How do I initiate sex when I struggle to find a starting point? What are your thoughts on two people with busy schedules scheduling when to have sex? How is romance defined? We’re answering these questions and more—asked directly from you guys—on today’s episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast. One of your favorite guests returns and joins Marlee Arnold for the Q&A. Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, and she’s the president of Authentic Intimacy, a teaching ministry devoted to reclaiming God’s design for sexuality. Her wisdom and expertise is top-notch, which is exactly why we asked her to answer your questions related to sex and intimacy in marriage. More important than her own perspective, Dr. Slattery brings a biblical perspective to this vulnerable conversation we know you’ll appreciate.

Note: This conversation is focused on building a healthy, thriving marriage. If you are experiencing abuse in your marriage, or someone you know is, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. If someone is monitoring your device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. Learn more about what defines an abusive relationship.

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Time Stamps:

(1:09) Dr. Juli Slattery’s background

(3:10) How is romance defined, and what is a good way to cultivate it in my marriage?

(7:10) How do you navigate preparing for marriage when you and your fiancé have different levels of desire and/or excitement for intimacy?

(11:37) How do I initiate sex when I struggle to find a starting point?

(16:25) Is it OK to keep lifelong friends of the opposite sex when getting married?

(19:52) What are your thoughts pertaining to oral sex, and does it go both ways?

(23:06) What are your thoughts on two people with busy schedules scheduling when to have sex?

(24:59) How do I get over the shame of having sex with my spouse before marriage and not letting that shame carry over into married sex?

(28:01) How can we talk about porn in our marriage and how to guard against it?

(31:42) What do I do if my spouse told me that they are struggling with porn?

(34:12) Where do you suggest starting with regaining trust after discovering a spouse’s porn addiction, and how do you work on moving forward?

(37:45) One key takeaway from this conversation

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Links:

Authentic Intimacy https://www.authenticintimacy.com/

“God, Sex, and Your Marriage” https://shop.authenticintimacy.com/products/god-sex-and-your-marriage

God, Sex, and Your Marriage WinShape Marriage Retreat Jan. 23 – 25, 2026 https://marriage.winshape.org/retreat/god-sex-and-your-marriage-january-2026/

God, Sex, and Your Marriage WinShape Marriage Retreat Aug. 14 – 16, 2026 https://marriage.winshape.org/retreat/god-sex-and-your-marriage-august-2026/

Pure Desire Ministries https://www.puredesire.org/

Be Broken https://www.bebroken.org/

423 Communities https://www.423communities.org/

“Sex and Intimacy in Marriage: Six Questions Answered” blog https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/sex-and-intimacy-in-marriage-six-questions-answered/ 

“Can You Have Opposite-Sex Friendships in Marriage?” blog https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/opposite-sex-friendships-in-marriage/ 

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

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Relevant Episodes:

God’s Design for Sex in Marriage | Dr. Juli Slattery https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY5u0EL6HzI&t=820s

Intimacy Is More Than Just Sex | Dr. Juli Slattery https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Ky8vS5aWo&t=820s

Should You Have Friends of the Opposite Sex? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzwG1vpQuyc&t=248s

What Does Research Say About Pornography? | Nick Stumbo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flZJ-kSWfiY&t=2746s

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