Answers For Elders Radio Network

Rebecca Bomann, CEO of SASH Services (Sell a Senior's Home), joins Suzanne to expose two myths: 1) You can only sell your home successfully at certain times of the year, and 2) All real estate brokers are the same.

Rebecca says, "One thing we can count on in the market is, it never stops changing week to week, month to month, higher interest rates, lower, more buyers, fewer buyers, longer days on market, hot market, cold market. What I always tell clients is, don't worry about the market. If your home is presented the right way, and it's priced right, it will sell any month of the year. People have the myth that you can only sell in the spring, or only in summer. But actually, you can have a really successful sale in November, December, or January, because there's fewer buyers, and the buyers that are out there, they're very serious. They're not tire kickers. I tell folks, if you find that perfect apartment, that perfect condo, that 55-plus community with the sun coming in the living room in the morning, focus on giving yourself the next best place to live. A home sale with a qualified real estate broker will take care of itself any time of the year.

"Not all real estate brokers or licensees are the same. When you get ready to sell your home, there's going to be 15 opinions coming at you from every which way. 'Oh, use my nephew. He just got his license. Use Linda down the street because she helped you when you had that yard sale, and use the people because they go to the same church as you.' This is the only sale of your family home that you get. There are no do-overs if it doesn't go well. You deserve very good representation. And I say, interview multiple brokers, find out what have they done. Have them show you their sales in the last year. Are they experienced? What's their communication style? Take your time choosing someone that you really connect with. It's such an important relationship. Hundreds of thousands of dollars are at stake in this decision. Don't choose someone just because you feel pressured."

• Hear more podcasts with Rebecca Bomann on Answers for Elders.
• SASH Services overview at AFE
• Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

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Daphne Davis of Pinnacle Senior Placements joins Suzanne to offer tips for dealing with complex family dynamics of helping a struggling senior loved one. Be the son and daughter, don't try to parent your parent.

Daphne says, "My first golden tip would be: if anyone has an opinion, or wants to be a part of a process, or will have a thought about what should happen with mom and dad, they need to be involved in gathering the information from the very beginning. Everyone needs to hear the conversations, everyone needs to get the printed matter. Even if they say 'I trust you, you take care of it,' because inevitably we're curious people, we're gonna ask a question and the person who's at the front line is gonna go, 'I've done all this work already. I've narrowed it to these things. You said you trusted me.'

"Those conversations need to be collective. I encourage people to have a third party. If you have a situation where someone lives out of town — or the relationships between child and parent are strained, or very different, or there's 19 years between the oldest and the youngest siblings, there's gonna be different perspectives — have these conversations together. 

"The other thing that I would really suggest is having it agreed upon by all people involved that we are going to stick to the following highest values, which means you go through a process of discovering what are the highest values from your perspective with a child. What is an example of that? Mom could never give up her gardening. She's got to have some kind of place to be gardening. That's a high value. If they're going to assisted living or independent living, she's got to have a garden. Dad has to have a TV room, dad has to have his own space, he has a collection that he has to keep. There might be something from a religious point of view. They might need to be close to their church or their synagogue. There might be a difference in perspective concerning finances. Mom and dad have money, let's just assume they have some money that they can privately pay for their own care, and they've worked hard for that. And one perspective is they should spend their money on themselves. But mom or dad says no, no, no, we gotta leave something for our kids."

• Pinnacle Senior Placements website
  
• More podcasts with Daphne Davis
• Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks

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A senior loved one has had a hospital stay, and now they want to go home. Or their insurance is running out and they need to return home to recuperate. What are their options at home for care? While at the hospital, talk to a social worker about in-home care, which can supplement help from a spouse and other family members. Daphne Davis of Pinnacle Senior Placements talks about considering the various services available to families that Medicaid can pay for.

Daphne says, "It happens all the time.Because mom or dad was at home already, and husband and wife were making this work, the natural place to go is back home. And that's not a bad thing to do, if you have the services available to help you. I encourage people to talk to a social worker if they're coming out of a rehab situation, or at the hospital, to talk to the social worker and ask them about in-home care. That is something that can supplement the family supporting mom or dad. And it can be a little bit expensive, and nationwide I'd say probably an average is about $40 to $45 an hour. There's usually a four-hour minimum. So there's some restraints on that.

"But it's a time that you can leave the rehab and have a cushion, of somebody to help mom or dad in the morning, let's say to start their day. Or it might be more to end their day, or it might be to make sure there's three meals prepared, or something like that, but it's a good way to transition back home, if in fact it can be successful at home. 

