Answers For Elders Radio Network

If are you able to take this on, what is all involved in taking care of a loved one as a family caregiver. Are you in denial over the next chapter of caring for someone you love? Or are you ready? Daphne Davis from Pinnacle Senior Placements joins Suzanne on the Answers for Elders Podcast for the last of their six-part series being prepared for difficult conversations and what comes after.

Daphne says, "I recently met with a family where dad is about 85 years old and mom had passed away a couple of years ago. He's living in his own home and two weeks ago, got a diagnosis of very advanced cancer in his lungs that's metastasized to his stomach. And he has two daughters, one lives about 5 minutes away and the other is about 45 minutes away. And this family had cold water splashed in their face and they were beyond knowing what to do. So I got the phone call, and went over there immediately to help of navigate their next steps, because they had no one to be able to help dad. And Dad wants to die in his own home, and certainly has that right. And we can make that happen.

"But it's going through the whole process of what that meant to his two daughters. And one of the daughters was on the phone because she lives 45 minutes away, and the other daughter was sitting in the living room with us. And you could see the stress. The daughters get along just fine. They're sisters. But there was a significant difference in their perceptions and perspectives and sense of responsibility from being 5 minutes away or 45 minutes away. And so as you're thinking about becoming caregivers as family members for someone, really try hard to be outside of yourself and see the big picture."

When Suzanne was caring for her mom, she says, "Nobody sat me down and said, Mom's not going to get better. What we're doing is not to make her better. It's to make her comfortable. If they just would have said that to me, I would have had a completely different perspective. But health care professionals, they don't do a good job oftentimes of educating the family of where are we at in the process."

Daphne explains, "Health care professionals are on automatic pilot. This is what they do day in, day out. And it's not necessarily that they don't want to. It's just an oversight sometimes. Or it's a time issue, having 15 minutes with you in and out. So as a family caregiver, you might have to be thinking about the companionship and the socialization, boredom. You become the person that sits down and listens to dad's stories, or reads a book to him, or watches the old Westerns with him and seriously are engaged in it. And it's not your time to be taking care of your own bills because Dad does need socialization. He's lonely."

Reach Pinnacle at 1-855-734-1500 or visit PinnacleSeniorPlacements.com.

To final a referral agent in your area, visit the National Placement & Referral Alliance website search.

Learn more:

* Pinnacle Senior Placements at Answers for Elders.

* About Daphne Davis

* Hear more podcasts with Daphne Davis

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Mentioned in this episode:

Legacy Estate Planning

Legacy Estate Planning

Chateau Retirement

Chateau Retirement

How do you pay for care? And care is expensive. You will be in stick shock to learn how much senior living costs. You may also be surprised at the reality of a senior loved one's actual level of functioning. Are you in denial over the next chapter of caring for someone you love? Or are you ready? Daphne Davis from Pinnacle Senior Placements joins Suzanne on the Answers for Elders Podcast for part 5 of their six-part series being prepared for difficult conversations and what comes after.

Daphne says, "There's an element of planning that I hope our listeners will hear and know that you can't wait until you're 70, 75 years old to think about this. It really is a sweet spot, about 55 to 60, to be thinking about this in terms of considering even long term care insurance, in terms of maximizing your buying power with your estate. But having resources and hearing the shock of the cost of care is where I see shoulders drop, where I see families lose hope, The twinkle goes out of their eye and they're like, We can't afford that."

Daphne goes over some finances options, including the basics of what to consider for reverse mortgages, Aid in Attendance, Medicaid, and life settlement.

She also talks about the level of care your loved one might really need. "Your intentions are spot on. Your heart is in the right place, but you don't see, sometimes, your loved one with the eyes of reality. I'm not taking anything away from all of your family caregivers out there. But you see them differently than professional eyes. Rational eyes are here to help your mom have the highest quality of life as possible. Still keep her independence, but not stress her out because she doesn't always get her arm in the sleeve, or it's hard for her to pick out something in the closet to wear, because there might be some condition issues. Set someone up for success."

