stories because it’s cool. Can a monkey steal a peach? Nate skirts close to sharing personal information. Not this time, folks! Nate is perfect! Tyler does some Yeltsin facts. David takes smart pills and becomes the best villain. We highly recommend Fassbender’s dong from the movie Shame. The Animorphs make a decision to kill. This shit is heavy. Give it a listen why not!

When you put out a call to god, sometimes he answers. Sometimes god is a guy named Jeff. That’s right, The Morphy Boys are joined by Jeff (@onemoreorbit). Jake eats some actual poop to impress his girlfriend. Boys just pull up their shirts to paddle each others bellies. Sometimes a sphincter will just say NO MORE. Tyler would eat free range human. Kathy Apples fanfics some Men in Black 2. The Morphy Boys can’t remember the plot of Men in Black 2 and THEY NEVER WILL! Nate can forgive David’s bird murder. Jake is making Nate Saddler. David is still not quite bad to Nate. Tyler teaches everyone about Snow Buddies. Animorphs do murders all the time. Jeff regales us with dragonfly facts. The Boys work on their Jon Lovitz impressions. Tyler goops and Nate gacks. The whole thing is too gross for Jeff and we really don’t blame him. Then they all debate what makes people bad. You know, the usual. Here’s your slop. Eat it up. Mmmmmm.

Nerd, CDC badass, and Survivor star Davie Rickenbacker (@ItweetDavie on twitter, @IamDavie on instagram) joins the Morphy Boys to talk about a child monster named David.

That’s right, we’re talking the first part of the David trilogy. There’s a new Animorph in town and he’s…something. They talk their Animorphs cliques, growing up as an Animorphs fan in Georgia, and which celebrity they would morph into. Tyler shows his ass when talking about metal. There’s some Xena music. Have you ever held hands with a bro while pooping in the bathroom? Is rolling dice in the bathroom cooler than holding hands with your bro? The Animorphs bungle the bird plan after eating Whoppers. Davie wows us with cobra facts. Davie gives us some gossip about Survivor. This is an anti-Mike White podcast. All my homies hate Mike White. We are handing out Animorphing Time NOPE’s all over the place. Tyler is enamored with an old Volkswagen commercial. Nate is the only one who makes a sensible choice in which celebrity he would morph. Davie and the Morphy Boys debate if making an Animorph is right or wrong. In the end, they just do it. David’s family is infested, his house ruined, and his life destroyed. The Animorphs have adopted a cruel idiot. Then they must save the president!

The Morphy Boys are joined by Travis (@WlkngCntradctn) to talk about the Cassie butterfly book. The Morphy Boys REFUSE to own more than one bottle of blue Curaco. Cassie goes MacGruber early on and quits the Animorphs. She’s losing her humanity. I guess we all are really. Maybe having an existential crisis in an episode description is not the best place, but I dunno. Cassie has a bit of alien in her teeth. The gang teams up on Cassie. But it’s okay! Cassie makes a new friend! A weird little girl with a yeerk in her brain! Cassie is Betty Draper! Or Rachel is! Either way, she snapped! Tyler makes insensitive comments. Travis shares some personal trauma because that’s what this podcast is, really. It’s easy to make a splint for a little girl. Tyler details what it’s like to get a rectal exam. This episode contains a lot of ethical discussions and moral choices. Are you willing to risk everything for your beliefs? Could you give up Chilipop?

Happy Holidays, goblins and ghouls! Your Morphy Boys are joined by Animorphs graphic novel artist Chris Grine for a Christmas Spooktacular. We dive deep into the first three episodes of the Animorphs tv show. Hey! That’s what the graphic novel covers! Bad acting! Bad writing! Awkward chemistry! And that’s just the hosts of the podcast! We surprise Chris with a heartfelt thank you and tribute song: You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grine-ch. Happy winter to you and yours!

Folks, this is a long one and we get off the rails pretty quick. The Morphy Boys are joined by K and Warren from the podcast Tone Deaf. In the west, we read Animorphs! Not that Midwest Changanimals! Joe Biden is destroying Tyler’s brain. Tyler redefines what “Apple Sauce” is. Nate talks about a blown out scrotum. K is an expert and knows things and no one else knows things. The Animorphs do a dumb plan and travel back in time. Tobias cuts up his bear gf. Lots of dinosaur sex talk here. A sex lake! You know, I don’t have to write all the bits on here. This is about Megamorphs 2. Kids travel back in time and Tobias dooms alien crabs to extinction and ends the world. Normal freaking day !

Floyd (@liveactionfloyd) joins the Morphy Boys and immediately shows that she is better at Animorphs than them. Tyler is an ass hair away from losing it. Working on our best ‘old people’s hands’ material in this one. We’re all freaked out by the cover. Talkin’ holes with Floyd. Nasty holes. Ax is really good at passing for human. How many Cinnabons can you eat? Can any fashionable teens tell us what they’re doing clothes-wise? Kids love brands, don’t they folks? Ax and Visser 3 throw tails. What is ranch but a spicy milk sauce?

The Morphy Boys and Floyd have an existential crisis about what happens in Z-Space. Ax joins his people and is a total asshole to his Animorph friends. There’s a death chant. Betrayal. Floyd shows us the nasty hole. Floyd does the best dramatic reading yet. Close your eyes. Shhhhh. Just trust me. They do Leeran brain surgery and it’s all fine. Worms have too much protein. The Morphy Boys get dandy. We all share our Dairy Queen order. Remember to line your nasty holes up or it doesn’t work. Ax does a 9/11. Does it all work out? I dunno.

Aaaaawoooo! It’s Animorphin in the AM! The Morphy Boys are joined by Rachel Kahn (@reachrachelkahn). Bloodborne fans ARE Animorphs fans and Bloodborne is a feminist game. We are Anti-Gamer. The Animorphs wanna use their morphing power to watch Shaq and Bruce jam out and end up getting grabbed by The Terminator. Real Life Rachel makes a strong case for the Animorphs living in Des Moines. Who would go to the Des Moines Planet Hollywood? Teens wanna see celebs. The Animorphs stop a guy from killing himself. Rachel gets a Wookiee life debt and must protect George Edelman. Inclusivity just means ‘present.’

Stuff from the 90s did not know how to handle suicidality. The gang jumps right into it. Suicide. Don’t do it. Please. Reach out to me (Tyler!) and I’ll talk to you. Rachel gaslights a guy and holds a bathroom meeting. Instant maple ginger oatmeal makes the yeerks go nuts. Would you do chemical warfare against yeerks? Would you introduce drugs into an innocent society and watch the society tear itself apart? Well, the USA did that to its own people so HA! Got your ass! Unless you’re not American, well then, you probably have your own atrocities. All three admit that white people are bad. Colonialism is bad. It’s all bad. They order Happy Meals with Extra Happy. The Animorphs get covered in guano. Rachel falls in a yeerk pool. Marco hides in a freezer. In the end, some fates are worse than death.