Be It Till You See It

Lesley Logan and Brad Crowell break down what it actually looks like to leave a job with grace. In this episode, they unpack the candid conversation with New York City-based actress and novelist Clare Solly on why the employer-employee relationship doesn't require lifelong debt, how to keep your exit short and sweet, and what to do when getting fired feels deeply personal. They also dig into her biggest piece of advice: give yourself space before jumping into the next job.

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In this episode you will learn about:

• How The Trevor Project's escape-key feature protects LGBTQ youth.
• Why the employer-employee relationship doesn't require lifelong debt.
• The two-sentence advice for exiting a job gracefully.
• Being fired is professional feedback, not personal failure.
• The importance of building a career exit strategy like a house fire plan.

Episode References/Links:

• OPC – https://opc.me
• OPC Summer Tour – https://opc.me/tour
• eLevate Mentorship Program – https://lesleylogan.co/elevate
• OPC Flashcards – https://opc.me/flashcards
• Balanced Body - https://www.pilates.com/
• Contrology - https://contrology.pilates.com/
• The Trevor Project – https://www.thetrevorproject.org
• The Center Las Vegas (LGBTQ Center) – https://thecenterlv.org
• The Pitt (TV series) – https://www.max.com/shows/the-pitt
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

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Episode Transcript:

Brad Crowell 0:00  

Yeah, the employer-employee relationship does not inherently require a lifelong debt, meaning that, of course, when you're working for someone, do everything anything that's part of your role, but you don't owe them your life.

Lesley Logan 0:15  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 0:58  

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the gracious convoy I had with Clare Solly in our last episode.

Lesley Logan 1:06  

If you didn't listen, you missed out on the third time. Clare Solly has been, she's one of few people who've been on three times.

Brad Crowell 1:13  

She is, but I think she's been on way more than that, because she's done recaps for me and all sorts of stuff. So, as a guest three times, yes, but longtime listeners will definitely know who Clare is. Clare and Lesley go way, way back, before I was in the picture, by like years.

Lesley Logan 1:32  

We go back to like 2001.

Brad Crowell 1:33  

But way, you go back to 2001? So, like, I think I was still, what? 2001 we were graduating from high school.

Lesley Logan 1:45  

I went to college in 2001 as well.

Brad Crowell 1:48  

That's when you met, your first year in college.

Lesley Logan 1:50  

Yeah, I got a job. I was broke.

Brad Crowell 1:53  

I was broke. Well, amazing. Yeah, well, anyway, I was listening to your pod, and the two of you are hilarious, because it's like blah-blah-blah, just 100% riffing off each other. 

Lesley Logan 2:13  

See why people are like, "I'm going to pod my best friend, and we're just going to talk about things." Because inevitably something good is going to come out of it. Oh yeah, you said, "Be organized," to like, what are we talking about? Which is like, so we originally, the team was like, "Do we want her on the pod," and I was like, "What will we talk about?" And then she and I were like, doing whatever recaps it is, she's like, "We should talk about ending," whatever, it was, and I was like, "Okay, great," exiting, "The team will be thrilled to know that we have a topic."

Brad Crowell 2:38  

You picked a topic. 

Lesley Logan 2:39  

We did it. You guys, just so you know, we love that you listen. We love that you share those with friends. Another way you can support this podcast is by being an OPC member. If you go to onlinepilatesclasses.com, you can actually check out what we do. We have real Pilates for real bodies, it's the workout that works for you. There's lots of different ways to do it, and people are often like, "How can I support this show?" And Brad and I have talked about, like, do we do a commercial-free one where people pay?

Brad Crowell 3:04  

Yeah, we thought about that, like having a second one that's no ads, like all these different things.

Lesley Logan 3:08  

No, we're not doing more work. What actually would be really meaningful for us is, if you're going to give us money, we want you to actually get something out of it, not just like listening to us take up space. We really want you to actually take time for yourself and move your body, and that's what OPC is all about. It's actually about you having time for yourself. The classes are 2% of your day, and you get to compare yourself to yourself. So, go to OPC, I guess, what do they do? Go to opc.me/40?

Brad Crowell 3:34  

Just go to opc.me

Lesley Logan 3:36  

Oh, great. Do that, even easier. Okay. Today is June 11th and it's Certified Nurses Week, aka CNA Week. It takes place on Thursday of the second full week of June. I really do love.

Brad Crowell 3:50  

The Thursday of the second full week.

Lesley Logan 3:53  

I love when it's not.

Brad Crowell 3:54  

Of the month of June.

Lesley Logan 3:55  

It can't be, it can't be the second Thursday. It has to be the second Thursday, the Thursday of the second full week.

Brad Crowell 4:01  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 4:01  

So, Thursday can't be, it can't be the eighth ever. 

Brad Crowell 4:04  

Because if the week starts on a Wednesday, that first Thursday does not count. If the month's first week starts on a Wednesday, or like not a full week, right? Then the first Thursday might not count.

Lesley Logan 4:17  

Right. 

Brad Crowell 4:17  

Right. So, the Thursday of the second full week. 

Lesley Logan 4:22  

I think that's complicated. Instead of saying. 

Brad Crowell 4:27  

Because there might not be a second Thursday.

Lesley Logan 4:29  

But what they, well, they could just say the second Thursday of June.

Brad Crowell 4:31  

No, it might not be the second Thursday.

Lesley Logan 4:33  

No, if June 2nd is a Thursday, then June 9th is a Thursday, that's the second Thursday. I think they made it complicated.

Brad Crowell 4:40  

But that wouldn't be it, it would be on the next week.

Lesley Logan 4:42  

So, listener, hold on, you mean to tell me that people don't grab the 30-day calendar and go one, two?

Brad Crowell 4:52  

Not necessarily, if it's not a full week, that's the caveat here.

Lesley Logan 4:56  

I think that's crazy. I'm telling you, I always, when we do FYS, I don't go skipping the first Friday because it wasn't a full week, I do all the Fridays.

Brad Crowell 5:08  

I am with you on this. I am agreeing with you. This is not simple.

Lesley Logan 5:12  

It's not simple to be a CNA either. So, it takes place on the second full week of June. Do you like that? Like that lead back, is a week full of, oh, because they also want a week. Okay, notice.

Brad Crowell 5:26  

It's a full week.

Lesley Logan 5:26  

It's a full week of celebrations, but it starts on a Thursday, it's a full week of celebrations honoring the hard work. Do you all want to know why I think I'm ADHD? Here's the autism. I'm so stuck on this second Thursday. This year it is held from June 11th to June 17th. Certified nursing assistants began working under the Red Cross program during World War One, and have served alongside US Army nurses. Hundreds of young women were trained to care for wounded soldiers in reserve, field-based, and civilian hospitals. Did you know that before 1987 nursing assistants were not required to have a formal education?

Brad Crowell 6:01  

I did not know that.

Lesley Logan 6:03  

Okay, so who's seen The Pit? Because there's actually a whole episode on the medics. Did you know that?

Brad Crowell 6:08  

Well, this is why I was asking you what the name of the show is that you're watching right now. I yelled it across the house earlier when I was like, "What's that show called?"

Lesley Logan 6:15  

I'm hyper-vigilant, but okay. One, I'm not new to The Pit. It's already like, I don't know, filming season three or something like that, and won many awards. All of my friends talk about it week after week when it first came out.

Brad Crowell 6:26  

But you're new to it.

Lesley Logan 6:27  

I'm new to it, because as much as I appreciate the nostalgia of a weekly show that we all talk about, I don't have that capacity. If I'm going to sit down and watch a show, I want to binge through, like I really like that I can, and all that stuff anyways, because I won't. The next week I'll forget, and then I'll be like, spoiler alerts that I'm trying not to watch, like when Love is Blind was dropping in increments. I'm like, "Fuck, I have to get off my Instagram, because the spoilers are coming." So, because it's spoiled, and I didn't pay attention to it because it wasn't what I was clicking on, I saw on a plane yesterday, I watched 10 episodes in a row, I'm obsessed, and the head nurse is like kicking ass. But they did have a whole episode on this guy talking about what the first field medicals were and how they became one. Anyways, I also believe, maybe it wasn't the nurses, that might have been the women who were doing the phone lines, but they had to pay for their own uniforms and things like that, so there's all this different stuff. Anyways, you guys, we have a nursing shortage in the United States of America because it sucks to work in healthcare. The only people making money in healthcare is CVS and the insurance companies. This is not sponsored by them, but you know they've got the money, so come on over. So the reality is, please be kind to your nurses, we need every single one of them. I know it's frustrating when you have to go to, I wasn't even at the hospital, I was at a doctor's office, and they make me fill out this online check-in sheet every single time. I have to fill in my allergies, my first period, my family stuff, every single time. And the second time I went in a month, I said, "Hey guys, is there any way where I can just tap a box that says nothing has changed, everything is the same, there's zero. 

Brad Crowell 8:12  

I just felt that I wasn't filling it out.

Lesley Logan 8:14  

Yeah, like the only thing that's different is my last cycle. I'll give you that, because it's a female doctor, anyway. But I said, "Look, I'm not trying to, I'm just here." But be nice to them, be nice to them, it is their CNA week, so go.

Brad Crowell 8:29  

So, there are apparently on average 190,000 annual openings for registered nurses each year, projected through 2032.

Lesley Logan 8:42  

Wow.

Brad Crowell 8:43  

Due to retirements, burnouts, and rising care demands. And while the workforce is growing, it cannot keep pace with the needs of an aging boomer population.

Lesley Logan 8:54  

Oh, this boomer population, man, they just, love you, because some of you are boomers, but, man.

Brad Crowell 9:00  

Yeah. So, anyway, nurses are very important, and it's a high-stress job, so all the props to the nurses out there.

Lesley Logan 9:10  

Yeah, okay. Upcoming travel notes, you guys, we're around, we're sticking.

Brad Crowell 9:14  

Yeah, we're home for a minute, and it's nice.

Lesley Logan 9:17  

Kind of at home. Although, although, when you're watching this, what day is this? 

Brad Crowell 9:21  

We are June 11th.

Lesley Logan 9:22  

Oh, yeah. No, I'm home, solidly in the house.

Brad Crowell 9:25  

June and July, we're home.

Lesley Logan 9:27  

We might even foster a puppy or something like that.

Brad Crowell 9:29  

Yeah, we're gonna go take some dogs and hikes. We're rebuilding the van right now.

Lesley Logan 9:34  

We means Brad.

Brad Crowell 9:35  

We means Brad. Brad is rebuilding the van right now from the inside out, obviously.

Lesley Logan 9:40  

Well, the outside's done.

Brad Crowell 9:41  

Yeah. Well, not necessarily. Well, actually, I guess I'm adding a roof rack and I'm adding all the solar and all this extra stuff. So, like, we're getting fancy, and I got some really cool specs done for the interior, and we're, we're gonna be completely overhauling it before the summer tour, which is coming up, so tickets are definitely available. You can go to opc.me/tour we're actually going to be doing a Saturn's ring loop around the middle of the country, like Lesley said last week, which I thought was hilarious.

Lesley Logan 10:08  

Oh, just so you know, our tours are again sponsored by Balanced Body and Contrology, so we're also bringing the Contrology Reformer, Mat and Spine Corrector. 

Brad Crowell 10:17  

We sure are. 

Lesley Logan 10:17  

They all have some great prizes for you. I put another request in for the liner, because everyone loves it. It's so fun, easy to take with you. It's a really great community, and it's time, and you also can go to multiple locations on this tour, because we are on a status ring, but that also means, since the map isn't 3D, we're really just, you know.

Brad Crowell 10:37  

Okay, okay. I think they got the idea. The point is, we're going in a circle.

Lesley Logan 10:41  

Stops are within a couple of miles.

Brad Crowell 10:42  

It's a squeeze circle.

Lesley Logan 10:43  

It's a squeeze circle,

Brad Crowell 10:44  

Yeah, a couple of hours, several stops within a couple of hours, not a couple of miles.

Lesley Logan 10:48  

A couple of hours.

Brad Crowell 10:49  

But anyway, the go to opc.me/tour we're doing 14, I think it's 14 stops, and we're.

Lesley Logan 10:55  

I have no idea, it's not we're going to this, I haven't even seen the list.

Brad Crowell 10:58  

It's good, it's gonna be great, we're excited, we're visiting some new spots, revisiting some old spots, and can't wait to see everyone. So, if you want to come have a Pilates party with us, join us on tour. And then, if you're new here, Lesley teaches a mentorship program for teachers, it's called eLevate, and we might be sold out at this point, but we only do one turn, one round of it per year, and next year we're doing 16 spots, and it's you can find all the information about that at Lesley logan.co/elevate and also we have almost completed the full project here of these flash cards that we've been on a mission for for six years, the last that came out last year. Now we're working on, like, you know, like a.

Lesley Logan 11:41  

Collector's box that has like a cute little stand. I don't know, I've got some ideas. It might take us a little longer than we thought.

Brad Crowell 11:47  

Yeah, it's not as much of a priority, that's for sure. But you should go check out the cards themselves, because they're epic. Go to opc.me/flashcards, opc.me/flashcards.

Lesley Logan 11:56  

You know what, I wish maybe it's more of like somehow it's a stand where the you could put, you could put the card on the front or the back of this clear thing, and the back could be a magnifier.

Brad Crowell 12:09  

Oh, that's interesting.

Lesley Logan 12:10  

So, like, it, you could put the card in the front and of the slot, and it would just hold it up super cute, but if you put it on the behind, it would magnify it. For our perimenopausal ladies, I cannot get enough words on there and get the font to 10, so.

Brad Crowell 12:24  

That's why we linked back to the website on every card, because the website we can write as much as we want.

Lesley Logan 12:29  

And you can make it bigger.

Brad Crowell 12:31  

Yes, and you do that too. Cool. So, check this out. Go to opc.me/flashcards. Okay, so this week's charitable organization.

Lesley Logan 12:38  

Yes, yes, we made this change a couple weeks ago. Go back and listen if you want to know why we made the change. We don't have time for it today. June is Pride Month, you guys, and that means I wanted to, I thought it'd be interesting on our recaps to just talk about different LGBTQ IA charities that are doing great work for that community, because that community right now needs all the support it can get, because it is fighting the good fight and trying to help people. The whole community is just being hit with laws left, right, and center in the country. So, I want it, in the US, anyways, and so I wanted to highlight the Trevor Project. So, the Trevor Project was found in 1998 in West Hollywood, California, by James Lecesne.

Brad Crowell 13:20  

Lecesne, I think, Lecesne.

Lesley Logan 13:21  

Lecesne or you don't think it's Lecesne.

Brad Crowell 13:24  

Actually, I think it's Lecesne.

Lesley Logan 13:25  

Yeah, Lecesne.

Brad Crowell 13:26  

Yeah, James.

Lesley Logan 13:31  

Randy Stone, creators of the film Trevor. The Trevor Project is an American non-profit organization, is leading national organization providing crisis intervention, suicide prevention services to LGBTQ young people aged 13 to 24 That's a really, really tough at age, but you know it's really important that they have support. The organization offers a confidential telephone helpline, the Traverse Space Forum, and the educational programs, while reporting increase revenues and dedicating 80% of its budgets to programs. That's huge for a big charity, as them 80% to go like that. This is what we're looking at when we're looking at charities, you know. It has faced criticism regarding its promotion of gender ideology and allegations of mismanagement. So, okay, no, it's perfect, but I do, I do, I've heard of the project with different groups of different podcasts talking about how it can be helpful, and so, you know, I definitely hope it hope it helps people who are listening, who have friends whose kids or loved ones who need this help. Brad, why don't you tell what you liked about their website?

Brad Crowell 14:28  

Yeah, well, if you want to support them, go to their website, thetrevorproject.org thetrevorproject.org and I was looking at their website and learning a little more about them, and a pop-up happened, and it said, hey, if you need a quick exit from our website, you can just hit the escape key three times, and I was like, what, I'm really interested about this, so I tried it, you know, 123, bam, it closed the tab that I was on with The Trevor Project, and it opened Google, and so if you are looking for support from the Trevor Trevor Project, and you're concerned about someone barging in on you, you know, or you don't want to share that information with the people that you might live with or be around, what an amazing way for them to think ahead, and I mean it's pretty awesome.

Lesley Logan 15:18  

Speaking of The Pit, there was this one episode about human trafficking, and they were giving this girl a pen before they gave her the pen, because they thought the person that she was with was trafficking her. They opened up the pen to show her that on the in the ink part is the phone number, so the pen just looks like this like stupid pharmaceutical pen, but when you open it up, it actually had a helpline. And so I just think that, like, I love that groups are getting really creative with how can they actually help people, because just putting, you know, a flyer in a place, like, here you go, it's like no one can take that.

Brad Crowell 15:51  

Well, it's like it's like in, in the when we fly around the world, and we're in the airports, there's not just signs everywhere there, but they are there. Are hidden posters on the inside of the bathroom stalls that are about trafficking, and it says, hey, and it's in like multiple languages, like, like half a dozen languages. It's like, if you are being trafficked, here's the helpline, how to get support right now.

Lesley Logan 16:16  

Yeah.

Brad Crowell 16:17  

And you can call a number if you have access to a phone, of course.

Lesley Logan 16:19  

Oh my gosh, there was a bar in Miami that's like all these bars, they have, if you order an angel drink, they call it the drink, it's called angel, like, oh, I'd like to order the angel shot, then that tells the waiter that you feel unsafe with the date that you're on, and they will help you know you get out of that situation, which is amazing, like, they like, I don't know how they're helping, like maybe they call you a ride or something like that, something like that. I don't quote quote me, but I know the word was like angel, I guess. If the men find out what the word is for, you know, I don't, that's probably not so. The street was probably only in the women's restrooms, but yeah.

Brad Crowell 16:53  

The angel shot, it's a coded phrase used to signal bar staff that you feel unsafe and need help, such as a bad date.

Lesley Logan 16:59  

So, going back to the Trevor Project, you know, there's different things you can do, like if you want to do things more local to you, we, whenever we order, whenever you come to a retreat at our house, if you're in eLevate, things like that, we actually order from Bronze Cafe, and proceeds from their restaurant go to support the mental health of LGBTQ community in Las Vegas, so it's June is Pride Month, so you're gonna find all these different things around where you are that are gonna help people in this community, obviously, try to do it all year long, because they need it, but I just think that, like, it's a real shame that this group of people is being marginalized and made the reason why people's lives are so difficult. The trans community specifically, they're 2% of the population, and the actual 2% that is ruining people's lives across the world are the billionaires, those are the welfare people, those are the people who, like, I shared a post was showing, like, Amazon pays like 1.87% in taxes or something like that, it's like something stupid, Alphabet actually pays 10% that shocked me, I was like, they're not getting the best deal, like, so, so, anyways, if we all got together and supported people who are different than us and actually took out the small amount of people who are getting rich off of us, there will be a much different place. And then this group of people would actually get to live with human rights like the rest of us get to have. So, anyways.

Brad Crowell 18:15  

I just wanted to quickly check that stat. In the US, roughly one out of 10 identifies as LGBTQ as of 2024.

Lesley Logan 18:23  

Right, but trans is 2%

Brad Crowell 18:25  

Trans, trans, yeah, okay.

Lesley Logan 18:26  

Yes, but yeah. What I understand, you know, I know we're smart supposed to spend a lot of time on this, but the internet really pisses me off when these men are like, I'm not gonna have a gay kid.

Brad Crowell 18:35  

Right, like it's there choice.

Lesley Logan 18:36  

I shared this thing with you, this guy got this person to like, like, like, he's like, "Oh no, you, you choose to be gay. It's like, "Oh, okay, we'll be gay right now. He's like, "Be gay right now. He's like, "Oh no. He's like, "He's like, he's like, 'Well, you said you could choose, you choose to be gay, so be gay right now.' So the guy's like, "Okay, I choose to be attracted to you right now. He's like, "Yeah, well, I'm not gay, I can never choose to be gay, but you, you didn't.

Brad Crowell 18:59  

He just chose to be gay. He's like I'm only gay for like 10 seconds.

Lesley Logan 19:02  

Yeah, well, you're gay, so actually you're bisexual. It was such, was so well articulate, was so great. At any rate, it just shows that a lot of people have idiocies.

Brad Crowell 19:13  

Ridiculous.

Lesley Logan 19:13  

Fears, all this different stuff. And I think, like, the reality is that we have to make sure that children today, especially this group of people have love, support, and community, know that they are there's nothing wrong with them.

Brad Crowell 19:24  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 19:25  

You know.

Brad Crowell 19:26  

Yeah. So.

Lesley Logan 19:26  

I could never imagine, I was bullied in school for having a big nose, for having big lips, for being poor, for my clothes being not like, I could never imagine, because when you're bullied for that, it changes, they change people, they get to somebody else, it changes all the time. To be bullied for who you're attracted to or how you identify? Holy fuck, that is relentless. That'd be non-stop. Anyways. Okay, well, we'll be right back.

Brad Crowell 19:56  

Thanks for sticking with us here.

Lesley Logan 20:00  

thetrevorproject.org, that was the link

Brad Crowell 20:00  

Go to thetrevorproject.com yeah, all right. 

Brad Crowell 20:03  

So let's talk about Clare Solly. Clare is a New York City-based actress, singer, novelist, and creative multi-hyphenate. She has self-published three women's fiction novels, is on the board of two theater companies in New York City, and currently works a day job she genuinely enjoys. Clare is also pursuing a PhD in creative writing, adding another chapter to her already wide-ranging creative career. I did not know she was doing that.

Lesley Logan 20:32  

Oh, she is. We're gonna call her Dr. Clare.

Brad Crowell 20:36  

Dr. Sally. 

Lesley Logan 20:37  

I remember when she said, "I think I'm gonna do this. Do you think I'm crazy?" And I was like, "You're gonna do it anyways." That's when you know you have a real friend. It doesn't matter, I know you're gonna do it anyways. It doesn't matter. All right.

Brad Crowell 20:54  

Yeah. So, like I said, the two of you just beat off of each other. So, what was one of the one of the things that you loved, that she said.

Lesley Logan 21:02  

Oh my god, we got through so much, I think. I feel like, by the way, it's exiting, and it's a very, I find out of all the podcasts we've done, it's not just a theory, like she gave actual tangible things throughout the whole pod.

Brad Crowell 21:17  

Yeah, it was great.

Lesley Logan 21:18  

And it made me realize that we do the "Be It" action items, because in case someone's a little ethereal or a little esoteric, I wanted you to have tangible things to do.

Brad Crowell 21:25  

That's very true. That's why.