"The other thing is, I caution families to put too much stress on themselves. You've got your siblings. 'Mom and dad have taken care of us all of our lives. We can take care of them now.' And that is good for the short term, but not the long term. And I'll tell you why: your relationships will suffer. And your primary relationship, as son or daughter to your mom or dad, will change. And the stress level increases — that's transferred to your mom and dad. Now the healing process is going to slow down. They're stressed because they feel like they're bothering you, because you're in the sandwich generation, and you're running kids to soccer game and taking care of mom."

• Pinnacle Senior Placements website
  
• More podcasts with Daphne Davis
• Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When do you start discussing having more care for mom and dad? Oftentimes, people wait too long. In this segment, Daphne Davis of Pinnacle Senior Placements offers the broad picture health analogy of a three-legged stool: hydration, medication, and nutrition, which balance fine so long as all three are done well. Daphne gives us some warning signs that it may be time to have that dreaded conversation with a senior loved one that they could benefit from some assistance at home.

Daphne says, "Are you finding a medication on the floor that's underneath the dining room table, because it just slipped out of their hand when they walked from the kitchen to the dining room? Think of that big broad picture. Let's say mom and dad are living in the home, and you help with supplementing some grocery shopping, and you're seeing the same foods around, or even the box of saltine crackers that they asked for isn't opened yet. Or you bring over a meal or two a week, and there's very little taken out of it. You'll say, mom, you haven't eaten, it's your favorite dish, and she'll, she'll say, 'well, I just wasn't hungry.' That's a sign. Everyone needs calories to make their body work. If it's not fueled, it won't work. Your body is a machine and it needs high-octane fuel. You can still have your ice cream, but you gotta get some protein.

"Let's say that they've lived in the same house for 60 years, and the furniture has been exactly the same way for 60 years. All of a sudden you're seeing them touching the back of the furniture as they walk, or they're touching the wall, or they're using their next hand, that they're taking a step with, to reach for the chair that's in front of them. Furniture walking. It's not a terrible thing to do because your loved one has figured out, how do I keep myself safe? But there's something behind that ,in terms of maybe a balance issue, maybe lightheadedness, weakness in their muscles, something's going on. That's a sign."

• Pinnacle Senior Placements website
  
• More podcasts with Daphne Davis
• Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Daphne Davis joins Suzanne to talk about crossroads and transitions. One of the most difficult parts of aging with families is being unprepared for life's changes. When adult children realize that mom or dad may need some help, broaching the topic can be challenging. A longtime contributor to Answers for Elders, Daphne Davis is President of Pinnacle Senior Placements.

Daphne says, "Post pandemic, what I'm seeing is that families are really trying hard to have their loved ones stay at home for as long as they possibly can. And I think that comes from a number of places. No one wants to leave their home. There's no place better than home, and we're going to figure out how to make that work. But I think there's another piece that's happened, and that's in terms of having trust, and knowing who can you trust to help you navigate this whole world of care outside of your home. When we were back in that pandemic time, we got to see what it's like to rely on a caregiver who's taking care of 15 to 25 people. And so we got scared, and we said, oh my gosh, I can do this. I know I can do it. 

"We're waiting way too long to give support to our elders. I'm just gonna say it. It's hard to hear. Having a bandaid to the professional care of what your family may need is not helpful on many levels. One, the quality of life for your parent and their ability to have a quality life every month of their life, it should never decline. There are ways to keep it happy, even though it's going to change.

"Families are really at odds with each other. I've been doing this for 25 years and I have never had such dissension within families and not be able to help them get on the same page. Each state has different offerings. And so it's really important for you, the families, to be able to connect to somebody who can help you navigate within your own state system. That's very important because what we can do in Washington doesn't happen in New York."

• Pinnacle Senior Placements website
  
• More podcasts with Daphne Davis
• Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This segment focuses on how various legal documents work together as part of your estate planning to make sure you're taken care of if anything happens that makes you incapacitated. Andrea Lee from Legacy Estate Planning joins Suzanne to talk about the pieces of a person's legal puzzle.

Andrea says, "Estate planning is very much like a puzzle. And within that puzzle, there are so many different pieces that come together to create a picture, like a beautiful picture of that puzzle. And the problem is, frequently people might miss a piece or two of that puzzle. They think they've got the whole puzzle in place because they don't have a good understanding of what a comprehensive estate plan looks like. But the reality is, all those pieces come together, and they each serve a different purpose. For example, some of my clients and most individuals need a slew of documents. You need a financial power of attorney that says, if you're incapacitated and not able to manage your own finances, who can manage your finances for you. They might also need a health care power of attorney that says who can make those medical decisions, housing decisions on your behalf, a HIPPA release that allows medical institutions to share information with agents, a living will that gives end of life direction, a disposition of remains that says what do you want done with your body when you're gone. And then maybe a will or a trust, that you dispose of your assets when you're gone. So those are some of the pieces of that puzzle. And the reality is, depending on how they're prepared determines how effectively and efficiently those documents could work."

