Anxiety I’m So Done with You! podcast

November 20, 2023 The Teenage Brain: Understanding Anxiety and Depression in Teenagers, an Interview with Kasey Crist

Welcome to this BONUS episode: The Teenage Brain with Kasey Crist, author of a book by the same name ‘The Teenage Brain: Understanding Anxiety and Depression in Teenagers'. https://amzn.to/47rmS1V

It's a guide for parents, counselors, and teenagers, and it is so jam-packed with resources that you will need to get yourself a copy.

Kasey Crist is a mental health professional who serves students in a high school setting. This is a different kind of interview. Instead, we both shared our understanding and interpretations of what is going on with our young people.

In this episode, Kasey and I discussed

🐇her new book, 'The Teenage Brain’

📱the trends that worry us

🎨 the main skills we think know will help them get through this crazy time in our culture.

Resources discussed in this episode:

Order the Book: The Teenage Brain by Kasey Crist
My book “Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness”
Blog post and resources
Keep Calm Coloring Book – Creativity Heals
Energy Shield Training for Empaths
Teen Courses for Confidence, Intuition, and Relationships
How Art Improves Mental Health: 4 Ways Creativity Helps The Brain
Benefits of Doing Things with Your Hands
The Secrets of Really Happy People
Creating Rituals
Will Smith Wall Story
Creating Altars in Your Home

About Dr. Jodi Aman

Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor

Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.

"After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy. More about me.”

Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

Website: jodiaman.com
TikTok: @doctorjodi
YouTube: @doctorjodi
Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

Keywords:

kasey, crist, teenage brain, teen anxiety, teen counselor, helping teenagers, Dr. Jodi Aman, doctor jodi, doctorjodi, doctorjodiaman, Anxiety I’m So Done With You, anxiety, depression, author, teenager, teen, therapy, anxiety lies, mental health, letting go, let go, embrace letting go, forgive, forgiveness, judgment, self judgment, self-compassion, self-blame, intention setting, set intentions, forgiving, good person, self-confidence, restore relationships, compassion, negative feelings, trauma, PTSD, emotional wellness, PMA, positive mental attitude, good attitude, positive outlook, positive thinking, optimism, self harm, suicide, suicide prevention, self harm alternatives, compassion, self-compassion, healing yourself, loving yourself, relationships, rejection, good relationships, heathy relationships, space, clutter, declutter, clear your space, clear your clutter, home, safety, sanctuary, food, eating, eating disorder, healthy eating, diet, no diet, relationship with food, nourishment, listen to your body, rest, restoration, sleep, sleep hygiene, sleep schedule, how to fall asleep, insomnia, sleep routine, being creative, creative, crafts, organizing, mammalian brain, prefrontal cortex,

A Teenage Brain Transcript:

Dr. Jodi: [00:00:00] Hey, this is Dr. Jodi from Anxiety... I'm So Done With You podcast. This podcast is a series that goes along with my book by the same name, 'Anxiety... I'm So Done With You'. It's a teen's guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. And that is what we're going to do. So this podcast goes section by section through the book giving more details and telling more stories. And even though we've completed an episode for every section of the book, this podcast is going to go on. I'll be interviewing teenagers, young adults, parents, and their helpers to give you more resources on your healing journey. In fact, we have a special episode for you today. I'm going to have a conversation with author and school therapist Kasey Crist. Kasey wrote 'The Teenage Brain: Understanding Anxiety and Depression in Teenagers'. It's a guide for parents, counselors, and teenagers, and it is so jam packed with resources that you are going to need to get yourself a copy. Hey, Kasey.

Kasey Crist: [00:01:07] Hi, Jodi.

Dr. Jodi: [00:01:09] First, congratulations on releasing this book. I know how big of an accomplishment that is, and I'm so happy for you.

Kasey Crist: [00:01:16] Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. It's been quite a journey.

Dr. Jodi: [00:01:20] Yeah, I bet, I bet. I know, I've been there. It's a topic, as you know, very dear and near to my heart. And I want you to go ahead and tell us a little bit about yourself and why you felt called to write a book on this topic.