Lesley Logan 21:26  

That's why it exists, because of the woo-woo people are just like, get to know yourself, love everyone, and I wanted, like, okay, well, what do I do today? But this whole episode is like that. So she was talking about employer-employee relationships, so that's really what this is. We know not everybody works for someone else, so, but this is a great episode to present to your friend who's probably struggling with their boss, and sometimes you end up in one, right? Like, I have a girlfriend who's been an entrepreneur for decades, and now she's an employee again. So, she said the employer-employee relation does not inherently require a lifelong debt, and I think a lot of people who listen to this podcast, maybe not young kids today, because they've just seen it happen like they don't, they've not even, well, what they're saying is that the jobs don't even exist when they get older, but for those elder millennials and Gen X, like, where our parents had the same job forever. So, like.

Brad Crowell 22:11  

My dad just retired from 43 years at the same company.

Lesley Logan 22:14  

And just, I know we, I think we had it on the pod already, but how many people have retired since that person took over the job?

Brad Crowell 22:20  

When my dad retired, he asked the exit interview HR lady, "Hey, how many people have you had this interview with?" And she said, "Since Covid, five."

Lesley Logan 22:34  

Five

Brad Crowell 22:35  

Yeah

Lesley Logan 22:35  

Only five.

Brad Crowell 22:35  

Only five.

Lesley Logan 22:36  

Five in six years. So that's how many people are retiring, which means a lot of them are leaving. But it does not inherently require lifelong debt, and I think that's really important, because I think especially, the majority of our listeners are women, we tend to worry about.

Brad Crowell 22:51  

I think we need to qualify that. What does lifelong debt mean in this context?

Lesley Logan 22:56  

Okay. I'm going to just say your parents on their vacation were worried about when they should tell their bosses that they were retiring, and I was like, "You don't," because somebody had left, and I was like, "You don't owe them that information, you're on vacation right now, you shouldn't even know that that person left." I was literally arguing with them, I'm like, "Why would you even go, 'Oh, I'm gonna retire too, so look for two people'? No, not your responsibility. It's their responsibility to be thinking about if people leave," and so that's what I would say.

Brad Crowell 23:25  

Yeah, I mean, lifelong debt, I would say, is just your entire life orients around the company that you work for. And I know how I operate, and that would be to pour myself into this company, whatever company that I'm working for. 

Lesley Logan 23:41  

I did that for every company I worked for, I just kept being promoted because I poured so hard. They're like this girl doing so much, we should give her this next job.

Brad Crowell 23:47  

Yeah, and so, the employer-employee relationship does not inherently require a lifelong debt, meaning that, of course, when you're working for someone, do everything that's part of your role, but you don't owe them your life, right?

Lesley Logan 24:04  

Yeah, right. We were in Paris for four days. Let me tell you right now, they enjoy their life, they go to work. And our friend of ours who lives there, she's like, "Oh, it would be rude to eat at your desk, you literally have to eat in the lunch cafeteria."

Brad Crowell 24:20  

She works from home, and she goes into the office to have lunch with the group.

Lesley Logan 24:24  

Yeah, that's not even on her team, they're just the people of that office that she's at, because it's like rude to not be part of it. And she's like, "Yeah, you have a full hour-long lunch, and no matter what you've got going on, you sit there and you enjoy it." People really have a life, and I think there is a way to give 100% at work and then have a life, and I think that's a balance we're missing if you're in the States. If you're outside of the States, we travel a lot, I see you, you're doing a great job, you are living your life. But so let's go back to one thing she said, so she explained you don't actually owe the company anything, like, telling them where you're going.

Brad Crowell 25:06  

She was talking about actually, in this case, quitting, and you know, if they asked you like, "Well, where are you going to go work next?" Like, you don't need to tell them that.

Lesley Logan 25:13  

You don't actually have to, it's not a thing. And so, in fact, somebody asked L on demand, our agency member, because they were making a plan to leave, and they're like, "Well, how do I, do I tell them what I'm doing?" And she wrote, "No, you can just say, 'Thank you so much. As of this date, I'm no longer available for this role. I am still available and excited to do this part of my job.'" Because you actually don't need to tell them that you're gonna go run your own thing, especially like it's not, we tend to feel like we have to give them an excuse or a reason. It can just be that you're done. Done is a reason. Yeah, so it's your business. 

Lesley Logan 25:50  

She also said you can be fully transparent about your feelings, but leaving is—it's when you're—it's not required. You can be, but you don't have to be. It's not required. So, the best policy she said is to just walk in and say, "I'm so sorry, I found X, Y, or Z," or "I found another job," and then keep it short and sweet. And I would say the shorter and sweeter the better, and try to do it in a succinct way so they're not the enemy and you're off to greener pastures. You never know if you have to come back.

Brad Crowell 26:22  

You guys were talking even about the, "Oh, they're paying me more," or whatever. Like, "This other company offered me this role, and they're offering me more money." But you don't even need to say anything like that, because that would then open up the conversation with the current company of, like, "Oh, well, we could pay you more." What if you actually just wanted to leave, you know? So you don't need to be building in an excuse. You can just say, "Hey, you know, I have to move on." You can give an excuse, but you don't need to. 

Brad Crowell 26:53  

I had a very difficult time leaving my job because my old boss liked to sue people, and so I needed to come up with a reason that was acceptable so that he didn't think that I was going to go try to compete with him. Because if that happened, he was going to sue, he sues everybody. So I told him that I was going to focus on my family, and I left that open-ended.

Lesley Logan 27:18  

You know what, my last—the job that I left, they were litigious-ish because if certain trainers took clients, because they had a non-compete, which is not enforceable, and the non-solicitation as well, which means you couldn't solicit. But I was so afraid that they would think I was soliciting that I also said, "I'm focusing, my husband, you know, I don't need to work this much anymore." I just wanted them, it wasn't their business, and I didn't want them to be looking for something, you know. And we're still friendly, I still talk to everybody, one of my bosses there, like, it's so great. So it doesn't have to be a big deal. I think the gist of that topic is like you can literally, in two sentences or less, exit given the information that they need to process the paycheck and get to your next thing.

Brad Crowell 28:08  

Yeah, and when I was listening through the whole thing, I liked the idea of being gracious with the exit—like graceful, meaning short, succinct, and clear. And that's what Claire was talking about when exiting not on your terms, basically meaning you're fired. She said if you really want to hand-grenade things, you can, but it's a small world. The industries we all work in are small. Everyone knows everyone. If you have a tumultuous exit, word will get around, right? She said while being fired is definitely an ego stab in your heart, it is crucial to remain polite because the professional world is very small, even if the human instinct is to internalize blame. And what we will do effectively, because it's the human instinct, is internalize the blame. "What did I do wrong?" You know, and we keep reviewing it over and over again in our own minds, picking on ourselves effectively. She said, "Hey, let's turn it around to a positive instead of sitting there picking yourself apart. Maybe you can go and take this new time and learn a new skill." Alternatively, you can evaluate your peers by asking yourself, like, "What are the skills that I have? What can I add to my resume that makes me more excitable as a hire for the future?" So, really shifting back to working to put yourself back out there.

Lesley Logan 29:34  

Yeah, I think, going back a couple episodes ago, you have to feel your feelings. It's important to grieve that it's a loss, like even if you leave on your own terms, it's still a closure of something, so definitely do that.

Brad Crowell 29:48  

I always think about people who are almost arrogant, and I think in a situation like this, how lucky are they that they can look at someone firing them and go, "Well, it's your fucking loss, because I'm awesome." You know what I mean? Imagine that perspective versus, "Oh my god, what did I do wrong? Why are you firing me? It's my fault, I fucked up somewhere, I'm not even sure what I did wrong." Those are the two extremes. Maybe we can land in the middle and do ourselves a kindness and not beat ourselves up over it. Because I had to fire someone, and was this person perfect at their job? No. Were they coachable and teachable, and did we actually enjoy having them on the team? Yes. And ultimately, it wasn't because they fucked up a spreadsheet or a document that I had to fire them; I had to fire them because our company couldn't sustain paying them at the time, this many years ago, right? And so it was a shame and not fun, right? So it had nothing to do with her, and I wrote a glowing review.

Lesley Logan 30:56  

Yeah, no, and for the most part, especially if you're a boss listening to this, most people know, if you do it right and you're coaching correctly, people know that their job is not safe. So, in California, I have to write you up at least three times, because the employers' HR, when you let go of someone, they want to be like, "Here are the instances, here's what the thing was that you were supposed to do."

Brad Crowell 31:21  

Meaning they should be seeing it coming. "I've got two write-ups already, I know."

Lesley Logan 31:25  

Like, "Yeah, I'm in the hot seat," you know. And so now, just because you have three doesn't mean you're getting fired—like maybe they happen over 10 years, you know? One of them you fix, whatever. But especially if they're happening in a row, they're coming for it, they're looking for things to come at you with. So you should be watching for that. 

Lesley Logan 31:42  

But you should also like—if I'm consistently having to remind you how to do something, or I'm questioning, like, if there's these things that you're being coached on in your job, and it's like, "Wow, you've been here a year, and we're still working on this" if you're a boss, they should not be blindsided by it if it has to do with the way that they're doing their job, because they're not mind readers. You actually have to tell them if they're doing their job well or not, and if they're not doing their job well, you have to tell them how to do it well to give them that opportunity. And if you don't do that, then they're gonna be blindsided. But if you're constantly re-coaching them on their job and bringing up, like, hey, even if you don't write them up, "Hey, this is the third time we've had to go over this, what's going on here?" Hopefully they're aware. 

Lesley Logan 32:22  

Now, some people are dense and they don't get it. I fired people who yelled at me and all these different things—not like "my loss," but like, "How dare you," right? And I remember going, "You didn't see this coming, dude? This is our third write-up. You're not on time for your clients. What do you want me to do? You're not on time, you've not been on time multiple times."

Brad Crowell 32:44  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 32:45  

This is on you. 

Brad Crowell 32:46  

Yeah, exactly.

Lesley Logan 32:47  

If he had been taking the bus, I would have been like, "Okay, we got to find a new bus route, we got to find a new shift." Nope, this is all on him driving, you know. So, I think for the most, it doesn't always happen that way, but that's always my ideal goal, is like people know.

Brad Crowell 33:01  

I had someone try to write me up one time, and I told them that I would not sign the paperwork

Lesley Logan 33:05  

You, you also don't have to sign.

Brad Crowell 33:07  

And I said, "I disagree with you 100%. I'm happy to talk to your boss about all of this, because I will not sign this."

Lesley Logan 33:13  

You don't have to sign, they still, you still got it, but you don't have to sign if you don't agree with it. That's true. Yeah, that's fine. It's all combo. Anyways, this is like, thank fucking God I'm not in an office. Jesus. Okay, hold on. She said more great things about exiting.

Brad Crowell 33:29  

Yes. Well, stick, stick around really quick. We'll be, we will be right back. 

Brad Crowell 33:34  

All right, welcome back. So, let's talk about those "Be It" action items. If you're new here and you're like, "What the hell is that?" "Be It" is the Be It Till You See It podcast acronym, what bold, executable, intrinsic, or targeted action items can we take away from your convo? Claire said, "Hey, give yourself space." Okay, she explicitly warns against immediately jumping back into work after making an exit, whether you made it or they made it. She stated, "Make sure you give yourself a week or two off between jobs, because in any capacity, you have to decompress. It's just good for your mental state." She cautions against skipping this decompression phase, because when you immediately jump back into the next thing, you might actually already be angry or sad or frustrated, or whatever. She said she has rage-updated her resume before, and it just never works out very well.

Lesley Logan 34:29  

Sounds like if you get dumped, and then you go and do your Tinder or Hinge profile, it probably isn't gonna be as great as if you just waited a moment to be like, "Wow, that person wasn't so great for me. Let me.

Brad Crowell 34:42  

Yeah, don't rage-update your resume, it's hilarious. What about you? What was your big takeaway?

Lesley Logan 34:45  

II mean, personally, I never want to have to update a resume like that. I never want to do.

Brad Crowell 34:50  

I know we've had to update a resume to submit for some things for the business, and we're like, "Where is our resume? What did we.

Lesley Logan 34:59  

Now, Lex's job is like every so many months, go—because eventually, how long is the resume, you know? How many pages? Because I'm not vying for a job, but loans and stuff want things like that. Anyways, she said take a look at yourself and where you are, look at where you can improve and create an exit strategy. So I like this, because you might not like the job that you're at, you might be frustrated with where it's at, but this kind of is like taking a little bit of radical responsibility—like, where can I improve so that when I find the next place, I'm already a better person for it at the next job, you know? And that allows you to create an exit strategy as well. And I think this is kind of like, you know, if in anything you're wanting to leave, there's a reason you want to leave, and some of it's the situation, and some of it is ownership of how you could be a better person given the new situation, right? She compares this action to having an emergency strategy for a house fire, so you already know where your exits are, and I like that, right?

Brad Crowell 36:01  

She has some great tips, you know, especially if you know you're leaving and you had already taken things home, slowly start to bring them back to the office, not all at once, and vice versa. If you have things at the office, you could slowly start to take them home again, not all at once, because you're not trying to make your office look empty, but just practical stuff. Pretty cool.

Lesley Logan 36:21  

Because you never—I mean, even if you think you know your employers the most, like when I worked in, when I ran retail shops, if you gave us a two-week notice, our goal was to see how quickly we can get you a paycheck and end your shift before two weeks in your job, because it was an at-will state, so we could do that. So you put the two weeks in because then you get the better review, like, "Oh, they left and they gave notice," and all these different things, but especially in Pilates and in retail, you have clients, you have customers, so the longer you're there, the longer you can take client phone numbers, emails, different things. Like, we're protecting stuff, so we would just be like, "Out. Bye."

Brad Crowell 37:02  

Yeah, I think notoriously Netflix is like crazy. If you go in and you quit, before you get back to your desk, you're locked out of every, yeah.

Lesley Logan 37:12  

Yeah, no, I think it's even in their handbook of like what happens. Keith Olbermann is the one who—it's so funny because he's like, "I was on—they let me be on the air for three months, I could say whatever I wanted." But I do—you never—you just don't know how people are going to react to exits, so make sure that you have prepared well for the exit that you are in control of so that if they do decide, especially if you're an hourly employee or something like that, that they're changing it, you're not needing that money as the in-between, you know. Anyways, well, love it. I'm Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell 37:53  

And I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 37:54  

Thanks, Clare, for being our Be It Babe, ready to jump in. She'll be back because we'll have her at an interview.

Brad Crowell 38:00  

The Boomerang Buddy.

Lesley Logan 38:01  

Oh, I'm interviewing the person in two days, I better finish that book. I'm interviewing a really great doctor, and she's like, "I want to be in the Be It Book Club, and I want to be the recap person." So, Brad, you're unfortunately,unless you want to, you can join us for the recap if you want.

Brad Crowell 38:19  

It's fun. I love it.

Lesley Logan 38:20  

Yeah, all right, guy, go Be It Till You See It.

Brad Crowell 38:23  

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan 38:24  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 39:07  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 39:12  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 39:16  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 39:23  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 39:26  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

School teaches you how to land a job, but no one teaches you how to leave one. In this episode, Lesley Logan reunites with longtime friend, novelist, and PhD candidate Clare Solly to talk through what most career advice skips: how to actually walk out the door. They cover how to know when it's time to go, how to figure out if you can afford to leave, how to rehearse the resignation conversation, and what to do when you're the one being let go. Whether you're eyeing the exit or recovering from a layoff, this conversation gives you the words and the plan to move forward without losing yourself.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• What jealousy of your friends' jobs reveals about you.
• How to know if you can afford to leave your job.
• What to expect when you tell them you're quitting.
• Why staying graceful matters even when you're fired.
• The exit plan you can write before you ever need it.

Episode References/Links:

• Clare Solly's Website – https://www.claresolly.com
• Clare Solly on Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/actinglikeclare
• Clare Solly's Novels on Amazon – https://beitpod.com/novelsbyclare
• Clare Solly's Novels on B&N – https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/clare%20solly
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

Guest Bio:

Clare Solly is a modern day Renaissance woman living in New York City. She is an actress, writer, national pageant queen, and by day she is an executive assistant. She has published three books: The Time Turner, Christmas and Cleats and Save The Last Piece. Clare runs two theatre companies in NYC: The Bechdel Group and Company of Fools Theatre where she loves to foster and challenge new writers. She also is an avid bookstagrammer who grew her followers to almost 11K in 5 months time.

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Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
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Episode Transcript:

Clare Solly 0:00  

So we learn how to do a job in school, and then we learn how to sort of kind of interview for a job, but nobody ever tells you how to leave a job, like how to quit, how to prepare for leaving a job, yeah, how to like deal with being in between jobs, like no one trained you for that.

Lesley Logan 0:18  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained 1000s of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity, and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it till you see it. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 1:01  

All right, Be It babe, get ready to totally listen to two friends talking about a topic that we had a lot of fun talking about without you. We're like, we should turn on a recording device and some microphones and lighting and share this with you, because I keep getting great guests who talk about leaving the thing you don't love and doing the thing you love, and it's like, okay, but how? And some people have given some nice things, but I've always just felt like, as a person who's very action-oriented, who's very much like, "Tell me the first next step, because if I can get the first next step, then I can get the second next step." I wanted to have an episode for you like that. And so we have Clare Solly back on the pod. You've heard her on recaps, if you have been listening to this pod for a long time, you've even heard her on episodes if you've really been with us since starting episode 19, and now you can hear us talk about exit strategies and how to exit things. So here is Clare Solly. 

Lesley Logan 1:47  

Hey, Be It babe. Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It podcast. I am so excited because I have Clare Solly back, and we just wrapped two recap episodes. You've been on the pod, we've had two interviews with you on the pod, correct?

Clare Solly 2:00  

I think two interviews, and I've done several recaps.

Lesley Logan 2:03  

Month of recaps for me.

Clare Solly 2:06  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 2:07  

It was so fun. I was like, what are people gonna say? You know what? They loved it, the listeners stayed the same.

Clare Solly 2:11  

You know what? I will sit and chat with you forever and ever and ever, because we've been friends for a million years. But it was also really fun to do Brad recaps.

Lesley Logan 2:19  

Oh, just to talk about Brad. I listened to him because I was like, I wonder what they're talking about. But you know what's really nice? I often think about, like, what if I need someone to stand in for me, you know, like with OPC we have enough recordings that we could just replay them and people would be like, send us our favorite ones and we'll just replay those. But for the pod, if it's not me, Brad could do some interviews, but you can always step in, which is great. It's so wonderful.

Clare Solly 2:45  

Redheads, so it works.

Lesley Logan 2:46  

It really does. It really does. We're both, we're both redheads. So Claire's here, and we were like chit chatting, while you know, she was on the shake plate, I was on the red light. We're talking about, like, I've had a lot of guests on the podcast talk about, like, exiting, like it's okay to leave things, and I have found that the answers to a lot of my guests, when I'm like, okay, but how do you leave, have been kind of not helpful, yeah, like, I love my guests, and I, and I get it, like, especially if you just ended something, you might not be able to describe how you did that, and also sometimes the ends of things are embarrassing, like, yeah, you know, like, whether you wanted to end them or they were ended for you, or I will say, like, some of the.. we're talking more about exiting jobs, but I will say, like, exiting relationship, I sucked at the only time I have ever broken up with someone? I did the worst job doing it, absolute worst, the absolute worst job, like just terrible job, terrible job at it. And it's because, like, I never broken up with anybody. I kind of also didn't date enough to, yeah, to get broken up, and I feel like one of my breakups was more of a ghost team.

Clare Solly 4:00  

Yeah, I kind of had that too. I kind of had that,

Lesley Logan 4:02  

So like, to like sit down and like tell someone, and like I guess you'll never have a good answer for why you're ending something, really. So like I just didn't have a good answer, and I just kept going, okay, so I'm gonna go.

Clare Solly 4:14  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 4:16  

So anyways, I so I think like I think exiting things is a muscle. I think like learning how to exit things, it

Clare Solly 4:21  

absolutely is. We learn how to do a job in school, and then we learn how to sort of kind of interview for a job, but nobody ever tells you how to leave a job, like how to quit, how to prepare for leaving a job. Yeah, how to like deal with being in between jobs, like no one trained you for that.

Lesley Logan 4:39  

Well, and there's like some sort of, sometimes there's shame, there's embarrassment, there's all these things. First, before we get into this, I did a terrible job.

Clare Solly 4:46  

You heard it first on this episode, everybody.

Lesley Logan 4:48  

You know what, guys, I'm also.. I'll just be really honest with my B. A pod listeners, so I've been.. I've been diagnosed with the ADHD that you all knew I had before I had it. So today is the first day on medication, and I am just. Seeing how I'm doing, and so clearly it's doing something. It's not helping me, it's not helping me be more organized. She looks great. I'm supposed to say, Claire Solly, will you tell everyone who you are and what do you rock at?

Clare Solly 5:14  

My name is Clare Solly. I rock at pretty much anything I try, and if I don't, I rock at trying to figure out how not to be too terribly disappointed. I am a quadruple six tuple hyphenate. I am an actress, singer in New York City, have a day job that I really find a lot of crazy fun in. I'm also a novelist, for those of you that have listened to podcasts with me on it before. New news in my life: I've actually gone back to school, and I'm working on getting a PhD in creative writing. 

Lesley Logan 5:46  

I can't wait to call you Dr. Clare Solly.

Clare Solly 5:48  

Oh my god, can I tell you, I read this meme the other day, that once I have my doctorate, I'm so excited to order something and have it come in and be like, look, this is what the doctor ordered. It's such a dad joke that I will totally use in my life. I have three self-published novels, you can find them on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. They're women's fiction. I run with theater companies in New York City and do all kinds of things, so I'm all over the place and making magic happen.

Lesley Logan 6:22  

So we met at a job.

Clare Solly 6:24  

We met at a job. I actually hired you at a job, pretty much.

Lesley Logan 6:27  

I remember thinking you were standing on an elevated step when I brought my application in, but no, you're just a giant.

Clare Solly 6:34  

Yeah, because I was behind a counter and I came around. I remember you looking me up and down and going, oh, that's you.

Lesley Logan 6:42  

I thought she was on an elevated platform, but she was just wearing heels.

Clare Solly 6:48  

Yep.

Lesley Logan 6:49  

And so we got to work together, we opened a business together, we had a shoe company together for two years. Fun fact about me, I used to design shoes. I should keep that as part of my two truths and a lie. 

Clare Solly 7:09  

Shoe designer right here. And we spent long nights and long days sitting together and laughing our asses off and drinking.

Lesley Logan 7:17  

Oh my god, yeah, that was crazy. And probably because we're high on glue, we used deck varnish to make these shoes you guys have no idea.

Clare Solly 7:27  

By the way, if anybody out there has a pair of Snip and Tuck shoes. 

Lesley Logan 7:31  

Snip and Tuck's Opinionated Shoes. 

Clare Solly 7:33  

Oh that's right. Snip and Tuck's Opinionated Shoes. If somebody has a pair of those still in existence, please write into the pod. I need pictures of them.

