In this episode of Awkward Etiquette, Auntie Kiki begins with a cautionary tale of a dinner party guest who arrived forty-five minutes late without an apology—and why she was never invited back. This isn't a story about petty drama; it's a masterclass in the quiet, devastating power of standards, the invisible architecture of a civilized Life.

We move beyond the surface level of manners to discuss the invisible architecture that holds up your entire life. Kiki breaks down the crucial difference between preferences (aesthetic), aspirations (fantasy), and standards (enforced criteria). Are your standards protecting your peace, or are they merely "trauma in a silk blouse"?

From the erosion of societal decorum (is this the modern Fall of Rome?) to the specific etiquette of "quiet enforcement," this episode is a deep dive into how Old Money discipline relies on access, not argument. We also explore the delicate art of calibrating your standards to your actual economic reality—because security never needs theater.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• The Dinner Party Test: Why the hostess didn't scold the late guest, but simply removed her access—and why this is the ultimate power move.
• Defining the Terms: The vital distinction between preferences (I like peonies), aspirations (I want a mansion), and standards (I will not tolerate disrespect).
• The Three Domains of Standards:
• Internal: How you treat your body, time, and finances.
• Relational: Who gains emotional proximity to you.
• Environmental: The physical chaos or noise you permit in your space.
• The "Ex-Rich" Dilemma: How to maintain dignity and class without financial insulation, and why over-extending to signal status is actually a lack of refinement.
• Quiet Enforcement: Why explaining your boundaries weakens them, and how to use "access" rather than "argument" as your mechanism of authority.
• The Reciprocity Rule: Why you cannot demand standards from others that you do not embody yourself (the hypocrisy of the handwritten note).

Quotable Moments:

• "Standards are not about being superior in any way. It's about being structurally sound."
• "Silence, darling, is not grace if it is breeding resentment."
• "High standards are sometimes just trauma in a silk blouse."
• "Aspiration is decoration. Standards are structure."
• "Security never needs theater."

Keywords & Keyphrases:

Old Money Etiquette, Social Boundaries, High Society Standards, Cultural Capital vs. Financial Wealth, Relationship Standards, Quiet Luxury, Social Climbing Signs, Etiquette for Dinner Parties, Narcissism and Access, Emotional Intelligence, Class Differences.

Resources & Links:

• Support the Podcast: Help keep Awkward Etiquette ad-free by supporting Kiki's work.
• Read the Books: Dive into the world of Old Money romance and suspense. Click Here
• Get a Cameo: Book a personalized message from Auntie Kiki for a birthday or a harsh truth bomb. https://www.cameo.com/kikiastorofficial
• Shop the Collection: Click here for Kiki Astor Nouveau Pauvre tees and more.

Listener Challenge:

This week, audit your life. Where are you performing standards instead of embodying them? Sit still and ask yourself: Are my thresholds strong enough to hold the weight of who I say I want to become?

Don't forget to leave a review, darling. It's simply good manners.

Are you staring at the wine list, instinctively searching for the Domaine de la Romanée-Conti, only to let your finger slide regrettably down to the second least expensive Pinot Noir? Welcome to the club, darling. You aren't broke; you are Nouveau Pauvre.

In this episode, Auntie Kiki explores the fascinating, often tragic, but always stylish world of the "New Poor." We discuss the cultural vertigo of possessing inherited standards without inherited liquidity and why maintaining elegance in the face of a shrinking bank account is the ultimate act of rebellion. From French aristocrats teaching piano to coal merchants' daughters to the modern reality of the "gig economy" generation, we explore how to live a rich life when the funds have evaporated.

IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVER:

- Defining Nouveau Pauvre: Understanding the specific disconnect between wallet and worldview. It's not poverty in the systemic sense; it's the condition of having taste that far exceeds your current assets.

- Historical Precedent: From post-revolution French émigrés to Russian Princes driving taxis in Paris, we look at how the formerly wealthy have always traded cultural capital when financial capital fails.

- The Sociology of Style: Insights from Pierre Bourdieu on "Cultural Capital" and why taste is the one asset creditors cannot seize.

- The Modern Trap: Why the current generation faces "sudden downward mobility," inheriting lifestyle expectations without the corresponding economic security.

- Etiquette for the Financially Embarrassed:

- Rule #1: Never narrate your finances. (Pity is the death of social standing).

- Rule #2: Reciprocate symbolically, not symmetrically. (A perfect roast chicken at home beats a Michelin star you can't afford).

- Rule #3: Master the art of the deflection. ("I'm enjoying a quieter chapter.")

- The Aesthetics of Maintenance: Why repairing a jacket is chicer than buying a new one, and why lighting is the broke host's best friend.

