Sah dude! (I told Austin it was “suh” but he wouldn’t listen… now he’s coming to the realization that “suh” actually does sound like “sup” as in “what’s up” or just “whassup”… no he takes that back because he can’t be wrong and “sah” is actually the “wha” sound in “whassup” so it makes sense… anyway that’s just an aside from your lovely producer) That’s also the end of this episode description. No, wait. Austin takes that back. He says I need to tell you about his really awesome flannel shirt that looks like an 80s arcade threw up on it... as if you can’t read the title of this episode.

This episode is about hair, babies, and water. And also pirates? And jag-wires? And long brunettes who can sing? Yeah, that sounds about right. Plus, Jeremy’s back (from the dead), Annie’s added blueberries to her list of fruits that she irrationally hates, and Justin derailed the episode by talking about SNL for thirty minutes (we cut that, you’re welcome… but we can blame that one on William Pirate Baird O'Connell Whispers)

In lieu of an actual description, here’s a useful list of life tips: Don’t name your child Hugo. If you want to make something groovy, use jazz hands. Get a job if you watch the weather channel. If you’re a weatherman, just become a horse race announcer for the three meaningful horse races a year. And most importantly, don’t go to The Cheesecake Factory and order salad. Also featured in this episode: at least 21.7 minutes reviewing the movie about the boy in the desert with his mother.

No time for intro! Hitting you with hot date takes harder than Annie hits her sticks of butter! 1. Brush teeth after raviolis 2. Like a good listener, State Farm is there 3. No phones! Edna Mode 4. Ask questions like the riddler but in reverse I think… 30. Do not eat saktines before bed. Bad Austin! Eat more ice cream! 38. Right armpit stain will it dry? 46. Living like jungle man bad 52. Talk like an 18th century British doctor 63. Compliment and a handshake. What is this 1940s France? 69. You are either an over the top counter clockwise toilet paper roll or you’re a loser.

Stop the presses! Stop 'em right now! This might be new season worthy! But only if you count Austin listening to and maybe liking one Kanye song and the entire Spiderverse soundtrack because he might like rap now? Something that’s not non-cowboy hat country?! It just might be the solution to him feeling his elbows, but if it’s anything like his new sleep solutions (being soaking wet before bed and tying his eyes down with a rainbow bandana) then you’re going to need a mixed drink of sand and foot sweat to get through this one.

Life is a highway and if you’re going to ride it, don’t use a bike and get out of Austin’s way. Bikes are illegal, and you deserve to be hit by a spring-loaded boxing glove ejected from the side of a car. On an unrelated note, I (your lovely producer) am contractually obligated to tell you that Austin is not short. Austin is 5’ 6” according to his doctor, and he definitely does not have the “spirit of a giant bodybuilder in the frame of a 4 inch tall man.”

Remember Season 1 Episode 1 when Austin didn’t know how microwaves worked? Remember how we talked about that for a solid 40 minutes because we thought THAT was the worst thing Austin didn’t understand? Well, he still hasn’t evolved in any way. So here to solve his problems are: a giant metal hot rod, bigger microwaves, and government microwave attendants funded by taxpayer dollars. Also, we should violate the Geneva Convention to kill bees except bumblebees (but only if they rebrand themselves).

There is a six point ninth dimension beyond that which is known to SWTs. A dimension where radar and sonar actually acronym right. Where dresser drawer Swifties emerge from their house graveyards cuddling broccoli sweater kittens, and spaghetti is a Pokemon type. A world where you can apply so many nodules of deoderant with your four arms with the graceful whipping of a samurai sword. And where Maryland is still stupid and lame. Is gravity real?

G’day mateys we’re coming at you sloopdingers and swampfrazzles live from the dragonball Z version of Australia! Hope you slipped on your slick’ums and undeviated your septums because we’ve got some gas waitresses to woo for Austin. Plus, Jeremy tackles taxes with his latest Jeremæform, and that’s definitely the most exciting way to end this description.

Go outside! Get out of your London 1812 bunker and start singing at half mast because Austin and Alex have finally agreed on something! They have put aside their differences on number words and neck tinglers to cyberbully the short-necked giraffe lover formerly known as Annie (we made her change her name for legal alliterative purposes).