Lesley Logan 7:43  

I'm gonna pull them. I think I kept a shoe from each of the ones that I had. Yeah because I'm not wearing them so I was like I'm not going to keep both. I'll find it in the closet for you. My sister still has a pair.

Clare Solly 7:54  

Oh my gosh, I didn't keep mine because I've moved too many times.

Lesley Logan 8:01  

Same. That's why I think I have a shoe from each pair. But anyways, we were talking about this because I interviewed a woman and she talked about the pros and cons, like how much it costs you to stay in the thing you're in. So Clare, how many jobs, you've counted your jobs, I haven't counted mine, so how many jobs have you had?

Clare Solly 8:18  

Well, actually counting Snip and Tuck, if we count self-employment, I've had 34, I've worked for 34 different companies or people, because I've worked for private families. 

Lesley Logan 8:29  

Oh my god, I worked at a coffee shop, I worked at a doctor's office, then I worked where we worked together, and then I worked for a high-end fitness company.

Clare Solly 8:38  

Did you work for that? Remember we had that friend that we worked with, that and had a separate job, and did you ever go work for her at all? No? Okay.

Lesley Logan 8:45  

Then I worked for myself, and it was Snip and Tuck's. And that's all I've had. 

Clare Solly 8:55  

Have you worked, you've worked for two gyms or just one?

Lesley Logan 8:57  

Just the just the one gym, just by, but here's the thing, in the job we worked together, I did every job, every job, and then.

Clare Solly 9:06  

We can count that as 20, if you want.

Lesley Logan 9:07  

Yeah, yeah, so that, well, that's like four, four, five classes.

Clare Solly 9:10  

Becaus you had five different positions in that.

Lesley Logan 9:12  

Yeah, cashier, sales, key holder, assistant manager, manager, and then I was hoping to be like an area manager, but then you know, life, and then at the fitness company I was an instructor and a manager and a teacher trainer, and then a regional manager, and as a group fitness instructor. So we're at like 20 jobs, yeah, yeah, we'll go there. So anyways, I feel more like an elder millennial now that I'm at 20, but like some of them I can most I can say, like I left the coffee shop job in a fine way, I left the doctor's office job at a fine way, but I'm not sure. 

Clare Solly 9:42  

The coffee shop, they wouldn't let you go home for breaks in college, and they were always asking you to pick up shifts. You were beloved at that coffee shop.

Lesley Logan 9:52  

Yeah, I know. And I actually, when my in-laws got us an espresso machine, Brad was reading the directions like, I know what I'm doing.

Clare Solly 10:00  

Yesterday, when you were like, 'Do you know how to work a coffee machine? I was like, 'Nope, but you do.'

Lesley Logan 10:04  

I know. So, but I can say, like, you know, those jobs ended because I moved, and so it was like, "Of course, they know I was." Yeah, the other jobs were... I felt like I owed them more when I was leaving, versus, like, "Oh, this is just a job." You know what I mean? But I feel like, because I give my all, I kind of felt like I owe... maybe I should give them a month's notice, maybe I should give two months' notice. So let's talk about, you know, what should you be thinking about if you're exiting on your own terms?

Clare Solly 10:36  

I think you need to think about the value of yourself, what it is, like, what your skills are, right? This is also kind of helping you gear your mind towards rebuilding your resume and refocusing, like, what you want to do. Also, this is sort of tangential, but just stick with me for a second. When you find yourself jealous of your friends, especially with things that they do in their job, or specifically how their life revolves around their job, look at what that jealousy actually is, right? So you run your own business. I have another friend who runs her own business. I'm not afraid to say this, I'm jealous of both of you. And why is that? Because I like the freedom, the freedom, air quotes, I like the perceived freedom that I think that you have. I like the ability. 

Lesley Logan 11:21  

I laugh because we're sitting here recording this podcast because I have a schedule and I have deadlines, and we can do this today, but it's a perceived freedom. Yes, you choose your boss. 

Clare Solly 11:30  

Well, and that you get to travel, which that one is true, that you get to travel and you get paid for it for the most part. What else? I like... well, we'll just stick with those. Those three things are enough. Okay, so then I need to take that back and say, oh, that jealousy... oh, I actually would like a job where I travel, where I have a perceived freedom, a.k.a. I don't need to be lashed to a desk from eight to five, Monday through Friday. I want to do some things where maybe I'm out in the world doing things, and I work at a desk a couple of days a week, right? So look at yourself and not only what you value, but what skills do you have, do I have—we'll just use me—that can get me to where I want to be, right? So I can't magically leave my desk job and then go travel the world and make money, but I have to go figure out things like you did back when you were at the company we both worked at.

Lesley Logan 12:24  

Yeah.

Clare Solly 12:24  

And you went and you were taking classes, and then those classes turned into trainings, and then you went and educated yourself while you were making the money to do so. I mean, listen, if you want to be a babe and you want to like just quit your job tomorrow and run off into the sunset and go make magic happen, as whatever you want to do, live your best life.

Lesley Logan 12:47  

I do think that, depending on where you are in your life, there's different opportunities to blow things up versus not.

Clare Solly 12:53  

Oh, yeah, and in my 40s, I give very few (inaudible).

Lesley Logan 12:56  

Yeah, yeah. And I will say, like, I kind of blew up my life as far as personal life goes. I've never, I'm not someone who's ever blown up my life when it comes to the money I make, because I wasn't raised with a lot, and so for me, I want to be, when it comes to exiting things, I've always made sure I had a runway. So when I was,I actually, the job that we had together, I actually thought I would just be there like two days a week, because I thought I could do that. I thought, I'll do the two days a week, and that means I can keep my customers and keep my clients, my commission, my extra money. And then I'll have this business. And what happened is they were going to fire another salesperson so I could be the two-day-a-week, they were going to fire the other two-day-a-weeker, and I was like, oh, and it made me go, but she really needs this job. I need this job too, but also I have enough clients, and the company that I was teaching at part-time on top of my private Pilates business was going to, I knew they were going to offer me a management job, so if push came to shove, I knew I could just accept that job and reclaim that money in some way. So I actually decided to fully quit there versus do a little slowly stop working for them, because I just didn't want someone to lose their job, especially in early 2010. That just felt like that's a hard thing for her to go and replace. But when I left the fitness company, what I did is I figured out how much, I love your description of, like, what are you jealous of? It's also like, what are you finding you're resenting, like when people email and you're just like, you have instant irritation. And so for me, I felt even though they didn't think, and my friends who still work for them, they don't feel like it's a beck and call. It felt like to me it was a beck and call, clearly my ADHD signs, but really a beck and call to me. And so what I decided was, I sat down, it's like, okay, if I want to give up this job, how many Pilates clients would I need to have to replace this salary? And that salary included health benefits, that included my 401k, all these different things that I really think about. But then when you do the math, it really helped me go, okay, so I need to get this many clients coming twice a week. But what's the reality with how many hours I have to do that with? And so I had to go, okay, at the point that I get five clients who come two times a week, I can quit the salaried part of the job, and so I was able to go. I'm no longer going to manage, but I still taught there, was still a teacher trainer. And then it took me one year from that to let go of all of it. So I will say, like, if you do have the control, give if you need a runway, because money is a thing that you don't have extras of, an abundance of, to go remake yourself. It's really figuring out, like, the skills you'll need to have, the money you need to have, and knowing the numbers. I think that really puts you in a power position. I actually felt really confident letting go of that.

Clare Solly 15:52  

Yeah, and to, you know, add kind of to the money conversation, make sure you have a little bit more runway than you actually think that you'll need. Staying in a job that you hate for one more month is not going to be terrible compared to the two months you might be out of work and are panicking because you're like, where's the money going to come from?

Lesley Logan 16:11  

Yeah, I couldn't agree more. We had somebody who wanted to start her own business, and she... but her current job was just really, really stressful, really exhausting, and so Brad and I were like, "Hey, let's be honest, how much are you making here? Okay." So I looked up, I'm like, "If you worked at Starbucks 20 hours a week, you can make 80% of what you're making at this job." Yeah, so could you live off 80% of what you're making, right? Could you... I don't know your numbers, I don't know what that is. Maybe you need to, for the next three months, you just actually try to live off 80% and you bank up some money, right? And then you go find a job where you clock in and out, right? You just clock in and out—like no one who works at Starbucks is thinking about mochas when they leave, like they're not, right? Like, maybe a manager is, but I'm not saying that, I'm saying, like a barista, like just going in. So find a job that is actually not stressful, or where you get to leave the job when you're there, and then you can build your thing. If you can't do what I was able to do, which is like slowly leave away, is there a way that you can live off a little less money and do a different job that you could just leave it there? But I.

Clare Solly 17:21  

Now that's really smart.

Lesley Logan 17:22  

I think that it's always better if you can do it on your own timing. But yes, I agree, you need a little bit more money than you think, and you might want to start thinking, like, how can I make myself live on less money so I can be banking it, so I could have that runway, that two months' savings you have for rent and things like that.

Clare Solly 17:38  

Yeah, I like the strategy of having like a standby job. Let's talk about quitting.

Lesley Logan 17:44  

Yes.

Clare Solly 17:44  

That's like, how do you quit, right?

Lesley Logan 17:46  

Because, okay, wait, we made the plans, but now we have to tell them we're quitting. 

Clare Solly 17:52  

Which is is terrifying, terrifying.

Lesley Logan 17:54  

Thank you for saying that. I thought I was the only person who's just like, oh my god, I know something that they don't know.

Clare Solly 17:58  

No, the best thing you can do is like almost get together with a friend and rehearse.

Lesley Logan 18:04  

Okay. Okay.

Clare Solly 18:05  

So we've made our plan like whatever it is, you know, you make sure that you've got enough money, that you've got sort of a runway, you make sure that if you have the friends or the family that are able to support you emotionally, mentally, whatever, you might just make sure that's part of your setup of moving forward. And then I, it's funny, I want to go in and quit always. I do these steps, I have found, because I've also done the thing where I'm like, "I'm moving," and pretended that I had a fake reason to leave a job. I've done that, and that doesn't feel good. The best thing to do is to go in, figure out kind of a script for yourself, and also be prepared to have them have different reactions. Like, they could ask you to stay and give you more money, so if you obviously hate the job, but money was your reason for leaving, maybe you might want to consider that, so be prepared for that as a conversation. Be prepared for them to just not care whatsoever. And then people also don't like any kind of leaving separation, whatever; they kind of can lash out at you, which is why it feels terrifying, because you're like, oh my god, they're going to hate me forever. You're leaving the job; they might hate you for a month or two, but they won't care.

Lesley Logan 19:25  

Also like, if they're going to hate you forever, do you really want to work there?

Clare Solly 19:29  

Exactly.

Lesley Logan 19:30  

I mean, that is terrifying. Like, I don't want anyone to feel unsafe, but I really think, like, really ask yourself, if someone's going to hate you forever, do you really want to work for someone just because they'll like you? I do like the idea of playing... like Brad did that with me. I was leaving when I was leaving the fitness job, because I was in management and all these things. He was like, "Well, what if they ask you that they're going to pay you more?" And I had to really think about that, but I also knew I'll just take every promotion someone gives me. So, to be honest, I was literally quitting so they wouldn't offer me another promotion.

Clare Solly 20:00  

Yeah, I mean, and that's hard, because it's like ultimately you're like, oh, well, things seem to be getting better, so maybe this is... which is why you should be prepared for it, because if you really don't like the actual job you're in, or the company that you're in, there's nothing wrong with that. You have just outgrown that space.

Lesley Logan 20:19  

Well, that's the thing, like leaving a job is like leaving any relationship, and I think, especially as women, we're not taught that. Like, you can leave friends behind. I think fondly of the friendships I had in elementary, high school, college, you know, even the friendships I had at different jobs, but I don't think that the version of me today could be friends with the version of them... you know, maybe we could be friends today, but we outgrew each other at some point. And maybe we could have reconnected, and I'm not saying that we never will, we might, we might run into each other, but I do think that people think we have to keep all of these people all the time, and so you've outgrown the position. Now, if you are someone who's like, oh my gosh, they're going to give me more money for staying, and you're like, "I could handle this for six more months," and you don't have another thing, then there's nothing wrong with staying and banking up more money, like that's fine too. But I do think that rehearsing that, so you know... and so Brad was like, "If they offer you more money, what are you doing?" I said, "I still need to go. I can't keep going the way this is going, and I already have a good thing lined up, and I'm going to bet on myself." Also, I kind of figured they would just hire me back if I needed to.

Clare Solly 21:25  

Some jobs can, some jobs can, but yeah, definitely. Like, you should wrap your mindset, and I'm not saying... I'm a chronic overthinker, so I'm not promoting overthinking quitting, but at the same time, make sure you are ready for the different options to be thrown at you.

Lesley Logan 21:42  

So maybe they might be like, "Okay, great, bye," and you might be like, oh. And the other thing is, depending on the state you live in, you might not get to finish the time.

Clare Solly 21:50  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 21:50  

That you have. so I just want to say, be strategic about that, because I worked for a company where if someone put their notice in, the soonest.

Clare Solly 22:00  

You get walked out the door.

Lesley Logan 22:01  

Yes, as soon as we could legally give you the paycheck that we could owe you, we would let you go, yeah. And that's not because we didn't like you; it's actually because the transition process was a lot better, and the liability, all these different things. Like, I remember when we worked at the store, if someone gave us their two weeks

Clare Solly 22:16  

Yeah. 

Lesley Logan 22:16  

For the most part.

Clare Solly 22:17  

It's awkward too.

Lesley Logan 22:18  

For the most part, they were pretty much like, okay, we can have a paycheck to them by tomorrow. What's the schedule? Okay. And we literally, they would come in for that day, and I'd go, "Thank you so much for the day you just had. Here's your final pay, it includes today, you know?" They would FedEx it to the store so I could give it to them, and I

Clare Solly 22:36  

Forgot about that, actually.

Lesley Logan 22:37  

Yeah, and we would live short-handed, because, honestly, it wasn't even personal to them. Putting the business owner hat on, they could steal, there's different things they could do, they could try to spend the next two weeks seeing their customers' information. So there's all these different things about protecting, and that back then, like, we remember, we had the customers' phone numbers and credit cards book, yeah. So there's a lot of information to protect at the fitness place. We wanted to transition the clients as quickly as possible, so we would do that. So I would just say, be mindful of where you're at, because it might be that it might end sooner than you were ready. Yeah, when I tried to exit a rental situation, the contract meant that I didn't have to give them any notice, but they also could just kick me out at any time. We were friends, so I thought they would honor that we're friends, and I wanted... I could see that they were turning away other renters, and I was their number one renter. So I was like, "Hey, these are my friends, I want to let them know, you guys, in four months I'm going to open up my own space, just so I can film whenever I want to. It's not personal." They seemed really, really fine about it, and then three months later they weren't fine.

Clare Solly 23:42  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 23:43  

I don't know what changed. I know what changed now, but at the time I didn't know it changed, and so they literally kicked me out. And I had a month before my equipment was going to show up, and I had the studio, I didn't have a trash can. I had to text all my clients like, "Come to this space, we're moving in early." And then I called all my Pilates friends, and I borrowed equipment from them, and I made it work for a month. So I was, I mean, I'm pretty good to move on my resource, I'm so resourceful, Aquarian with ADHD, like, when the shoe drops, I am so much better than when everything is good. But you just don't know, so you just need to take... I would write down, what would I do if this happened? What would I do? What's the worst-case scenario? And also, here's the thing, the worst-case scenario rarely happens, but even if it did, have a backup plan for that. I think it's helpful.

Clare Solly 24:30  

Yeah, and like, I'm also kind of, if you have a personal space at the place that you work and you keep personal things there, you might slowly start to take them home, you know, not everything all at once, so it doesn't, you know.

Lesley Logan 24:43  

Yeah.

Clare Solly 24:44  

Flags to anybody.

Lesley Logan 24:45  

I haven't had an office job, so thanks, Claire.

Clare Solly 24:47  

I'm absolutely not saying do not take anything against company policy, don't do that. And in fact, make sure that anything you might have... because I mean, I work from home like two days a week now in my current job, but you might start bringing back things that might be company property, and just start leaving them at your desk instead. So just start the severing a little bit early if you know it's going to happen.

Lesley Logan 25:15  

I think so. I think so. Okay, so we talked about if it's on your own terms, we talked about like planning, and we talked about leaving. I guess we didn't really say, like, how do you say I'm quitting? What do you say?

Clare Solly 25:28  

It's different every time.

Lesley Logan 25:31  

Do you give a story ahead, or do you just start with I'm quitting?

Clare Solly 25:34  

Honestly, I think the best is short and sweet. Like, they don't... you don't owe them anything, they don't really owe you anything. I mean, yes, you've invested your time and your intellectual powers to them for however long, but you don't owe them anything. And I really think, too, like telling them where you're going, unless they're asking you, that's your business, you don't have to tell them. Even if they ask you directly, straight out, where you're going, you kind of don't have to tell them.

Lesley Logan 26:02  

Depending on who it is, I might not. I might say, like, I'm just, I will say, like, when I was leaving the fitness jobs, the management job, I said, "You know what, after we get married, the management responsibilities are not going to be something I'm capable of doing in the best way." And I used my marriage, but it was just like telling them I'm going to go teach somewhere could have meant that they would have fired me from all of my teaching gigs.

Clare Solly 26:30  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 26:30  

You know, so, and by the way, I was legally allowed. I lived in the state of California, there's no non-competes, like I could do whatever I wanted, but you just... I didn't trust the person I worked with to not be vindictive, so I just was like, I'm just going to use my marriage.

Clare Solly 26:42  

You have to do what's best for you. But honestly, the best policy is just saying, you know, walk in, "I'm so sorry, I found XYZ. I found another job, I'm getting married, I'm moving," whatever it is. Keep it short. "I would like to put in my two weeks for you, if you'll accept that." You can say something bullshitty like, "I've enjoyed working here," or something that is sort of true, "I've learned a lot working here." You don't have to tell them why you're leaving, like, "Hey, you're a bullshit boss." Like, you don't have to tell people that. No, if you want to burn the bridge, you take those matches, baby, and you burn, but it's best to get in, get out, I think.

Clare Solly 27:20  

I think so, and also, as much as you want to tell if somebody is worth... like, "Oh my god, this person's the most abusive person," unless they want the criticism, they're not going to listen to you. Yeah, you know, so I just think that some lessons they have to learn on their own. But I also just think that I was raised by people and grandparents who worked for their companies forever, all the decades, retired, started the job and retired with the job. And so I was raised with these people like, you do the best, you do better than they're asking, right? And the reality is that in today's world, that is actually very different. They just stop paying you for what they were paying you, and you're just doing more, and not all bosses are aware that you're actually giving above and beyond. You have a family member who just retired, and they had to hire three people to replace him, but were they paying him three people's jobs worth? No, they were just working him to the ground. And so I think we do need to say... like, I'm not saying that all companies are evil, but a company will replace you. The thing that I learned early on when I ran that jewelry store is everybody's replaceable, even your best salesperson. And that's terrible, and that's awful, and I will remember all the personalities, but the truth is that a lot of us are being replaced by AI.

Clare Solly 28:42  

Or not even that we're being replaced by, people you and I are of the age where companies are reskilling and they're replacing people with newer skills, whether fresh out of college or fresh out of a program, right, rather than somebody who's been there with a longer tenure. 

Lesley Logan 29:00  

Yeah.

Clare Solly 29:00  

And it's not necessarily the age thing; it's like what you know and what you're able to do. 

Lesley Logan 29:04  

Well, and also, even for those who are going to start your own thing, when you become a business owner, you start to realize, like, "What can I pay for this role?" So you might... we have lost some people on the team. We're actually, I'm really proud of us, we're really good at weeding people out in the interview process. We keep our team members for a long time, but we've been around for a long time. Like, this business I've been running, I've been running it by myself starting in 2016 full-time, right? Yeah. And then my first hires were in 2016. Brad came on full-time, and we started hiring more. We had about six people in 2020, now we're more like over 20, but we lost three people due to life situations at the same time. One went on maternity leave forever, one was moving and needed to be paid more for the same job. And it's like, but the role is this pay, like, that's the budget, and that's the role.

Clare Solly 29:54  

You can tell them that too. You can say, "Hey, I got this job in another company and it pays more." Yeah, I'm welcome, you know.

Lesley Logan 30:00  

And we will take all of them back in a heartbeat, but also as a business owner, sometimes I can love someone so much, and I have to let them grow somewhere else because where my budget is for that role that they're doing isn't what they are wanting or feel they deserve, right? And that's not personal, and that's the hard thing.

Clare Solly 30:22  

Yeah, yeah. And also, like, if you're leaving a job because you got more money, you don't have to open that door for them. You just say, "I'm getting more money." Again, just the facts, minimal details, and just the facts.

Lesley Logan 30:37  

I'm having a life change, those are changes in my life, whatever, my life needs, whatever, you don't owe them more information than they actually need. You just, you really, really don't.

Clare Solly 30:47  

It's literally like, "Hey Lesley, I loved working on the Be It Pod. I'm so sorry, I've got a job that is willing to pay me more to do podcasts, and I'm excited about it." 

Lesley Logan 30:57  

Yeah. And it would suck so much. And, you know, we can talk another time of how our team always prepares for anybody to be sick for any amount of time because we have to keep going. Like, you know, and I want to honor people's mental health days and things like that, so we have like a lot of redundancy so we can make sure that we can be there for people, but also so people can go and someone can take their place. And it would suck, and I think of them so fondly, and all that stuff.

Lesley Logan 31:21  

Okay, what if your exit is not your own, like you're fired or the company closed? Like, what happens if the exit happened to you? 

Clare Solly 31:30  

Oh, definitely, definitely. 

Lesley Logan 31:31  

Everything happens for you, but let's be real, like, it happened to you. 

Clare Solly 31:35  

Definitely throw as many things as you can, break as many things on your way out, you know, stab tires. No, don't do any of that. Be as graceful as possible, right? I think one of the best, it hurts, right? It is an ego thing, and it is an ego stab in your heart, and you just have to go. just keep a brave face while you're in front of colleagues, etc., and be as polite as possible because it is a small world. I do not care who you are. I do not care what job you're in. Somebody knows somebody who knows somebody's sister, who knows who's married to somebody who knows you in the next company you go to. It is a small world.

Lesley Logan 32:18  

Yes.

Clare Solly 32:18  

Or it'll get back to you in some weird way, 20 years in the future. We are in a social media-heavy world where everybody knows everything. And I'm not saying you have to be happy about it. I am just saying don't go crazy, just try to hold everything in. And you might,in the back of your mind now, because I generally kind of knew when either I was unhappy or my company was unhappy with me, and I knew, because I've been fired, I'm going to say I've been fired four times. You know, once was like a redundancy, once was because the manager hated me, and I can't remember the other two times, but I've been fired a decent amount, and it hurts every time. And no matter how prepared for it you are, you're never prepared for it. So just kind of pick up on the clues in the background, and just don't sit there every day going, "Oh, I'm going to get fired," but maybe start, you know, hit the rewind button, listen to the beginning of this podcast, this episode, and kind of prepare, and then be as graceful as possible. Get your things together as quickly as possible. Don't talk to anyone that still works for the company. 

