Apocalypse Video

Captain’s Log, Stardate 4842.46

After a long and sexy summer of covering nothing but dance films, the crew is excited to get back to the world of Star Trek with season three’s, The Paradise Syndrome. I have instructed Lt. Mike and First Officer Jackie to watch their step while reviewing this episode, lest they find themselves waking up in a dark room with odd looking machinery, asking themselves, “This is not my beautiful starship…this is not my Native American wife…HOW…did I get here??

I’m your host and captain, Dave, and joining me again as we travel through the final frontier of the Original Series of Trek are fellow Trekkies Lt. Mike and First Officer Jackie.

Topics of discussion in this episode include Captain Kirk’s flagrant disregard of the Prime Directive; a leaf blower signals the beginning of the end for the inhabitants of a doomed planet; and finally, James T. Kirk has his sixth best relationship of the series as he gets friendly with a young native american woman on Planet California.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected] What are your favorite episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series? Let us know, but please, only logical answers will be accepted.

The Apocalypse Video Trek Cast will return with Balance of Terror.

The mindless, murderous fury that was buried with Jason has been reborn. And suddenly, terror has become child's play!

Well, here we are again, folks. Another Friday the 13th, another obligatory Friday the 13th episode. After so many installments, how can the filmmakers possibly top all that has come before? Are we going to get more gruesome kills? Are they going to have an even more disgusting looking version of Jason? – No. What we get this time are hillbillies, random greasers, and a fake Jason that can barely swing a machete. As the film’s esteemed hillbilly Ethel would say, “eat your fuckin’ slop!”.

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we watch the Friday the 13th franchise reach new depths of sleaze are fellow cinephiles and crazed ambulance drivers Mike, Jackie, and Ryan.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the infamous Roy (aka: Fake Jason), and how we should have had a scene where he’s granted Jason powers via dark magic (because why the hell not?); we look behind the scenes at the (alleged) hardcore drug use reported on the set and how the film’s director was (allegedly) a huge creep; and finally, we ask exactly what the hell was wrong with the kids in this halfway home? Because all we are shown is that a handful suffer from excessive horniness, one a stutter, and another a chocolate addiction.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. What are your thoughts on A New Beginning? Is Roy the worst Jason or the best Jason? Let us know!

That’ll do it for this obligatory Friday the 13th episode. We’ll be hanging with our old pal Jason again in December when we look at the second “Final” Friday with Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. See you then folks. And remember, never eat enchiladas unless you’re within ten to twenty feet of an outhouse.

The dark side of nature.

Apocalypse Video is back and we’ve got a brand new theme song, baby! That is…we have two brand new theme songs. It seems we have a little controversy on our hands. Mike claims that Ryan has stolen his new theme song, while Ryan - in a surprising and out of nowhere southern accent - claims he merely took an “unrealized” theme song and improved upon it. Thankfully, the answer to this debacle may lie in today’s episode, the 1996 box office hit Twister, in which two groups of storm chasers battle for tornado research dominance, with a stolen concept at the route of their hatred for each other. Will we be able to answer who’s theme song is better by the end of the episode?

Who cares?! We’ve got cows!!!

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we blast some Van Halen and avoid getting impaled in the face with flying debris are fellow cinephiles and storm chasers Mike and Ryan.

Topics of discussion in this episode include how Twister perfectly masks the sound of the audience munching on popcorn; we break down the completely unfair and shitty treatment of Jami Gertz’s “Dr. Melissa Reeves” by nearly every character in the film; and finally, we compare the climax’s F-5 tornado to Michael Myers as it mercilessly stalks and kills its victims.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. What was your favorite blockbuster of 1996? Was it Twister or was it Independence Day? Drop us a line and let us know.

That’ll do it for us, folks. We’ll see you this Friday for the obligatory Friday the 13th episode. Until then, keep watching the skies and be sure to keep your tornado senses sharpened.

Apocalypse Video Bond-Cast Mission Dossier:

The Target:
1974’s The Man with the Golden Gun

Your Contacts:
Apocalypse Video (M)anager - Dave
Agents - Mike and Jackie

Mission Objectives:

Additional Objectives:
Rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. What’s your take on that slide whistle? Does it ruin what could have been the best stunt in the series or does it only make it better?  Let us know!

The Apocalypse Video Bond Cast will return with…The Spy Who Loved Me.

There are those who believe that podcasts here began out there, far across the universe, with tribes ofneckbeard film fans who may have been the forefathers of the movie review podcast. Some believe that there may yet be brothers of man who even now podcast to survive, somewhere beyond Apocalypse Video…

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we try our best to hide some contraband booze from security is my faithful companion and trusted advisor, “Nick” Immortan Hoof.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the noticeable downshift in quality as the show loses its TV movie prestige and enters its “just TV” phase; Commander Adama makes some creepy passes at his soon to be daughter in law; and finally, we laugh at Baltar’s false sense of superiority and his insatiable desire to splay while in his high chair.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. What’s your favorite Battlestar episode? Hit us up and let us know!

The Apocalypse Video Battlestar Galactica Original Series podcast (aka: APV-BSG-OG-POD) will return with The Lost Warrior.