Mention you heard the show on Answers for Elders to get a free consultation.

• Legal Documents You Need podcast episode mentioned in the show
• Andrea Lee
• Incapacity planning overview at Legacy Estate Planning
• Incapacity planning articles at Legacy Estate Planning
• More podcasts with Andrea Lee
• More podcasts about Power of Attorney
• Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Andrea Lee from Legacy Estate Planning joins Suzanne to talk about issues individuals and families face in regards to incapacity. Incapacity planning is a broad area of law that covers how you are cared for if you become physically or mentally unable to care for yourself. The type of care could range from simple tasks like buying groceries, paying bills, and handling financial matters to more important decisions such as selling real estate, gifting assets to your children, or making critical medical decisions. Incapacity planning could include a number of techniques such as Property Powers of Attorney, Health Care Powers of Attorney, Living Wills or Advance Health Care Directives or Guardianships/Conservatorships. It is also important to have appropriate HIPAA authorization forms in place.

Andrea says, "I've been practicing elder law and estate planning for 19 years now. And it is not unusual for me to have someone walk into my office. They're 86 years old. They don't see well, they don't hear well, they're using a walker. They're afraid of using the stove and maybe their kids have said something to them along the lines of, well, maybe it's time to get help. And they're like, oh, I don't need it yet, because they don't see themselves the way that other people see them. I mean, in my heart, I still feel like I'm 25. I'm not, I have a child in their twenties, but that's how I feel. And that's how even 85-year-olds feel. They still see themselves frequently as much younger and more capable. So it's so much harder for people oftentimes to get the help they need, because they can't accurately see themselves."

When is the best time to plan? Andrea advises, "The best time to plan or anticipate incapacity is long before anyone even gets close to that. My own mom has dementia, and for the very first five years, she was pretty competent and she would never acknowledge she was the one that had a problem. She could never acknowledge that. Hopefully you start when you're in your forties, and then you revisit when you're 50. But the very first thing we need to make sure someone has are those power of attorney documents. And that's because without those basic power of attorney documents, as an attorney it's extremely difficult for us to assist a family who's dealing with navigating the challenges someone might face as they age.

"The number one goal obviously is to have those legal documents in place. Because once we have them in place, we can almost always overcome some of the other challenges. Maybe not knowing where things might be kept, not having a copy of the deed, not accessing accounts, we can almost always overcome them. It's hard, but we can do it, as long as those legal documents are in place. 

"Now, for our clients, when they retain us to prepare a comprehensive estate plan, we give them an organizational binder. And in that binder we give them a list of documents that their agents might want in the future, and we give them places to store information. So that if you become incapacitated, if something happens to an individual and their children are able to find that binder, they've made it easier for those children. So it's all there together in a nice binder and the kids don't need to spend hours searching through the house to try to find their social security card or something along those lines."

Mention you heard the show on Answers for Elders to get a free consultation.

• Andrea Lee
• Incapacity planning overview at Legacy Estate Planning
• Incapacity planning articles at Legacy Estate Planning
• More podcasts with Andrea Lee
• More podcasts about Power of Attorney
• Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Skyline resident Kendall Clark Baker continues his conversation with Suzanne about living in Skyline's life care senior living community. In this segment, he talks about what happens on an average day, the variety of restaurants in the community, friendships, a chapel, programs, and support groups.

On an average day, Kendall says, "Well, I wake up early and I have coffee that I prepare in my kitchen, and my own private, quiet time with my cat, just preparing myself for the day and being grateful and expressing that gratitude. And by the time I'm ready to move out, it's eight o'clock in the morning. I go downstairs to the fourth floor to the fitness room and join 12 to 15 other people in Wake and Stretch, and it's a 30 minute class. And this was something that Sonia and I did together from the very beginning. We have an outstanding fitness program. On Friday, it's actually a full hour of yoga. 

"And sometimes, like this morning, I had breakfast in the bistro. The bistro has breakfast six days a week. This morning I just sat by myself, but there was another table next to me with eight people. Sometimes I will have breakfast like that informally with a group of people in which the group is just constituted at the last second in the morning. Sometimes there's a program that I go to, but usually I just have my own variety of business, and reading, and activities. I like to write, and have my own personal business affairs that I take care of.