Lesley Logan 33:28  

Yeah I agree. 

Clare Solly 33:29  

Even if you have a BFF that works for the company, like, especially don't put anything in writing, don't blast anybody, because a lot of times if you are being let go, they're giving you some sort of package, hopefully.

Lesley Logan 33:42  

Yeah, I would hope so. And I think, even if they don't, even if they're terrible, even for the worst, I just want to reiterate, like, you might end up somewhere, even two jobs from now, where there's someone else who worked there. It just happens, and you don't want your worst day to be the thing that people remember about you when they see you next time, or when someone does ask. Like, sometimes people do call your references in your past jobs, sometimes they call your past jobs, and you don't want the tone of voice to change. So I think... but that's why you go to these new rage stations, and then you break things.

Clare Solly 34:27  

Definitely go to a rage station.

Lesley Logan 34:28  

So, okay, so don't burn the bridges, that's good. Go to a rage place, yay! But, like.

Clare Solly 34:34  

Have a safe friend to talk to, like, that doesn't work at your company.

Lesley Logan 34:39  

This is good advice for everything. Have someone to talk to about everybody who doesn't know the people involved.

Clare Solly 34:45  

You know, and maybe that's somebody you pay, maybe that's a therapist, maybe that's a safe space. I would sort of stay away from telling your mom or your dad, or close family, because family always has opinions on these kind of things.

Lesley Logan 34:58  

Until you're ready. I do think that there are certain things... you kind of have to get your wits about you before you tell the people. It depends on how your relationship is with them, but if they're opinionated, and you often feel like you're constantly letting them know, "I'm not a child anymore." You know, it's the same as a breakup. I don't tell people until I'm like, you have to heal from things before you talk about it sometimes.

Clare Solly 35:18  

So you're human, and we all try things, and we fail things, and failures are hard, and you don't need somebody poking at your failures or asking you. Like, my least favorite thing is when a relationship ends, people are like, "And when are you going to date?"

Lesley Logan 35:35  

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, "I just got fired. Okay, so is your resume together?" But I will say a tip: maybe have a little thing in your calendar, like every six months, that you just update your resume. 

Clare Solly 35:47  

Yeah. I get mine updated, so (inaudible).

Lesley Logan 35:50  

Yeah, so it's ready to go, because you just never know these days. You never, you never know, like, people think that the companies will be around forever, and they're not. So I think that that's a really, I think also I just want to highlight what you're saying, it's like, I think you need to grieve a little bit.

Clare Solly 36:02  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 36:03  

Because maybe you had ideas about what that job could be or what it was going to let you do. I do think a little grieving process is important.

Clare Solly 36:11  

Well, and no matter if you are let go, if you are given severance, or if you are choosing to leave a job, I highly recommend making sure you give yourself space. Make sure you take a week off between jobs, take a couple of weeks, make sure you can, or try your best to afford that. But before you start running again in any capacity, you have to decompress. We take vacations for ourselves from the jobs that we're currently in; we need to do that as well when we are doing anything involved with work.

Lesley Logan 36:48  

I love this idea, so it's like, call the unemployment office first thing, yeah, call your therapist, and then take a beat, just a beat.

Clare Solly 36:57  

Take a beat,

Lesley Logan 36:58  

Yeah, maybe, so hopefully, usually they fire you on a Friday, so hopefully you can take the weekend, like use some credit card points, get a hotel.

Clare Solly 37:05  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 37:06  

You know.

Clare Solly 37:06  

I mean, I've rage-updated my resume before, and it never works that well, and I have to redo it all.

Lesley Logan 37:11  

Okay, so don't, so you're saying go grieve first, then resume later.

Clare Solly 37:15  

Yeah, yeah. I mean, still check in with the unemployment office, and still check in with like your therapist, and I would check in with your bank account and make sure that you're good there.

Lesley Logan 37:24  

Yeah, yeah, I agree. I think that, you know... but I do think you're allowed to be upset, you're allowed to be sad, you're allowed to be frustrated, you're allowed to be like, "The reason this happened is because of them."

Clare Solly 37:35  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 37:35  

But also, depending on where you live in the states—I don't know how it works in the rest of the world—but I'm of the management style that you kind of are quitting on me before I fire you. I'm giving you talks, and those talks... at least in California, I had to give you written notices, and these are the dates you've improved these things by, so if you're around number two or three, they're probably not happy with you. So you can plan for that, but if you can't, it is out of your control, and it happens sooner than you thought. I do think grief and taking a pause is really nice.

Clare Solly 38:12  

Yeah, and I think, too, to some extent, when you were saying that, it just kind of came to my head, like, maybe just when you're in a thoughtful moment, and you can handle that thought, just write yourself just like a little exit plan in your notes app in your phone or something like that. So that... we have an emergency strategy if your house is on fire, right? You know where the exits are. Maybe you just give yourself that when you're in a good space. You know, what are my steps that I need to take? Who are my emergency contacts? Where am I in the level-set of money and my trajectory, and all that?

Lesley Logan 38:49  

I also think, even if it was your dream job, I would sit down and journal. I would write down all the things that you hated about it, and all the things you loved about it, right? This is something we do all the time. Like, when people are like, "I need to get a scheduling tool," I'm like, "Write down all the things you want it to do, like, what are your dream things?" Same as if you're going to date someone where they have to have these qualities. I would say take a moment to think about what is the stuff that you loved about that job, and then what are the things that you fucking hated, even as a dream job. There are always things that are irritating, like working for anybody is irritating, so it has irritating moments. So I would write that down, because that way, when you are updating your resume, you're updating it with the ideas of the qualities you want to enhance and highlight, and you're looking for the jobs that have the keywords that are in the love section, and you are a little bit more aware of the things where you're like, "I don't do well in these spaces." Yeah, if you're not a team player, then a job that is like, "You're going to be working on this team, and it's integral that you work with the team," you can go, "Oh, I need a more solo job." It's okay.

Clare Solly 39:47  

Yeah. And then also, instead of trying to... because the instinct is to pick at yourself and go, "What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me?" Right? We do that in any kind of relationship, whether it is a work relationship or a personal relationship. We focus it back on ourselves, and sometimes it's not you. I mean, sometimes it is, but sometimes it's just not what you're capable of, or not the skills that you have, or not the education you have. So when you start taking yourself apart, turn it back positively. And maybe instead of sitting there... we all get to mourn, right? We all get to mourn, we all get to hurt. But instead of sitting there and picking apart yourself and panicking about not having a job, go on YouTube and look up some skill videos. Yeah, go to university websites and take a look at courses.

Lesley Logan 40:46  

Universities give courses for free.

Clare Solly 40:47  

Yeah, and if you find yourself sort of like rage-scrolling through LinkedIn or something like that, looking at your colleagues or looking at people that have similar jobs to you, look at their resumes and go, "What are the skills they have? What can I add to my resume that makes me more excitable as a hire? What am I missing?" and just kind of re-level set yourself.

Lesley Logan 41:07  

Yeah.

Clare Solly 41:08  

Instead of going internal, look to the external and see how you can grow, and be it till you see it.

Lesley Logan 41:15  

I love that. Oh my god, we could talk forever on this topic because I feel like there's just so much to say, but I do feel like that's some great, helpful stuff because being it till you see it often isn't staying where you are, it's acting like the person you want to be when you're there, and that can mean building an exit strategy, or it could mean letting go of the place that you're at. So I love this, Clare. We're going to take a brief break, and then we're going to find out where people can find you, follow you, connect with you, and get your Be It Action Items. 

Lesley Logan 41:44  

Okay, Clare, where do you hang out these days?

Clare Solly 41:48  

I am still on the Instagram as a bookstagrammer. You can find me at @YouWontBeSolly on the Instagram and the TikTok, although I'm slow to post these days. You can find me and my books at www.claresolly.com Clare with no I, and there will be more news in a couple of years once I get that PhD rolling and going.

Lesley Logan 42:08  

I know. I'll have to have you back on for that. "How did you 'be it till you see it' to call yourself a doctor?"

Clare Solly 42:13  

I know, I'm so excited I'm here. Schedule me now for that. Set your alarms. And I would say for this topic, my Be It Action Items.

Lesley Logan 42:21  

Bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted steps people can take to be it until they see it. I mean, I know you know the thing, but I gotta say it, you know, for the new listeners.

Clare Solly 42:29  

I love it. New listeners.

Lesley Logan 42:30  

New listeners, this is the section where they tell us your action items.

Clare Solly 42:35  

I mean, I think take a look at yourself, where you are, look at where you can improve, and create an exit strategy if you are ready to leave, just so you have it. In a sane moment, you're ready to go when you have that crazy moment later.

Lesley Logan 42:53  

Yeah, yeah, I think it's important. Why not, while you don't need to do it, think about what to do, because it is really hard to do it when you, unless you're like me, and you're clear-headed when the shoe drops.

Clare Solly 43:09  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 43:10  

And some people are, but I think a lot of people need a little more time to wrap their heads around it, and that's okay.

Clare Solly 43:15  

We think about retirement, we think about when our job is ending towards the end of our life, we think about again when you're in a fire situation, when you're in an earthquake situation, like, we practice those things. And even though it feels a little bit like dun dun dun to think about the ending of your job, if you prepare for it now, you'll be ready for it when it happens. If it happens, maybe it won't, maybe you'll be forever in your job and happy.

Lesley Logan 43:41  

Yeah, well, I hope so. Okay, thanks so much, Clare, for being you and bringing up this topic. I think this is so fun. You guys, make sure you tell us which parts of this you loved, and I know it's more conversational if you're used to listening to this, but I think that that's also even more fun. So I'm kind of into that as well. And share this with a friend who needs to hear it, share with a friend who's like constantly complaining about their job—like, you don't have to be their coach for them. Guess what, you could just go, "Wow, you should listen to the Be It Till You See It podcast, yeah, with Lesley and Clare on this topic." And until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 44:11  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 44:53  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 44:58  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 45:03  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 45:10  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 45:13  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

In this FYF episode, Lesley Logan celebrates teaching the largest audience of her career — and why getting out of her comfort zone in a massive way became the win worth honoring. She shares a relatable airport moment about inconsistent TSA experiences, lifts up community wins from listeners with new Pilates equipment and health recoveries, and shares why the things that scare you are often the things you're meant to be doing.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The new FYF format pairing every "moment" with a win.
• Lesley's frustration with inconsistent TSA rules across U.S. airports.
• Why teaching her largest-ever audience stretched Lesley's comfort zone.
• Leah's classical reformer and Sheilz's active body recovery.

Episode References/Links:

• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

In this episode you will learn about:

• How new interests reveal we're outgrowing old versions of ourselves.
• Why losing touch with people during growth isn't personal or final.
• Why judging your old self is a sign you need gratitude practice.
• Evaluating what to take with you and what to let go.
• Working backwards from your future self to take action today.

Episode References/Links:

• Ep. 3 with Rob Mack - https://beitpod.com/ep3
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlist

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilates
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/
• The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's fuck yeah Friday. 

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Fuck yeah. 

Lesley Logan 0:02  

Get ready for some wins. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 0:47  

Hey, Be It babe, how are you? Welcome to our Friday episode. Oh my God, and on this Friday, it is a special. It's my dad's 74th birthday, so there's that. That's not what this episode's about. So we used to celebrate something inspiring on the internet, but let's be real, the internet's not so inspiring. It usually makes me pissed off at someone's rights we're losing. So we're changing it to something we actually do in our community. So if you're an Agency member, an eLevate member, you know the drill. You are allowed to need a moment. Sometimes you can complain, but you have to immediately have a win. So it's gonna go the thing I need a moment about, then my win, so I don't just vomit on you, or it could be someone else's moment and their win, like Brad's or a friend who says any, and then it's your win. And if you want to need a moment and have a win, you can send that in to beitpod.com/questions. We'll have to change that link, but for now, beitpod.com/questions will allow you to fill out a form, and then we can shout your wins and moments out if you want. But you can't send a moment in without a win, so don't come complaining at me and not have a win. Don't make me come ask for it. I'm just gonna go, not even listening, not here to just take the dump. You got to have both. 

Lesley Logan 1:56  

So, my moment right now is, okay, I am at the airport on this date, and think about this airport. I actually like this airport that I have to fly out of. But what annoys me is that this TSA is different than other TSAs. And how come, in the US, every airport, whether I have TSA PreCheck, Clear, I'm shoved in with the regular people, sorry, people who are regular people, I'm shoved into the regular security, but with a sign that I have TSA. How come it's different? How come sometimes your shoes are on, sometimes your shoes are off, sometimes there's a computer in, sometimes it's not? And then they yell at you like you should know. I'm like, oh, should I take the computer out? No. And it's like, okay, right. But the last airport I was just at yesterday wanted my computer. These are not stupid questions. I'm not an idiot. I can hear you, you know, I'm sure. And here's a, I know your job sucks. We don't pay you when our government doesn't do its fucking work, you know? So I get it, but also, especially if I'm in TSA PreCheck or Clear, I clearly am someone who flies a lot. So treat me a little bit like it's a legit question, that's all I'm saying. And also, is it too much to ask that we're either keeping the shoes on, we're keeping them off, we're putting the computers in the bags, we're taking them out? Just have a sign, then that would be really easy. A lot of the signs they have are outdated, so you're doing what the sign says, and they're like, why are you doing that? It's like, because the sign back there said so. Just pissing me off. 

Lesley Logan 3:04  

My win, since I just got all that out, my win that I'm celebrating, though, is that last month I taught at this really amazing, massive event. I taught the most people I've ever taught in my life in one space. I had the most fun doing it. I got out of my comfort zone in a massive way, a massive way. I stayed up later than I normally ever would, and I had a good time. And I just want to say, this old dog can do new tricks, right? So I'm really celebrating the fact that I've put myself into a situation that was a little bit out of my comfort zone, a lot of it outside of my comfort zone, but in order to spread the word of Pilates, and I got to do it in a big, massive way. And now I'm like, how can I do that all the time? That was a cool stage. I want to do that all the time. So, you never know. The things that scare you are the things that you're supposed to be doing, you know? 

Lesley Logan 4:09  

So, okay, your wins. Leah sent, "My first classical reformer tower combo and Wunda Chair were delivered this week." Cool, Leah, that's so cool. I'm excited for you. Let me know if you have any questions on how to use it. I can't wait to see. If you're an OPC member, send videos of you doing exercises that you're confused on, and I'll give you feedback on that. And then, @justsheilz wrote, "Glad I was able to remain active recovering from three surgical procedures this year." You get that, Shields. You know what? Sometimes we just have health years, right? We just have them, and we have to go, okay, well, what can't I do? All right, thanks for that. And then focus on what you can do, and really lean into that. So, way to go, Shieldz. I'm so grateful for you. I'm also grateful that you join us each and every week on Sundays. Your feedback is wonderful, your questions are great, and your support is lovely. And I know that even though your body might still be recovering from some things, it's learning it, it's hearing it, and it's going to embody it when the time is right. So thank you so much. 

Lesley Logan 5:08  

Okay, send your wins in, guys, because it's fun. Because when you hear it, it's like a month or two after you send it in, and you're probably having a bad day, and you're like, oh gosh, this is annoying. And then you hear your win, and you're like, oh, I had a great day the other day. How cool is that? All right, your mantra. My uniqueness is a beautiful part of me. My uniqueness is a beautiful part of me. My uniqueness is a beautiful part of me. Babe, your uniqueness is a beautiful part of you because, oh my God, if you were the same as everyone else, it would be boring, and you'd still have imposter syndrome. So ditch all those feelings, focus on your uniqueness, because it is a beautiful part of you. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan 5:44  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 6:27  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 6:32  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 6:36  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 6:43  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 6:46  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Outgrowing yourself rarely happens gracefully — and that's okay. In part two of the Outgrowing Old Versions series, Lesley Logan walks through the action of letting go, why hindsight breeds shame, and how dreaming a year forward helps you step into who you want to be. A grounded invitation to outgrow what no longer fits.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How new interests reveal we're outgrowing old versions of ourselves.
• Why losing touch with people during growth isn't personal or final.
• Why judging your old self is a sign you need gratitude practice.
• Evaluating what to take with you and what to let go.
• Working backwards from your future self to take action today.

Episode References/Links:

• Ep. 3 with Rob Mack - https://beitpod.com/ep3
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlist

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilates
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/
• The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Isn't that how versions of ourselves start? We get a new interest, and then we kind of go into that thing, and then we learn something, and then we grow into that, and then all of a sudden we don't necessarily need some of the things that we had, whether they're coping mechanisms or jobs or relationships. We can outgrow ourselves in so many different ways, and I think we always will.

Lesley Logan 0:22  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 1:04  

Hello, Be It babe. How are you? Okay, we're back with part two. So, if you're new to the Be It Pod, we have some weeks where we do an interview and a recap episode, and we have some weeks where we do a series and we talk about a topic that you guys have written in and said, "I want to have more information," or "I want to hear more about this," or "This is how I'm feeling. What do you think?" And so hopefully the personal stories and experiences and anecdotes help you feel not so alone in the topic, right? 

Lesley Logan 1:31  

So we're talking about outgrowing yourself, a version of yourself, and so if you haven't listened to the first episode, I would do that because I actually want to reference some stories from that, and I'm not going to tell them again in such great detail. So, anyways, let's get into it. Right? Here we go. So okay, last episode we talked about outgrowing old versions of yourselves, and I highlighted, with grace and compassion, not the shame and blame, because it can be really easy to do that. 

Lesley Logan 1:57  

And so, this week we're actually going to talk about the actual action of letting go, and then the action steps of being in your new version, right? So the stories that I brought up were inspired because I actually was looking at old photos of myself starting as a Pilates instructor, and then I shared these two instances of when I outgrew the retail version of me to be the Pilates instructor, and then I outgrew being the Pilates studio manager, teacher, trainer, all the things, to just working myself as a Pilates business coach and Pilates instructor. And I really will say there wasn't this green sign, green light, like, "Hello, Lesley, this is the door," right? No, I kind of realized I outgrew those roles and that version of me kind of kicking and screaming, getting so frustrated and exhausted because I had taken on so much trying to start this new thing that I was into, as opposed to a hobby, and now it's a full-time job, but I also have a full-time job, and then, wow, now I can take on Pilates full time, and this job has health insurance and a salary, and room to grow and expand, and I learned so much there, and I was challenged, and I got to be a big fish in a small pond, up to the day that I was about to have a panic attack because I was overworking myself trying to fulfill the agreements that I had made as an employee while trying to explore these new interests I have. And isn't that how versions of ourselves start? We get a new interest, and then we kind of go into that thing, and then we learn something, and then we grow into that, and then all of a sudden we don't necessarily need some of the things that we had, whether they're coping mechanisms or jobs or relationships. We can outgrow ourselves in so many different ways, and I think we always will. 

Lesley Logan 3:44  

Now, I will say, I don't feel very confident that either of the changes that I made I did gracefully. I look back and see maybe if I know what I know now about how I could land on my own two feet and be as resourceful as I am, if I had that evidence, I could have had the guts to just quit the first time and not try to have one foot on an island and one foot on a canoe, and stand there, and still, and not lose my balance. And I also will say, the second time I outgrew that version of me, I didn't necessarily, I thought I could do it all, and I didn't really want to let go of some of the things because I liked the people I worked with, I liked the people I worked for. There are some things I hated, and that made the job really annoying, but those were detail-oriented things, so of course I didn't like them. But I really thought I could do both for a long time. But what happened along the way in there, and doing both for a long time, is that there was this part of me that was, "I'm really interested in this impact over here, and I can't do it as long as I'm doing this."  

Lesley Logan 4:50  

And so, I also will say, part of the way that I tend to, I tended, I will say, I'll put it in the past tense, I tended to become this new version of me is I lost touch with some of those relationships. In fact, when I posted that picture, one of the people who commented is one of the people that I lost touch with, probably within the first year of quitting retail, and I really liked her. And I still, every couple of years I'll be in Palm Springs, I'll connect with her because that's where she moved, and so she reminded me that I taught her in her house, in her apartment. Oh my god, this person helped me out, and I kind of lost touch. But because we do that, right, when your schedule changes, because the new version of you needs this schedule, right? The new version of you needs to be doing these things, or studying these things, or spending time in these areas, it means that we tend to lose people in our lives, and it doesn't have to be personal, not personal at all. 

Lesley Logan 5:48  

There was a couple of people I definitely was ready to write off, but the people that I worked with in both of those arenas, the ones I lost touch with, I will say most of the time it just happened because life happens, because we get busy. And back then it wasn't as easy as it is now, but even now we're even busier, right? I can proudly say that I'm still dear friends with several of the people that I worked with at the second place, and in outgrowing the version of myself, they didn't get mad or turn their backs on me. I mean, in fact, they celebrated it because they could say they were part of that. So when you do feel this need to grow, and you're outgrowing what you once were, you have different worries and different schedules, and different relationships get added in. And because of all these different changes that you're making, because it's in alignment with where you want to grow, yeah, you might lose some things, you might lose some people. There's a coffee shop that I used to go to when we lived in LA every single day. I do wonder where those people are now. I hope they're not there anymore, but I do wonder, because you lose touch. 

Lesley Logan 6:48  

And so I just want to say, you don't ever have to apologize for the growth that you're making, for getting to know yourself more, and/or for changing your mind. We definitely should be as graceful as we can when we make our exits, and I can say that I think I did as good a job as I could given the circumstances on those exits, but the today version of me would have made those exits completely differently and might have been able to find a way to stay in touch with a few of the people extra. So I will just say we usually do the best we can with what we have, and when we know better, we do better. And so just have some kindness for yourself because, depending on how many times you've outgrown a version of yourself, it might be the first time you're making these changes and making mistakes and learning new things. And so be thoughtful, right? Be thoughtful of yourself, but not just of others, because I think it's easy to do that. 

Lesley Logan 7:41  

Okay, so when we look back, and hopefully you did if you listened to Tuesday's episode, I asked you to look back and look at the signs that were showing up that you were ready to outgrow and make changes and let go of, right? When we do that, we tend to look back at them as simpler times and like, "Oh, I should have just been happy." I think about when we look at pictures of ourselves when we were five, ten years ago, going, "Oh my god, why didn't I think I looked good? Why did I think I looked heavy, or whatever?" Like, "Oh my god, I look so good there." So we tend to do that with these rose-colored glasses, and I will just say life was not simpler back when that was because that version of you didn't have the skill sets you have today. So when you look back at life and you're like, "Oh my god, I should have just been happy about that," no, you have new skill sets, you have new abilities to handle things. And so, when you look back at that life, it seems like it was simple. It wasn't simple, but you didn't have the tools that you have now. 

