Small talk is weird. Especially when you’re autistic.

This week, Matt, Erin, and Cade dig into why neurotypical small talk revolves around scripts like weather and sports, while autistic conversations often jump straight into deeper topics, shared interests, and joyful info-dumps.

Highlights from this episode:

• Why small talk works as “social lubrication” for neurotypicals — and why it often feels pointless or exhausting for autistic people

• How parallel play and shared activities (like gaming) can be a more natural way for autistic folks to connect

• The surprising lesson from a game where small talk is literally just a button you push

• The difference between helpful structure and overwhelming social guesswork

• Why autistic conversations often center curiosity, depth, and special interests instead of scripts

Also in this episode: IKEA instructions as a metaphor for autistic life without clear signposts, guild dynamics in online games, and why an enthusiastic info-dump might actually be the most honest form of connection.

Real talk. Autistic joy. And a reminder that connection doesn’t have to look like weather updates and sports scores.

This is the way.

This week’s episode happened fast. Matt and Erin pulled in returning guest Dr. Kade Sharp to talk through a situation unfolding in real time—and why it matters far beyond one state.

We talk about the sudden policy in Kansas invalidating driver’s licenses for many trans people, what that actually means in everyday life, and why community support and mutual aid matter right now.

Highlights from the episode:

• What the Kansas policy means in practice—how invalidating IDs can affect driving, voting, pharmacy access, and safety for trans people
• The overlap between autistic and trans communities, and how systems often gatekeep gender-affirming care through letters, bureaucracy, and barriers
• Practical ways to help: mutual aid, organizations like Rainbow Sanctuary and the Resilience Postcard Project, and how allies can show up even without money

Side note:
This episode moves between serious policy discussion and very real Autistic tangents—because that’s how conversations actually work. We talk about activism, community care, workplace small talk scripts, reality TV social games, and why sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is simple: show up, support people, and make sure nobody is facing this stuff alone.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

Autistic Connections: Available on Facebook and Discord, Autistic Connections is a community space where listeners can connect and continue conversations.

Rainbow Sanctuary (Emporia, Kansas): Queer-led multi-faith sanctuary supporting LGBTQ+ people and organizing practical support for trans residents affected by recent policies.

Resilience Postcard Project: Community effort sending supportive postcards and messages to trans people and trans youth who may be isolated or unsafe.
https://transresiliencestudy.com/resilience-postcard-project/

ACLU: Civil liberties organization currently involved in legal challenges related to discriminatory policies.
https://www.aclu.org

PFLAG: Longstanding advocacy and support organization for LGBTQ+ people and their families.
https://pflag.org

Van Ethan Levy Gender-Affirming Care Training and Provider List: Training and provider directory for clinicians who write gender-affirming care letters with reduced gatekeeping.
https://www.dosomethingidentities.org

Aces Up Your Sleeve Podcast: Podcast co-hosted by Kade Sharp focused on sexuality, neurodivergence, and identity.
https://neurokink.org/auys

Bonus Resources:

These weren't mentioned in the show, but came to our attention afterwards. Since we want folks to have as many resources as possible, here they are.

Trans Continental Pipeline: Volunteer network helping trans people relocate to safer states, including housing coordination and relocation support with a focus on Colorado.
https://tcpipeline.org/

Trans Continental Pipeline – Additional Relocation Projects: Page listing partner relocation efforts helping trans people move to states beyond Colorado when safety or legal access to care is threatened.
https://tcpipeline.org/notco/

Matt and Erin flip the script this week — Erin takes the lead, and Matt talks about living as a PDAer. It’s direct. It’s personal. And yes, there are breadsticks.

We’re talking about what PDA actually is (and isn’t), why “pathological demand avoidance” misses the point, and what changes when we reframe it as a persistent drive for autonomy.

Highlights from this episode:

• Why “pathological” says more about the system than the person — and why autonomy isn’t a disorder

• What PDA feels like on the inside: the spike, the interruption, the hierarchy aversion, and the need for safety

• Low-demand parenting in real life — negotiating poop schedules, air fryer independence, and yes-and dinner planning

• The difference between situational demand avoidance and the constant push-pull many PDAers live with

• Why trust changes everything — and how offering real choices (not fake ones) builds flexibility

• Boundaries still matter. No hitting. No harm. But how we approach limits makes all the difference

• Respect over compliance. Personhood over productivity. Humans over resources

We also cover: Gmail login meltdowns, silent phones, corgis in human suits, community mental health productivity bonuses, black roses, Johnny Cash train sets, and why sometimes the fastest way to connection is an Olive Garden breadstick.