Kasey Crist: [00:01:33] Sure. My background, I started out in early childhood, so I worked in the education system for many years, working in preschools, elementary schools, and I even owned my own child care center at one point. And one of the pivotal parts of the reason why I went into mental health, we had a lot of students, some that would require some mental health. They had some challenges or needed some behavioral health needs that they would often leave our program. And I was really curious about sort of the other side of that. And where did they go and what services did they get and what support did they need. And that really intrigued me enough to want to go back to school in the counseling psychology area, to really be part of that process. That was really interesting to me, and I'm so glad I did.

Dr. Jodi: [00:02:27] Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're a therapist but located in a school. You've done that work.

Kasey Crist: [00:02:32] Yes, yes.

Dr. Jodi: [00:02:34] So help kids through their, whatever they're going through.

Kasey Crist: [00:02:37] Yes. Any mental health, behavioral challenges would work with students, hopefully their families or other supports that are outside of the school as well. I'm a big believer in that big cohort that really, you know, it takes a village to support that student, to get them to be successful in life and to navigate the challenges, especially in the times we live in now.

Dr. Jodi: [00:03:00] Yeah, I bet. I love that model, having mental health services in schools, that's a model that's kind of come around the last 10, 20 years. It's wonderful because they're there, you know, they spend the day there. There's more equity and equality when you have services like that in the school, because some kids don't have access, a lot of people don't have access. I did some of that work myself. Well, Kasey, there are so many topics that I want to bring up during our conversation. And I say conversation because this is less like an interview, of me interviewing you, and us talking because we do the same work. So this is very exciting for me because, you know, maybe we can have some topics that are we see similarly, maybe there's some topics we see a little differently, but we'd really be like unpacking this dire situation for young people. So let's first talk about why you see this problem increasing right now. Like do you think it's different than 10, 20 years ago? What do you think?

Kasey Crist: [00:04:03] Parts of it have always been there. I believe with social media and technology, the exposure to understanding that there's so many people who are teenagers, adolescents, even children who are struggling with this. I believe that teenagers that have cell phones and posting things, having access to social media, TikTok and all of that, that you can really see the wide scope of the need for services, how depression, anxiety is so prevalent. And I just think the access and understanding, I mean, you see famous people coming out and expressing that they may struggle with mental health, and maybe just a part of that is part of maybe other young people coming out and expressing that it's safe to say that they're struggling.

Dr. Jodi: [00:04:54] You're saying that with this new transparency that people are open about, they're more honest, instead of hiding their mental health issues, you feel like more people are now able to express it so we're seeing it more? That's part of it.

Kasey Crist: [00:05:10] Yes, I think it's it's kind of a double-edged sword because it's sort of the stigma around if I come out and say that I'm struggling with anxiety or depression or some other mental health crisis that exposes me, makes me vulnerable, and teenagers don't want to stand out. They don't want to, typically. But I think also it's generational because I believe teenagers, they see so much on social media and just throwing everything out there with not realizing the repercussions of what goes out there stays out there for eternity. And adults realize that if my child is posting things or, you know, on social media or even Facebook, it's out there, right? So and what does that mean? And what does that mean for our family? And what does that say about me as a parent? And so I think that it's a double-edged sword. I think the transparency is great, but sort of how do you capture that to be able to support that teenager once if they are saying that they need help?

Dr. Jodi: [00:06:18] You know, what I'm seeing that really worries me is that with this transparency and everybody, it's okay to be honest about your mental illness, there's also like a, you know, there's a sense that you're advocating for people with mental illness if you're saying this is what it is and there's a community and there's a relevance to it. So there's a couple problems. One is it creates like that you're relevant because you have this, but also it emphasizes a difference, because you're trying to say that, you know, don't make light of people with OCD because that's like diminishing people who really have a problem. So what they're doing instead of advocating is actually creating like an us versus them scenario on normalizing a lot of problems that really are pretty normal human reactions to our world. They're actually saying they're abnormal when they are not, they're regular human responses to our modern world. Trying to get control, feeling powerless, and having anxiety, that is a regular reaction to our world. And so when they're saying I have anxiety disorder and saying that I'm different, then they're actually believing that, you know, I mean, unfortunately, people like us, mental health professionals are actually supporting that narrative in a lot of ways. Some people have anxiety disorder and some people have regular worries, and it's entirely not helpful. What do you think?

