How do you actually know you’re ready for marriage? What are the biggest red flags you’ve seen in couples that are about to get married? What is something no one tells you about marriage? You guys asked these questions, and we’re answering them in today’s episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast! Jeff and Debby McElroy have been married for over 40 years and have been working with couples for over 30 years. They are well known for their Prepare to Last premarital content and programming, and today they join Marlee Arnold to answer your questions about dating, engagement, and the early years of marriage. Their wisdom and expertise are valuable as they share sentiments like, “Have I done the work to prepare myself to join my life with someone else’s and have something to contribute?” We know you’ll love this Q&A conversation.

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Time Stamps:

(:55) Jeff and Debby McElroy’s background

(5:18) How do you actually know you’re ready for marriage?

(11:48) How can we best navigate approaching engagement when we both have different timelines as to when we’ll be ready to get engaged?

(17:00) Once you get married, what do you do when one of you has a different idea when you want to have kids?

(24:33) What are the biggest red flags you’ve seen in couples that are about to get married?

(29:52) Is there such a thing as too much dependance on my partner?

(35:08) What’s something you’ve seen hit couples really hard in the first and second year of marriage?

(41:13) What is your favorite thing about being married?

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Links:

Prepare to Last https://www.preparetolast.com/

Forever Families https://foreverfamilies.com/

“15 Important Questions To Ask Before Marriage” blog https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/questions-to-ask-before-marriage/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

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Relevant Episodes:

Understanding the Honeymoon Phase and the Seven-Year Itch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAXg5K_cIEE&t=2883s

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When you apologize, what do you typically say or do? When someone apologizes to you, what do you want to hear them say or do? These questions were the basis for Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas’ book, “The 5 Apology Languages.” Last season’s episode with Dr. Gary Chapman was well loved by you all, so he’s back on today’s episode to unpack the five apology languages. Just like you are likely to receive love differently than your spouse, you also probably experience apologies differently. Part of the “problem” you’re experiencing during conflict may just be a misunderstanding on how to apologize to one another. Listen to today’s episode with Dr. Chapman to understand this concept. Apologies are essential to long-term healthy relationships, and we want to set you up for success.

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Time Stamps:

(1:23) How The 5 Love Languages influenced other work by Dr. Chapman

(3:21) What specifically inspired The 5 Apology Languages

(5:22) Why should you apologize?

(6:48) Expressing regret

(8:37) Accepting responsibility

(11:15) Making restitution

(12:42) Genuinely repenting

(15:45) Requesting forgiveness

(20:00) Can you have more than one apology language?

(21:20) Should you teach your children all five of the apology languages?

(22:50) Is it ever too late to learn your apology language?

(24:00) One key takeaway from this conversation

(28:50) Can you utilize the apology languages for all types of transgressions, small and big?

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Links:

The 5 Love Languages https://5lovelanguages.com/

“The 5 Apology Languages” https://5lovelanguages.com/store/the-5-apology-languages

The Apology Language Quiz https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/apology-language

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

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Relevant Episodes:

How To Love Your Spouse Well | Dr. Gary Chapman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI2Bnl_lBzc&t=132s

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Do you know that you and your spouse have a marriage story? Yes, you! You do. And it’s worth reflecting on and considering sharing. On today’s episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, we are trying something a bit different, so stick with us! From week to week, you’ll still hear from marriage experts you know and love, but this season, we will also be sharing four marriage stories. Marlee Arnold sits down with a WinShape Marriage Host Couple who is graciously willing to share their marriage story. In today’s episode, Mike and Lora Roby talk with Marlee about how the Lord has moved in their lives personally to draw them to himself and, by default, moved in their marriage, drawing them closer to one another. Their testimony is inspiring—you'll love this episode. Stay tuned for additional marriage stories this season.

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Links:

Marriage Discipleship https://marriage.winshape.org/discipleship/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Did you know you have between 16,000 and 64,000 thoughts a day?! What if you could begin to change your thoughts in a way that would positively change your marriage? Ted Lowe, Founder of For Us Marriage and author of multiple books including, “Us In Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage,” joins Rob Philo on today’s episode. Together, they unpack how changing your mindset has no choice but to change your attitude and actions. Before you ever have an attitude or perform an action, you have thoughts that affect them. This illuminating conversation highlights five intentional thoughts that if you begin implementing, you are bound to see a positive effect on your marital satisfaction.

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Time Stamps:

(1:30) Ted Lowe’s background

(3:02) Inspiration behind the book, “Us In Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage” 

(7:05) Intentional Thought #1: Remember who I am.

(10:45) “Fred in my head”

(14:00) Intentional Thought #2: See the best.