NOTABLE QUOTES:

"Money often leaves much faster than standards do. You can liquidate a trust fund in an afternoon, but you cannot so easily liquidate an upbringing."

"The wealthy display wealth, but the formerly wealthy display restraint."

"Wealth is reframed as what you have inside of you... civilization is portable."

"If the talk is dull, no amount of caviar can save you. If the talk is brilliant, you can serve toast and they will call you a genius."

KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR THE NOUVEAU PAUVRE:

1. Identity Follows Memory, Not Income: You do not need to be rich to be civilized.

2. Mend, Don't Spend: Treat your wardrobe with the Japanese concept of Kintsugi—the repair is part of the story.

3. Silence is Golden: Never apologize for not having money; simply be "impossibly complicated" to schedule.

4. Community: Join the "Society of the Solvent in Spirit." We may be eating beans on toast, but we are doing it off Spode china.

RESOURCES & LINKS:

- Contact Auntie Kiki: Have a question about etiquette, style, or navigating life as an ex-rich person? Email: [email protected]

- Advisory Services: Interested in personal consulting on etiquette, cuisine, and interiors? Stay tuned for Kiki's upcoming advisory service.

- Read the Books: Support the podcast by reading Kiki Astor's novels, featuring Nouveau Pauvre heroines, romance, and intrigue.

KEYWORDS & KEY PHRASES:

Nouveau Pauvre, Old Money Aesthetics, Cultural Capital, Financial Etiquette, Downward Mobility, Aristocratic Lifestyle, Ex-Rich, Pierre Bourdieu, Thorstein Veblen, Conspicuous Non-Consumption, Hosting on a Budget, Quiet Luxury, Social Class, Etiquette Tips, Kiki Astor, Awkward Etiquette.

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In this episode of The Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Kiki Astor tackles the elusive and often misunderstood concept of Style. Moving beyond fleeting trends and social media aesthetics, Kiki defines true style as a consistent manner of doing things—a language of behavior that extends far beyond your wardrobe.

Join Auntie Kiki as she explores the difference between authentic style and "costume," how to distinguish boldness from vulgarity, and why "Old Money" style prioritizes function and longevity over novelty. You'll learn a practical, step-by-step approach to auditing your lifestyle to find a personal uniform that serves you, rather than a fantasy version of yourself. Plus, Kiki answers listener questions on navigating wedding dress codes, handling friends with questionable taste, and aging with elegance.

SHOW NOTES

Episode: Defining True Style & The Art of Authenticity Host: Auntie Kiki (Author, Old Money & Etiquette Expert)

Key Topics Discussed:

• Style vs. Aesthetic: Why buying "Old Money" aesthetic items (like linen or riding boots) doesn't automatically give you style. True style is a result of consistency and lifestyle alignment.

• The Definition of Style: Understanding style as a process, not an outcome. It is how you speak, move, host, and exist in the world—even when no one is watching.

• Costume vs. Character: How to determine if your look is authentic or performative. Kiki discusses when items like kilts or cowboy boots are genuine versus when they become a costume.

• Boldness vs. Vulgarity: Navigating the fine line between being intentionally bold (eccentricity) and being vulgar (excess without meaning).

• Finding Your Authentic Style:

1. Audit your actual life (where do you really go every day?).
2. Identify your natural tendencies (structured vs. fluid, minimal vs. expressive).
3. Choose consistency over novelty (the power of a uniform).
4. Edit relentlessly.

• Etiquette Q&A:

• Can a sporty person have a casual wedding?
• Is it rude to resist dress codes?
• How to handle a friend with "bad" taste without being rude.
• Navigating style discrepancies in relationships.
• Aging gracefully: When does a youthful style become inappropriate?

Memorable Quotes:

"Style is not what you buy, it's how you do things consistently and over time."

"Elegance is the guardrail when it comes to the boundary between style and costume."

"Style becomes too loud when it stops serving you and your lifestyle, and when it starts to demand attention."

"Etiquette absolutely forbids cruelty disguised as honesty."

"It's not about standing out. It's about standing firm—firm in your values, firm in your preferences, firm in your sense of self."

Resources Mentioned:

• Auntie Kiki's mailing list http://www.kikiastor.com
• Auntie Kiki's novels (featuring Old Money heroines).
• Stick and Ball (Book reference regarding the character Ashley).

Connect with Auntie Kiki:

• Website: http://www.kikiastor.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kikiastorofficial/
• Subscribe to the mailing list for exclusive bonuses!