Kasey Crist: [00:07:46] It's from my experience that when I meet with students or meet with teenagers, adolescents, even young adults, if they come forward and say that they have worries, and it's sort of understanding what those worries are and trying to navigate if it's a worry or is it anxiety and is it something that, you know, you can manage? And giving them skills on how to navigate that and manage it. But if it's something that doesn't go away, if it really interferes with your everyday life, that you cannot navigate and manage on your own, I think sometimes teenagers kind of test out, well, I think I have anxiety or I think I have this and really meeting them where they're at and whether that's a true narrative for them or that's just something that they heard on TikTok or saw someone talking about, I don't think you should ever just negate a statement that a teenager makes. I think that's where you pay attention.

Dr. Jodi: [00:08:50] Exactly. Yeah.

Kasey Crist: [00:08:51] Maybe not overreact, but really just be mindful of and pay attention to what they're saying.

Dr. Jodi: [00:08:59] Yeah I agree. You know, how they describe what they're experiencing is a description of their experience. And so I love that experience near a definition. And I always respond, you know, call it the same thing they've called it after that. So I totally agree with you. I guess the problem is, is like, how do we help them understand where that's coming from and if they can make a difference? Right? So if you say you it won't go away, like that, it hasn't gone away yet. But that doesn't mean it won't go away. Right? So you were even using that language - some people have worries and it's contextual. But I kind of, I might think a little bit differently, I'm not sure. Anxiety is always contextual in my mind. Depression is always contextual. And if we haven't gotten rid of it, it doesn't mean that we can't. It just means we haven't learned how yet, or we haven't figured out how yet, or we haven't understood where it's come from or something. Right? And without that hope that a difference can be made, you know, because most people believe they have these things and they just have to manage them and live with them forever, and then they keep them. And then people are like, I have this anxiety, but I got to get rid of it and I want to I'm going to do whatever I can to figure out how to get rid of it. They get rid of it. It's like that belief makes a huge difference.

Dr. Jodi: [00:10:23] And a lot of our culture and narratives are the narratives that it is something you have, and you either have to manage it, you know, if it doesn't go away, then it's, well, if it hasn't gone away yet, it's because maybe what they believe about it, how they think about anxiety, how they think about depression. And so that seems to be a really important thing for us, is to to spread that message is like, let's show them how to think about it so that they can get rid of it, you know. So yeah. So that's kind of been my message online.

Kasey Crist: [00:10:54] Yes. And working with younger children, I would often have them visualize like anxiety was like this monster in their belly or something as to not give it power because they need to figure out a way to kind of, you know, wrap that, they would give it a name and, you know, give them belly breathing when they were feeling anxious at school or, you know, at home or whatever scenario which really would spike their anxiety. And to really give the power back to them and to make them understand that this little ball of anxiety does not have control over them, and they have the control and they can decide what to do with it. You know, I really think that it's not that it's, with the worries - and I guess what I mean by that is like, you know, you have to take an exam in school and I think everyone gets a little bit of worry or anxiety around the exam, you want to do well. And I think that is good because your adrenaline's going and it makes you more aware and, you know, more focused. And I think a typical, if you have the skill set and understanding, then that would decrease. You take the exam, that anxiety and that worry goes away. But I think for some people they don't have the skills, I think that you mentioned, on how to mitigate that and how to learn how to work around the anxiety and the worry, I guess.

Dr. Jodi: [00:12:28] So they don't have the skills, but also there's an element of they don't believe even if they had the skill. So either they might have the skills, but they just don't believe they can and so they don't have access to them.

Kasey Crist: [00:12:38] Correct.

Dr. Jodi: [00:12:39] Or they don't have the skills, but they believe that they can and they look for the skills and do it. So there's, you know, there's an element of belief or the way they're thinking about their anxiety and that relationship. I love that you brought up personified anxiety because I am a narrative therapist. So, you know, I've been externalizing problems for a long time in using language to help somebody take, because anxiety is one kind of problem that just latches onto your identity. You have a whole chapter of identity as well on here, but, you know, our problems latch on. So it's like I am anxious, I am a problem, I am worthless, right? It becomes part of our very identity, which is a huge issue. And once we start talking about it as a separate entity, then we could change our relationship with it. And you're right, it changes the power dynamics because when it's part of us, we'd be fighting ourselves. And we're looking for, is there some good to it or, you know, why do I have it? Why am I different? And we get so lost in the why that we don't have any energy to get ourself better because we're lost trying to solve the why, which is an unsolvable mode a lot of times, isn't it? So I love that you brought up that personified anxiety. I just uploaded last week, I had some teenagers interview anxiety, a character of anxiety about like what it's up to in teenage kids' lives. And so it's a really fun activity that I'm doing in my school program to help them really think about anxiety in a different way. It is not me. It is something that influences me and that changes the power dynamic, because then we could change our relationship with it or out trick it or whatever we have to do to grab our power back. So I'm really glad that you brought that up, yeah.

