Merry Christmas from WinShape Marriage! As joyous as the holiday season can be, we know that trying to align you and your spouse’s calendars with the calendars of your in-laws and extended family can be challenging and even cause some tension. On today’s Christmas themed episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo interview several WinShape Marriage friends to get their perspectives. Every family has their own established rhythms and traditions which is why we asked multiple spouses the same three questions to hear their unique responses. Learn how these spouses currently navigate conversations around holiday schedules (and how they’ve navigated discussions in the past) with one another and with their in-laws and extended families as well as their best piece of advice for couples of all ages when it comes to this hot topic.

Spoiler—there are several similar themes that emerge like:

—Talking about holiday schedules early

—Being flexible as you enter different seasons of marriage

—Remembering your spouse is your first priority

It’s likely most of you have already locked in your plans for the 2024 Christmas season—we get it. So, consider listening to this episode through the lens of, “How can we approach this conversation differently in 2025, especially if it didn’t go well this year?” Whatever you’ve already experienced this holiday season and considering the days leading up to Christmas, from all of us here at WinShape Marriage, we wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas!

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Time Stamps:

(1:10) The Francis Family—Genee and Rashad Francis; Genee, Assistant Director of Content and Programming at WinShape Marriage

(11:52) The Agan Family—Bob and Suzanne Agan, WinShape Marriage Host Couple

(22:35) The Smalley Family—Dr. Greg (Erin) Smalley, Vice President of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family

(36:23) The Deagle Family—William and Jessica Deagle, WinShape Marriage Host Couple

(49:46) The Feldhahn Family—Shaunti (Jeff) Feldhahn, Social Researcher, Author, and Speaker

(58:26) The Arnold Family and The Philo Family—Cohosts Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo

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Links:

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

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Relevant Resources:

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

“10 Tips to Foster Positive Communication at Christmas” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/10-tips-to-foster-positive-communication-at-christmas/

“How To Tell Your Parents You Won’t Be Home for Christmas” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-tell-your-parents-you-wont-be-home-for-christmas/

Sometimes, it’s what you don’t do in your marriage that makes the biggest difference. Scott Kedersha, the marriage and family pastor at Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco, Texas, joins Rob Philo on today’s episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast to unpack six common characteristics he’s noticed in couples who struggle in their marriage. Don’t fret—he provides practical, biblical advice for counteracting these traits. Learn how isolation impacts your marriage, boredom is dangerous, and humility shifts conflict. Whether you desire to break out of a rut or you want to strengthen your marriage foundation, this episode is packed with actionable insights.

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Time Stamps:

(7:00) Neither spouse is pursuing Jesus

(13:14) They don’t know how to communicate or manage conflict

(17:18) They tend to find themselves isolated and absent from strong community

(21:13) They’re bored and tired

(27:31) They blame their spouse

(31:13) They’re not committed, and they look for a way out

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Links:

Common Characteristics Of Couples Who Struggle https://www.scottkedersha.com/blog-pages/common-characteristics-of-couples-who-struggle

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/12/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep11-1.pdf

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Relevant Resources:

“Let’s Talk Marriage Communication Exercises” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/lets-talk-marriage-communication-exercises/

“Seven Ideas: How To Communicate Better With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/seven-ideas-how-to-communicate-better-with-your-spouse/

“Four Steps To Repairing Conflict With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/4-steps-to-repairing-conflict/

“Conflict Resolution Strategies” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conflict-resolution-strategies/

“100 Date Ideas for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/100-date-ideas-for-couples/

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Relevant Episodes:

How To Have Better Arguments With Your Spouse https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdfGBQ-yU7s&t=337s

Making Your Marriage Fun Again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjZQkSDz3UA

Happy Thanksgiving from WinShape Marriage! We know Thanksgiving is a day to reflect on gratitude, but gratitude extends far beyond one holiday in the calendar year. How can you and your spouse build a culture of gratitude in your marriage? Spoiler—saying, “Thank you,” is just the tip of the iceberg. Building a culture of appreciation affects your marriage positively in many ways. For example, it impacts your marriage when you’re experiencing a challenging season, and it rubs off on your kids and the culture of your family. Rob Philo sits down with Genee Francis, assistant director of content and programming at WinShape Marriage to unpack this timely topic!

