The couples are easing into their quality time with one another on their honeymoons in Vegas, baby — literally. To the dismay of Sarah, Mary, and the world, Chris reveals that his ex-fiance is six weeks pregnant with his child but somehow still tries to play the good-guy / victim card whenever he possibly can. Sarah is absolutely repulsed by Jacob eating a raw onion at lunch, while Mary is underwhelmed with the amount of dolphin play on Clara and Ryan’s porpoise-themed date. Both Sarah and Mary are sad and moved at the sight of a closed up taco stand, which pretty much sums up this season for them thus far.

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The biggest takeaway from LMN’s “Killer Advice” is that there was simply not enough Eric Roberts. Sarah recalls a time when she saw him in real life but didn’t want to interrupt his froyo experience. Mary can’t let go of the fact that five dollars doesn’t go nearly as far as the good people at Lifetime would have us believe, and Sarah discovers she has a severe aversion to cheesecakes — mini cheesecakes, specifically, which were referenced more times than any movie should ever allow. Intimate gynecological and therapy mishaps are revealed, and both Sarah and Mary try to come to terms that those mishaps were not their fault.

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The wedding night, breakfast with their new families, and travel to Vegas for the honeymoon is covered for all five of the couples. Sarah’s really not happy with Jacob’s hyper-focused steak and eggs diet, mostly because it’s the only thing he talks about (that and his stupid man cave spa-house and questionable gut health). Mary continues to be proud of Virginia’s handling of her drinks on camera and realizes that Erik might be a bigger “dud” than she expected — second only to his mother. The girls are incensed by Chris’s behavior and decide he’s fundamentally a bad egg, provoking a discussion to possibly have some “Team Paige” shirts at the ready. Sarah tells a story involving a “Who Farted?” tee shirt that is a gift to everyone. Lots of laughs, with a small side of rage, in this one.

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Of course the girls have some take-aways from “Wendy Williams: The Movie.”  Were they earth-shattering? No. Valuable? Depends.  Sarah and Mary both agree that Wendy had some awful experiences along the way; however, after this movie, they’re not much more knowledgeable about Wendy than before. Is it fun to know that she likes to eat her caviar with Doritos? Of course it is. Do they feel bad that she didn’t think enough of herself to walk away from Kev one of the first ten times he cheated on her? Absolutely. Would they suggest you take time out of your day to watch this movie? Probably not. That’s why they recap it for you.

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The final two couples walk down the aisle to meet and greet their stranger-danger spouses. Sarah is appalled at Chris’s superficiality as he tells Paige’s bridesmaids that, although she may have a “nice shape,” Paige isn’t the kind of woman he’s wanted in the past. Mary is incensed at Chris’s father for letting Paige know his son’s a horn-ball who’s going to want to “receive” sex every night after work. Along with being proud of Virginia for staying vertical the whole night, both Sarah and Mary agree that Jacob is the personification of a yawn, and Haley would rather pick up trash on the side of the road than be on camera.

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The “Salt-N-Pepa” movie proved extremely difficult to follow, from characters to timelines, to who the hell cares if “Push It” is playing in the background. Sarah loses count of Spinderellas and babies while Mary has a hard time telling if they were going for morning sickness or an eating disorder. Sarah and Mary are blown away to discover that a Sears call center was such a hotbed of talent. 

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After watching several of the couples get married and interact at their wedding receptions, Sarah and Mary have additional thoughts, concerns—and of course—looming questions. Why does Virginia need a shot every five minutes? Is Clara an armpit model? Does Erik not understand the value of an open bar? Also, Sarah impresses the crap out of Mary by performing not one, but two Salt-N-Pepa verses from memory as they gear up for the Salt-N-Pepa documentary movie they’ll be reviewing for next week’s episode.

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“The Evil Twin” has Sarah incensed with Emily’s inability to dig deeper and ask even just basic questions about what is happening in her own life. Mary is violently annoyed with the starring role that hot chocolate plays in this week’s movie—again. AND THIS TIME IT HAS A CONDIMENT. Sarah and Mary agree they’d much rather gamble and be friends with the evil twin as the other one is a varsity snooze-fest. 

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Sarah and Mary offer their first impressions of the MAFS season 12 participants along with their thoughts on the couples—who they think will make it long term, and who they think will crash and burn. From “elderly” 38-year-old, Jacob, to Paige, a full-time accountant with Jesus in her heart and eating ass on her mind, the ladies agree, wholeheartedly, that this season is probably going to be pretty great. 

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In Lifetime's “The Wrong Fiancé,” Mary concludes that Abby is a garbage human being and not even worthy of stalking. Sarah questions small town law enforcement practices, smartphone fonts and where on earth she can get Vivica A. Fox’s tracksuit—because it’s amazing. Without ever having been shot in the leg, both Sarah and Mary agree that they’d handle it better than Richard did.

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