Kasey Crist: [00:14:26] Yeah, yeah. I think another piece, too, for teenagers, with the social media, as we discussed, can be helpful being exposed to famous people who have more influence and, you know, saying that they have anxiety or depression. But I think social media also can be a negative. And I think the comparison and everyone posts their best version and shiniest of themselves. Right? And lives are so happy and teenagers are so impressionable. What the expectation of what they should be doing or what they look like or, you know, these incredible challenges that are, you know, deadly that they think are real and understanding reality as opposed to Photoshop. And, you know, it's just...

Dr. Jodi: [00:15:16] It's all these filters too, like the filters really. You know, and you could even know that it's a filter, but it's still, it still affects, right? We're still like comparing our backstage mess to somebody's highlight reel.

Kasey Crist: [00:15:30] Yes, yes, I like that. Backstage mess. Yeah.

Dr. Jodi: [00:15:34] Yeah. We're like, I'm a mess. Yeah. But the other people are a mess, too, you just don't see that. We're all a mess, you know, like we've all grown up in this culture which has these high expectations. So we're all feeling not good enough, not smart enough, not cool enough, not skinny enough. We're all feeling it. But everyone looks like they're fine, right? And you're the only one who's different. Hugely devastating on the soul, isn't it?

Kasey Crist: [00:15:58] And I think this generation, they are the ones that are exposed to it the most. And they just, they don't know anything else. So it's, they've grown up with the cell phone, they've grown up on computers. They just don't know anything other than having no privacy. I mean, they don't have privacy. And I just, I don't know, I look back and I'm grateful we didn't have cell phones back when I was growing up. You know, it's just.

Dr. Jodi: [00:16:26] Yeah, I guess they define this generation, generation Z with they had smartphones or like, phones connected to the internet from middle school. That's what makes them different than the millennials before them. And there's a difference in what we're seeing. And it's not like no adults have anxiety and depression because for sure they do. And they're affected by the social media too. Like we're all comparing ourselves to everybody else as well and struggling with these because we had these Western high expectations before. Now they're just like ten times because they're in our face all day, the ability to compare. When we were young, we had these high expectations, but it was like at least you were in real life dealing with it. My TedX talk, I talked about the three messages that people get online that makes them feel powerless, worthless, and out of control. We're on screens all day long, and the statistics show that the more teenagers are on screens, the more they're at risk of suicide. And that's so scary. And we really have to do something about that. And it's, you know, it might not be take their screens away, like it's not going to happen. Right? But there's all of these messages constantly. Yeah, there's funny stuff you're watching. And some people say nice things about you. And so there's some positive, but there's constant messages that, you know, everybody's better than you, like that comparison, or trauma happens randomly and out of control and you should just get stuff. So then there's the commercialism that's really messing with our sense of worth. So kids are just every day, all day, feeling powerless, worthless and out of control. Like, how do we as adults, as helpers and as parents, counter some of that?

Kasey Crist: [00:18:13] It's a good question. I think it's an ongoing open question, and I think we just have to keep plugging away and trying to find resources. I think now, again, especially if I could go back when with Covid, you know, the pandemic and teenagers are all about their friends. They need that connection. It is their world. And that completely shut down. It just changed their whole experience of being a teenager, you know, staying at home and not being able to engage and that's what they thrive on. So I think that's where computers and, you know, their phones really were still able to connect them to their friends, which that was the best that we could do at the time. And we all did the best that we could do in trying to navigate a world pandemic. We all thought it was two week shelter in place and we'll be fine. And you know, what, two years later, over two years? I mean, we still have repercussions from it. So I think it's a really good question that you pose. And I think as, again, I'll say it again, I think as parents, family, supports with the school, being communicative. And sort of parents can't be afraid to ask questions. And I think parents sometimes think that they are supposed to know when their child may be struggling, where the school may be the first line of maybe recognizing symptoms of anxiety, depression in the student and then in their child and bringing that home. And again, I think it's that communication and working together to support that teenager is just so vital.