Lesley Logan 8:33  

And when you were that person, there were needs and desires that were not being met. That is why you got to where you are today, why you have your "be it till you see it" goals, who you want to become, because the life that you have wasn't satisfying you for some reason, there was something missing that you went searching for, and you grew, and you outgrew. And it doesn't mean that who you were was silly, stupid, wrong, or dumb; it's just an old version. I look back, I'm like, "Wow." I was so anti-transparent, and now I still put sunscreen on, but goodness, a little bit of sun, a little bit of freckle is not a bad thing. But I think of another example of outgrowing a version of yourself, like my first iPhone versus today's iPhone. When the first iPhone came out, we were like, "Oh my god, what an incredible phone. How lucky am I that I could have this phone?" And now, if we were to use that iPhone, like my dad has an old iPhone, and I'm like, "Oh, such shit, so outdated." And we would not, we didn't do that then. You can't do that to yourself. You can't take an old version of yourself and go, "Oh my god, what an idiot," because back in the day, it was pretty unique who you were and what you were doing, and you were this amazing invention and a slice of time that we'll never have back. So we have to be thoughtful and kind, and know that because our standards change, that doesn't mean that who we were before wasn't good enough. They just had different standards, and we know more, we know better, we have new standards, right? We have new needs. 

Lesley Logan 10:11  

Example, when it comes to you outgrowing, okay, so you've outgrown a version of yourself, you're stepping into your new thing, you're being it till you see it, and you're feeling a little exhausted, frustrated, even still getting resentful, like things feel like they're not moving along. We'll get more into stuckness later, but you're trying, you're doing what I was doing in the last episode where I was like, "I'm gonna hold on to this job and do this job." And the reality is, once you start growing into this new version, it's really hard to go back. Once you learn that the Wizard of Oz is just a person behind the curtain and it's not the Wizard, it's kind of hard to put the toothpaste back in the tube, so as they say. So, hope this example works. Brad had this weird thing about he keeps our old iPhones, and then every time we get a new iPhone, he gets rid of our oldest iPhones, but we always have older ones lying around, and sometimes he even uses them. And part of it is he's worried, like, "Oh my gosh, what if I don't have all that I need that's on that phone? What if I forgot something's there?" That was a great phone to me. I really liked how it felt. That's kind of like us trying to hold on to people who no longer fit where we're growing, or schedules, maybe you are trying to do your own thing, but you're holding on to your old life schedules, right? Like when we moved to Vegas, I was trying so hard to do the schedule that I had in LA because I loved that schedule. But not only was I no longer an Angelino, I was a Las Vegan, it was COVID, there was no schedule to keep. I had to change, I had to outgrow that, I had to let it go, right? So I'm not saying you have to get rid of anyone in your life, or the schedule, or the cars, or the clothes when you outgrow yourself, but what I am saying is that to fully step into the new version of yourself, we do have to evaluate what has to change so that I can fully be this person. Is this schedule, the cadence of when I see people in my life, that has to change? Do I need more sleep to be this person? My god, the younger me could just do a lot on no sleep. My goodness. Like, is the life in the version I am right now someone who cannot handle complaining about things from 20 years ago in our life? 

Lesley Logan 12:34  

So I do think, to fully outgrow a version of yourself, besides space and grace and compassion for who you were and who you're becoming, it is important to evaluate what are you taking with you and what are you letting go, and that's the action steps we have to take as we outgrow the version of ourselves. What is no longer serving us? What is taking up space? And, by the way, some of this stuff will just change naturally. When I changed from being in retail to working Pilates, the clothing was pretty easy to change, the job is to wear leg gings, but not all of it is easy; it just takes some time. But the action step you can take is to make sure that the steps you're taking each day are towards the version you want to be, and not the version that you once were, because you're just gonna get frustrated. I mean, it's kind of like I made this example earlier, but I'm gonna say it again because I want you to have a visual. When I was trying to keep the old stuff and the new stuff, it is like having one foot on an island and one foot on a canoe. When we moved to Vegas, we're like, oh, we'll go back to LA every month, every four weeks we'll have our same hairdressers and our same lash technicians and our same blah blah blah, and see our friends. Y'all, we haven't been back in eight months, right? Because while that story felt really good, the version that we were becoming by living here made it really hard to go back there because those people, by the way, it's not that they don't want to see us, it's not that we don't see them, but they were in their version of their lives, and we're coming in every four weeks going, "Hey, hang out with us!" And it's like they're like, "Well, this night doesn't work, I got things to do." So, sometimes I think we are trying to cobble and hold everything together from all parts of our lives, and the truth is, we just have to take a moment to go,okay, hold on. Who do I want to be? What does she do? What does she eat? Where does she go to work? Where is all this different stuff? So that you can step into that power. And then some things will naturally just go away, and some things, some people will step up so they can stay in. Or you might still keep the old car, even though you've changed, because that's practical, right? Not saying go out and buy the new car because that's what she would drive. We have to take some actions in making sure that the life that we want to live is actually in alignment with who we're growing in to be and not who we used to be. 

Lesley Logan 14:56  

It's important you're also not playing the hindsight game. I talked a little about this in the last episode, but I think when I was going back to LA, I would drive around, and I could go, oh, I lived here, and you think about who you were, and the mistakes you made, and that I lived here, and, oh my god, even when I did this, you know more now, so we can't go into hindsight and go, I would have done this better, or I should have done that sooner or I should have quit that sooner or I should have let that relationship end that time. Oh my gosh, I'm going to tell you a story, but first I just want to close that sentence off with any type of judgment like that is shame, and it's not helpful. In fact, when you are judging yourself for who you used to be, it is actually a sign you have to have a gratitude practice, and this is something I worked with my therapist about. As I was evolving into the space that I am now, in 2020 she was like, "If you are judging yourself, that means you are not in gratitude." And so if you get in gratitude, judgment can't be there. Gratitude and judgment can't live in the same space at the same time, can't hold space for both. And so I just would say, if you find yourself getting frustrated or judgmental, take a moment to be like, "I'm grateful that I made this change, I'm grateful that I learned this thing, I'm grateful that I said yes to that thing," because it will help you realize you did the best you could back then with what you knew. Hey, so the story I wanted to share before I got those things out is, I remember, this is a hindsight game, I remember it was one day, a year before I broke up with my ex, I remember driving on the freeway and going, "Oh my god, I wish he would just break up with me because I don't know how to break up with him." And then staying for another year, only to finally have the capacity to blow it all up, and that's really what I did. That version of me had not spent enough time to really fully figure out who she was going to be, but I did that on my summer couch tour. Sometimes you have to do that, right? Sometimes you have to do that. But I remember thinking, "Oh my god, if I had just done this a year ago," and it's like, yeah, that would have been great, and I also would not have had the friends that I had, whose couches I slept on, for sure. Would not have had that. I would not have had the things that happened in that summer that gave me time and space and a schedule that allowed me to really grow into myself, the single version of myself, the woman that I really think, because I did that, is why I'm here today, and it's definitely why I have the friendships that I have and the business that I have, for sure, the things that happened during that time. 

Lesley Logan 17:28  

So I just share that with you because, yes, it would have been nice if you made changes sooner or said yes to things sooner, but also you didn't have those tool sets yet. And so now that you are taking action, having compassion for who you were and gratitude is going to take you a long way, and it's going to make becoming the next version of yourself fun and a little more possible. Look, part of letting go and shifting is where "be it till you see it" works the best. If you are kind of in that in-between, you have the one foot on the island and one foot on the boat, it is time to sit down and just talk about, okay, it's a year from now. Who are you? Where do you live? What do you do? What's your schedule like? When do you get up? When do you go to sleep? When do you have time with your partner? When do you have time with your friends? When do you have time to do this? What are the hobbies that you have? And then you can just dream so big and think, okay, so based on this, how do I work backwards to be this woman? Oh, I'm someone who knows how to knit; I guess I'm going to a knitting class, right? I know I made that really simple, but truly, that is how you become the version of yourself that you want to be. I wanted to be a Pilates business coach and have a studio, and so I would tell people before I left the other gig, and I was still just renting space and doing some coaching, I'll just tell people, "What do you do?" "Oh, I coach Pilates businesses on how to be more profitable and have the impact they want to make, and I teach privates on the side." I started telling people that, even though the majority of my time was teaching Pilates. I would tell people that because, in telling people that, I was telling them who I was growing into, who I wanted to become. And then the hours that I wish I was coaching, I would actually be marketing my coaching services because then I spent time being the person I wanted to be. So when you are in this outgrow stage, growing-in stage, the best thing you can do is dream about like you're on the other side. Who are you? And then work backwards and "be it till you see it" that way. 

Lesley Logan 19:36  

It's also important to remember you don't become someone new overnight; you do become her in moments. And I love looking back at those moments and saying, "Oh, that's when I was like, oh, that moment and that moment and that moment compounded to here we are right now." Those moments often happen before you're even aware that it's time to make a change, but they will keep adding up and adding up. And it's important to keep taking steps, the messy action, and continue to do what you can with what you have. We have a great episode, I think it's episode three, where our guests talked about how you're never going to see the top of the stairs, but you can see the first step, and so you take that first step. And guess what happens when you take the first step? The next step reveals itself. If you listen to the intro of this podcast, right, we talk about it all the time, action brings clarity, it's an antidote to fear. And Be It babe, most of the time we're not stepping into where we want to be; we're keeping the old version of ourselves because we can't see the top of the stairs yet. But you can dream about it, and you can take the messy action, and you can have kindness and gratitude for yourself and others along the way. You do the best you can, and what happens is one day you're the person you want to be, you're the new version of yourself. And look, here's the deal, if you are doing these things but you're stuck, that's going to be our next series. 

Lesley Logan 21:02  

So, if you're feeling stuck, if you've been waiting for motivation, if you feel like you know what you want but you're not doing it, I need you to know it's not because you're lazy. You didn't go into some old version of yourself; things become lazy. It's probably because you're still operating the new version of you on the old system. When we use old computers or old phones, how slow they are, right? The spinning wheel of death comes up. Yeah, that's just because you're trying to do the new you on the old system. So we're gonna dive in deeper to that in our next series, but until then, take messy action, be it till you see it. It's a pretty great thing to shed something that no longer serves you and step into something that does. So, thanks so much, love. I hope this series was fun for you. Let me know what your takeaways are, your favorite parts, or topics you want us to touch on. Share this with a friend who is maybe outgrowing themselves and needs to know that they're not alone, and they didn't do anything wrong, and this is a really great thing. And until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 22:08  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 22:50  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 22:55  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 23:00  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 23:07  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 23:10  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Have you outgrown a version of yourself but haven't fully let her go? In this first installment of a two-part series, Lesley Logan opens up about the quiet, often uncomfortable process of recognizing you've changed, and the signs that gradually show up. Pulling from her own career pivots from retail manager to Pilates instructor to business owner, she shares how resentment, shame, and nostalgia signal it's time to let her go.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Why outgrowing happens slowly before it happens all at once.
• How resentment can be a signal that something needs to change.
• The trap of trying to be "both people" mid-transition.
• Replacing vibes with data when you're ready for the next move.
• The real reason letting an old version go feels like grief.

Episode References/Links:

• Ep. 163 with Claire Sparrow - http://beitpod.com/ep163
• Betsey Johnson – https://www.betseyjohnson.com
• Profitable Pilates: Everything But the Exercises by Lesley Logan - https://a.co/d/0hTekOJl
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

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Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It is one thing to realize you've outgrown a version of yourself, and it's another entirely different thing to let her go, because it's emotional. You can be forced to outgrow different things, because situations changed, and you can make those decisions yourself. But either way, like, we're all gonna go through it. 

Lesley Logan 0:20  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 1:02  

Well, hey Be It babe. Hello, welcome to a series with me. No guest today, it's me. We're talking about outgrowing who you used to be without having shame and guilt, and this weird thing that we tend to do to ourselves when we're overachievers and recovering perfectionists, which is, "Oh my god, I should have known better." But that's not it at all; we're always here to learn and grow. Hopefully, if you do this life right, you are always learning and growing, right? So it's interesting because I think this could be a really subtle thing, because I think outgrowing who you are does happen in subtle ways. I guess it could happen in fast, big ways, but I do think it's actually kind of a volcano. There's things brewing underneath for a long time, and then it's, "I'm ready to come out, I'm ready to be here." So it's also really big, outgrowing who you used to be. 

Lesley Logan 1:52  

The other day, when I recorded this, I posted on my Instagram account a series of photos of me from, I said they are from 2010, I'm pretty convinced the first photo is from 2008, right after I became a Pilates instructor, and I'd been inspired by Claire Sparrow, who's a guest on our podcast. She's like, "Hey, look, I posted a picture of me as a baby instructor, you should post a picture of you." And it was so cute, and she kind of, I was like, "I think I should do that, especially because I've just not been loving social media lately." I'm like, "Why not? Why not do this thing, right?" So, anyways, I was like, "Do I even have those photos?" Of course, I don't. My phone, the photos kind of really start from 2013 because the cloud didn't really exist, and so you would have, I guess, keep things. I'm not really sure. In fact, to be honest, I have pictures of myself as a child, and I have pictures of myself since my iPhone started. How did I have as many pictures of myself, now that I think about it, from between high school through college and my retail work, which is such a bummer, because what great outfits I would have had. 

Lesley Logan 2:56  

Anyways, I went on Facebook, and I went to my old profile and cover photos, and I actually did find these photos. And you guys, just so you remember, if you all go back in time 16 and 18 years ago, you'd hire photographers to take pictures of you doing something. Now you just set up a thing, click your watch, your phone takes great pictures. Now, I have to hire photographers, and now looking at these photos, I'm like, "Wow, I thought those were great photos. Look at the quality of those photos." No offense to the photographers who took them, but, man, I mean, my goodness, if cameras can outgrow themselves, we certainly can. So I was going through the photos, and one of the things I saw was, "Wow, I was young." And not that I look old now, not by any stretch of the imagination—I'm not saying that, I don't even think I am old—but I am looking at those photos. I have to just be honest, when people say that they think I look like I'm in my 30s, I look like I am a child in some of these photos. Holy cow, people let me go into bars looking like that? Oh my god. So I definitely... okay, this is a side tangent, but welcome to ADHD. You know how when you watch Pretty in Pink and 16 Candles, they all look like such adults, and we're like, "We didn't look like that. Why do we...?" I don't know, because I look back and I'm like, "Oh my god, I look like a high schooler," and I was a graduate from college by several years. But anyways, so the first thing I thought was how young I was, and, whoa, when was my hair brown? I forgot I had brown hair. It's not the hair color that I have now, but the first photo, if you look at it, my hair is brown, and then it slowly gets to red, and then even more blonde-red, which is closer to what it is today, and it was super short, and that was in 2010. 

Lesley Logan 4:42  

The third thing that I thought was that I am so different from this girl. I'm so different—not in a bad or a sad way, just 16 to 18 years of having outgrown her. The clothes she wore, I'm even like, "What am I wearing?" Styles do change, but, what? I mean, they're cute, they're all Lululemon. Hey, from a baby instructor, I was buying the brand designer. But the way I dated, I'm obviously not with that person, but I remember looking at this picture going, "Oh, I know who I was with at that time. Oh my god, oh my god, what was I into?" And I also, going back, I was thinking about the expectations I had, the fears I had, the dreams I had, the goals that version of me set. I'm so different from that person—the risks that I would take, all of that. Anyways, it was kind of funny to look at those photos and go through that, and then go, oh, I'm recording an 'Outgrowing Your Old Version of Yourself' podcast. How hilarious is that? On this pod, we actually have a lot of guests who talk about, "I used to be here, this happened to me, and now I'm here," right? And it's all great, it's all inspiring, it's all super helpful. Sometimes we get some really detailed nuggets, but I don't think we acknowledge or take the time to talk about the shedding process. What does it feel like to let go of that, right? 

Lesley Logan 6:13  

So, this week will be two parts about growing your old self. So, we're going to talk awareness in comparison today, and then Thursday we'll get into the release and action, just so, because I know you guys like a roadmap. You guys like a roadmap. And by the way, if you do love our podcast, one of the best ways you can do to support our podcast is being an OPC member, so I do hope you check us out, what we're doing there, because there we do a lot about connecting to who we are and what we want, and if you are feeling like you want to outgrow the version that you're in, OPC is a great place to be. 

Lesley Logan 6:43  

Okay, so let's get into kind of just like I think, I think to outgrow yourself, I think would just be fun. I feel I have a lot of stories. So let's just talk about when I became a Pilates instructor, I was still managing a retail store and high-end accessories, and I really thought I could do both. In fact, I wanted to do both, and I don't know that I am trying to think back, like, did I not think I could? Did I not think I could make a living teaching? It's possible, especially because my first year of teaching, I was just teaching the mat while I was going through a comprehensive training, and also, you know, I became a teacher at the recession, so, like, a lot of people were always talking about how they didn't have enough clients and not enough money, and I had this like safe job, right? Like, just a laugh, it's retail, but I had this like safe job, and my commissions were going down, like I could see the writing was on the wall, even when I moved to LA the year before, Orange County was hitting, getting hit sooner, but I did live in LA, and I did have student loans, and so I definitely thought, well, I love my job, I'll do this, and I'll teach Pilates, and so I kind of just was like, I could do this, so I'm just adding to who I am, like such the overachiever. 

Lesley Logan 7:52  

Somewhere, though, in 2009, here, there were definitely some shifts. If I think back about who she was and what she was going through, there were shifts. And, you know, I don't think, I think it's okay to not really notice the shifts. In fact, it depends on how old you are listening to this, if you're on the younger side, you're not going to have that intuition we talked about in previous podcasts, because you haven't had experiences yet. So, for sure, I mean, in 2009, how old was I? '83, 2009, right? Someone can do the math. So just the life experience, I hadn't really outgrown a lot, because I maybe outgrew high school and outgrew college, but I hadn't really outgrown, here I was, doing this big girl, feeling like a badass boss babe, running things, and I didn't even know what a recession could do. So I definitely couldn't see the signs that things were shifting, that I was wanting more, that I was wanting something different. Now I can, because I've done reflections on all these different things, I can see the signs. 

Lesley Logan 8:57  

But at any rate, I don't even know, also, that I was too aware. I think sometimes when you're younger, you're thinking you'll live forever, and so you're not necessarily aware that I'm not liking this anymore. Because you just keep going and you keep doing, and also, when you have the job that I had, people were envious of that job, and so it's really hard to go, "Oh, I don't want this," because also I had people telling me how crazy and amazing it was that I had it. So I can see the signs now that it was time to make a change, and that there was a desire, and I was no longer fitting into the life I was wearing or living. I now really understand that when I have resentment, there's something that needs to be changed. And so I do remember, at that '09 time, that I was resentful of the job that I would go to full-time in retail when a client wanted an extra session that week but I was working. And I remember getting frustrated that I could only teach for three hours and I had to go to my other job, or I had to drive in traffic to go teach, and wouldn't it have been nice if I could have just not had to deal with this traffic? I was already there teaching, so I just remember being a little frustrated about that, and I just started to feel like the store was holding me back from making more money, which is funny, because I was keeping the store job to have more money. But I remember going, "Okay, I think what I really need to do is do less hours at the store and more hours teaching." So this is how I was outgrowing this retail girl, but I wasn't brave enough to cut the ties. 

Lesley Logan 10:31  

So after having that resentful stuff and getting frustrated and thinking about it, I came to this new conclusion that I should just shift the hours from one to the other. So I told the owners of the store that I was managing that I wanted to step down to basically a part-time manager, which is a key holder, and then I would be able to have extra days teaching and still have some days off. And they agreed, and ta-da, and I was training up the next manager, and then, two weeks-ish before everything was set to switch over, the owner said, "I have to let go of the other part-time girl." And I was like, "What?" And they're like, "Yeah, we don't need two part-time girls, because we'll have a manager and we'll have this person, and then you, so we don't need this as an extra person." And I remember thinking, "Oh, I didn't think about that." Here I thought, the store is going to benefit because I'll be working these three days a week, so my clients can come on these three days. When you worked in retail back then, people had a salesperson, so they'll still make their money, I'll make my commission, and so that's a win for them, because they felt like family at the time. So I definitely didn't want to screw them over in the outgrowing of myself that I was doing. And, by the way, that's a habit, a bad habit, I would say, there's no bad habits, I mean, but a habit, an unbecoming habit that I have is making sure that the changes I'm making, because I need to, and my life is going a different direction, don't always negatively affect them, and I'm trying to solve that for them, versus they should solve it for themselves. In that conversation, I realized they weren't letting me do what I was doing, but it wasn't going to be because they're going to keep everybody in their business, and it was during the recession, so they weren't gonna let her go. And I was like, "Oh, because I've known her, I hired her, I trained her, she was really great, I know she needed the money." I went home and thought about it, and I was just not okay with keeping this job and her getting fired, because as I thought about it, I was like, well, what happens when I do have enough clients that I could leave, right? Then they're going to be short someone, and then I'm really screwing them over, because they fired this great girl, and on top of that, she got screwed over because she doesn't have a job in retail during this time. So I kind of feel mad, but it was the kind of the slap-in-the-face wake-up call that I needed to just quit so she could keep her job. 

Lesley Logan 12:53  

And it was somewhere in the middle of figuring that out that I realized that I could make a living teaching, and I didn't want to be in between. I wanted to go all in, and I think that's an important part. When you are outgrowing a version of yourself, there is this tendency to try to do both, be both people, keep the friends of the old life while you're in the new life, keep the clothes of the old life when you're in the new life, keep the schedule of the old life when you're going to the new life, because we don't want to let things go. We don't want to lose things; there's nostalgia for that. It feels safe, it feels comfortable, even though it's uncomfortable, right? It feels careful and doesn't have as much fear. So anyways, time goes on, right? I end up managing a store, a studio, excuse me, for the high-end fitness company that I switched my life over to. They heard about my management experience, they saw the great teacher that I was as a baby instructor, but the potential that I had, and I kept climbing the ranks, much like I did in retail, kept getting promoted, kept getting promoted. And I just felt like a big fish in a small pond. I got lots of accolades, and people at the top of the company knew who I was, similar to my last job. So I had grown to this new identity, but in doing all of that, I'd written a book called Profitable Pilates: Everything But the Exercises, and people were reading it, and they're wanting coaching calls, and I had a studio where I was renting space where I could make a little bit extra cash, and then I had retreats. So here we are, you know, this is now around the 2015 time. My book had been out for a while, started business coaching, and I had really grown as high up as I could at the time with the skill sets that I had for this company, and I was feeling the same resentment; it came back. So here I come to this new version of myself, Pilates teacher, and then Pilates teacher trainer, and then Pilates studio manager, and then Pilates regional manager, and Pilates business coach, and Pilates studio renter. And I could tell that I was outgrowing this again. I was outgrowing myself again. I could feel the repetitive resentments, the frustrations, the overwhelm, and I was getting exhausted because I wanted to be coaching more people in their business, but I had to run nine other businesses and this teacher training program. 