What is the invisible quality that separates the merely rich from the truly refined? In this foundational episode of Awkward Etiquette, Auntie Kiki goes beyond surface-level aesthetics to deconstruct the psychology and social anthropology of true elegance.

We often confuse elegance with luxury, but history tells a different story. From the stoic discipline of Ancient Rome to the "sprezzatura" of the Renaissance and the silent power of Truman Capote's "Swans," you will learn why elegance has always been a survival skill, not just a fashion statement. This episode is a deep dive into the behavioral intelligence required to elevate your life.

In this episode, you will learn:

• The Anthropology of Restraint: Why "Old Money" cultures value silence and how over-explaining signals social insecurity.
• The Psychology of the "Swan": How icons like Babe Paley used emotional discipline to maintain dignity during public scandals.
• Etiquette as Social Friction: Why "brutal honesty" is actually an act of aggression and how to master the art of the perfect, footnote-free refusal.
• The Difference that Matters: A clear breakdown of why Class is a category, Style is a vocabulary, but Elegance is the grammar that makes it all readable.

Stop dressing for attention and start behaving for authority. It's time to master the art of moving through the world without disturbing its balance.

Is taste inherited, learned, or just a synonym for money? In this definitive episode of the Awkward Etiquette trilogy, Kiki Astor dismantles the biggest myth in high society: that wealth buys discernment.

This week, we move beyond which fork to use and delve into the philosophical core of elegance. We explore why the richest person in the room often has the worst taste, why "class" and "taste" are actually opposing forces, and why true refinement is about editing, not accumulating.

From the psychology of "new money" anxiety to the quiet confidence of "old money" interiors, Kiki breaks down how taste is actually formed (hint: it involves boredom and mild embarrassment). She also covers the etiquette of taste—how to handle copycats, the politeness of sending back a dish, and how to cultivate discernment in children without turning them into snobs.

If you've ever wondered why some homes feel soulless despite millions in renovations, or why a simple European apartment feels effortlessly chic, this episode explains the invisible hierarchy of aesthetics.

Key Topics:

• Old Money vs. New Money Aesthetics: Why scarcity teaches discernment and abundance destroys it.
• Taste vs. Class: Why you can have impeccable manners and terrible taste (and vice versa).
• The Etiquette of Taste: How to comment on décor, dealing with social climbers, and the art of "quiet luxury."
• Inheritance vs. Education: Can you learn taste later in life? (Yes, but it hurts.)
• Parenting for Refinement: Teaching children value through omission and repair.
• The Moral Core: Why taste is ultimately about restraint, respect, and knowing when to stop.

In this episode of Awkward Etiquette with Kiki Astor, we tackle one of the most uncomfortable—and misunderstood—topics in modern society: class. Not money. Not income. Not net worth. Class.

From ancient Rome and Greece to modern Europe and North America, this episode explores how class has historically functioned as a system of behavior, duty, values, and conduct—not merely consumption. We trace how class evolved through feudal societies, the rise of the bourgeoisie, Victorian morality, and America's enduring myth of classlessness, revealing why pretending class no longer exists has made people socially confused, status-obsessed, and deeply anxious.

We unpack the critical difference between wealth vs class, income vs status, and why high earnings don't automatically translate into elegance, credibility, or social ease. Drawing on ideas like cultural capital, invisible manners, and long-term thinking, this episode explains what actually signals class today—and what merely signals insecurity.

You'll learn:

• The real historical meaning of class (and how we lost the plot)
• Why class markers have little to do with logos or luxury spending
• Who actually gatekeeps class, and why gatekeeping exists at all
• The 3 Generation rulle: How class mobility really works—and why so many families rise quickly only to fall within a few generations
• Why restraint, privacy, and institutional fluency matter more than visibility
• How pretending class is "dead" creates fragile elites and chaotic aspirants

Finally, we explore why class still matters—not as superiority, but as stewardship, social literacy, and stability—and how to cultivate genuine elegance regardless of your starting point.

This episode is for anyone fascinated by old money vs new money, social codes, etiquette, cultural power, and the quiet rules that still shape opportunity, trust, and belonging in modern life.

Why does exclusion hurt so much—and why has every functioning society depended on it?

In this episode of Awkward Etiquette with Kiki Astor, Kiki dismantles the modern fantasy that "everyone belongs" and reveals exclusion as one of the oldest, most stable organizing principles of social life. Drawing on history, psychology, etiquette, and elite social systems—from Mrs. Astor's 400 to Palm Beach clubs, London blackballing, and members-only cultures—this episode explains how gates, silence, and unspoken rules actually create coherence, trust, and power.