Dr. Jodi: [00:20:09] Kasey, you have a whole chapter, I love this, because people have been asking - my whole career, people are asking this question - and you have a whole chapter on communicating with your teenager when they're struggling. What are some of the top tips in that chapter?

Kasey Crist: [00:20:27] It's not easy. And especially, I mean in everyday life talking to a teenager, you get your grunts and your, you know, one word or roll of the eyes and you have to just take it, right? So I often would tell parents, it's sort of you have to have a poker face no matter what the reaction. You can't let them see you react because one, I didn't put this in the book, but I often will say teenagers are very much like toddlers, except toddlers want your attention and they want you, but then they may have a temper tantrum, whereas teenagers, they want your attention, but they may just ignore you. But it's still, they still want your attention. So it's sort of this interesting process. But to communicate a tough topic such as if you're, you know, concerned about their mental health, you're not going to jump in because they will shut down. And I know people will often, you know, be driving in the car so the child is trapped in the car and they can't go anywhere and you think that's the best way to keep them contained. It may work for some, but oftentimes they'll just shut down because they don't want to engage. They have no place to escape to. You really need to start out with a question that could be, like, so random about their sports or something that you've seen on TV or a show they just watched.

Dr. Jodi: [00:21:54] Like warm them up a little bit, like something easy?

Kasey Crist: [00:21:57] Yeah, something easy. Yep. You could bring up the topic around, something around - if it's something specific, say anxiety - you could bring something up around that, but it's not specific about them. I would not recommend just a yes or no question, an open ended question, and just sort of let it hang and just almost like you say it and you, you're there, you're being supportive. If they say anything, if they don't say anything, you don't react because you want to keep that line of communication open. So when you sort of do build up and then have those more difficult conversations, they may be more apt to be open. And, yeah. And it's so hard because it's... and then the other part is, you know, your child does turn around and say something about how they're feeling. And parents are so worried or afraid like, my gosh, what are they going to say? And then what am I going to say? And you just have to try to let it happen organically, as opposed to worrying about what your response is before you even know what they're going to say.

Dr. Jodi: [00:23:03] I think that's a good point, right? Listen, don't think of your next response. Just listen. You'll figure out your response after.

Kasey Crist: [00:23:12] Meet them where they're at, meet them where they're at, and just support them.

Dr. Jodi: [00:23:18] I think a lot of times that happens with us in listening is that we're so ready to fix or what we're going to respond, and that distracts us and we forget to really listen to what somebody is saying, because sometimes they talk and they're on a journey, they tell, you know, their fears of what's going on, and then sometimes they come and start telling you their plan or their thoughts about it, and you miss that if you stop them and try to fix it. Right? So I think that's really crucial. One thing that I like to tell parents is, tell your kids, We're not going to leave you here. If your kids are struggling, make sure you say, we're not going to leave you here. We're going to do what we need to do to get you out of this place. And it is possible. And so I tell all the teens I start working with that. And also, if I'm giving advice to parents, I'm like, tell them that and don't stop until you get them out of there because they have to believe that they could get better or they're not going to get better. So that's really crucial. And the other thing that I tell parents is like, keep up on stuff. Like, if you are talking to your kids every day about their friends, when they come home, they update you, they'll update you.

Dr. Jodi: [00:24:29] But if you haven't really been talking to them about a scenario that's going on or their friends or something that's happening, they don't want to bother like giving you the whole detail, the whole story from the beginning. But it's easy to just keep updating you. So I mean, if you don't have that ongoing conversation, you got to start somewhere, of course. But if you have it, keep it going, because then you're going to be in a front row seat to whatever they're going through. And that's going to be really important because you want to see if there's something dangerous, if there's something you want to worry about, you want to have that front row seat to that. And so I hear a lot of parents like, I don't even want to know. Yes you do. Yes you want to know. You want that front row seat to what they're going through so that you could intervene if there's something that's a problem, you know, you could help them out. People don't do stuff alone. It's like there's a difference between helicopter parents doing your kids, like, homework for them, and letting your kids know that they're not alone and you're not going to abandon them in their darkest hour. You're going to, all they need is your presence. They don't need you to do it for them. They need your presence and to believe in them. Believe that they can and then also help brainstorm.

