Ask Christopher West

How do I help my future potential spouse understand the shameful parts of my sexual past? I have many secular friends, whom I love very much. How do I respond to an invitation to a same-sex wedding from one of them with love and respect? Is there a theology to sexual positions?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Like the podcast? Become a patron of the TOB Institute.

This week’s questions:

Q1: As a 30-something woman who’s made some mistakes in the area of sex and sexuality, I feel immense shame. I hope that there is a holy marriage in the future, and that has always been a deep desire, but I worry about sharing some of these areas of my shameful past, that I may be rejected. Christopher, how did you go about sharing the painful parts of your past, and is it necessary to share all? Wendy, did you have to work through disappoint or concerns related to this? (Part 2)

Q2: So much of my life is secular. I love TOB and all our faith stands for. All my friends know I’,m a devout catholic who stands for everything the church teaches. But being immersed in so many secular circles has led me to knowing and loving many different people in different walks of life. I have not been asked yet, but I am nervous for the day when a friend invites me to a same-sex wedding? What do I say? How can I treat that situation with love and respect.

Q3: Is there a theology to sexual positions? For example, face-to-face versus other positions?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

The Good News About Sex and Marriage

Holy Sex!: A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving by Dr. Greg Popcak

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

My priest instructed women to cover their shoulders at mass. Was this the right call? Why does God give us desires if they seem impossible to attain? How do I deal with the shame I carry over my past?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Enjoy the podcast? Become a patron of the Theology of the Body Institute!

This week’s questions:

Q1: Someone created a post on Twitter in which they asked women to cover their shoulders at Mass, so that they are not distracting men and leading them to sin. It created significant debate. What do you think?

Q2: What advice do you have for a couple where both desire to have traditional roles (the wife at home with children, and the man working full time) and yet that does not seem possible? Why does God give us these desires if it does not seem possible or probable?

Q3: As a 30-something woman who’s made some mistakes in the area of sex and sexuality, I feel immense shame. I hope that there is a holy marriage in the future, and that has always been a deep desire, but I worry about sharing some of these areas of my shameful past, that I may be rejected. Christopher, how did you go about sharing the painful parts of your past, and is it necessary to share all? Wendy, did you have to work through disappoint or concerns related to this?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

The Good News about Sex and Marriage

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

If I'm called to the celibate life, I feel like I would be missing out on so much! What does TOB have to say about the celibate life? What is the difference between delighting in my wife's body and lusting after her? How should a man think about the reality "God wants to marry us?"

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Love the podcast? Become a patron of the Theology of the Body Institute.

This week’s questions:

Q1: The more I hear the two of you talk on marriage and the spousal analogy, the more I desire to marry and have a large family, which has been my only desire all my life. I feel as though if I’m called to be a sister, to partake in the marriage of the lamb on Earth, I’ll be missing out on so very much. Can you direct me to any resources on TOB as it relates to the celibate life?

Q2: What is the difference between a husband delighting in his wife’s body and lust?

Q3: If God wants to marry us and Baptism is the way to enter the Marriage, then shouldn’t we think of our relationship with God as a marriage?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

The Good News about Sex and Marriage

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

What are your thoughts on dress and modesty? Is there a theology to the menstrual cycle? Is it OK if our honeymoon sex was kind of awkward? This episode of Ask Christopher West features questions from women on issues largely pertaining to womens' experience, but Christopher and Wendy's reflections are beneficial to both men and women.

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

This week’s questions:

Q1: In your talk “Woman: God’s Masterpiece”, you mention that if we as women knew how men think, we would dress modestly without a doubt. Could you explain how men think?

Q2: Is there a theology to the cycle of women? Sometimes, it’s hard for me to accept how I am made as a woman, having all these crazy things happen in my body. And I would like to know if there is something pointing me to God in all that craziness.

Q3: Is it OK if honeymoon sex is very awkward?Aren’t we doing it wrong if it doesn’t feel like a scene from a movie?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Bernini's Ecstasy of Saint Teresa

TOB Level 1 Course - Find the course trailer and testimonials here

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

What advice do you have to those expecting their first child? What should I be thinking about when choosing my child's name? Is forgiveness as depicted in the movie "The Shack?" really possible?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want more TOB? Became a Patron of the TOB Institute.

This week’s questions:

Q1: After two long years of infertility and having one miscarriage, we finally conceived our second child. What lights or wisdom can you share with a first-time mom about motherhood and praying through pregnancy? Also, do you have any thoughts about the importance of choosing a child’s name?

Q2: I know that Christopher loves movies. What does he think about the healing path shown in the movie “The Shack”? Is it really possible to forgive someone that kidnaps, rapes, and kills your daughter?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

John Paul II's Apostolic Letter on the Dignity and Vocation of Women

Catechism of the Catholic Church | 2838-2845 | "Forgive us our trespasses..."

The Good News about Sex and Marriage

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

If no one is given or received in marriage in heaven, what will be the primary purpose of our bodies? My husband and I were married outside the church, and are seeking an annulment for his previous marriage. We are currently living as brother and sister. Do you have any advice for how best to handle this situation? What's the difference between letting unruly desires die and repression of desire?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

If you love the podcast, become a Patron of Theology of the Body Institute.

This week’s questions:

Q1: At the resurrection we will be reunited with our bodies, but no one will be given or received in marriage. What, then, will be the primary purpose of our bodies? How will we use our bodies to give and receive love?