You'll learn:

• Why exclusion activates the brain like physical pain—and why we misinterpret it as personal failure

• The difference between rejection and structural exclusion (and why confusing them causes social anxiety)

• How old money, elite institutions, and private clubs use etiquette as a filtering system, not a performance

• How the cast of Members Only Palm Beach is anything but real high society

• Why the most secure people don't chase inclusion, over-explain, or audition for belonging

• How to read closed doors as information instead of insults

• How to stop unraveling after being left out—and start choosing rooms that fit your nervous system, values, and identity

This is a deep dive into status, class, power dynamics, etiquette, social hierarchy, exclusion psychology, old money culture, and modern insecurity—delivered with dry wit, historical rigor, and Auntie Kiki's signature clarity.

If you're tired of performative belonging, exhausted by social climbing, curious about how elite systems actually work, or craving a more grounded, dignified relationship to status and love—this episode will change how you move through the world.

For the final episode of the season of Awkward Etiquette Old Money and New Manners, Auntie Kiki invites you into the most intimate setting of all: the floor by the Christmas tree, wrapping gifts imperfectly and talking you down from the holiday panic spiral. This conversational season finale explores why old money traditions never revolve around a perfect Christmas and why elegance, confidence, and connection matter far more than flawless décor or curated aesthetics.

In this holiday etiquette episode, Kiki breaks down the modern obsession with getting Christmas "right," from symmetrical trees and pristine tables to carefully chosen outfits that are technically appropriate but completely forgettable. She explains why old money has always rejected perfection, not out of rebellion, but out of wisdom. Perfection is fragile, exhausting, and one spilled drink away from collapse, while confidence thrives in imperfection.

Listeners are guided through old money holiday style, including why wearing the wrong thing to a Christmas party is often the most elegant choice. From hunting jackets over velvet dresses to pearls paired with dog walking boots, these outfit choices create narrative, signal inherited confidence, and eliminate the anxiety of trying to impress. Old money fashion, Kiki reminds us, is about story over spectacle and presence over performance.

The episode also dives into old money Christmas parties and entertaining etiquette, where chaos is not a failure but a feature. Real candles, questionable wiring, overcrowded guest lists, and unpredictable moments are what transform gatherings into lasting memories. These imperfect holiday parties work because they allow people to relax, laugh, and connect without fear of things falling apart.

Gift giving etiquette takes center stage as well, with Kiki unpacking why old money never suffers from gift anxiety. Instead of branded, over explained presents, old money gifts reflect continuity and life in progress. Think homemade jam in reused jars, books no one asked for, mysterious brass objects, and stockings filled with oranges, loose sweets, and forgotten pocket treasures. These gifts aren't curated. They are contextual, personal, and quietly confident.

This season finale of Awkward Etiquette is a warm, witty reminder that true elegance during the holidays comes from resilience, shared stories, and emotional ease. Old money Christmas isn't about perfection. It's about connection, memory, and allowing imperfection to do its most important work.

Vampires are back—but in 2025, they aren't sleeping in coffins. They're chairing the board, running the estate, and freezing you out of the conversation with a polite smile.

In this episode of Awkward Etiquette, Kiki Astor dissects the ultimate social archetype: The Old Money Villain. Drawing from her novel Scarlet Fever and the terrifying "Sangren" family, Kiki explores why we are culturally obsessed with wealthy monsters (think Succession, The White Lotus, and The Perfect Couple) and why the scariest people aren't loud—they're just insulated.

If you've ever felt frozen out by high society, intimidated by a boss's silence, or exhausted by the "Eat the Rich" discourse, this episode is your survival guide.

Tune in to learn:

• The Anatomy of the Monster: Why Old Money villains don't use force, but "continuity," to maintain power.
• The "Eat the Rich" Trap: Why shame doesn't work on the ultra-wealthy, and how to replace outrage with structural literacy.
• Etiquette as Risk Management: Why exclusion isn't usually about snobbery—it's about equilibrium (and how to make yourself "legible" to the elite).
• The Economics of Emotion: How to use "The Power of the Pause" and manage your emotional labor like a currency.
• The Outsider's Mistake: Why trying to mimic the "Ice Queen" backfires, and the difference between powerful silence and petty contempt.
• BONUS SEGMENT: Dressing the Part. How to adopt the Old Money Villain aesthetic—using clothing as armor without looking like a costume.

Whether you are navigating a difficult dinner party or just want to understand the psychology behind the "Quiet Luxury" villain, this episode will teach you how to borrow their composure without losing your soul.

Mentioned in this Episode:

• Scarlet Fever by Kiki Astor
• The psychology of Succession & The White Lotus
• Navigating toxic social hierarchies
• Strategic silence and emotional boundaries

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