An episode that uncovers the intimate side of autism.

In Episode 114 of The Autistic Culture Podcast, Matt and Angela are joined by autistic sex and relationship therapist Kate McNulty to explore the realities of autistic intimacy, dating, and emotional connection from a neurodivergent lens.

Here’s what’s in store for today’s episode:

* The unique challenges of dating while autistic, from sensory issues to communication differences and masking in relationships.

* How autistic masking in romantic dynamics can cause emotional burnout and loss of authenticity.

* The importance of SPIN sharing (bonding over special interests) is a core part of autistic love languages.

* Why autistic adults often haven’t had their voices heard around intimacy and sexuality, and how this silence is rooted in eugenics-based narratives.

* How couples therapy can be adapted to support autistic relationship dynamics, especially when both partners are neurodivergent.

* The link between autism and asexuality, and the diversity of intimacy experiences within the LGBTQ+ autistic community.

* Strategies for navigating sensory overwhelm during intimacy, including how to build a sensory-friendly bedroom that supports comfort, safety, and connection.

* Why autistic people are often more open to nontraditional relationship structures, despite a preference for routine and predictability.

* Most importantly, we celebrate autistic joy—the emotional depth, connection, and fulfillment that comes from embracing your true self in relationships.

Kate McNulty is a proudly autistic licensed clinical social worker who specializes in autism-affirming therapy, sex and relationship counseling, and neurodivergent support. She is certified by the Gottman Institute in relationship therapy and by AASECT as a sex therapist. Kate is passionate about helping autistic individuals and couples build meaningful, joyful, and authentic connections.

🌐 Learn more about Kate’s work:

* Therapy Practice: portland-counseling.com

* Sex Therapy & Education: sexpositivetherapist.com

* Autism-Specific Services: autistictherapist.com

📅 Schedule a session:Click here to book online

“The majority of the people that I’ve worked with are adults. I’ve worked with some teenagers who are now in their 20s. And every once in a while, I get a parent who signs their teenager or 20-something, or 40-something up for therapy. And they want their autistic child to have ‘life skills’. But when you come into relationships and sex, all of a sudden, it’s like ‘my God, no, we can’t do that!”, because they’re still under the impression that their kid who has trouble making food or getting a job or something is never going to have a healthy relationship.” - Matt Lowry LPP

“It is a major turn-on to see someone very intensely sorting and categorizing their rock collection.” - Matt Lowry LPP

“We want to do all we can to make the bedroom a sensory-friendly environment. That oftentimes means getting clutter out of the way, making sure the sheets are clean, getting rid of any fragrances from laundry or soap or body products, anything that’s gonna interfere. It’s important to be candid with one another about that and not take it personally.” - Kate McNulty

“There are some things about autistic nervous systems that are unlikely to change. We don’t become desensitized. We can try to be flexible and match our partner’s desires, but we can only take it so far. And that’s a can’t, not a won’t.” - Kate McNulty

“I will confirm that there’s nothing sexier than a flexible partner.” - Matt Lowry LPP

“Part of autistic intimacy is knowing that there’s room for all kinds of imaginative play, sharing weird fantasies or quirky ideas, and being in that space together, that psychological space you share of imagination and anything being possible.” - Matt Lowry LPP

Did you enjoy this episode? We explored the intersection of autism with various aspects of life, diving into the unique experiences of autistic intimacy and relationships. Tune in as we discuss the challenges of sensory overwhelm, the diversity of autistic experiences, and how couples therapy can support autistic relationship dynamics. Let us know your thoughts in the comments, and use #AutisticCultureCatch to share your experiences!

Resources:

🧠 Angela’s SPIN Study – Exploring Autistic Special Interests in Intimacy🔗 bit.ly/spinstudy

🖤 Find a Kink Munch – Community & ConnectionLooking to connect with like-minded individuals in a neurodivergent-friendly setting?🔗 Find a Munch

📚 Book: Exhibitionism for the Shy by Carol QueenA sex-positive guide to self-expression and confidence.🔗 Available on Amazon

📺 Video: I Love You, Don't Touch Me: Sex and Sensory ProcessingA thoughtful discussion on sensory needs and intimacy, especially relevant for autistic individuals.🔗 Watch on YouTube via Pink TherapyRelated Episodes:

Kink is Autistic

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