Dr. Jodi: [00:25:41] I really have a passion for helping parents. I'm a parent of three teenagers, well they're getting older now, so I have a passion because it's so hard on us. When our kids are struggling we blame ourselves so much. And so I really have this passion, so I'm going for it. But, yeah.

Kasey Crist: [00:26:04] I think it's so important that, parents, that you have to get take yourself off the hook like it's impossible to know everything. It's impossible. Although I, you know, I have friends that have teenage children and I swear they do have eyes in the back of their head as parents, but it's impossible to be everywhere.

Dr. Jodi: [00:26:27] Your book, though, gives so many resources, so it's very comprehensive.

Kasey Crist: [00:26:34] Thank you. Yeah. No, it's really important to have all different sorts of mediums. So if teenagers are more apt to go online to get help, if they're more apt to go to the school counselor, talk to their parents, if outside support, if they have someone they can talk to like therapist or, you know, their primary doctor who could refer them out. In this day and age, there's an abundance of resources for every comfort level.

Dr. Jodi: [00:27:02] Yeah. And also even, you know, yeah, there's mental health resources and those kind of things. There's me on YouTube, there's places that, you know, but there's also, it's also getting involved in some activities, like getting a sense of belonging because you're part of a club and you're doing something and you have friends, like that is huge for our mental health and helping us move forward. So sometimes the plan is not just to go to a counselor. The plan might be to join a club, or the plan might be to try something different or learn something new or have, you know, so I think that's interesting to people as well. I think it's important for us to know that the reason why so many people are struggling, because it is a regular human reaction to our world, but we don't have to stay here. So I think that's incredibly helpful because people think that they are different.

Kasey Crist: [00:28:02] Absolutely. And as you know, I mean, humans are meant to connect. That's what we are, what drives us. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, we all need that human connection in some way. And, you know, you bring up a good point about, you know, joining clubs or sports or trying something new or, you know, an after school program that is something or volunteering. It's just having that connection and belonging. And I think helping teenagers figure out what that is for them, as opposed to just being online and gaming or, having that real connection.

Dr. Jodi: [00:28:40] Yeah, I think it does, it does separate. Screens really have a tendency to decrease our in-person time with people. And I think that's having negative consequences as we're talking about, of course. So good point there. One more thing I thought would be good to share that I read in the book. There's a couple of them, but... The importance of, because we're talking about parents and talking to your teens, you were talking about the importance of validating. Could you tell us a little bit more about like, how are you? How do people be validating with other people? And what does that do for somebody?

Kasey Crist: [00:29:21] Validating, I mean, with teenagers, I think it's really listening, active listening, being present. You're not on your phone, you're not cooking dinner, and they're trying to share something with you. Validating one's feelings, meeting them where they're at. Not having, I think you brought up not trying to solve the problem, but validating what they're saying in the moment, just being present, meeting them where they're at, acknowledging their feelings and supporting them. So whether you agree or not, as long as it's not something that has to do with safety or risk, but if it's they're navigating a problem or a situation or, that's a typical teenage issue, perhaps, that you're just validating them. And I think it's important because you want to give them the skills to maybe vent and then maybe be able to process and figure out what they need to do. If they're looking for your opinion or solution, I mean, obviously that's where you may insert that, you know.

Dr. Jodi: [00:30:24] What does it feel like for them to when they're validated as opposed to not being validated? Like what does that do to the teenager, do you think?

Kasey Crist: [00:30:32] I often would tell my teens that I worked with, even in my private practice, that they're in this space where they're too young to be a complete adult, you know, complete autonomy, making their own decisions. But they're too old to be a little kid and, you know, walked around, you know, holding hands and wherever they need to go, they're in this place where they need to figure out and decision making. They're going to make mistakes. But meeting them where they're at and validating, and I think if you give them the space, it gives them the self esteem and the independence to try to make these decisions because they want the autonomy and you're giving them the space to do that, but you're still validating whatever it is that they're bringing to you. And I think it--.

Dr. Jodi: [00:31:22] -- it sounds like it decreases their negative self judgment.

Kasey Crist: [00:31:26] Absolutely.

Dr. Jodi: [00:31:26] You feel like more, I guess the word valid, like they feel worthy.

Kasey Crist: [00:31:31] And again, it's connection. And I think if you don't have your teenager, you know, coming to you and bringing issues to you, or it could be little things, I mean, it's to them, it could be a big thing. But in your head you may be like, oh my gosh, this is like, come on, this is what we're dealing with? But in that moment for them, it could be a big issue. And meeting them where they're at, it gives them the, you know, the strength and being able to navigate it and like, wow, okay, I can do this.