Side note: If you’ve ever wondered, “Isn’t a low-demand approach just enabling?” — we talk about that. Directly. Safety isn’t indulgence. It’s oxygen. And when PDAers feel safe and respected, they can do hard things. Not because they were forced. Because they chose to.

We are not defiant. We are not mean. We are wired for autonomy and safety. And when trust is real, flexibility grows.

Matt, Erin, and returning guest Kate McNulty are back — and this one moves from burnout to shame to safety, with stops at birds, clocks, and emotional support cheese.

We’re talking about what happens when your spark goes out… and how to find it again without shaming yourself into motion.

We cover:
• How to rebuild momentum in burnout — from “skip a step” strategies to using curiosity as fuel
• What shame actually is, how it forms in dysregulated relationships, and why it disconnects us from safety
• Fawning, appeasement, and nervous system survival — and why victims aren’t “choosing” compliance
• Why reclaiming autistic joy, collections, and special interests is resistance — not selfishness

There’s honest conversation here about re-parenting yourself while raising autistic kids, being shamed for what you love, and why honoring your natural cycles matters more than burning out in glory.

If you’re feeling stuck, flat, or ashamed of the very things that light you up, this one’s for you.

And yes — we still want to see the cats in cosplay.

Matt and Erin are joined this week by Kate McNulty, LCSW — therapist, teacher, late-identified Autistic human, and one of our own. We start with “special interests”… and end up square dancing, grinding coffee beans, and dismantling white supremacy. So. You know. A normal episode.We talk about:

• Kate’s late diagnosis at 60, the “lost generation,” and how stereotypes shaped by Rain Man left many of us masking for survival
• What a “special interest” actually is: intensity, flow state, intrinsic motivation — and why these passions regulate our nervous systems and anchor our purpose
• How engaging our interests (from pouring water to vibe coding to repairing clocks) can be acts of agency and even justice in overwhelming political times
• Why movement, pleasure, humor, and connection aren’t trivial — they interrupt freeze, restore hope, and help us stay human when systems are designed to make us feel helpless

Side note: Yes, we talk about cornflakes. Yes, we talk about masturbation. Yes, we connect it back to dopamine and regulation. This is what happens when Autistic therapists follow their associative thinking all the way down.If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, immobilized, or disconnected from the things that used to light you up — you’re not broken. You might be disregulated. There’s a difference.Come back next week. We’ll pick up the thread we almost started.

This week is a mailbag episode, and Erin and Matt take on two common questions from allistic listeners that come up constantly in real life. Both questions sound simple. Neither one is.

Episode highlights:

• If ABA is harmful, does that mean all discipline or behaviorism is bad — and what discipline is actually for
• Why punishment fails to teach, and how it damages trust, learning, and regulation
• The difference between misbehavior driven by dysregulation vs. misunderstanding
• Why discipline should mean teaching, modeling, and guiding — not control or compliance
• Why Autistic people can be deeply literal and deeply sarcastic (aka snarkolepsy), and why that confuses people so much

Also: this episode includes refrigerator magnets, cuckoo clocks, air fryers, AIC buttons for dogs, Amelia Bedelia logic, Hannah Gadsby wondering how she a box, and a penguin are related, Back to the Future, and a very firm rejection of authoritarian parenting. Matt and Erin don’t get to the rest of the mailbag — including PDA — because these two questions needed the space they took. And honestly, that’s kind of the point.

Note from Erin:

If you're interested in getting started on AIC buttons with your animals, I highly recommend checking out Fluent.pet and HungerForWords.com. They have lots of great info and free resources, even if you don't buy their buttons.

