The Athletic's Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker welcome the listeners' May entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, with the Clichés faithful nominating their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the futility of fans trying to put off penalty-takers, the dying art of commentators just listing players’ names as they pass the ball, some niche observations on the wearing of base layers, the non-committal language for champions-elect and the precise parameters for shouting "WELL IN!"

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel hear of the most forward-thinking under-5s football team in the world and admire the inevitable end game for Erling Haaland vs Dixie Dean.

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