Dr. Jodi: [00:32:02] And not to feel alone. Right?

Kasey Crist: [00:32:05] Yes. Absolutely.

Dr. Jodi: [00:32:07] Yeah. Cool. Now the book is for counselors, it's for parents, and it's for teenagers themselves. What is your favorite thing that you're sharing that, you know, makes a huge difference because you've seen it in your practice? Sorry. That's hard. I didn't prep you for that question.

Kasey Crist: [00:32:25] Yeah. I think it's just I've had, I've worked with a lot of families and parents that it's such a scary topic around anxiety and depression that they, like I think you referenced, I don't want to know, but I this is the information that makes it a little less scary. And to understand, I think, have a better sense of what it's all about. And I think everyone would be able to take something away from this book that may be helpful.

Dr. Jodi: [00:32:59] For a lot of things.

Kasey Crist: [00:33:01] For a lot of things. There's resources in the back. But even if you adjust one of these things, or letting parents know that there are resources out there that they can go to to get the support. And I think that's the takeaway, because I think fear is isolating.

Dr. Jodi: [00:33:18] I mean, it's isolating for teenagers, it's isolating for parents, and it's isolating for counselors too.

Kasey Crist: [00:33:25] It is. Yes. Agreed.

Dr. Jodi: [00:33:27] So like what do I do? I'm at the limit of my skills. Like, I'm an imposter. I don't know how to help these kids, you know, or something like. That's hard.

Kasey Crist: [00:33:35] Yeah, it is hard. It's very hard.

Dr. Jodi: [00:33:38] To be doing the work and like, seeing people suffer and...

Kasey Crist: [00:33:42] Yeah. No, it's, being a counselor is a tough job because you are in the inside of the inner workings of of someone's struggles.

Dr. Jodi: [00:33:52] They invite you in, right? They invite you into their vulnerability. And yes, it's really, really hard. I love every minute of it. And, you know, before we started recording, you said the same thing. You're so glad at this path that you've taken, because we are making a difference. And sometimes it's, with some people slower than other people, but that doesn't mean they can't. We just have to work harder at believing, at helping them, convincing them that they can get better, that this is not a life sentence, that they don't have to stay there. You can get my book, 'Anxiety... I'm So Done With You'. You can listen to the rest of this podcast. You can get Kasey's book, 'A Teenage Brain'. And there's videos all over the place to help you get better. And so never give up that this is just how you are and you have to stay like this. Or that you have to, you know, that you have to grieve a fun or happy life because you deserve a fun and happy life. Don't they?

Kasey Crist: [00:34:52] Absolutely, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me on here today.

Dr. Jodi: [00:34:56] Yeah. That's awesome. So 'A Teenage Brain' by Kasey Crist. I'll put the link down below this video, this podcast or this blog, wherever you're seeing this or hearing this. And you could get yourself a copy of 'A Teenage Brain'.

Kasey Crist: [00:35:12] It's on Amazon. You can get it today!

Dr. Jodi: [00:35:15] Get it today. All right. Thanks so much. We'll see you next time.

Kasey Crist: [00:35:19] Thank you.

Dr. Jodi: [00:35:21] I so appreciate your attention, your sharing, your commenting on my blog posts, and especially being so generous with those five stars on Apple Podcasts. In this episode, I talked to Kasey Crist about her new book, 'The Teenage Brain'. We discuss what we're seeing among teenagers and the main things that we think will help them get through this crazy time in our culture. Grab a copy of your book and keep practicing. And remember to hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok at Dr. Jodi, where I give more practical tips for your brain, body, and spirit. See you next episode! And until then, let that you that you want to be shine through.

You’re listening to the Therapist Mom Show with Doctor Jodi.

We hope to ease the minds of “the anxious generation.” To do that, this show will guide emerging adults and their parents and helpers, galvanizing them to release toxic stress, achieve emotional wellness, and hardwire their brains for a happy and meaningful life.

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. Luckily, you don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Tune in live every Monday at 8 PM E on Bold Brave TV or binge the recordings. We’ll have relieving conversations, exciting guests, and inspirational stories that will show you how to get rid of worry, recover your energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy.

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