DNA discoveries often arrive without warning, reshaping families in ways that are both tender and complex. It’s not too often we hear from the parents in a DNA discovery, and even less often that a surprised biological father shares his experience.

Today’s guest, Arnold (shared with permission), reflects on the past six years since he first learned he had a biological daughter he never knew existed. His story is one of vulnerability and openness, of loss and healing, and finding courage to reveal a surprise child discovery after years of choosing not to share.

This episode covers:

Arnold’s experience of preparing to share about his biological child discovery, first with his wife and later his children

Arnold (and his late wife’s) decision to meet his biological daughter in person and develop a relationship with her privately

Finding community with other bio dads and from online support groups

How coaching with Brianne set him up for success in sharing the surprise news

Stories like Arnold’s remind us that surprise DNA discoveries are not a one-time event. They unfurl over multiple years, changing lives irreversibly. They send some people through grief first on the way to healing. The ripples of secrets keep going through generations until someone decides it’s time for something different.

Arnold’s journey is the experience of one person and their decisions. No two surprise DNA discoveries are the same. What Arnold’s story teaches is that preparation can’t be rushed. Growth comes in unexpected ways and can’t be set by anyone else’s timeline.

Perhaps most importantly, new family connections—when handled with care—can become a source of new family relationship, and meaning can come again even after unexpected and devastating losses.

Read more from Arnold's original post in 2019 and his recent update on the Watershed DNA blog.

Have a question for Arnold? Leave a comment! He's promised to come back on a future episode to answer listeners' pressing questions.