(18:53) For people who aren’t currently “seeing the best” in their spouse, what can they do?

(22:22) Intentional Thought #3: Choose empathy.

(33:48) Intentional Thought #4: Pause.

(37:05) Intentional Thought #5: Love first.

(47:02) One key takeaway from this conversation

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Links:

Ted Lowe https://forusmarriage.com/

“Us In Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage” https://www.amazon.com/Us-Mind-Changing-Thoughts-Marriage/dp/1635701961

“What You Think About Yourself Matters Big to Your Marriage” blog https://forusmarriage.com/what-you-think-about-yourself-matters-big-to-your-marriage/

The Bible App “Us In Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage” plan https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/35927-us-in-mind

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

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Author, speaker, and podcaster, Katie Bulmer, is known for “help(ing) twenty-somethings understand their worth.” Additionally, she has been married to her husband for over 20 years, and from time to time they serve as a WinShape Marriage Host Couple. Her day-to-day platform combined with her personal marriage experience collides in today’s episode. Katie and Marlee Arnold talk woman to woman about lies young women believe about marriage, what she wishes she could have told herself about marriage before getting married, and current practical rhythms her and her husband implement to stay connected.

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Time Stamps:

(1:04) Katie Bulmer’s background

(3:03) How comparison sneaks into marriage and how to fight it

(9:28) Encouragement for finding an older couple to mentor you in your marriage

(12:13) Social media is lying to younger couples

(19:35) What’s something Katie would tell herself 20 years ago before getting married

(22:51) Katie busts open a marriage myth she once believed

(27:55) How to have hard conversations with your spouse

(31:15) For singles—one quality to look for in a potential spouse

(33:30) For singles—one thing you can be doing to set yourself up for a successful marriage

(38:23) Practical rhythms to help you stay connected to your spouse throughout your marriage

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Links:

Katie Bulmer https://katiebulmer.life/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

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Talking with your family about holiday plans can be stressful, to say the least. We know! We recorded this podcast episode last year, but unfortunately, we released it too late. One of the main pieces of advice we heard from couples related to planning for the holidays was, "Talk about holiday schedules early." So, we are dropping this episode again with the hope that it opens the door for conversation with you and your spouse well ahead of the 2025 Christmas season. Check out this REPLAY episode, and then talk with your spouse about your plans with your respective families for the upcoming holidays.

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REPLAY: Merry Christmas from WinShape Marriage! As joyous as the holiday season can be, we know that trying to align you and your spouse’s calendars with the calendars of your in-laws and extended family can be challenging and even cause some tension. On today’s Christmas themed episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo interview several WinShape Marriage friends to get their perspectives. Every family has their own established rhythms and traditions which is why we asked multiple spouses the same three questions to hear their unique responses. Learn how these spouses currently navigate conversations around holiday schedules (and how they’ve navigated discussions in the past) with one another and with their in-laws and extended families as well as their best piece of advice for couples of all ages when it comes to this hot topic.

Spoiler—there are several similar themes that emerge like:

—Talking about holiday schedules early

—Being flexible as you enter different seasons of marriage

—Remembering your spouse is your first priority

It’s likely most of you have already locked in your plans for the 2024 Christmas season—we get it. So, consider listening to this episode through the lens of, “How can we approach this conversation differently in 2025, especially if it didn’t go well this year?” Whatever you’ve already experienced this holiday season and considering the days leading up to Christmas, from all of us here at WinShape Marriage, we wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas!

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Time Stamps:

(1:10) The Francis Family—Genee and Rashad Francis; Genee, Assistant Director of Content and Programming at WinShape Marriage

(11:52) The Agan Family—Bob and Suzanne Agan, WinShape Marriage Host Couple

(22:35) The Smalley Family—Dr. Greg (Erin) Smalley, Vice President of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family

(36:23) The Deagle Family—William and Jessica Deagle, WinShape Marriage Host Couple

(49:46) The Feldhahn Family—Shaunti (Jeff) Feldhahn, Social Researcher, Author, and Speaker

(58:26) The Arnold Family and The Philo Family—Cohosts Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo

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Links:

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

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Relevant Resources:

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

“10 Tips to Foster Positive Communication at Christmas” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/10-tips-to-foster-positive-communication-at-christmas/

“How To Tell Your Parents You Won’t Be Home for Christmas” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-tell-your-parents-you-wont-be-home-for-christmas/

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It’s hard to believe it’s mid-October already! Don’t let the last few months of this year pass by without intentionally planning time to connect with your spouse. In today’s episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, cohosts Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo talk through their top 20 fall and Christmas date ideas. Wait...Christmas?! Yes! We want you to start planning for all the fun this season has to offer now. Get out for a solo date night, or bring the whole family along. Will you pack a Christmas picnic, drive to see fall foliage, or go on a hot cocoa testing tour. We can’t wait to hear about your fall and Christmas date adventures! 