Lesley Logan 15:17  

And so I think what's interesting is that even though the signs were the same, that I was outgrowing a version of myself, it doesn't mean that I fell into the last version of myself. I definitely became the Pilates instructor and the studio owner, all those things. But as she grew and she got more information, she was figuring out who she was, and I hate talking in the third person like that, so sorry I'm doing that, but as she was doing those things, she got more clear on what she wanted and what she no longer needed. And I think that's really important when you start outgrowing yourself; there's some things that you're doing because you always have done them, but you don't need them anymore, you know? And so I, while I took all these promotions, part of it was because I wanted the salary, because I wanted certainty still, and I wanted the health insurance, but I'd gotten to a place where I was understanding the business enough to truly understand that I didn't need those safety nets anymore, that I could make them myself, and so I just outgrown that person in me, too. What's interesting is in 2015, I did things a little bit different. I didn't do the, "Hey, I'm going to do this and I'll be here for that." No, I sat down and did some math with my husband, then he was my fiancé, we figured out what steps I needed to take in my own personal business so that I could let go of something, and we made it data over vibes. I think that's really important, because as we outgrow versions of ourselves, sometimes we are going off of vibes and trying to make reasons about how things we feel, and you know what, we got to get out of our head and get into the stats and just write down the evidence. What is real? What is really happening? Where am I going with this? How is this going to happen? And so I went from being this person who wanted to help everybody and support the mentor that I had, and be on this big team, and be a team player, and truly watch this company continue to grow and make a big impact in their space, to going, "I want to make my own impact. I want to be a bigger deal." And so it was scary to want to be a fish in a bigger pond, and I definitely worried, "Oh my gosh, does anyone know who I am when I do this?" But I did it. I got rid of the management gig in 2015, and I did stay on for a little bit for the teacher training because I actually really enjoyed it, but I will say in 2016, that resentment was starting to grow again, and I was like, "Oh, here it is." And I started just quitting things, just quitting this and quitting that. I quit my retail, quit my, as a head of commercial agent, I had a modeling agent, I was like, "I'm quitting that, I'm quitting this." I was shedding, because I was like, "To go into the next thing that I'm doing, I can't have any distractions." And so that was really different. 

Lesley Logan 18:04  

So, instead of going from being an employee in retail to being an employee in Pilates, I'm now going into being my actual own business owner. And to be that version of myself, I have to really lean into the things that I want to do and let go of all the other things. And here's the thing, it is one thing to realize you've outgrown a version of yourself, and it's another entirely different thing to let her go, because it's emotional, right? Like, who knows? Mine were only like five and seven-year stints, but sometimes these are 20-year stints. Sometimes you were married for a long time, and now you're divorced, and so now you're in a new version of yourself there. I'm sharing work, outgrowing versions of myself, but you can outgrow all you can. You can be forced to outgrow different things because situations changed, and you can make those decisions yourself, but either way, we're all gonna go through it. And the hardest part is letting that go without making a version of yourself wrong, or having shame, or thinking, "I should have done it sooner." I definitely played that game. I'm like, "Oh my god, I should have just quit sooner. I should not have taken that promotion." When you reflect back, you can start to see how the signs were there that you've outgrown what you're doing, and honestly, you're just grieving, and grief has all those stages, right? You have the anger and the sadness and all the things, right? So I think it's really important to feel those emotions and to feel the discomfort and to go through the grief, because if you don't let those things go, then you're just going to try to take them into the next version of yourself, and that's not going to work. And we'll talk more about that on Thursday, and then also it leads to being stuck, which is a series we're going to do in a couple of weeks. So anyways, I hope that just sharing some of my stories of different versions of myself help you think about that, because I think what could be really important is you reflect back on your life and the different versions you've had, right? You've had. I used to really feel like I needed affirmations from other people that I was on the right path, and I think it was around 2020, when we were all forced to be in different places, that I was like, "I do not need affirmations from other people. I'm on the right path," because everyone thought I was so crazy that Brad and I were moving to Vegas, buying houses, they thought we were nuts, out of our mind. Best decision we ever made. Everyone's so like, "Oh my god, thank God you did that. Can you believe you did that? What a great timing that was." Yeah, I can believe it, because I didn't listen to other people.

Lesley Logan 20:43  

So, there's these different versions of ourselves. These versions of ourselves require certainty over our uncertainty, or other people's opinions versus listening to our own gut. And I think the beautiful thing is, the older that we get, and this is why I do think it's fun and beautiful to get older, is that you know yourself so well, it's actually easier for you to go, oh, that's not me anymore, I'm not doing that anymore, right? I don't wear that anymore. Those are not the right clothes. You know, I was looking at my closet, there was a dress I haven't let go of because it's a Betsey Johnson. It was one of the first designer clothes I bought, and I actually do think this dress is so beautiful, and Betsey Johnson is popular again. This dress should just actually be in a museum, it's so beautiful, because when I go to put it on, I'm like, this doesn't look like anything I would wear. And so, sometimes we don't realize that we've changed until we put on an outfit that we've worn, and we're like, this isn't me at all, right? So, anyways, take some time to think about and reflect on how you've outgrown different things, and then I would also say, take some time to reflect: do you like how you did it, knowing what you know now? What would you do differently? Have you outgrown a version of yourself, but you didn't fully let her go, like you're trying to hold on? All these things are really good questions to ask yourself, because it will help us in our next episode. 

Lesley Logan 22:02  

So, until then, my loves, please share this with a friend who needs to hear it. I really want to grow this podcast. I want to help more and more people. If you like these series topics, send in the topic you'd like us to discuss for two, four, even six episodes. And until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 22:18  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 23:01  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 23:06  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 23:10  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 23:17  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 23:21  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

In this last FYF of the month, Lesley Logan opens with a Lucille Ball reminder that loving yourself first is what makes everything else fall into line. She celebrates wins from Amanda LG, including a Friday the 13th flash tattoo and a client whose mental health is being saved by her classes, before sharing her own win. It's a grounded, joyful reminder that self-love and prioritized time with the people you love create a ripple effect on everyone around you.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• A Lucille Ball quote on why loving yourself first matters most.
• A listener wins on adult stickers, joy, and Friday the 13th tattoos.
• How one Pilates teacher is saving her client's mental health.
• Lesley's road trip with her bestie from Vegas to Florida.

Episode References/Links:

• Amanda LG - https://www.instagram.com/amandalgpilates
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlist

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/
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• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilates
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/
• The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Brad Crowell 0:01  

Fuck yeah. 

Lesley Logan 0:02  

Get ready for some wins. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:47  

Hello. Be It babe. How are you? Oh my gosh. Welcome to the last FYF. We had a fifth FYF. This may how I mean, so it's kind of fun when there's five, because we get to celebrate you for an extra you get an extra chance to find another reason to celebrate a win in a month, right? Like you had five Fridays five

 times to find someone to celebrate. I hope you're doing this every single day. But honestly, if you just do it on Fridays, that's going to be great. Did you listen to last week? It was talking about how to build confidence. It was so good. Okay, so something inspirational, your win, my win, and a mantra that's it. We're just gonna keep it tight. Keep it quick. Here it is. Lucille Ball. Love yourself first, and everything falls into line. You really have to love yourself first to get anything done in this world. You really do. You really do. Especially with everything that's going on, you have to love yourself first. It matters. It changes the way people love themselves around you. It's a bubble of influence. 

Lesley Logan 1:42  

Okay, your win. This one. We have two from @amandalgpilates. So I got a Friday the 13th flash tattoo because adults need stickers and they make me happy. Well, I too, have some adult stickers, and I agree. I love them. I got a few flash tattoos as well from the last Friday the 13th. And I love them very much. They're called little freckles, like I'm in brown ink. So they actually like because if I was born with a star freckle and a heart and then you also sent in, one of my clients told me that coming to my classes has been saving her mental health. Whoa. Huge, huge, huge. That's a huge win, right? Huge win. Look at the effort like look at how you're changing her life. Whatever you're doing is making them want to keep coming, keep coming when they've got so much going on. I love that so much. 

Lesley Logan 2:30  

Okay, my win is, okay. So here's the deal. My bestie and I are on a road trip from Las Vegas to Hollywood, Florida, by ourselves. So I don't have Brad driving. I had to drive. She has to drive. We're doing it together. It's really exciting because, like, we've always wanted to go on a vacation together, and we're like, let's go. Where should we go? What should we do? And honestly, like, this is quite cool, even though I'm doing tons of road trips. I've done this route-ish before, and I'm doing something similar in August. Like to do it with her means, like, one, I'm not teaching. Two, we get to just like, enjoy ourselves and have a great time and and have time away from the rest of the world. And like, you know, usually when we hang out together, our husbands are there too. And, like, they often go off and do their own thing. But like, just nice seven days, just the two of us. I'm super stoked. I'm super excited. I and you're hearing this while I'm on it. And so anyways, we're probably in New Orleans right now, and then I actually get to spend a couple days in New Orleans, and instead of just like a meal, I could do like five meals. So I'm super excited about that. So just why is this a win? Because two really busy people planned time and money away from their lives and their family and their routines to be together, and that's a win. You can do it too. You don't have to do a road trip with your bestie, but do the thing that you and your bestie said you're gonna do, and then send it in to the beitpod.com/questions so we can celebrate your wins, because you are amazing. You're doing great work, taking care of yourself, prioritizing yourself, loving yourself first, is like the thing, the secret to life. So thank you. Be it, babe. 

Lesley Logan 3:59  

Here is your mantra, although we could just have Lucille Ball's be a mantra. I fully embrace all parts of me. I fully embrace all parts of me. You fully embrace all parts of you, Be It babe. Yes, you do. All right, go Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 4:16  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod. 

Brad Crowell 4:58  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell. 

Lesley Logan 5:03  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 5:08  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 5:15  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals. 

Brad Crowell 5:18  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

In this recap episode, Lesley Logan and Brad Crowell break down the transformative conversation with Inna Segal, the bestselling author of The Secret Language of Your Body and a pioneer in the field of energy medicine and human consciousness. Together they explore why perfection stifles creation, how the gut operates as our emotional center, and what it actually takes to build and uphold healthy boundaries with the people closest to us.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Why perfection is the enemy of creation and refinement leads to growth.
• How the gut assimilates daily experiences as our emotional center.
• What healthy boundaries require: confidence, clarity, and consistent enforcement.
• The difference between what happened to you and your healing.
• How creating time to self-reflect helps you discover what you stand for.

Episode References/Links:

• Amnesty International – https://www.amnesty.org
• The Observer – https://www.theguardian.com/observer
• eLevate Mentorship Program – https://lesleylogan.co/elevate
• OPC Summer Tour – https://opc.me/tour
• OPC Pilates Flashcards – https://opc.me/flashcards
• OPC YouTube – https://opc.me/yt
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Episode Transcript:

Inna Segal 0:00  

I'd always relied on somebody else to do all the healing work, and I never actually did any thing myself, because I didn't think I was qualified to do it. I think that I knew how to do it, except that it was my body, and it's your body, when you're that you're dealing with. So nobody knows as much about you as you know about yourself.

Lesley Logan 0:23  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 1:05  

Okay, Be It babe, we've talked we've we've had people talk about boundaries. We've had people talk about listening to your body. We've had people talk about getting to know yourself. And now I have your guest expert who is able to actually explain how to do all these things, explain how to actually listen to your body, explain how you can heal yourself. And really, we had a really great conversation about what it really looks like. And I mean, she was just describing being it till you see it in such a beautiful way, without saying it. And I just, I'm so excited that you're about to listen to this episode, because I just finished doing it, and I am pleased as punch. And I feel like I learned so much and or and even things that I think I knew were more solidified, and I have more confidence in that. And I just, I'm excited for you. So here's Inna Segal. 

Lesley Logan 1:52  

All right, be it, babe, I'm ready to have this conversation. I got to talk with our guest today before the end of last year, and I was so excited about all the knowledge she has in the area that we're going to dive into. Also, she's a best selling author, and I think it's really important to bring that up. She is the author of The Secret Language of Your Body, and, you know, as a Pilates instructor and someone who's really big on mind-body connection, I couldn't agree more with someone having access and information on how we can get to know and talk with our bodies in such a better way, I think the world will be a better place if we all could do that. So Inna Segal, if you can tell everyone who you are and what you rock at.

Inna Segal 2:28  

Thank you, Lesley. So I teach people how to connect to their body and listen to their body, but I'm going to also add the soul and really work with it to transform their health, to transform their emotions, to essentially transform any area of their life which is stuck a block into something that is much more wise, flowing and deep. And so they get to know themselves in a deeper, more enriched kind of way. So it's not a surface-based experience, it's a deep dive experience.

Lesley Logan 3:07  

I know and that's the hard one. The surface is, I think, easy and necessary to, you know, wake up and go to bed and do some stuff in between, but getting to know ourselves on a soul level. I mean, that is, it feels like it shouldn't be tricky, but for whatever reason, it feels like it's the hardest thing for people to do.

Inna Segal 3:29  

I think it's the hardest thing just because we are not taught from an earlier age that we should listen to our inner self, and that's through our sensations, through our emotions, through what's really going on within ourselves, but we're actually taught to ignore everything and adjust ourselves to everybody else in the world, and so because of that, I feel that it became hard thing, instead of natural, and part of everybody's life is to go my body is essentially showing me if I'm in alignment with my life, with my purpose, with my relationships, with every part of my life, with my health, or it's not, you know, and if it's not, what is it that I need to change and adjust so that it can be?

Lesley Logan 4:27  

Yeah, yeah. I mean, oh my gosh, you said so much there that I couldn't agree more with. I think we're all taught from a very early age, you know, to not listen to our feelings even as babies, you know, babies are crying and people are like, it's okay, you're okay, and it's like, well, they're crying, you know? And I get, I get why. And by the way, we have a lot of moms listen, I get why. I probably too be like, you're fine, stop crying. But also like, you know, at what point are we teaching our, teaching them at such a young age to not listen to how they feel, or for us to not listen to how they feel, or how we feel so, so I find maybe our bodies are their own language, like we, we grow up learning English, but our bodies are speaking Spanish, and we were never taught to listen to that language. But maybe I'm simplifying a little bit. Inna, can you I would just want to know before we get too deep into this. Like, were you born knowing all this? Did your parents teach you this? Did you come from a mother who made sure you knew how to talk to your get to know your soul and your purpose or how did you get here?

Inna Segal 5:28  

Well, my mom was actually she's very open-minded as a person, but she was very much when I was growing up. She was very much into the medical world, and she thought the word of the doctor was kind of the Word of God, essentially. So I went to a lot of doctors when I was younger. I had digestive issues, I had psoriasis, I had really bad back pain, sciatica, inflammation in my back, a twisted back, and I had anxiety just from constantly being uncomfortable inside my body and being in pain. And essentially, I want to say my turning point came when I ended up seeing this chiropractor that I'd seen for a while, and he came out of his office looked at me and said, Your body's stuck. And I said, yeah, I know that part. What are you going to do to help me? And I've been seeing him for a while, so this was not my first session with him.

Lesley Logan 6:28  

That's good. He's not like, look like, you're stuck.

Inna Segal 6:32  

Yeah, you know, we'd known each other for some time, and he so he's basically, he basically said, you know, your your body wants to be stuck at this point go home, and I didn't take very well to that. On the way home, I was pretty angry, but because I actually come from a background of professional writing and journalism and editing, I was and I was studying that at the time, I was thinking exactly like you were saying before, from that linguistic perspective that I'm stuck my body's speaking to me. I don't know what it's saying, because it might as well be speaking. I felt like it was more Chinese or Japanese, because I literally I can't even recognize the letters, but what I was aware of is that I'd been going to see somebody for about it was two years solid, between three and five days a week, And I would have, you know, times, maybe a week to maximum month, where I felt better and I could forget about everything and just do whatever I needed to do in my life. But then I would have this crash, and all the pain would intensify and explode, and I would feel like it would get worse rather than better. And so what occurred to me on this drive home was that I'd always relied on somebody else to do all the healing work, and I never actually did any thing myself, because I didn't think I was qualified to do it. I think that I knew how to do it, except that it was my body, and it's your body to when you're that you're dealing with. So nobody knows as much about you as you know about yourself. And so when I went home, I made a decision, I'm going to heal myself. And I essentially just did the most basic things. I placed my hands on my back. I was breathing into my back because I realized that I was holding my breath. And you know, if you hold your breath, you are stuck. And I know you probably know about this more than most of us, Lesley, from teaching Pilates, and you know, and connecting to your body in that way. And so as I was doing that, and counting backwards from 30, it occurred to me to ask for something higher in terms of help. Because I thought, why not? Why? You know, at this point, I mean, there was conflict in me around, you know, whether I believed in it fully or not. And I say this because most people go, well, you have to believe. I didn't believe in anything. I'm one of the most skeptical people you're going to meet when it comes to things, you know, where I need proof for things.

Lesley Logan 9:30  

Right, right.

Inna Segal 9:31  

And so, you know, I have a very scientific, skeptical mind, and I ask, because I just essentially felt like, Why? Why wouldn't I? Why not ask for help? At this point, I had zero expectations, but this warmth just moved through my body, and as my eyes were closed, I saw this golden light, and then I said, for whatever reason, or I thought, I thought, I wonder what my back would look like if I could see it, and without any expectation, within a few moments, I felt like somebody switched the light on and I could see my back. And although I was a bit shocked, I thought to myself, okay, this is kind of my (inaudible) to Japanese. Show me. Show me why I have this. What is the real reason that I have this? And the best way to describe this is as in having a memory meets a vision meets wisdom, right? So it was kind of like there were several, I am very visual. I didn't know that I was until that moment, but I am and visually, I could connect back to memories of things that happened. But not everything was a memory. Some of it was more of an insight, vision, understanding, kind of wisdom, what happened. And so I saw I was born in Eastern Europe, I saw myself coming to Australia and going to school and being bullied, and from there, developing psoriasis all over my skin. I saw the conflicts that my parents had in terms of trying to adjust to a new culture going to high school and not necessarily being bullied for not being able to speak the language, but being bullied for not being one of us, so to say, not being because it was a private school, not being someone who came from a super wealthy family, not belonging to the same club, and all of that affecting me from the perspective of, I don't feel myself, I don't feel supported, I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't want to be here and.

Lesley Logan 11:57  

I get all of that. I get all of that all and I think so many people are probably nodding along, we don't realize how it doesn't have to be so bad that we would be on news show or be a documentary about you, but those little things that make you feel unsafe and or you don't belong, it means that your body becomes this foreign thing you you no one know. Not only do you not know how to read Japanese to talk to your body, but it just you know, if you can't belong in your own body, it's really hard to feel like you belong anywhere. And if you don't feel like you belong anywhere, it's hard to know what belonging in your body is. You don't know what what that feels like.

Inna Segal 12:41  

Well, exactly, and the last part of this was an understanding of ancestry meets my own, I guess, challenge everything interestingly was coming up around this communication challenge, right? So not being able to speak and be myself, not being able to speak English, not being able to speak the language, and I don't mean, you know, when I, when I got older, the language that people are speaking about. Oh look, this is my label. This is what I bought here, and so on. 

Lesley Logan 13:18  

Oh, yeah. 

Inna Segal 13:18  

So there was an interesting aspect of that. And then there was this ancestral trauma that was connected to my digestive system that took a long, long time to work on. And it was to do with my grandmother losing a lot of people in her family. And then when I was 19, I got pregnant. It was very hard for me to adjust to that idea that I was going to become a mother at that age. Out of all my friends, I would have been, you know, the one they thought would either have kids the latest, or maybe not even have them. So the fact that I was the first, and everyone went, oh my god, wow, okay, was pretty intense. And then, when, then I just had this sense that something was off, probably about a month or three weeks before the baby was born and when, but I was told by the midwives that I was crazy, that nothing was happening. And this is, again, how medical professionals often kind of push aside anything intuitive that shows up, and essentially, the baby died pretty much 38 weeks.

Lesley Logan 14:31  

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Inna Segal 14:34  

Yeah. So it was so I was in trauma. I didn't want to leave. I was, you know, I just want people to understand I was at rock bottom, even wanting to be here, and I was 20. In my mind, whilst I don't, I can't say 100% I was told that the baby would have died two or three days before, which was actually my birthday, where I turned 20. So it was, you know, so I kind of connected it to my. Birthday and all of this stuff and that I didn't want to be here, and what's the point of everything in life, and this, this whole experience of connecting to my body, was pretty profound. So I really saw how my grandmother and her loss, she lost her mother, and she she was part of a family of eight, and everybody died, except her and her father, who survived for a few years after the war, and she never really grieved it or worked through it in any way or form, because people didn't at that time, and everybody had digestive issues in my family, and so I could see how the explosion occurred. Especially, I had issues before, but after I had the baby, it was just, you know, I, my digestive system just wasn't working well, and during that experience, I cried a lot. I understood a lot of things. I also realized that I was a sponger. I was one of those people that just took on everybody's pain in general, as well as it all. And after all of these insights, I fell asleep, and then the next day, when I wake up, about 70% of the pain was gone from my back, and I felt different. There was something different inside of me where I went, oh my god, my body's working with me. I can help I can work with it. It's because I made this step towards it that it's coming towards me, even though I'm still super skeptical that, you know, this is not just something that's not going to return. And so, you know, over the next few weeks, I just journaled a lot, I asked a lot of questions, I connected, and by the end of it, all the psoriasis was gone. So that was the first thing that went that was and again, lots of people, my family, have it and have had it their whole lives. So it wasn't, and I'd had it for by that stage, for 10 years. So it wasn't like, oh, you know, I had this.

Lesley Logan 17:10  

Mis-diagnosis of some kind. 

Inna Segal 17:11  

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then, you know, I noticed, yeah, my back pain disappeared. My anxiety went down. Digestive Issues took years and years to work on. 

Lesley Logan 17:26  

They do. But also with that generational and ancestral trauma, it just takes a while, because the gut just takes a while to, like, rebuild and do all that stuff and figure out what you need. Sorry, I cut you off. But yes, I actually it feels better that it didn't happen overnight, because that would feel weird.

Inna Segal 17:47  

Well, yeah, exactly. And that's what people need to understand, is that, especially when it comes connects, like, well, what's the gut about? It's about digesting life as well as food, right? It's assimilating, every day we have experiences, this is our emotional center, one of them, and we always talk about our what's your gut saying? Right? So we already know we have it in our language. So we have our intuition, we have our emotions here. We have knowingness here. But it's also all about how we, our relationships. It's an area that processes what happened during the day, your relationships, your experiences how something happened in your life, and what you believe you're capable of doing. It's kind of where your sense of self lives, and many of us need to clarify what that even means and rebuild it, because a sense of self has been beaten down over the years through all sorts of things in our you know, family and even at work, relationships for sure, and so this is something that is daily, right? It's a daily experience where you go, you know, how did I, how did I go today? Did I push down and push away and just keep going, or did I face things?