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Time Stamps:

(2:06) What is the difference between saying, “Thank you,” and truly being grateful

(7:55) How can you tell yourself a better story about who you are/who your spouse is

(9:41) How can you practically be a better spouse when it comes to appreciation

(11:24) How can you set up a routine/system of showing gratitude

(15:32) The impact gratitude has when you and your spouse are experiencing a tough season

(19:30) What does it mean to model a culture of gratitude to your kids?

(21:53) Is it true that spouses receive appreciation in different ways?

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Links:

Creating and Sustaining a Culture of Appreciation in Difficult Times https://www.gottman.com/blog/creating-and-sustaining-a-culture-of-appreciation-in-difficult-times/

Share Fondness and Admiration https://www.gottman.com/blog/share-fondness-and-admiration/

Everyday Is a Day of Thanksgiving https://www.shazam.com/song/719632328/everyday-is-a-day-of-thanksgiving

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Thessalonians%205%3A16-18&version=ESV

Gratitude journal https://www.amazon.com/Intelligent-Change-Mindfulness-Reflection-Affirmations/dp/0991846206/

The 5 Love Languages https://5lovelanguages.com/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/11/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep10.pdf

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Relevant Episodes:

How To Love Your Spouse Well | Dr. Gary Chapman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI2Bnl_lBzc&t=131s

Did you know nearly half of adults are a part of a stepfamily relationship? We know blending families comes with its own set of unique challenges, so on today’s episode, Rob Philo talks with Ron Deal, a licensed marriage and family therapist and an expert in stepfamily education; he’s also one of the most widely read and viewed experts on this subject. In this conversation, Ron shares practical strategies for coparenting straight from his book, “The Smart Stepfamily.” If you are a co-parent, or you know someone who is, check out this episode packed with helpful advice and encouragement for fostering harmony in your blended family.

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Time Stamps:

(1:35) What inspired Ron Deal to get involved in stepfamily ministry

(4:35) When it comes to coparenting, respect the other parent and his or her household

(13:42) Schedule a regular meeting to discuss coparenting matters

(16:40) When children express confusion or anger towards your ex, don’t use it as an opportunity to berate the other parent

(19:47) Children should have everything they need in each home

(21:35) Make your custody structure work for your children even if you don’t like the details of your arrangement

(29:04) If you plan to hire a babysitter for more than four hours, give the other parent the option to watch the kid

(30:37) Resist the urge to only do special activities with all of the children around and not just some of the children

(33:29) Have financial conversations in private; your kids shouldn’t be your messenger

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Links:

Smart Stepfamilies https://smartstepfamilies.com/

“The Smart Stepfamily” https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Stepfamily-Seven-Healthy-Family-ebook/dp/B00GHXRSOK/

Romans 12:17-18 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%2012%3A17-18&version=ESV

“The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning” https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Stepfamily-Guide-Financial-Planning-ebook/dp/B07PZZ483X/

FamilyLife https://www.familylife.com/familylifeblended/blended-families/

Blended Families Moving Ahead WinShape Marriage Retreat https://marriage.winshape.org/retreat/blended-families-moving-ahead-october-2025/

Jeff and Tammy’s Story: Redemption for Their Marriage and Family https://marriage.winshape.org/story/jeff-tammys-story-redemption-for-their-marriage-and-family/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

Anxiety is a heavy word. Saying it out loud can invoke strong emotions, and dealing with it as an individual can be challenging enough. So how do you navigate through seasons of anxiety in your marriage? In this episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, Marlee Arnold sits down with Monique Wells, a licensed professional counselor with over 25 years of experience. They navigate this important conversation answering questions like, “How can I support my spouse if they’re dealing with anxiety?”; “What can we do if we’re both walking through an anxious season?”; and “How can we stay connected amidst it all?” Hear practical ways you can show up for your spouse and strategies to manage this season as a team.