"And I might go down for lunch at noon, or I might prepare my own lunch. Sometimes I go swimming in the swimming pool, which is a beautiful swimming pool with a hot tub. Sometimes I'll go over to the gym. There are programs, like we have Sky Opera. I'm just kind of going through, because every day is is different. But on Tuesdays, I have dinner with a group of friends, and what we share in common is that we all had or have family members in memory care. I really no longer qualify for the group because Sonia died, but everybody appreciates that. They keep bringing me back."

* Skyline's website
* Skyline at Answers for Elders
* Hear more podcasts about Skyline
* Hear more podcasts about senior living

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

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Kendall Clark Baker continues his conversation with Suzanne about living in Skyline's life care senior living community. In this segment, Kendall talks about what he feels are the primary benefits of living here, its diversity, and its location. He also discusses his wife's developing illness, her move to assisted living, and the strong community support they received.

Kendall says, "The primary benefit really are the relationships with new friends. I really think that's the core, that one is part of a genuine community and mostly for us, for everybody, of new friends, friends become a lifeline that we share life with. I think sometimes people travel, sometimes people go to the arts, performing arts events with, but who are there for us when life situations come along, and challenging and are supportive. It's a supportive community.

"I'm looking right now our the window at the Catholic Cathedral, and for those who are Catholics in the community, that's a real plus. We have three medical centers within blocks of each other, each direction which means that the response time is very short. It's just filled with clinics and physicians and medical services that are easy walking distance. The beautiful public library is just four blocks away. Benaroya Hall, where the symphony and chamber music program is held, that's within walking distance. Seattle Art Museum, a theater which is a convention center. These are all within walking distance and then going up to the Seattle Center, I usually personally take the bus or sometimes walk downtown and get on the monorail and take that up to the center. So public transportation is another really strong asset for us."

Kendall talked about his wife's changes. "Sonia was a real mover and shaker. She had a master's degree in urban planning. She was very active, especially in starting the environmental services committee, and she really developed and promoted  the recycling program, so much so that she was nicknamed the 'garbage guru.' She arranged field trips down to the recycling center for the community. Sonia was very involved in the Skyline Residents Association. She was on the executive committee of that too. 

"About two and a half years ago, her health began to deteriorate, and it ended up being Lewy Body Parkinson's. It affected not only cognition, but mobility also. We were having this conversation, and she was fully present and able to make the decision that this was the time to put our life care contract into place, and for her to move to the memory care floor. She moved there and received just great care, and and it was so close. Even though she was there and I was here, we were literally only three minutes apart from each other. So I was able to see her morning, and afternoon, and tuck her in at night, and yet still come back and have a life of my own. Her disease progressed, and she finally went on hospice care last early December, and then died on January 15th. The relationships that I had developed here in the community have been so strong that I have felt, enormous support and love. So I've never felt lonely or alone throughout this process of saying goodbye. I've had the family support from outside, and that's been strong support. But every bit as significant, if not more so for me, are the community relationships that developed."

* Skyline's website
* Skyline at Answers for Elders
* Hear more podcasts about Skyline
* Hear more podcasts about senior living

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Skyline resident Kendall Clark Baker joins Suzanne to provide a glimpse of residing in Skyline's life care senior living community. Baker was a charter member, who moved in when the facility was brand new 15 years ago.

Why choose a life care community? Kendall says, "We, [my wife] Sonia and I, are both kind of planners. We plan ahead, and we learned from our parents, both positive and negative experiences in late years. I especially learned from observing other people over the years. I'm a pastor, a long-retired pastor, but I worked with a lot of people. Oftentimes people would say, 'our only regret after having moved into ra etirement community is that we didn't make this move sooner.' From there, we said, well, we really like being downtown, because we think it's a great place to be when you're aging. You're so close to healthcare everywhere, the culture, performing arts, and public transportation. We feel a great deal of independence by being able to be downtown."

What intrigued them about Skyline? "It checked our boxes that it was downtown, it had every level of care. That was an important part, because our intention was to move to a community where we would never have to move again. And that every level of care, that one or the other or both of us should require, for the rest of our lives would be cared for in this community. Then the life care contract was also very attractive, because what that really meant for us is that once we knew we could afford to move in, then we were confident that we would never be faced with a situation where we couldn't afford to stay here. And that's what the life care contract is, is that basically continues at very close to the same cost to us, even as we have assisted living."

* Skyline's website
* Skyline at Answers for Elders
* Hear more podcasts about Skyline
* Hear more podcasts about senior living

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.