Apocalypse Video

Well, we did it, folks. After four and a half years we’ve finally hit two hundred episodes. It’s been a wild ride and even though most of us have been killed, brought back, killed again, and forced to watch some pretty god awful movies, I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we’ve had the time of our lives bringing the lost art of cinema back to the wasteland. And I know that you’re thinking - surely they’ve got an ace up their sleeve for the big 200! Well, you’d be right.

After 199 episodes (and a few attempts on our lives) we’re finally saying goodbye to C.H.A.D. and replacing him with a fully functional anthropomorphic android with all of the bells and whistles! We’re talking a fully digital sound system; VHS, Laserdisc and Betamax capabilities; and of course, it comes complete with a laundry list of corny jokes. I gotta tell ya, this thing is awesome. I’m totally not experiencing buyer’s remorse after spending half of my year’s salary on this marvel of modern robotics. (Now…where’s that C.H.A.D. boot-up disc again…?)

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me again are original co-hosts and cinephiles Ryan, Cody, and special guest, Nick “Immortan Hoof”.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the surprisingly lucrative business of clock making; Sam Neill teaches the audience (and his robot) about the birds and the bees; and finally, Andrew Martin goes where no android has gone before: having lots of sex with his owner’s great granddaughter.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. Got a movie you'd like us to watch? Hit us up and we'll talk about it on the show!

That’ll do it for this episode, folks. It’s been a great pleasure bringing you two hundred episodes of foolishness and we can’t wait to bring you two hundred more. (Now…what’s a good movie with “400” in the title…)

Another new year is almost upon us, but unfortunately, unlike everyone else in the Wasteland, we’re not partying at the top of a decrepit old skyscraper or pounding mother’s milk at Citadel - no, we’re stuck in the store, slavishly devoted to our mission statement of spreading the lost art of cinema to the people of the world. But after this New Year’s Eve night and the film we’ve just watched, we may want to re-evaluate that mission statement...because we may have just witnessed the bottom of the cinematic barrel. Something so terrible and vomit inducing that our new mission statement should be keeping this film out of the eyes of the general public for the rest of time, lest everyone gouge their eyes out to prevent themselves from ever seeing this cinematic sludge again.

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we try our best not to perform self mutilation are fellow cinephiles and Jensen groupies Mike, Jackie, and special guest: Kara.

Topics of discussion in this episode include a regular cavalcade of cinema’s biggest stars…and Mike Bloomberg; Ashton Kutcher channels Lee Harvey Oswald for his New Year’s Eve performance; and finally, we stay through the credits long enough to witness the most disgusting piece of product placement ever committed to film.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. Got a movie you'd like us to watch? Hit us up and we'll talk about it on the show!

And so endeth the final episode of Apocalypse Video for this year. We’d like to thank everyone out there for listening and we can’t wait to bring you another year of great movies, okay movies, and hopefully no more of whatever New Year’s Eve would qualify as (I’m gonna say…cinematic bile?)

Christmas time is here! And that can only mean one thing: Apocalypse Video’s obligatory Christmas episode! And this time we’re not talking about some box office bomb involving Santa Claus, or a precocious young boy running two criminals through a maze of death in New York City -- no, this time we’re doing the ultimate romantic comedy. A film that’s synonymous with Christmas and features not only one love story but eight! I’m talking, of course, about the 2003 modern day classic, Love Actually.

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we try to navigate this charming but convoluted web of love are fellow cinephiles and Billy Mack groupies, Ryan, Mike, and Jackie.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the absolutely bonkers notion that people in airports are happy and filled with love; Alan Rickman experiences all of the downsides of an affair without even getting laid; and finally, we talk about how the film’s most iconic profession of love is also it’s creepiest.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. Got a movie you'd like us to watch? Hit us up and we'll talk about it on the show!

That’ll do it for this year’s Christmas episode. From everyone here at Apocalypse Video, we hope you feel the spirit of the season in your fingers, in your toes, etc. etc.

Apocalypse Video Bond-Cast Mission Dossier:

The Target:
1969’s On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Your Contacts:
Apocalypse Video (M)anager - Dave
Agents - Mike, Jackie & Nick “Immortan Hoof”

Mission Objectives:

Additional Objectives:
Rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. Got a movie you'd like us to watch? Hit us up and we'll talk about it on the show!

The Apocalypse Video Bond Cast will return with…Diamonds are Forever.

After weeks of Suburban Commando’s, Lawnmower Men, and cartoon RoboCop’s, we here at Apocalypse Video thought it was high time we watched a quality movie from a quality director. Something with comedy, action, and romance; a true crowd pleaser. And what better director to choose than old Sammy Fableman himself: Steven Spielberg.

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we break out of pre-release are fellow cinephiles Mike, Jackie, and Ryan.

Topics of discussion in this episode include Spielberg going surprisingly edgy in his motion picture debut; we bask in the blinding stardom that is 70s era Goldie Hawn; and finally, we pitch our remake of The Sugarland Express with the help of studio A.I. and the hottest up and coming stars from the early 2000s.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. Got a movie you'd like us to watch? Hit us up and we'll talk about it on the show!

That’ll do it for this week’s episode. Don’t forget to collect them gold stamps, ya’ll! We’ll cya next time!