As an example, Daphne says, "Mom is in a community now and we're really understanding that if there's any kind of cognition challenges, Mom does need help getting to the dining room. Turning left or right, or getting on the elevator and what floor am I on, is too much. It’s not quality of life to stress somebody out with figuring out what button am I supposed to push? And you might be there on one day and mom pushes the button just fine. But at 8:00 in the morning for breakfast, she wasn't synapsing as well. Or mom or dad – and this is universal – can pull it together for the people that they want to please or not be a burden to. And really, as a family member, you need to listen to the people who are caring for your mom day in and day out who are the professionals. You have to have an element of trust there."

Reach Pinnacle at 1-855-734-1500 or visit PinnacleSeniorPlacements.com.

To final a referral agent in your area, visit the National Placement & Referral Alliance website search.

Learn more:

* Pinnacle Senior Placements at Answers for Elders.

* About Daphne Davis

* Hear more podcasts with Daphne Davis

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Mentioned in this episode:

Legacy Estate Planning

Legacy Estate Planning

Chateau Retirement

Chateau Retirement

Some legal paperwork is exceedingly difficult to work around if it's not filed. Are you in denial over the next chapter of caring for someone you love? Or are you ready? Daphne Davis from Pinnacle Senior Placements joins Suzanne on the Answers for Elders Podcast for part 4 of their six-part series being prepared for difficult conversations and what comes after.

Daphne says, "I am not an attorney and I'm not giving any attorney advice here today. But I will give you real life perspectives to consider, and that is do not avoid getting the paperwork done. The biggest one is power of attorney. It lets you speak on behalf of the person while they're still alive. And there's different paperwork for after they've passed away. But power of attorney is while someone is alive, and anything can happen at any time. I don't care if you are 30 years old and have three kids and you don't have power of attorney paperwork, you should worry about that. You should have a power of attorney paperwork.

"If you're 80 years old and you haven't talked about this yet, and you don't have a power of attorney, you should really – I'm going to use the word – worry about this. This needs to be taken care of. It creates so much chaos, so many hiccups to get over, hurdles to get over, makes protocols and systems work so much slower, if you don't have a power of attorney in place. I hope you heard me really loud and clear. It's really important. It's a very important document."

Reach Pinnacle at 1-855-734-1500 or visit PinnacleSeniorPlacements.com.

To final a referral agent in your area, visit the National Placement & Referral Alliance website search.

Learn more:

* Pinnacle Senior Placements at Answers for Elders.

* About Daphne Davis

* Hear more podcasts with Daphne Davis

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Mentioned in this episode:

Legacy Estate Planning

Legacy Estate Planning

Chateau Retirement

Chateau Retirement

Learn what you need to know about how the best referral agents help focus senior living choices. Are you in denial over the next chapter of caring for someone you love? Or are you ready? Daphne Davis from Pinnacle Senior Placements joins Suzanne on the Answers for Elders Podcast for part 3 of their six-part series being prepared for difficult conversations and what comes after.

Daphne says, "I'm transparent. I'm going to choose places that meet your highest values. I'm going to tell the communities this is the highest value. This is why we're here. When the agent is with you, and you're doing your tours, I think that the agent should be very involved in the questions, to be sure to ask. The agent is going to know the pluses and minuses of the community. And if the agent doesn't have a relationship with the community of care in such a way that they can be honest and upfront that says, here's an area that you're going to have to compromise on, I don't think that's a transparent agent.

"You’re making a big decision. Agents should help you walk through the pluses and minuses and you should be able to walk away after seeing the third community walk away and be able to say, I want this from A and this from B in this from C, because then the agent did their job. They didn't stack the deck. They made your job hard. And all three of those communities are viable options. Now you, the family, get to fine tune it."

Reach Pinnacle at 1-855-734-1500 or visit PinnacleSeniorPlacements.com.

To final a referral agent in your area, visit the National Placement & Referral Alliance website search.

Learn more:

* Pinnacle Senior Placements at Answers for Elders.

* About Daphne Davis

* Hear more podcasts with Daphne Davis

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Mentioned in this episode:

Chateau Retirement

Chateau Retirement

Legacy Estate Planning

Legacy Estate Planning

Referral or placement agents are an information post. Are you in denial over the next chapter of caring for someone you love? Or are you ready? Daphne Davis from Pinnacle Senior Placements joins Suzanne on the Answers for Elders Podcast for part 2 of their six-part series being prepared for difficult conversations and what comes after.