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Time Stamps:

(1:50) What does anxiety look like and how do you pay attention to it

(4:47) If you’re noticing signs of generalized anxiety for yourself, how do you let your spouse into how you’re feeling

(8:45) How to support your spouse if they’re experiencing stress and anxiety 

(14:39) How to navigate a stressful or anxious season together, if you’re both experiencing it

(21:03) How to recognize if generalized anxiety is moving into more chronic anxiety

(26:53) How to approach anxiety from a biblical perspective 

(33:12) How important is it to maintain connection and intimacy during seasons of anxiety

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Links:

2 Corinthians 10:5-6 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Corinthians%2010%3A%205-6&version=ESV 

Philippians 4:8 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%204%3A8&version=ESV 

John 10:10 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2010%3A10&version=ESV 

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/11/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep8.pdf 

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Relevant Resources:

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

There is so much more to intimacy with your spouse than just physical intimacy. In fact, Dr. Juli Slattery says there’s a difference between being sexually active and sexually intimate. So, how do you tap into deeper intimacy in your marriage? Dr. Slattery is back on The WinShape Marriage Podcast talking about just this with Rob Philo and Marlee Arnold. They discuss practical ways you can engage with your spouse outside the bedroom that will impact intimacy in the bedroom and even ways you might be sabotaging intimacy without realizing it. 

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Time Stamps:

(1:12) How intimacy extends beyond the bedroom

(3:10) How does intimacy outside the bedroom impact intimacy in the bedroom

(4:56) What are some practical things you can do outside the bedroom that will impact intimacy in the bedroom

(8:14) How “talking” can fail to build intimacy at times

(11:28) How you might be sabotaging intimacy without realizing it

(21:06) How to work toward recovering intimacy after a breach of trust in marriage

(24:28) How to develop intimacy in your marriage when there are walls built up

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Links:

Authentic Intimacy https://www.authenticintimacy.com/

“God, Sex, and Your Marriage” https://shop.authenticintimacy.com/products/god-sex-and-your-marriage

Faithful & True https://www.faithfulandtrue.com/

Be Broken https://www.bebroken.org/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Intensives https://marriage.winshape.org/intensives/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep7.pdf

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Relevant Resources:

“90 Date Ideas for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/90-date-ideas-for-couples/

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

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Relevant Episodes:

God’s Design for Sex in Marriage | Dr. Juli Slattery https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY5u0EL6HzI&t=1797s

What does the “honeymoon phase” mean? What about the “seven-year itch?” Do all couples experience them? Is there scientific evidence behind them, or are these made-up phrases? Rob Philo breaks down these two phrases and more with Julie Baumgardner, senior director of WinShape Marriage, and Dr. David Banks, marriage author and speaker. Learn practical advice from two experts on how to navigate these seasons well with your spouse. And if you’ve surpassed the early years of marriage, don’t count this episode out—there are plenty of great reminders for having a healthy, thriving marriage for the long haul.

Note: This conversation is focused on building a healthy, thriving marriage. If you are experiencing abuse in your marriage, or someone you know is, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. If someone is monitoring your device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. Learn more about what defines an abusive relationship.

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Time Stamps:

(1:30) What does the “honeymoon phase” mean

(4:30) What is going on “chemically” in your body in the early years of marriage

(7:23) What to look out for when you’re approaching the two-year mark

(10:48) Strategies to maintain connection beyond the two-year mark

(15:35) Rhythms to set up to play again in your marriage

(22:50) Common myths newly married couples believe that aren’t true

(37:00) What does the “seven-year itch” mean

(41:56) Is the “seven-year itch” inevitable and what to look out for when you’re approaching the seven-year mark

(43:24) Advice for the couple experiencing the “seven-year itch”

(46:28) One piece of advice for any couple regardless how long they’ve been married

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Links:

Proverbs 23:7 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2023%3A7&version=KJV

Proverbs 27:12 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2027%3A12&version=ESV

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep6.pdf

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Relevant Resources:

“90 Date Ideas for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/90-date-ideas-for-couples/

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

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Relevant Episodes:

The Secret Ingredient To Staying Connected https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdK9Mm-Qo4o&t=930s

Making Your Marriage Fun Again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjZQkSDz3UA&t=2232s

Tragedies, losses, and uncertainties are all a part of life. Jesus promises tribulation to us. It’s not if but when. So, when tragedy strikes in your marriage, how do you cope? How do you navigate grieving with your spouse or how do you support your spouse when they’re experiencing grief? And where is God in the middle of grief? Marlee Arnold navigates this sensitive conversation with Laurie Lokey, a licensed professional counselor based out of Spring Hill, Tennessee.