Some of my favorite button-pushers to watch:

Elsie at Elsie wants... (Human: Mary Robinette Kowal who is an incredible human all-around, but also happens to be a Hugo Award-winning author, celebrated narrator, and professional puppeteer)

Twiggy, Odin and Freya at Twiggy and her Cat Cat Friends (Human: Janine Marie Skunk, talking about how she got started here)

Bunny at What About Bunny (Human: Alexis Devine, who is also one of our Autistic neurokin! She tells her story and Bunny's in the book, I Am Bunny)

And, we can't forget the O.G. of interspecies button learning - Stella at Hunger4Words (Human: Christina Hunger, the speech and language pathologist who first noticed the similarities between her puppy and the pre-language toddlers she was working with. You can learn more about Stella's learning process in the book How Stella Learned to Talk)

This week, Matt and Erin slow things down and talk plainly about stress — what it actually does to autistic bodies, and why it hits so hard. From shutdowns and migraines to doomscrolling, snacks, and dogs who run bedtime, this is a lived-in conversation about surviving a loud world.

We cover:

• Why autistic stress isn’t just “in your head,” including interoception, shutdown, overdrive, and burnout
• How bodies give clues when stress is too much — and how many of us were taught to ignore those signals
• Practical, real-world supports: automated routines, snacks-as-care, sleep scaffolding, and letting animals (and people) help

Also included: vestibular migraines, perimenopause realities, surprise chicken strips, revenge bedtime procrastination, vagus nerve tools, cheese as coping (with rules), Google-induced rage, and why silence + snacks is a legitimate love language.

This week’s episode is heavy. Matt and Erin slow things down to talk plainly about safety, community, and what it means to stay human when systems built on control and cruelty become more visible. This is a grounding conversation about fear, responsibility, and why autistic ways of seeing the world matter right now.

We cover:

• What it feels like to live under threat — and why many white autistic people are only now feeling what Black and Indigenous communities have lived with for generations

• Why autistic justice sensitivity, bottom-up processing, and pattern recognition make this moment especially destabilizing (and clarifying)

• Balancing staying informed with protecting your nervous system — including permission to rest, dissociate, distract, and come back

• Community vs. rugged individualism: why survival has always been collective, not transactional

• Practical ways to engage that don’t require burning yourself out (calls, mutual aid, creative support, resource-sharing)

• Repair, accountability, and why changing your mind actually matters — but only if you do the work

Also: snowstorms, go-bags, echolalia, Batman canon, Abed as an autistic icon, consensual licking (yes, really), and a reminder that you don’t have to do everything — just something, when you can.

Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. That’s not fluff. That’s the point.

Matt and Erin are back with returning guest Maisie Soetantyo for a deeper, wider conversation about what happens after diagnosis—inside families, across cultures, and over a lifetime. This episode shifts from systems to home, from protocol to relationship, and from “fixing” kids to protecting connection.We talk about parenting autistic kids without shame, why reward systems and compliance fall apart in real life, and how culture, gender, and family expectations shape autistic identity in ways the system rarely acknowledges.

Episode highlights:

• How early masking is taught at school and reinforced at home—and why it sticks for life
• Parenting neurodivergent kids without reward charts, coercion, or constant outsourcing
• The quiet harm of being labeled “easy,” “good,” or “low maintenance” as an autistic child
• Cultural shame, disability myths, and why many autistic people in Asian communities stay hidden
• What actually helps autistic kids grow into regulated adults: safety, interest-based lives, and a home that feels like refuge

This is a grounded, human conversation about raising autistic people—not to perform adulthood, but to survive it with dignity. Real talk, lived experience, and tools you can actually use.

Matt and Erin are joined this week by longtime colleague and friend of the show, Maisie Soetantyo—an openly autistic, multiply neurodivergent advocate with decades inside the autism service system. This episode is a slow, honest unpacking of what it means to start inside ABA, believe you’re helping, and then realize the system itself is doing harm.

We talk about visible “progress,” invisible trauma, and the moment when following the protocol stops making sense—especially when you’re autistic yourself and keep asking why. This one ends on a cliffhanger, because it has to.

Highlights from this episode:

• Maisie’s early work in ABA at UCLA, why it looked effective at first, and what those “successes” missed

• What happens when compliance replaces connection—and why masking is demanded from both autistic kids and therapists

• The long-term impact of training kids to be invisible, including burnout, shutdowns, and after-school collapse

• Moral injury, burnout, and why so many well-intentioned providers eventually walk away

• Parenting autistic kids after leaving ABA, including sensory-specific eating, regulation, and respecting a real “no”

We stop here on purpose.
Part two is about what comes after—what actually supports autistic people across a lifespan, and how unlearning the system is sometimes the most important work.