First, Daphne explains what a referral agent does: "We call ourselves an information post. We are never decision makers. In the whole United States, there's a whole plethora of people just like me who help you gather the information that's pertinent to your state... We we are like a conduit between you, the consumer, and the people who provide housing and care and where the people who know what's going on in this housing and care industry. We find out about you, the unique consumer of what are your highest values, what works for you in this housing and care community, how some of the logistical pieces that work.

"An agent who has your best interest at heart will meet with you. There are some situations that because we're so mobile that we hold Zoom meetings because some of the siblings or the decision makers might be out of state, but usually we try very hard to meet one-on-one. In choosing to work with a placement or referral agent, there's no expense to you. The expense is to the community of care, right? Because we work off of their marketing budget. We are an extension of their community. That doesn't mean we have exclusivity to recommend to 5 to 10 places. A good agent should be working with all communities of care in the state. And based on your highest values, be able to have all of those communities of care as an option for you. At the same time, we function as kind of a clearing house or a person who's doing your vetting. I personally feel after 25 years of doing this job, that there's no way for any consumer to know the real nuts and bolts of a community of care. It's impossible for me to know everything about every community, because there's so many new ones."

As to the best reasons why you should bring in a referral agent, Daphne says, "You need to have the hard conversations. You are the family, but to actually facilitate them and to know how to walk through this is very difficult for family member to family member. And the number one reason is because you have a primary relationship, and that primary relationship usurps everything else. In most situations, mom and dad still stay mom and dad and you're still the child. That's what it comes down to. 'You're not going to tell me what to do. You're not in my head. You’re not here every day. You bounce in four times a year to see us, and you think you know what's going on with us?' Why would you even consider having somebody like me come into this equation? First of all, it doesn't cost you anything. But the primary reason is, you keep your primary relationship. Let the agent be the one who has these hard conversations. We’re the professional, we are the expert. You are not. You might be a nurse, you might be an occupational therapist, you might be a police person, you might have been an EMT, but you are not the expert [in this area]."

Reach Pinnacle at 1-855-734-1500 or visit PinnacleSeniorPlacements.com.

To final a referral agent in your area, visit the National Placement & Referral Alliance website search.

Learn more:

* Pinnacle Senior Placements at Answers for Elders.

* About Daphne Davis

* Hear more podcasts with Daphne Davis

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Mentioned in this episode:

Chateau Retirement

Chateau Retirement

Legacy Estate Planning

Legacy Estate Planning

Are you in denial over the next chapter of caring for someone you love? Or are you ready? One of the things we hear a lot is, mom and dad are just fine. They're getting older, but they still do this or that. But the fact is, oftentimes, families are in denial and maybe they're not fine. Daphne Davis from Pinnacle Senior Placements joins Suzanne on the Answers for Elders Podcast for a six-part series on whether you're in denial, and about having difficult conversations.

Daphne says, "I'm going to say in 2025, currently I'm seeing a lot of skepticism, a lot of fear, a lot of lack of trust, a lot of what ifs, and that it's becoming okay to to maintain the status quo. Even though there may be people quietly suffering, overtly suffering, things can start sneaking up on you... I have never seen so much inaction. That causes a ripple effect of suffering. And so what I mean by that is, it's easier to go along with what whatever mom or dad says, whatever the aunt or uncle says, whatever your wife or husband says, it's just easier to go with. They said they were fine, So they're fine. Rather than doing any investigation or listening to your gut or stepping outside of yourself, knowing this is going to take time, energy is going to interrupt your pattern of life. But in the in the long run, you will have this relationship that hopefully to their last breath will be meaningful and beautiful."

Regarding how to start tough conversations, Daphne says, "This is how I do it personally and professionally. And that's to name the thing that you're most afraid of. Just name it. It will lose power. Dad, I know this is going to be a hard conversation. I want you to hear my heart, not just my words. I know this is not a conversation that that we're wanting to have, but trust me that it's one that's going to be good. Name what you're afraid of. Yeah, I know you want to keep doing your laundry, but going up and down the stairs to get to the basement, to the washer is making me so afraid of the consequences if you have an accident. And here comes the end. The defensiveness. 'I'm fine. I haven't. I haven't fallen down the stairs yet. I'm not going to.' I know you're not planning to, but, Mom, you're in your eighth decade of life and your body is not the same. It's not going to bounce back like when you were 40. Mm. All those things they rest in logic. They do rest in the what ifs, and a lot of people don't want to live in the what ifs."