Lesley Logan 19:20  

Yeah, I think that's a great, first of all, I love that you ask yourself questions. And I think that that's where a lot of people, well, I think a lot of people get stuck on what am I asking? But also do I ask myself how am I doing? Yes, that's a great place to start. But I do think a lot of people, you know, it's, it's okay if you're one day, like, I can't do it today. I just have to go through. Okay, one day. But where I think happens is that people keep going the next day into the next day. We procrat, we keep putting off the prioritization of ourself. And that's where it builds up on top of the ancestral stuff. So it's we have our own stuff, and then there's the stuff. So I guess I have, I don't want to forget to talk about boundaries, because I know you've clearly had to figure out how to do that since you are so, since you were a sponge before, and obviously we're probably not now, since you figured this out. But for the people who I've heard of, ancestral stuff, like it comes through, how do people know what's theirs and what's ancestral, and then how do you cut the ties of that? Because is it visually cutting the ties? Is it telling your family that's your stuff? How do you do that?

Inna Segal 20:31  

Well, it's, I don't know about visually cutting it. I'm not gonna be a fan of cutting things in general. I think I'm more into clearing or being very clear in things that I feel in terms of, again, boundaries, it often takes a long time for you to gain your confidence first, to become aware of what is a healthy boundary, right? So you have to even come to that place of, what does it mean and who with, right? Because it's completely different with different people. So I can be incredibly good with having healthy boundaries, let's say with my students or with my clients, but not necessarily with family. And I'm saying it as an example, right? It's easier with people who are not close with you. The hardest thing is with those who are because you don't want to hurt them and you don't want to be harsh. And so from my perspective, I've done all sorts of things with boundaries. I've spent, you know, countless hours at different times in my life writing them down again. I write to get clarity, and I actually encourage everyone to do that in terms of boundaries, because what does it mean to you? You know, is it self respect? Is it self love? Is it space that you need? What boundary are you actually looking at? Is it actually you know, I know so many people that are single and don't have healthy boundaries with people that they have dated or been in relationships before with, or they keep going and then they wonder why they can't find the part, you know, the partner that they want, and all sorts of things. So there's many, many different boundaries that you need to look at. I think the hardest are definitely when it comes to your parents, children and partner. You know, I really think it's also how you present it and then sticking to it. So for instance, with my children, it's also changed over time. So there were times when they were younger, where it was like, well, you have to knock on the door. That's my boundary. Can't just barge in. So if you barge in, you go back, you know, and you knock on the door, that's a boundary, right? And they had to write down their boundaries as well when they were younger, when they were kind of teenagers, and so on. And then it became, well, you know, with my son, for instance, he would go into this place of overwhelm, and then he would bombard me with negative messages in the middle of the night. And so even if I turned my phone off, which was part of my you know.

Lesley Logan 23:15  

Yeah, you wake up to a crappy day.

Inna Segal 23:19  

Exactly. And so I said I had to clarify this to him over and over and over again. You can't do this. If you do this, I'm going to, I'm actually not going to speak to you for a while. I mean, unless you're asking me for help, don't, don't send me this, unless you're willing to do what I'm what I'm going to say, so we had a lot of kind of like, here's a boundary. Here's a boundary. Here's a boundary. With my mom, she used to call me, and the first thing that she would say would be some kind of complaint, and I'd be like, as she called, I wouldn't pick up the phone half the time. And she would go, you know, you don't pick up the phone. And I was like, well, let's think about why I don't pick up the phone. You know, what do you usually say when you call me? You know, do you say something positive? Is it something encouraging, or do you kind of attack and say all these things to me? And so again, we had to have a break for several months from talking to each other, because I was like, you can't do that. And then we had a break another time, because she learned her lesson where, you know, and I would say, I will hang up if you start being negative and telling me all this stuff, I'm not your therapist. I'm your daughter. So, you know, we need to change our game and the roles that we're playing, because this, I cannot grow the way that you're you're doing this. And also, I don't want to be in, you know, like you are with my children. So I need a completely different overhaul of mothering, you know, so that I can be the mother that I think they need. There's so many different ways, and I think luckily for me, everybody in the family eventually, because they kind of got the message in terms of what the boundaries are. But it takes time, and it takes a lot of effort.

Lesley Logan 25:24  

Well, I appreciate you, one, giving all those examples, because I have asked other people this question, and I don't get nearly the detail. I get be patient, but also be clear. And it's right? I thank you for the you know, the same thing I could read on a blog. What I appreciate is like, you explain how your how the boundaries, healthy boundaries evolve over time, based on the person and based on your needs. And also that it is, it is hard. You have to keep enforcing that boundary until you know it's an actual boundary that they see and you can and it can be appreciated. And also that means that they could have boundaries too. And I think that's where a lot of people who struggle when people put boundaries up, is that they don't realize that they too can also have a boundary they too can go reflect on. So I think what a great example you are. So thank you for diving into that. So I do, I do want, before I forget. I do want to go into that ancestral stuff. Because, first of all, I can only imagine what your grandmother went through. But I do, I do know that, most of us, no matter where you live in the world, if you're over 40, you have grandparents or great grandparents who were in these were World Wars. So there was, there was a lot of loss. And you know, I know my father was in a war that was not appreciated and liked, and in hindsight, was a terrible thing, and so not treated the same as people who were in one of the world wars when they came back home. And so I think all these things depend. So how do you how did you discover what was ancestral with your grandmother versus, oh, this stuff, this over here is my stuff. How did you kind of figure that out?

Inna Segal 27:04  

Well, I started looking at everybody in the family, actually, and I started asking questions, which were, was I born with this? I mean, in other words, did I bring this with me into this life? Is it does it feel like completely mine, or does it feel like I've brought it? I'm picking it up, I'm carrying this, and if I am, then am I doing it unconsciously in the same exact way that my grandmother, or great grandmother, whoever else did, or my mom? Or am I doing this differently? So I was closely looking at it, and one of the biggest things that we do take on, and that I was watching myself, you know, absorb, let's just say, was constant worry, right? Constant worry, because that was something my grandmother did. My grandfather did it. They had digestive issues, they had surgeries, they had cancers. My mom had it, and I was like, what are they doing that I don't want to get the same health issue? Let's break that down. So to actually, because the biggest thing in my family is intestinal cancers, I was like, okay, let's look that up. Well, in my book that I write, let's look at that right, and let's go, what causes this? And if I don't want to get this, I need to act in a very, very different way, meaning internally, not just on the external which means I need to go rather than just sitting in that state of tension and worry, it's like, what can I do to transform that worry? You know, what can I what do I need to work on in terms of that? So, how do I change that when this shows up? What am I worrying about? And actually, my daughter asked me the other day. She goes, Mom, what do you do when, you know, when things happen to her, mainly to my son. And you know that's different, because she was asking me about this ancestral stuff, and I said to her, well, actually, I start to think I know so many processes, right? I teach them, I write about them. So I immediately get my journal out. I write down what's going on for me, and then I look at what are the processes that are available to me that can help me and him? And it could be as simple as I am focused on buying into whatever he's telling me, which is negative and he obviously wants me to feel as bad as I possibly can feel because that's his pattern that he's learned from, you know, his dad and other people in the family. So what if I don't buy that, and I actually keep seeing him being healthier and being stronger and being, you know, different and so at different times. I mean, not different who he is, but being aware of where he's at. And you know what I found is that it's not immediately that the change happens when you hold something different for, let's say, your your child, but eventually they have. It's like they have something different to adjust to than that ancestral line that you've worked on yourself, and that's how you change things for your family.

Lesley Logan 30:50  

Inna, that is freaking amazing. It's like, I'm obsessed with this, because it's instead of me turning on the emotion that they're trying to get me to have, I'm visualizing the person that I wish they could be in that moment. I can stay good, and their stuff stays their stuff, and it's not going to solve it in today's conversation or tomorrow's conversation or whatever. But I'm not taking it on either, because it's not mine. I love this so much. Oh my god. I mean, I could keep talking about this with you, but I do want to pick your brain about something that we talked about that made me so excited. You have a whole thing you talk about archetypes and with masculine and feminine. I just kind of wanted to get into that, because I think it's really easy for, you know, with Instagram, to say, like, oh, you got to be in your feminine. And it's like, well, yeah, and I run my own business, so, you know, sometimes I have to talk about taxes, sometimes just got to do it. So I kind of wanted to hear your take, because I'm I also am someone who's, like had gut issues, and I've had a lot of people who listen, who have that, and I'm like, how do I stay not taking it all in, but also, being in this world, this world is a lot going on.

Inna Segal 32:02  

Yeah, absolutely, when we're looking at archetypes, essentially, what we're looking at is emotion meets your belief systems and a perspective, a particular way of seeing life, meets your life story. So what's actually occurred to you specifically, and also it connects to your ancestry, what you've picked up and you're playing out that you're not necessarily aware of. So let's say we are looking at feminine and masculine as archetypes. So if I'm looking in the feminine archetype, and I feel hardly anyone talks about this, I need to, actually, to understand my own feminine I need to understand my feminine line. I need to understand, well, what was the feminine in terms of my grandmother, let's say, how did she express that? And is that in alignment with what I feel feminine is at this point, so was she warm, kind, loving, expressive, or was she cold, disconnected in herself? What was the example of feminine from, let's say, my grandmother or my auntie or my mom, ideally, all of these people, because that became my idea of what feminine is. Now around the age of 14 to let's say 16, we are as we're growing in that teenage age, which is also an archetype where we're looking at our family, female and females and males, and we're going, who would I like to be like? Who is showing me something that is more appealing to me than the other person? So for a lot of us, especially of my generation, like you said, people in their 40s. You, you, you kind of had that more of a choice than the generations before that, where you looked at your mom and you looked at your dad and you went, I think I want to be more masculine because it looks more fun and I can and I want to, you know, for me, it was like, I want to be like, Madonna, look, if she can do it, I can do it. 

Lesley Logan 34:32  

I wasn't allowed to have her on my wall, but I am so I feel like I missed out on an amazing chapter of life, if I could have had her as my mentor.

Inna Segal 34:41  

So, you know, and she was quite masculine, and since she went, I'm going to do whatever men do. I'm going to conquer the world, blah, blah, blah. So to me, it was that, and subconsciously, again, no one does this consciously. Subconsciously, I went, well, my mom, so. what feminine means for her. in terms of what I've seen, is cooking, cleaning, doing what you don't want to do, being subordinate to your partner. I'm not doing that. So I was like, I'd rather be masculine than feminine in that sense, again, not consciously, because my dad has freedom. He does whatever he wants to do. My mom does whatever my dad wants her to do, whatever she feels, she's constantly adjusting herself. And so I kind of went like this, you know, bull into the real, into my earlier relationships, going, oh no, it's my way, like I because I cannot be like what I've seen my mom be, which obviously then create a lot of conflict, and made me go, okay, so when I'm looking when somebody says, be feminine, and I'm looking at this, and it's still work, a work in progress, right? And I'm going, so what does it look like today to show up being feminine in terms of this person and that and I thought about it in so many different ways, and one of the easiest ways I've thought about it is through color. So it was like, okay, let's say I'm wearing pink today, so I'm going, pink is a soft color, quite feminine in that sense of expansion. It's it's a love color, but it's gentle. It's not that red passion, you know, and intensity. It's softer than green. Even the green is connected to the heart and healing the heart. So, I, you know, I might go, okay, so what does it look like to be pink and connect to my son, for instance, through that, you know, more of the gentleness let me, let me get to know myself in that feminine through that color. How do I breathe? How do I feel? How do I walk? How does my voice sound? Can I adjust my voice based on this color? Right? Because people get affected. And so it started to look at that. And I also think that when you're looking at again feminine or masculine, it's about role models. It was like, what what do I already have, and what am I missing? And so one of the things, because I grew up in, you know, both when I was very young, in Eastern Europe and then in Australia, most of the time now, in both of these places, gracefulness is not one of the things that you see in terms of women. But in France, you see that all the time. And so at one point, I was like, what am I missing? Oh, I'm missing this sense of grace that I find really attractive in terms of seeing in other women. And so where do I find this? And I was like, I need to, I need to look at old movies. I need to look at French women, not all of them, but. 

Lesley Logan 38:06  

Yeah, no, Inna, this is so be it till you see it. This is the blueprint for how to be it till you see it. And I agree, oh my god, the French women, they know how to just like they exude luxury and grace.

Inna Segal 38:20  

Exactly. And just watching it and going, oh, okay, let me, let me embrace this. Let me practice this. Right? Because people think, oh, I am who I am, and I'm, I don't agree with that. It's like, you are a refinement, you know? And this is why I don't agree with this whole idea in the New Age movement of I'm already perfect. It's like, what? Why? What are you doing here? If you're already perfect, what's the point of this? Perfection, as my partner says this (inaudible) perfection is the enemy of creation. It's like, you're not perfect. You would not be here. This is not a holiday. You're here to evolve and grow. And, refine. You know, let's not even use the word perfect. Let's use the word refine. And, you know, grow in that sense. And it's the same with the masculine. What I find, for instance, is that people who find it very hard to be successful in the outside world have a very weakened masculine without any doubt, it's almost like that spine of the masculine is weakened inside of them, usually from childhood, usually from, you know, all sorts of belief systems and early failures and lack of direction and lack of support often from their family in terms of, rather than pushing somebody into direction, actually discovering the direction that and supporting them in the direction that is right for them. And so what ends up happening is that these people start having these very, very strong belief systems. But it shows up in their spine like literally shows up energetically in their spine, because lower back, for instance, is all about finances. And you know, how good are you at looking after and supporting your family? And I grew up with people who constantly thought about finances, so it was not a surprise when I figured it out I had back pain, and love back pain. So it's almost like, as you become aware of it, you actually have choice to do something about it. So with the masculine you can, you know, you can go, oh, I need to work on strengthening that archetype, that part of myself, but also my spine, and my ability to handle rejection, my ability to handle objections, my ability to to guide if it is my own business, let's just say my ability to make decisions, concentration, logic, so all of those are beautiful masculine qualities. But I need to, let's say, whether you're in a masculine or feminine body, feminine is creative. It's light, it's a bit chaotic, but it's, you know, it's flowing at the same time, it's colorful, it, you know that there is that divinity and spirituality magic that it has there, whereas the masculine is more about making it happen, taking something that's creative and amazing and putting it into practice.

Lesley Logan 41:35  

Well, and you can, I would love to hear, I want to make your own opinion for you, but it just sounds like we need both. We have to we all need both. And it sounds like understanding where we got our our vision of what those two things are and how we are using them in our body is going to either help us or it's or it might be what's harming us. And so the more we can take our time to discover who is. Where did I discover my feminine and where am I, where would I like it to be? And where did the masculine happen? And where would, where would I prefer it to be? And then working towards that. And I love that we are not perfect. There's no perfect. Just keep on evolving and refining and getting better and so but the Instagram world is like, oh, I have three friends who are like, I'm just gonna, live in my divine feminine I'm like, oh, okay. I mean, I think that's gonna be hard.

Inna Segal 42:32  

Well, actually, interestingly, quite a few years ago, when I was separating from my ex husband, I ended up meeting this friend of mine, and she was doing this whole divine feminine thing at the time. And I remember I would call her and I would say, we caught up three times a week at the time, which was amazing. And I'd call her and I'd go, oh, what have you been doing, you know, this week, besides the times we've, you know, caught up, and she'd go, I'm connecting to my feminine I'm just literally lying next to the pool, journaling, you know, getting the sun, having a swim, and that's all I'm doing, because I'm slowing down internally and and she would speak in this beautiful, kind of very slow way. And I remember thinking, it's like she's the complete opposite to me. I don't even know what that looks like, or what that means to just, you know, go, and this was happening over many months, where she just, you know, it was covered. She wasn't working, and she was, you know, she'd pick up her son and do some things in the evening from school, but most of the day was about this and and really embodying it. And I was well, firstly, I think it's amazing that she's doing it, but most of us do not have that luxury of just or a (inaudible). 

Lesley Logan 43:53  

Right, we do have to kind of go do something today.

Inna Segal 44:01  

Exactly. And, you know, in the same way that it was beautiful, it was also really challenging for her, because then she was kind of like, well, I want to start a business, but there was all sorts of blocks that were coming up for her to start a n business, because she really got into that state of, well, feminine means there's no time limit. You just do what you want. You just kind of, right? And eventually it's she had to step into her masculine and start to balance it out, because you cannot just be in one, you know, constantly.

Lesley Logan 44:41  

Yeah, one or the other. Yeah, it goes the same with like, oh my gosh, I we don't have time to get into it. But on the ground, these people are, these dudes, this is what it means to be masculine. I'm like, is it though? Maybe you should find your feminine. Maybe you should. But I appreciate that you sharing that story and also, yeah, we it's kind of taking the time to understand both archetypes for ourselves and what that refinement looks like, and then working on what the transition is between the two and when, when you're applying both. You know, I feel like I could talk to you forever, because, it's so beautiful what you do, and you're so knowledgeable, and there's a lot of kindness and how you approach these things, it's also so patient. So, you know, I appreciate that, because, you know, our listeners are like, okay, but tell me. And I think they need to hear it does take time, so we are going to take a brief break and find out where people can find you, follow you, work with you, and your Be It Action Items. 

Lesley Logan 45:31  

All right, Inna, where do you hang out? Where can they buy your book? Where they take courses? Where should they go to learn more about you?

Inna Segal 45:39  

So the best place to go to is my website, which is innasegal.com I-N-N-A-S-E-G-A-L dot com, and what I really invite people to do is to take a step forward. And in the last few years, what I wanted to do is to take away people's excuses. So I used to do these master classes, slash mini workshops. I used to charge quite a bit of money for it. And then I said to my partner, you know what? I just feel like I want to spread the seeds, so to speak, and I want to give people an opportunity for, you know, some time. And this can change at any point that we've decided to change it, but for some time, an opportunity to access these, you know, mini workshops for free, because I want to take away excuses, because most people have excuses, non stop excuses, of why they don't do something. And the only excuse I cannot take away is you actually making a time for yourself and going and doing it, right? Actually doing the course, the mini workshop, the masterclass, and giving yourself the opportunity to tune in and there's, there's several master classes, so there's option. It's not, I never believe in one fits all kind of mentality. Some, some people very new to my work, my book, The Secret Language of Your Body, and they just want to go, how do I work with the book in the best way possible, right? How do I work with my body in the best way possible? So we have options for that, where people can, you know, can can do a course based on my book, The Secret Language of Your Body, or they might, you know, we also did something called the eight-week challenge where, you know, connecting to your intuitive body, where I go through all the systems of the body through the eight weeks, as well as archetypes and tuning into your body. And this is a way for people to really get to know and understand all the different aspects of their body that shows up and really befriend it. But then I teach, I teach my kind of 10-day workshop of Awake the Healer Within which is what I'm most excited about, because it's what you know, what is the foundation of healing? What does it actually mean to heal on the deepest level? And we talk about and work with a lot of archetypes, from feminine and masculine to the victim to the, you know, inner child, to really understanding your saboteur and how you sabotage your life, how you procrastinate and so, as well as the archetypes connected to your intuition and your capacity to move forward. So, and there's a lot of kind of tools around working with the body and healing and different conditions and energy and so on in that particular offering, which is a master class as well, but it goes for four hours. You need more time, and we go into all sorts of processes. I always, I don't just talk in these master classes. I actually give people a lot of wisdom and processes. And then I have one on your purpose and the sole purpose, and what it even means and looks like, and one on understanding ancestry and understanding your kind of your stages of development. So there's a lot.

Lesley Logan 49:17  

Inna, oh my gosh, if you try it right now you can, you can access it for free. So you should go do that. Why would you wait? And if you have to pay, I think it's probably worth it. So, I mean, I learned so much already. You have given us so much, and I agree with that. Like, take a step forward so that could be your Be It Action Item. But if you have any other bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted steps people can take to be it till they see it, we'd love to hear them.

Inna Segal 49:43  

I feel like step one is making a decision that you're you're somehow responsible for your own healing, not for what happened to you, not for all the trauma that occurred to you and other people's involvement. But what can you do about it and without it, nobody actually really heals in a real way. Other people can do all sorts of things for you, but it won't fully hold, because unless you take that step forward, you're not, you know, you're not really understanding what it's about. And so step one is being interested, being willing to understand, taking that responsibility and then searching for it, taking step a step forward, and then I'm going to say is helping yourself from the perspective of, how does this become part of my life? Right? So, how do I make it part of my life? In other words, what do I do when I wake up in the morning most of the time, right? Because we can't do something all the time. Things change. But most of the time, what is your first thought when you wake up in the morning? Are you focused on meditation, divine connection? Are you focused on what you could do during the day? Are you focused on the positive? Are you focused on stress and worry. You know, what, what happens to you? Then you know what happens to you when you're eating, for instance, are you conscious? And I think that's a huge one for most people, including myself, because we're just running and doing this and this and that in the you know, can you start to create time? And I had this conversation yesterday, actually, with my partner. I went to meet his family. He's from the UK, so we went to England last year, and I was watching his family, and I was like, oh my god, I can't breathe because they just ran. There was no stopping, there was no kind of breathing, there was no self-reflection. There was just doing, doing next thing, next, next, next. And he said to me yesterday, he said, I've just realized that, you know, I do my work. We work together. I think like you do with your husband. And he's like, I finished something, and I go, what's next, what's next, what's what's next. And I never give myself time to really connect and tune in. And he and I said to him, yeah, because this is that's all you've seen when you were growing up, I was exhausted watching your family, and I remember at one point I did a process, and I did in the wrong place, in the wrong room, where everybody could see me, where they started coming into the house. I didn't realize how long it would take. And they were like, what are you doing, wasting your time, as opposed to, actually, I'm doing something really important. Why are you not helping us? I was like, oh, because I'm being I need to, you know, I'm doing something for myself because it was, it's non-existent, and he went, it's almost like I feel guilty, or I feel, you know, that I'm wasting my time. That's why, when you keep saying, do processes, but I have so much more to do, but it's practical. And what you're saying to do is impractical. It's you know, internal stuff, but not, I don't see the practical application of it. And, you know, he's like, can I feel guilty, and he's like, I need to change this, right?

Lesley Logan 53:18  

Yeah.

Inna Segal 53:20  

And this is many, many people, especially men, where they kind of go up, I just need to fix stuff, I just need to do stuff, as opposed to, unless you're good inside, and you even give yourself an opportunity, like you said, Lesley, to ask questions, to go within, to discover who are you? What do you stand for? What do you do? What are you about? You know, all of this takes time to self-reflect and self-connect. How can you have boundaries? How can you have good relationships with someone if you never think about it right, because that shows up in your body. So how do you allow yourself to access feelings if you're being taught to push them down? Well, it takes time. It takes time for you to explore, but you have to make that choice to explore.