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Time Stamps:

(2:40) Laurie’s background helping individuals and couples navigate grief

(7:55) How do you begin navigating a season of grief with your spouse

(11:00) How do you share with your spouse if you are experiencing grief differently than they are

(13:50) What is the next step to take when grieving if you realize you need more help

(18:35) How do you walk through a season of grief when you experience a miscarriage

(23:25) How and where do you see the character of God amidst grief

(29:54) How important is it to maintain connection and intimacy during seasons of grief

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Links:

John 16:33 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2016%3A33&version=ESV

Bill & Laurie Lokey https://billandlaurielokey.com/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep5.pdf 

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Relevant Resources:

"How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

It’s time to get up, get moving, and play with your spouse! What?! What does it mean to “play” as an adult? Isn’t that something kids do? Spoiler—play is not just for toddlers, elementary school kids, or even teenagers. Play is for adults, too, and it’s a healthy and vital part of your marriage relationship. Marlee Arnold is back with Julie Baumgardner, senior director of WinShape Marriage, and Bradley Joseph, a team leader of facilitation at WinShape Foundation, aka an expert on play. Together, they talk about what playing looks like in a marriage context, what the benefits are, and personal examples as well as detail different play personalities. It’s a great conversation where you are certain to learn something new.

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Time Stamps:

(1:17) Introduction to Bradley Joseph and his role at the WinShape Foundation

(2:20) What we mean when we say at WinShape Marriage Retreats we bring experiential learning into our experiences

(8:30) What does “playing” in marriage look like; what are some examples

(11:48) The definition of play

(12:05) What are some benefits for your marriage of playing with your spouse

(16:24) Breaking down “play personalities”—collector

(19:53) Competitor

(21:47) Creator

(22:34) Director

(23:49) Explorer

(26:30) Joker

(27:00) Kinesthete

(27:38) Storyteller

(29:24) How can you engage with your spouse in play if you have different play personalities

(33:15) How to have time to have fun and play with your spouse

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Links:

National Institute for Play https://nifplay.org/

Play Personalities https://nifplay.org/what-is-play/play-personalities/

Identify Your Play Nature https://nifplay.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/take-your-play-history-2023.08.02.pdf

The Importance of Play in Couple Relationships https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/the-importance-of-play-in-couple-relationships

90 Date Ideas for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/90-date-ideas-for-couples/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

60 Free Printable Would You Rather Questions https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/free-printable-would-you-rather-questions/

“The Body Keeps the Score” https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep4.pdf

What would you say to yourself as someone who’s newly married if you could go back in time? Or what would you tell your younger self as you were preparing your heart for marriage? Dr. Rob and Amy Rienow, co-founders of Visionary Family Ministries and authors of multiple books including, “Visionary Marriage,” have been married for 30 years. Rob Philo asks them to share “what they wish they knew earlier in marriage,” how they’ve grown as a couple, and how they’re continuing to grow in their marriage, even after 30 years. You’ll be encouraged in this episode that no matter how long you’ve been married it’s impossible to have it “all figured out”—that's the beauty of marriage!

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Time Stamps:

(:48) The Rienows’ background in the marriage and family space

(2:35) I wish we set better work/life boundaries

(5:38) Physical boundaries vs. emotional boundaries

(10:32) I wish we set better rhythms of communication with extended family

(15:37) I wish we trusted the Lord’s timing with having children

(20:35) I wish we under promised and over delivered more

(23:32) I wish we were more intentional about date nights

(32:29) I wish we prayed together every day

(36:29) I wish we were more diligent when managing finances

(40:59) I wish we had more people speaking wisdom into our lives

(42:37) I wish we focused more on the positive

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Links:

Visionary Family Ministries https://visionaryfam.com/

“Visionary Marriage” https://visionaryfam.com/shop/visionary-marriage/

EveryDolllar https://www.ramseysolutions.com/ramseyplus/everydollar?snid=free-tools.budgeting.everydollar-budget-app

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2E3.pdf