Baconsale

We want to play a game. During this episode of Baconsale, Joel, Kent, and Zack are going to try and determine how much of a “final girl” they really are. Therefore, we’ve created a list of horror movie villains, from A to Xenomorph, and will decide in each round if we’d defeat these monsters, if we’d barely survive the attack, or if we’d die a cowardly death. Along the way, there may be some humorous, though semi-graphic descriptions of how we (or they) would meet our (or their) demise, so listener discretion is advised. However, we invite you to play along and let us know how you’d fare in each hypothetical Halloween scenario.

 

Press play to see if you’ll end up being buddies with bad guys.

Don’t be afraid, listener, it’s just Baconsale. And we’re kicking off this October with an episode about frightful feelings. We’ll begin with a discussion about the most common fears in the world and confess which of us are afraid of the mainstream. Then we’ll let Zack pronounce some bizarre phobias while Joel and Kent explain what each term means. And finally, we asked you for your most irrational fears, and we’re going to list them (with some semblance of anonymity), judge them, and then rank them from the most rational to the most absurd. It’s a fearfully fun time!

 

Press play to let raw meat be your constant and unlock your Californiaphobia.

Ahoy, listener! Welcome aboard this episode of Baconsale, where Joel, Kent, and Zack are going to be discussing the smooth sounds of yacht rock with our friend, Scott. If you’re not familiar with this style of music, don’t worry, we’ll explain (as best we can) which songs & artists are considered part of it. Then we’ll present our choices for such categories as Best Love Song, Smoothest Saxophone, Would Make Me Jump Off the Yacht, Favorite Solo Artist, and Best Song Featuring Michael McDonald That Isn't from The Doobie Brothers. And if we’re not sure about an answer, we can always turn to Captain Yacht Rock himself for approval.

 

Press play to set a course for smooth sailing tunes!

 

And visit Baconsale.com to find our official Spotify playlist of the yacht rockers we discussed on this episode.

In honor of the 20th anniversary of Oceanic Flight 815’s crash, we’ve opened our eyes and are ready to talk about the TV series Lost. We’ll start off on the spoiler-free side of the island, giving some general background about this iconic ABC drama and flashing back to our personal experiences with the show. Then, after some time has passed, we’ll climb down the spoiler hatch to discuss specific plot points and rank our favorite characters, moments, and episodes. Joel, Kent & Zack, won’t answer every question you may still have about Lost, but we’ll attempt to clear some black smoke away from the bigger mysteries. And we’re going to try to finish this Baconsale episode in less than 4.815162342 hours.

 

Don’t be a purposeful Poochie, press play!

Yip yip! M. Night Shyamalan’s film The Last Airbender has been derided as one of the worst films ever made since it was released in 2010—perhaps rightly so, since it offended fans of the original animated TV series and bewildered newcomers to the story. However, on this episode of Baconsale, it’s up to Joel, Kent, and Zack to defend this attempt at a live-action adaptation and keep things positive. Why? Because you told us to. We’ll justify odd pronunciations, we’ll present our favorite scenes, we’ll make Taco Bell comparisons, and we’ll give ourselves the occasional rant break, so we don’t bend fire from our eyes or lose control and angrily enter the Avatar State (Ahvahtar Stahte?).

 

Ladies and gentlemen of the listener, press play.

Now that Joel, Kent, and Zack have built their industry-revitalizing shopping malls earlier this season, it’s time for them to create the perfect food court. Therefore, on this episode of Baconsale, we’ve got a list of popular mall eateries including Orange Julius, Sbarro, Hot Dog on a Stick, Wetzel’s Pretzels, Panda Express & Mrs. Fields, and we’re going to take turns picking restaurants one by one. In the end, it’s up to you, the listener, to decide which of our food courts you would frequent. Listen as we debate which foods are real, critique each other’s choices and, for some reason, make references to brassiere stores.

 

Grab a sample at one of the many pretzel vendors and press play.

Attention, Kmart Shoppers! After 36 years and a failed attempt at going Hawaiian, Tim Burton has finally made a sequel to Beetlejuice. Joel and Kent were able to watch this return to the Neitherworld and are ready to share their thoughts with you. We’ll begin this BaconBit with a spoiler-free review, where we’ll discuss our feelings about the film and how it compares to the original movie. Then, after Zack leaves, we’ll turn on the spoiler juice and see what shakes loose as we talk specific plot points and try to avoid sounding like stereo instructions.

 

Press play to hear if Michael Keaton is still the ghost with the most.

Put that VHS tape in the VCR and press play!

You can also find our official 1984 Spotify playlist at Baconsale.com.

Whether you’re listening to this episode on Monday morning or Saturday Night, the Wicked Baconsale boys are ready to present the Megalopolis of movies that are slated to be released this fall & winter. We’ll begin by unleashing our Venom on five films we’re hoping will flop and throw them to the Wolfs. Then we’ll Transformers One topic into another and Speak No Evil against the five movies we’re wanting to watch. Joel, Kent, and Zack may move slow at first, but then we’ll try to Mufasa and you’ll be Gladiator we did because we have a lot of ground to cover.

 

Which button should you push? The Red One that says play, you Joker.

Oh yeah! This Baconsale commercial mascot battle just keeps going and going and going. What can we say? We like to party. And while things may get a little cuckoo on this episode, we are going to finish the bracket and declare which mascot packs the biggest vitamin-packed punch. Do you believe in magic? Because that’s going to come into play a few times, as well as some Bible stories. Our logic may be difficult to follow, but just follow your nose and you’ll be fine.

 

Will a snowmobile be the leprechaun’s lucky charm? Can Smokey Bear prevent tire fires? Would the silly Trix Rabbit do better against kids? Will a pepper bar be the downfall of Cap’n Crunch? Press play to find out.

 

You can also download the advanced mascot bracket at Baconsale.com.