Get some action!

Ahhh, another summer film promotion in the books, and I gotta say...as owner of Apocalypse Video and Executive Producer of Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest, I think we really knocked it out of the park this year (my so called friends waterboarding and ridiculing me for my love of Flashdance notwithstanding). However, it seems there are some out there in the Wasteland who weren’t overly fond of our focus on dance films this year. So, as an attempt to win back our action craving audience, this week we bring you none other than the maximalist action film from acclaimed(?) filmmaker McG: Charlie’s Angels. It’s got guns, explosions, and more early 2000’s bullet-time ripoffs than you can shake a butt at!

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me on this mission are fellow cinephiles and my own Angels, Mike, Jackie, Ryan, and Nick “Immortan Hoof”.

Topics of discussion in this episode include a film that distills every trope and gimmick from the year 2000 into one insane 95 minute runtime; we wonder if Cameron Diaz was stricken with the Joker’s laughing gas during filming, as she can’t seem to stop herself from grinning like a maniac during every scene; and finally, Ryan attempts to answer the question that has plagued mankind since the late 90s: who or what is a McG?

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. What movies have we given good reviews for that you absolutely can’t stand? Let us know.

That’ll do it for now, Angels. I’ll leave you all to shake your butt in your room alone for the benefit of absolutely no one but a horny teenage audience (see film above for reference).

All rise! The Court of Horny Affairs is now in session. The Honorable Judge Janna presiding. The defendant, one David Snider, has been accused of excessive horniness while discussing the film Flashdance on the podcast known as “Apocalypse Video”. The defendant has been made aware of his rights and will face Flashdance-style water dropping if found guilty.

The prosecutors in this case are Kara and Jackie and have informed the court that they have more than enough evidence to send Dave away to Horny Jail for a very long time.

The defendant has been sworn in. Let the trial begin…

Pieces of evidence in this taped court session include Boner-Goggles, and how they can obscure one’s perspective on an otherwise terrible film; the character of Nick is shown to be a creepy stalker and has no business dating his employees; and finally, Mawby's Bar, as depicted in the film Flashdance, should by all accounts not exist, as it’s divey interior and skeezy clientele would have no interest in the performance art-style dance numbers taking place on stage.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. What movies have we given good reviews for that you absolutely can’t stand? Let us know.

And thus ends the case of the People v. Dave/Flashdance. Court is adjourned.

When he said I do, he never said what he did.

Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol. 4: Not THAT’S What I Call Dance Movies! is back for one last spin, and boy, have we got a banger for you…

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we put our significant others through intense interrogation tactics are fellow dancers and Omega Sector recruits Mike, Jackie, Cody, and Nick “Immortan Hoof”.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the sick and pathetic world of Simon the Used Car Salesman; we ponder the practicality of a villain employing a full time ski patrol as guards; and finally, we demand an oversight committee take a long overdue look at the misuse of government funds from Omega Sector as Harry Tasker wastes all of our tax dollars on stalking his wife.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. What are your favorite dance films? Drop us a line and let us know.

And just like that, another Summer Film Fest is in the books. I’d like to thank everyone who came out to dance like a maniac on the floor, and to all of the performers who made their dreams come true with the power of dance and/or the power of stripping. We’ll see you next summer, folks! Until then…take your passion – and make it happen!

May the best moves win.

Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol. 4: Not THAT’S What I Call Dance Movies! is back, and now that we’ve got all of that ballet out of our system, it’s time to hit the football field and cheer on the losing team as we bust out our pom-pom’s with 2000’s Bring It On!

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we collectively cringe at the early 2000’s f-bomb’s are fellow cheerleaders Mike, Ryan, Jackie, Nick, and special guest, Madolyn.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the shocking early 2000’s societal norms, such as everyone being cool with the occasional surprise thumb up a butt; we relive the glory days of the DVD boom; and finally, we write our own prequel which details the insane lengths that Big Red will go to in order to achieve the best cheer routine.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. What are your favorite dance films? Drop us a line and let us know.

That’ll do it for this week’s cheer drill. When we come back, we’ll be playing the last track on Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol. 4: Now THAT’S What I Call Dance Movies! as we take our clothes off once again and prepare for the tango with James Cameron’s action classic, True Lies. Be there! (...or we’ll call Omega Sector on your ass.)

Every second chance begins with a first step.

Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest Vol. 4: Not THAT’S What I Call Dance Movies! is back, and this time we’re ditching our ballet shoes and throwing on our oversized t-shirts and sideways baseball hats as we prepare to Step Up!

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we try our best to carjack that elusive Escalade are fellow cinephiles and dancers Mike, Jackie, and special guests Kara and Madolyn.

Topics of discussion in this episode include how this whole movie is basically a Disney Channel Original Movie version of The Wire; Jenna Dewan is faced with the horrible ultimatum of having to succeed in dance or be forced to go to the dreaded Cornell University; and finally, we pour one out for our homie, Skinny, and his ultra nerdy name belt.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. What are your favorite dance films? Drop us a line and let us know.

That’ll do it for this week’s track. Join us next week as we leave democracy behind and join the cheerocracy of Rancho Carne High with Bring It On.