Reach Pinnacle at 1-855-734-1500 or visit PinnacleSeniorPlacements.com.

To final a referral agent in your area, visit the National Placement & Referral Alliance website search.

Learn more:

* Pinnacle Senior Placements at Answers for Elders.

* About Daphne Davis

* Hear more podcasts with Daphne Davis

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Mentioned in this episode:

Chateau Retirement

Chateau Retirement

Legacy Estate Planning

Legacy Estate Planning

"We're not talking about major life changes, just ways of being a little more mindful of what we do for our health." Wellness and fitness coach Kelly Fennelly joins Suzanne on the Answers for Elders Radio Show to talk about taking care of our health as we age.

For some issues, particularly when recovering from falls, talk to your doctor. There are services out there, that is home health, that Medicare actually pays for. You can have physical therapists come into your home, or an occupational therapist, and for a limited period of time, get on a program to regain strength.

Kelly does in-person and Zoom coaching for those looking for sustainable health goals, with personalized coaching for individual body and lifestyle goals. She is an ACE Senior Fitness Specialist and ACE Health Coach. Check out her website.

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Mentioned in this episode:

Chateau Retirement

Chateau Retirement

Legacy Estate Planning

Legacy Estate Planning

Wellness and fitness coach Kelly Fennelly joins Suzanne on the Answers for Elders Radio Show to share her best ways to improve our health as we age.

1) Movement. Move daily. Water exercise is great if you have arthritis,

2) Protein. Have eggs in the morning, add white beans to a shake, or have a yogurt shake.

3) Balance. Kelly suggests some simple ways to improve balance.

Kelly does in-person and Zoom coaching for those looking for sustainable health goals, with personalized coaching for individual body and lifestyle goals. She is an ACE Senior Fitness Specialist and ACE Health Coach. Check out her website.

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Mentioned in this episode:

Chateau Retirement

Chateau Retirement

Legacy Estate Planning

Legacy Estate Planning

Healthy living as we age means moving. Fitness and wellness coach Kelly Fennelly joins Suzanne on the Answers for Elders Radio Show to talk about how to keep moving. Suzanne shared this quote from Dick Van Dyke quote: “At 30, I used to exercise to look good. At the age of 50, I would exercise to be fit. At 70, not to be padded to a bed. And at 80, to be able to live without assistance. And now at 99, I do it purely out of defiance."

Kelly talks about balance, exercise, movement, diet, and being healthier as we age. Kelly says, "I have one client, I'm trying to get him to walk [more]. He's 84. He does a little bit of walking on the golf course, but there's a cart. So what I did was leaned into walking the dog so many times the during the day and during the week... And when his wife takes the dog out, then he will do certain a certain amount of time just walking through the house. So we got it. So it doesn't have to be on a treadmill outside necessarily. It. It just has to be moving."

Kelly does in-person and Zoom coaching for those looking for sustainable health goals, with personalized coaching for individual body and lifestyle goals. She is an ACE Senior Fitness Specialist and ACE Health Coach. Check out her website.

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Mentioned in this episode:

Legacy Estate Planning

Legacy Estate Planning

Chateau Retirement

Chateau Retirement

Fitness and wellness coach Kelly Fennelly joins Suzanne on the Answers for Elders Radio Show to talk about changes that happen to our bodies as we age, and what to do about it to keep ourselves healthy. What do you eat? How do you move? What kind of exercises do you do?

The discussion turns to eating more protein. Suzanne had read that a 150-pound woman over the age of 65 should divide their weight by three to compute that she needs to eat 50 grams of protein per day. Keely says, "Some of the the research that I've seen, it's even greater than that. They're saying, possibly, 30 grams per meal. So then that would be 90 per day. It is a little struggle for some, because if they're not doing breakfast, or or however your meal schedule is, it can be challenging."

Kelly provides some recommendations for various ways to incorporate that much protein into our daily meals.

Kelly does in-person and Zoom coaching for those looking for sustainable health goals, with personalized coaching for individual body and lifestyle goals. She is an ACE Senior Fitness Specialist and ACE Health Coach. Check out her website.

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Mentioned in this episode:

Chateau Retirement

Chateau Retirement

Legacy Estate Planning

Legacy Estate Planning