With Shocktober behind us, I must admit that I’m a little relieved that our non-stop horror movie marathon has come to an end. Don’t get me wrong, I love Shocktober as much as the next guy, but thirty one straight days of nothing but horror films is bound to wear anyone down just a little bit.

Thankfully, we here at Apocalypse Video happen to have a super computer named C.H.A.D. that can recommend fantastic films based on hyper advanced algorithms that will satisfy even the most jaded of movie watchers.

That said, even hyper intelligent supercomputers can have off days…

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we leave the horrors of Shocktober behind for the greener pastures of 90s action comedies are fellow cinephiles and Hulkamaniacs Mike and Ryan.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the downward trajectory of Hulk Hogan’s film career; we talk about how WWE is basically SNL for wrestlers (aka: up and coming actors); and finally, we break down Suburban Commando’s trailer and how a 90s trope became one of our favorite one liners in all of cinema.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. Got a movie you'd like us to watch? Hit us up and we'll talk about it on the show!

That’ll do it for this week’s episode, folks. From all of us here at Apocalypse Video we wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and that hopefully the film we discussed on the show didn’t ruin the holiday with its overall crappiness. Cya next week, brother!!!

COMMAND COM
LOAD BIOS
MEMORY SET
SYSTEM STATUS
OK…


SECTOR 2 - APOCALYPSE VIDEO
CARTOON DISCUSSION IN PROGRESS…


SUSPECTS: APOCALYPSE VIDEO MANAGER: “DAVE” AND WASTELAND RULER: “IMMORTAN HOOF”


DISCUSSION TOPICS DETECTED:
1. ZIP CHIPS ARE RUINING OUR CHILDREN’S MINDS
2. ROBO TEAMS UP WITH THE ULTRA-POLICE FOR A NEW TOY LINE
3. CLARENCE BODDICKER RETURNS TO UP THE VIOLENCE LEVEL TO TV-Y7


DIRECTIVE 5:
RATE, REVIEW AND SUBSCRIBE TO APOCALYPSE VIDEO WHEREVER PODCASTS ARE OBTAINED AND FOLLOW THEM ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK.


DIRECTIVE 6:
RETURN TO SECTOR 2 IN THE FUTURE TO ENFORCE THE ROBOPOD WITH MORE ROBO-RELATED CONTENT


THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION – GOODNIGHT

COMMAND COM
LOAD BIOS
MEMORY SET
SYSTEM STATUS
OK…


SECTOR 2 - APOCALYPSE VIDEO
CARTOON DISCUSSION IN PROGRESS…


SUSPECTS: APOCALYPSE VIDEO MANAGER: “DAVE” AND WASTELAND RULER: “IMMORTAN HOOF”


DISCUSSION TOPICS DETECTED:
1. ROBO BEATS CAPTAIN PLANET TO THE “SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT” CAMPAIGN
2. ROBO LOSES POWER YET AGAIN
3. ROBO-DOGS


DIRECTIVE 5:
RATE, REVIEW AND SUBSCRIBE TO APOCALYPSE VIDEO WHEREVER PODCASTS ARE OBTAINED AND FOLLOW THEM ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK.


DIRECTIVE 6:
RETURN TO SECTOR 2 TO ENFORCE THE ROBOPOD WITH: MENACE OF THE MIND


THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION – GOODNIGHT

Six times the terror... Six times the fear... Six times the thrills...

At long last, the origin of Michael’s Madness is finally revealed…via a producer's cut that was too stupid for public consumption. It’s Halloween 6: The Cursed Reshoot - err, I mean, The Curse of Michael Myers.

I’m your host Dave, and joining me as we try to make sense of this goofy retcon is fellow horror fan and Cult of Thorn disciple, Immortan Hoof (aka: Nick).

Topics of discussion in this episode include the baffling ending to the theatrical cut of Halloween 6, which includes what looks like the clone room from Alien: Resurrection; we give Smith’s Grove Sanitarium a safety violation for it’s randomly placed wall spikes; and finally, we come to the realization that maybe Dr. Sam Loomis wasn’t such a bad psychiatrist after all when it came to Michael Myers - it was that pesky pagan cult undermining his treatment all along.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected] Let us know what your favorite scary movies are and what gives you the bugaboos.

The Apocalypse Video Halloween Retrospective will return, along with its franchise’s most famous star, with Halloween H20: 20 Years Later. Until then, keep watching the skies for Thorn! Whenever it appears, we appear!!! Bwahahahahahahaha!!!

Welcome kiddies to the final installment of the Apocalypse Video Shocktober Spooktacular: Cyber Edition. For our last bout of cyber horror, we bring you the 1975 horror classic, The Stepford Wives.

I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we submit our applications to the Men’s Association are fellow horror fans and black eyed automatons Mike, Jackie, Ryan, and Immortan Hoof (aka: Nick).

Topics of discussion in this episode include the unholy hellspawn of Disney’s most deranged imagineer; we talk about the movie’s long lasting legacy on horror; and finally, the ending of this film may have ruined boobs for all of us.

Be sure to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can also Follow Us on Twitter, Like Us on Facebook, or shoot us an email at [email protected] Let us know what your favorite scary movies are and what gives you the bugaboos.

The Apocalypse Video Shocktober Spooktacular: Cyber Edition is now powering down. We’ll see you next year, kiddies. Until then, be wary if your spouse says they want to move somewhere “quiet” - you may just be in line for a Stepfording.