Q2: My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together about 11. He was previously married, and has two children. I have one daughter, who I had out of wedlock. I was baptized Catholic, but didn't embrace the faith until last year when I had a conversion experience. My husband and I were not married in the Church, and he has no religion. Through this conversion experience (it was through the Cursillo movement), I understood more deeply that I was living out of the state of grace. We began the process of having his previous marriage dissolved, and I've been under the advisement of a priest. He made it clear to me that I do have a choice that allows me to follow God's will - live as brother and sister. After much prayer, I decided I wanted to do that. However, it seemed wrong to make that decision without my husband, and when I brought it to him about two months ago, we was not open to it. Mostly, it seemed, because it angered him that: 1) I agreed with the Church's stance that our marriage was invalid, and 2) That the Church was "withholding" the sacraments from me which was causing me to be upset. Now, though, after more discerning, I've decided to move forward with living as brother and sister, even if my husband is angry about it. Do you have any advice for me on moving forward with this decision? Any words of wisdom on how to address this with my husband? Could you recommend any Bible passages to guide me? And is it really necessary to sleep in separate beds?

Q3: What's the difference between letting unruly desires die and repression of desire?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

The Good News About Sex and Marriage

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

I feel that my eating disorder has ruined my body. How is God's glory revealed through MY body, which is so often shameful to me? My brother-in-law has dwarfism, and retains some anger toward God for this. How do I help him? As a new Christian therapist, what are some ways I can include TOB in my practice?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Like the show and the rest of TOB Institute's work? Become a patron and get access to even more content!

This week’s questions:

Q1: I had an eating disorder growing up, and now I weigh about 330lbs, down from nearly 400, and still losing - slowly through a healthy lifestyle. As far as the world is concerned my feminine body is fat and unhealthy and disgusting, a laughingstock. I feel like I ruined the body I was given and no matter how many years I work at it, it's "too late now." When you say, "you don't have a body, you are a body" it sounds horrible, not like a gift. What can I do to see it differently?

Q2: I am a new therapist and I was wondering how a therapist can integrate TOB in a counseling setting?

Q3: How does Theology of the Body deal with permanent physical conditions? I have a brother-in-law who has dwarfisim and struggles to understand God and His plan with his condition.

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Embrace - Film on Body Issues

TOB Institute Courses

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

What was your dating story? As a divorced person, should I seek an anullment? I have some friends who are seriously discussing polyamory, and whether monogamy is even worth it. What do you think?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

This week’s questions:

Q1: Tell us your dating story!

Q2: I was married for 15 years and have been divorced for 7 years. I haven’t tried to get an annulment. It was an unhappy marriage. My husband was verbally abusive and unfaithful. I wasn’t perfect either. I wasn’t a good wife. I made mistakes and I feel I was selfish when I chose to get divorced, because I wanted happiness. But my life has been anything but happy and our two children were impacted negatively by our divorce. I don’t feel, in my heart, that I deserve an annulment because I was 30 when I got married and knew what I was doing. Should I try and get the annulment, or should I pray that I can be reunited with my ex-husband or should I resign myself to live a single chaste life?

Q3: I once met this girl whose boyfriend cheated on her, and she really was hurt. She told me that in the past when she had a boyfriend, and other men were interested in her, she would cheat, so she would be the one who would be hurting them. Then she began talking about polyamory. A guy she was with began saying that polyamory was the best way to go. Threesome, foursome, it was all fun. I was kind of disgusted by the whole conversation. I was trying to tell them (as a Catholic that I am), that that was wrong, but since I didn't know how to explain that that type of mentality and attitude towards relationship and sex is not fun and is wrong, they began laughing at me. So they asked me this question: "IS MONOGAMY WORTH IT?”.

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Become a patron of the Theology of the Body Institute.

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Why does the Church teach against pre-marital sex? Were Adam & Eve unmarried? How do all the difficult parts of marriage fit into the idea that "God wants to marry us"? What advice do you have for an older couple that had a vasectomy done in the early part of their marriage?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

This week’s questions:

Q1: Please explain more on God's plan & call for us to wait until marriage for sexual union. Living together is everywhere. How do we understand that Adam & Eve were married? How does their union differ from people living together in commitment and then (maybe) coming to the Church for a blessing?

Q2: Please explain more on how the sexual union images God? And if marriage is the key to understanding everything, what about marriage and sexual union that is an horrendous thing, ugly & hurtful? What about rape, sexual abuse, domestic violence, broken relationships etc etc? All the hard stuff? How does this fit with 'God wants to marry us'? Some people may well think - well if this is what marriage is like I want nothing to do with God marrying me!

Q3: After 40 years of marriage and 3 children, I have finally read TOB for Beginners. My spouse had a vasectomy when we were both 25. We were ignorant of TOB and Humanae Vitae. We were dreadfully poor and erroneously thought vasectomy was the only way to provide for our 3 children. We feel incredible remorse even though we have confessed our sin in the sacrament of Reconciliation and been forgiven. How do we now live TOB at the age of 59? (We were 19 when we got married.) We still enjoy the nuptial embrace as a means of giving ourselves to each other.

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Sterilization Reversal Book from One More Soul

TOB Institute Community

The Good News about Sex and Marriage

Theology of the Body for Beginners

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Why is the priestly vocation for men only? As a man, how do I determine whether I am looking at a woman's body in a way that is loving, not lustful?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute Director Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

This week’s questions:

Q1: From the lens of TOB, can you explain why the priesthood is a vocation for men only?

Q2: As a man, how do I know if the reason/way I look at a beautiful woman is chaste or lustful? Is it wrong to look at “those parts” of the woman's body with a chaste and pure intention even though my body reacts the same or similar way?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

TOB Pilgrimage to Mexico City

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.