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Time Stamps:

(1:28) #1 – Pack a Christmas picnic

(2:48) #2 – Go apple picking

(3:36) #3 – Go to a holiday themed restaurant

(5:00) #4 – Have a DIY costume competition

(6:01) #5 – Attend a Christmas Eve service

(7:45) #6 – Go to a corn maze

(9:06) #7 – Drive to see fall foliage

(10:10) #8 – Make a pumpkin themed dinner

(11:20) #9 – Have a bonfire

(12:35) #10 – Go to a fall festival

(13:55) #11 – Go to a pumpkin patch, then carve pumpkins

(15:28) #12 – Go on a mini road trip

(17:03) #13 – Wrap Christmas presents

(18:33) #14 – Have a Christmas cookie Bake-Off

(19:07) #15 – Decorate for fall/Christmas

(20:15) #16 – Sing Christmas karaoke

(22:31) #17 – Go on a hot cocoa testing tour

(23:43) #18 – Go to a holiday show

(25:10) #19 – Go to a Christmas tree farm

(27:33) #20 – Volunteer

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Links:

"25 Festive Fall Date Ideas for Couples” blog https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/25-festive-fall-date-ideas-for-couples/

“40 Festive Christmas Date Ideas for Couples” blog https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/25-christmas-date-ideas-for-couples-and-families/

“280 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples” blog https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

“140 Good Would You Rather Questions for Kids and Adults” blog https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/free-printable-would-you-rather-questions/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

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What if the way you connect with God is totally different than how your spouse does? Is that OK? Rob Philo and Gary Thomas, author and speaker, explore the sacred pathways—nine ways to connect with God. They discuss the differences in each pathway and how every person has a unique wiring, contributing to how they experience and worship God. This affects many couples in their marriage—what if my spouse and I have a different sacred pathway? Does this mean we aren’t compatible? How can we honor our differences and still feel connected to one another and the Lord? This conversation is incredibly enlightening for individuals and couples. Learn more about the sacred pathways from the author of the book himself. 

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Time Stamps:

(1:10) Gary Thomas’ background

(1:56) What are the sacred pathways

(7:52) The Naturalist

(8:10) The Sensate

(8:52) The Traditionalist

(9:29) The Ascetic 

(10:20) The Activist 

(10:43) The Caregiver

(11:19) The Enthusiast

(12:10) The Intellectual

(13:34) What the sacred pathways look like in a marriage context

(17:10) The Contemplative

(19:03) Advice for the couple where one spouse feels their pathway is the “right” way

(24:18) How to be spiritually connected in your marriage

(28:41) Advice for the couple who feels disconnected from God

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Links:

Gary Thomas https://garythomas.com/

“Sacred Pathways: Nine Ways To Connect With God” https://garythomas.com/books/sacred-pathways/

“Nine Ways to Connect with God” blog https://garythomas.com/2020/09/02/nine-ways-to-connect-with-god/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

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Relevant Episodes:

Growing Your Relationship With God and Your Spouse in 2025 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcfI9tHeTh8&t=1401s  

What Does Spiritual Leadership Mean, Anyway? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7g0T2-8izo&t=57s

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Author and speaker, Bob Goff, kicks off season three of The WinShape Marriage Podcast! Bob Goff’s life is a master class in not taking yourself too seriously, and he shares with Marlee Arnold how he’s followed this in his marriage. There are so many nuggets of wisdom woven throughout the stories he tells about his marriage and family—one-liners like, “Oneness doesn’t mean sameness,” and “I’m not looking for efficiency in my marriage. I'm looking for presence.” If you love Bob Goff and you’re curious about his thoughts on marriage after being married to Sweet Maria for 39 years, tune into the very first episode of season three of The WinShape Marriage Podcast.

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Time Stamps:

(1:25) Bob Goff’s background and marriage to wife, Sweet Maria

(4:35) Oneness doesn’t mean sameness

(6:05) Marriage principles that have stood the test of time in the Goffs’ marriage

(18:40) Your marriage can be an example of the Gospel

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Links:

Bob Goff https://www.bobgoff.com/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

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Season 3 of The WinShape Marriage Podcast kicks off next Wednesday—don't miss it! We’ve got incredible guests lined up like returning favorites, Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Juli Slattery, and brand-new guests, authors, speakers and marriage experts—Ted Lowe and Gary Thomas. Stay tuned for new episodes dropping every Wednesday and catch up on seasons 1 and 2 while you wait.

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