Lesley Logan 54:18  

I love this so much, and also, isn't it so funny when we see our partner or our friends, where they come from, and then you're like, oh, that's why you don't sit still. No one is sitting still. And my husband will listen to this when we'll do a recap, but like, hey, babe, do you did you see yourself in that description of her partner? Because, we're going on vacation. And he put he brought the computer to the pool. We brought the computer to the pool. And I was like, I'm gonna shame you. I'm gonna put you on the internet. My husband brought his computer to the pool, everyone. You know, but also, you know it's we're all on this journey. We're all learning the more we can actually take it, take your Be It Action Items, and embody them and use them. I think we can. We all get to grow together, and we can affect so many people's lives. Our bubble of influence will be affected in a positive way. So thank you, Inna for being you and for all that you brought to us and all that you educated us on. We're gonna have to talk again, I'm sure, because I barely, I think we barely touched the surface of all that you know, but y'all make sure you connect with Ina. Make sure you share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it, and let us know which Be It Action Item you use and how that helped you. We would love to hear it. We'd love to celebrate with you. And until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 55:36  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 56:19  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 56:24  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 56:28  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 56:35  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 56:38  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

What if your body has been trying to tell you something and you simply weren't taught its language? Lesley Logan sits down with best-selling author Inna Segal, creator of The Secret Language of Your Body, to explore how to listen to your body, decode ancestral patterns, and take responsibility for your own healing. Inna shares the turning-point moment that taught her to stop outsourcing her wellness, plus how to refine your feminine and masculine archetypes without chasing perfection. Tune in to discover why nobody knows you better than you.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The moment Inna chose to heal herself instead of outsourcing it.
• How to tell what ancestral trauma is versus your own pain.
• Why healthy boundaries shift over time and with different people.
• Exploring feminine and masculine archetypes through your family line.
• Why refining yourself beats chasing the trap of perfection.

Episode References/Links:

• Book: The Secret Language of Your Body by Inna Segal – https://a.co/d/0fL3MSwg
• Course: The Secret Language of Your Body - https://www.innasegal.com/slybu-purchase-aud
• Connecting to Your Intuitive Body (8-week challenge) - https://www.innasegal.com/8-week-challenge
• Awake the Healer Within - https://ww.innasegal.com/new-masterclass-registration
• Inna Segal Website - https://www.innasegal.com
• Inna Segal Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/innasegalauthor
• Inna Segal Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/InnaSegalAuthor
• Inna Segal LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/innasegalauthor
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

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Episode Transcript:

Inna Segal 0:00  

I'd always relied on somebody else to do all the healing work, and I never actually did any thing myself, because I didn't think I was qualified to do it. I think that I knew how to do it, except that it was my body, and it's your body, when you're that you're dealing with. So nobody knows as much about you as you know about yourself.

Lesley Logan 0:23  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 1:05  

Okay, Be It babe, we've talked we've we've had people talk about boundaries. We've had people talk about listening to your body. We've had people talk about getting to know yourself. And now I have your guest expert who is able to actually explain how to do all these things, explain how to actually listen to your body, explain how you can heal yourself. And really, we had a really great conversation about what it really looks like. And I mean, she was just describing being it till you see it in such a beautiful way, without saying it. And I just, I'm so excited that you're about to listen to this episode, because I just finished doing it, and I am pleased as punch. And I feel like I learned so much and or and even things that I think I knew were more solidified, and I have more confidence in that. And I just, I'm excited for you. So here's Inna Segal. 

Lesley Logan 1:52  

All right, be it, babe, I'm ready to have this conversation. I got to talk with our guest today before the end of last year, and I was so excited about all the knowledge she has in the area that we're going to dive into. Also, she's a best selling author, and I think it's really important to bring that up. She is the author of The Secret Language of Your Body, and, you know, as a Pilates instructor and someone who's really big on mind-body connection, I couldn't agree more with someone having access and information on how we can get to know and talk with our bodies in such a better way, I think the world will be a better place if we all could do that. So Inna Segal, if you can tell everyone who you are and what you rock at.

Inna Segal 2:28  

Thank you, Lesley. So I teach people how to connect to their body and listen to their body, but I'm going to also add the soul and really work with it to transform their health, to transform their emotions, to essentially transform any area of their life which is stuck a block into something that is much more wise, flowing and deep. And so they get to know themselves in a deeper, more enriched kind of way. So it's not a surface-based experience, it's a deep dive experience.

Lesley Logan 3:07  

I know and that's the hard one. The surface is, I think, easy and necessary to, you know, wake up and go to bed and do some stuff in between, but getting to know ourselves on a soul level. I mean, that is, it feels like it shouldn't be tricky, but for whatever reason, it feels like it's the hardest thing for people to do.

Inna Segal 3:29  

I think it's the hardest thing just because we are not taught from an earlier age that we should listen to our inner self, and that's through our sensations, through our emotions, through what's really going on within ourselves, but we're actually taught to ignore everything and adjust ourselves to everybody else in the world, and so because of that, I feel that it became hard thing, instead of natural, and part of everybody's life is to go my body is essentially showing me if I'm in alignment with my life, with my purpose, with my relationships, with every part of my life, with my health, or it's not, you know, and if it's not, what is it that I need to change and adjust so that it can be?

Lesley Logan 4:27  

Yeah, yeah. I mean, oh my gosh, you said so much there that I couldn't agree more with. I think we're all taught from a very early age, you know, to not listen to our feelings even as babies, you know, babies are crying and people are like, it's okay, you're okay, and it's like, well, they're crying, you know? And I get, I get why. And by the way, we have a lot of moms listen, I get why. I probably too be like, you're fine, stop crying. But also like, you know, at what point are we teaching our, teaching them at such a young age to not listen to how they feel, or for us to not listen to how they feel, or how we feel so, so I find maybe our bodies are their own language, like we, we grow up learning English, but our bodies are speaking Spanish, and we were never taught to listen to that language. But maybe I'm simplifying a little bit. Inna, can you I would just want to know before we get too deep into this. Like, were you born knowing all this? Did your parents teach you this? Did you come from a mother who made sure you knew how to talk to your get to know your soul and your purpose or how did you get here?

Inna Segal 5:28  

Well, my mom was actually she's very open-minded as a person, but she was very much when I was growing up. She was very much into the medical world, and she thought the word of the doctor was kind of the Word of God, essentially. So I went to a lot of doctors when I was younger. I had digestive issues, I had psoriasis, I had really bad back pain, sciatica, inflammation in my back, a twisted back, and I had anxiety just from constantly being uncomfortable inside my body and being in pain. And essentially, I want to say my turning point came when I ended up seeing this chiropractor that I'd seen for a while, and he came out of his office looked at me and said, Your body's stuck. And I said, yeah, I know that part. What are you going to do to help me? And I've been seeing him for a while, so this was not my first session with him.

Lesley Logan 6:28  

That's good. He's not like, look like, you're stuck.

Inna Segal 6:32  

Yeah, you know, we'd known each other for some time, and he so he's basically, he basically said, you know, your your body wants to be stuck at this point go home, and I didn't take very well to that. On the way home, I was pretty angry, but because I actually come from a background of professional writing and journalism and editing, I was and I was studying that at the time, I was thinking exactly like you were saying before, from that linguistic perspective that I'm stuck my body's speaking to me. I don't know what it's saying, because it might as well be speaking. I felt like it was more Chinese or Japanese, because I literally I can't even recognize the letters, but what I was aware of is that I'd been going to see somebody for about it was two years solid, between three and five days a week, And I would have, you know, times, maybe a week to maximum month, where I felt better and I could forget about everything and just do whatever I needed to do in my life. But then I would have this crash, and all the pain would intensify and explode, and I would feel like it would get worse rather than better. And so what occurred to me on this drive home was that I'd always relied on somebody else to do all the healing work, and I never actually did any thing myself, because I didn't think I was qualified to do it. I think that I knew how to do it, except that it was my body, and it's your body to when you're that you're dealing with. So nobody knows as much about you as you know about yourself. And so when I went home, I made a decision, I'm going to heal myself. And I essentially just did the most basic things. I placed my hands on my back. I was breathing into my back because I realized that I was holding my breath. And you know, if you hold your breath, you are stuck. And I know you probably know about this more than most of us, Lesley, from teaching Pilates, and you know, and connecting to your body in that way. And so as I was doing that, and counting backwards from 30, it occurred to me to ask for something higher in terms of help. Because I thought, why not? Why? You know, at this point, I mean, there was conflict in me around, you know, whether I believed in it fully or not. And I say this because most people go, well, you have to believe. I didn't believe in anything. I'm one of the most skeptical people you're going to meet when it comes to things, you know, where I need proof for things.

Lesley Logan 9:30  

Right, right.

Inna Segal 9:31  

And so, you know, I have a very scientific, skeptical mind, and I ask, because I just essentially felt like, Why? Why wouldn't I? Why not ask for help? At this point, I had zero expectations, but this warmth just moved through my body, and as my eyes were closed, I saw this golden light, and then I said, for whatever reason, or I thought, I thought, I wonder what my back would look like if I could see it, and without any expectation, within a few moments, I felt like somebody switched the light on and I could see my back. And although I was a bit shocked, I thought to myself, okay, this is kind of my (inaudible) to Japanese. Show me. Show me why I have this. What is the real reason that I have this? And the best way to describe this is as in having a memory meets a vision meets wisdom, right? So it was kind of like there were several, I am very visual. I didn't know that I was until that moment, but I am and visually, I could connect back to memories of things that happened. But not everything was a memory. Some of it was more of an insight, vision, understanding, kind of wisdom, what happened. And so I saw I was born in Eastern Europe, I saw myself coming to Australia and going to school and being bullied, and from there, developing psoriasis all over my skin. I saw the conflicts that my parents had in terms of trying to adjust to a new culture going to high school and not necessarily being bullied for not being able to speak the language, but being bullied for not being one of us, so to say, not being because it was a private school, not being someone who came from a super wealthy family, not belonging to the same club, and all of that affecting me from the perspective of, I don't feel myself, I don't feel supported, I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't want to be here and.

Lesley Logan 11:57  

I get all of that. I get all of that all and I think so many people are probably nodding along, we don't realize how it doesn't have to be so bad that we would be on news show or be a documentary about you, but those little things that make you feel unsafe and or you don't belong, it means that your body becomes this foreign thing you you no one know. Not only do you not know how to read Japanese to talk to your body, but it just you know, if you can't belong in your own body, it's really hard to feel like you belong anywhere. And if you don't feel like you belong anywhere, it's hard to know what belonging in your body is. You don't know what what that feels like.

Inna Segal 12:41  

Well, exactly, and the last part of this was an understanding of ancestry meets my own, I guess, challenge everything interestingly was coming up around this communication challenge, right? So not being able to speak and be myself, not being able to speak English, not being able to speak the language, and I don't mean, you know, when I, when I got older, the language that people are speaking about. Oh look, this is my label. This is what I bought here, and so on. 

Lesley Logan 13:18  

Oh, yeah. 

Inna Segal 13:18  

So there was an interesting aspect of that. And then there was this ancestral trauma that was connected to my digestive system that took a long, long time to work on. And it was to do with my grandmother losing a lot of people in her family. And then when I was 19, I got pregnant. It was very hard for me to adjust to that idea that I was going to become a mother at that age. Out of all my friends, I would have been, you know, the one they thought would either have kids the latest, or maybe not even have them. So the fact that I was the first, and everyone went, oh my god, wow, okay, was pretty intense. And then, when, then I just had this sense that something was off, probably about a month or three weeks before the baby was born and when, but I was told by the midwives that I was crazy, that nothing was happening. And this is, again, how medical professionals often kind of push aside anything intuitive that shows up, and essentially, the baby died pretty much 38 weeks.

Lesley Logan 14:31  

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Inna Segal 14:34  

Yeah. So it was so I was in trauma. I didn't want to leave. I was, you know, I just want people to understand I was at rock bottom, even wanting to be here, and I was 20. In my mind, whilst I don't, I can't say 100% I was told that the baby would have died two or three days before, which was actually my birthday, where I turned 20. So it was, you know, so I kind of connected it to my. Birthday and all of this stuff and that I didn't want to be here, and what's the point of everything in life, and this, this whole experience of connecting to my body, was pretty profound. So I really saw how my grandmother and her loss, she lost her mother, and she she was part of a family of eight, and everybody died, except her and her father, who survived for a few years after the war, and she never really grieved it or worked through it in any way or form, because people didn't at that time, and everybody had digestive issues in my family, and so I could see how the explosion occurred. Especially, I had issues before, but after I had the baby, it was just, you know, I, my digestive system just wasn't working well, and during that experience, I cried a lot. I understood a lot of things. I also realized that I was a sponger. I was one of those people that just took on everybody's pain in general, as well as it all. And after all of these insights, I fell asleep, and then the next day, when I wake up, about 70% of the pain was gone from my back, and I felt different. There was something different inside of me where I went, oh my god, my body's working with me. I can help I can work with it. It's because I made this step towards it that it's coming towards me, even though I'm still super skeptical that, you know, this is not just something that's not going to return. And so, you know, over the next few weeks, I just journaled a lot, I asked a lot of questions, I connected, and by the end of it, all the psoriasis was gone. So that was the first thing that went that was and again, lots of people, my family, have it and have had it their whole lives. So it wasn't, and I'd had it for by that stage, for 10 years. So it wasn't like, oh, you know, I had this.

Lesley Logan 17:10  

Mis-diagnosis of some kind. 

Inna Segal 17:11  

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then, you know, I noticed, yeah, my back pain disappeared. My anxiety went down. Digestive Issues took years and years to work on. 

Lesley Logan 17:26  

They do. But also with that generational and ancestral trauma, it just takes a while, because the gut just takes a while to, like, rebuild and do all that stuff and figure out what you need. Sorry, I cut you off. But yes, I actually it feels better that it didn't happen overnight, because that would feel weird.

Inna Segal 17:47  

Well, yeah, exactly. And that's what people need to understand, is that, especially when it comes connects, like, well, what's the gut about? It's about digesting life as well as food, right? It's assimilating, every day we have experiences, this is our emotional center, one of them, and we always talk about our what's your gut saying? Right? So we already know we have it in our language. So we have our intuition, we have our emotions here. We have knowingness here. But it's also all about how we, our relationships. It's an area that processes what happened during the day, your relationships, your experiences how something happened in your life, and what you believe you're capable of doing. It's kind of where your sense of self lives, and many of us need to clarify what that even means and rebuild it, because a sense of self has been beaten down over the years through all sorts of things in our you know, family and even at work, relationships for sure, and so this is something that is daily, right? It's a daily experience where you go, you know, how did I, how did I go today? Did I push down and push away and just keep going, or did I face things?

Lesley Logan 19:20  

Yeah, I think that's a great, first of all, I love that you ask yourself questions. And I think that that's where a lot of people, well, I think a lot of people get stuck on what am I asking? But also do I ask myself how am I doing? Yes, that's a great place to start. But I do think a lot of people, you know, it's, it's okay if you're one day, like, I can't do it today. I just have to go through. Okay, one day. But where I think happens is that people keep going the next day into the next day. We procrat, we keep putting off the prioritization of ourself. And that's where it builds up on top of the ancestral stuff. So it's we have our own stuff, and then there's the stuff. So I guess I have, I don't want to forget to talk about boundaries, because I know you've clearly had to figure out how to do that since you are so, since you were a sponge before, and obviously we're probably not now, since you figured this out. But for the people who I've heard of, ancestral stuff, like it comes through, how do people know what's theirs and what's ancestral, and then how do you cut the ties of that? Because is it visually cutting the ties? Is it telling your family that's your stuff? How do you do that?

Inna Segal 20:31  

Well, it's, I don't know about visually cutting it. I'm not gonna be a fan of cutting things in general. I think I'm more into clearing or being very clear in things that I feel in terms of, again, boundaries, it often takes a long time for you to gain your confidence first, to become aware of what is a healthy boundary, right? So you have to even come to that place of, what does it mean and who with, right? Because it's completely different with different people. So I can be incredibly good with having healthy boundaries, let's say with my students or with my clients, but not necessarily with family. And I'm saying it as an example, right? It's easier with people who are not close with you. The hardest thing is with those who are because you don't want to hurt them and you don't want to be harsh. And so from my perspective, I've done all sorts of things with boundaries. I've spent, you know, countless hours at different times in my life writing them down again. I write to get clarity, and I actually encourage everyone to do that in terms of boundaries, because what does it mean to you? You know, is it self respect? Is it self love? Is it space that you need? What boundary are you actually looking at? Is it actually you know, I know so many people that are single and don't have healthy boundaries with people that they have dated or been in relationships before with, or they keep going and then they wonder why they can't find the part, you know, the partner that they want, and all sorts of things. So there's many, many different boundaries that you need to look at. I think the hardest are definitely when it comes to your parents, children and partner. You know, I really think it's also how you present it and then sticking to it. So for instance, with my children, it's also changed over time. So there were times when they were younger, where it was like, well, you have to knock on the door. That's my boundary. Can't just barge in. So if you barge in, you go back, you know, and you knock on the door, that's a boundary, right? And they had to write down their boundaries as well when they were younger, when they were kind of teenagers, and so on. And then it became, well, you know, with my son, for instance, he would go into this place of overwhelm, and then he would bombard me with negative messages in the middle of the night. And so even if I turned my phone off, which was part of my you know.

Lesley Logan 23:15  

Yeah, you wake up to a crappy day.

Inna Segal 23:19  

Exactly. And so I said I had to clarify this to him over and over and over again. You can't do this. If you do this, I'm going to, I'm actually not going to speak to you for a while. I mean, unless you're asking me for help, don't, don't send me this, unless you're willing to do what I'm what I'm going to say, so we had a lot of kind of like, here's a boundary. Here's a boundary. Here's a boundary. With my mom, she used to call me, and the first thing that she would say would be some kind of complaint, and I'd be like, as she called, I wouldn't pick up the phone half the time. And she would go, you know, you don't pick up the phone. And I was like, well, let's think about why I don't pick up the phone. You know, what do you usually say when you call me? You know, do you say something positive? Is it something encouraging, or do you kind of attack and say all these things to me? And so again, we had to have a break for several months from talking to each other, because I was like, you can't do that. And then we had a break another time, because she learned her lesson where, you know, and I would say, I will hang up if you start being negative and telling me all this stuff, I'm not your therapist. I'm your daughter. So, you know, we need to change our game and the roles that we're playing, because this, I cannot grow the way that you're you're doing this. And also, I don't want to be in, you know, like you are with my children. So I need a completely different overhaul of mothering, you know, so that I can be the mother that I think they need. There's so many different ways, and I think luckily for me, everybody in the family eventually, because they kind of got the message in terms of what the boundaries are. But it takes time, and it takes a lot of effort.

Lesley Logan 25:24  

Well, I appreciate you, one, giving all those examples, because I have asked other people this question, and I don't get nearly the detail. I get be patient, but also be clear. And it's right? I thank you for the you know, the same thing I could read on a blog. What I appreciate is like, you explain how your how the boundaries, healthy boundaries evolve over time, based on the person and based on your needs. And also that it is, it is hard. You have to keep enforcing that boundary until you know it's an actual boundary that they see and you can and it can be appreciated. And also that means that they could have boundaries too. And I think that's where a lot of people who struggle when people put boundaries up, is that they don't realize that they too can also have a boundary they too can go reflect on. So I think what a great example you are. So thank you for diving into that. So I do, I do want, before I forget. I do want to go into that ancestral stuff. Because, first of all, I can only imagine what your grandmother went through. But I do, I do know that, most of us, no matter where you live in the world, if you're over 40, you have grandparents or great grandparents who were in these were World Wars. So there was, there was a lot of loss. And you know, I know my father was in a war that was not appreciated and liked, and in hindsight, was a terrible thing, and so not treated the same as people who were in one of the world wars when they came back home. And so I think all these things depend. So how do you how did you discover what was ancestral with your grandmother versus, oh, this stuff, this over here is my stuff. How did you kind of figure that out?

Inna Segal 27:04  

Well, I started looking at everybody in the family, actually, and I started asking questions, which were, was I born with this? I mean, in other words, did I bring this with me into this life? Is it does it feel like completely mine, or does it feel like I've brought it? I'm picking it up, I'm carrying this, and if I am, then am I doing it unconsciously in the same exact way that my grandmother, or great grandmother, whoever else did, or my mom? Or am I doing this differently? So I was closely looking at it, and one of the biggest things that we do take on, and that I was watching myself, you know, absorb, let's just say, was constant worry, right? Constant worry, because that was something my grandmother did. My grandfather did it. They had digestive issues, they had surgeries, they had cancers. My mom had it, and I was like, what are they doing that I don't want to get the same health issue? Let's break that down. So to actually, because the biggest thing in my family is intestinal cancers, I was like, okay, let's look that up. Well, in my book that I write, let's look at that right, and let's go, what causes this? And if I don't want to get this, I need to act in a very, very different way, meaning internally, not just on the external which means I need to go rather than just sitting in that state of tension and worry, it's like, what can I do to transform that worry? You know, what can I what do I need to work on in terms of that? So, how do I change that when this shows up? What am I worrying about? And actually, my daughter asked me the other day. She goes, Mom, what do you do when, you know, when things happen to her, mainly to my son. And you know that's different, because she was asking me about this ancestral stuff, and I said to her, well, actually, I start to think I know so many processes, right? I teach them, I write about them. So I immediately get my journal out. I write down what's going on for me, and then I look at what are the processes that are available to me that can help me and him? And it could be as simple as I am focused on buying into whatever he's telling me, which is negative and he obviously wants me to feel as bad as I possibly can feel because that's his pattern that he's learned from, you know, his dad and other people in the family. So what if I don't buy that, and I actually keep seeing him being healthier and being stronger and being, you know, different and so at different times. I mean, not different who he is, but being aware of where he's at. And you know what I found is that it's not immediately that the change happens when you hold something different for, let's say, your your child, but eventually they have. It's like they have something different to adjust to than that ancestral line that you've worked on yourself, and that's how you change things for your family.

Lesley Logan 30:50  

Inna, that is freaking amazing. It's like, I'm obsessed with this, because it's instead of me turning on the emotion that they're trying to get me to have, I'm visualizing the person that I wish they could be in that moment. I can stay good, and their stuff stays their stuff, and it's not going to solve it in today's conversation or tomorrow's conversation or whatever. But I'm not taking it on either, because it's not mine. I love this so much. Oh my god. I mean, I could keep talking about this with you, but I do want to pick your brain about something that we talked about that made me so excited. You have a whole thing you talk about archetypes and with masculine and feminine. I just kind of wanted to get into that, because I think it's really easy for, you know, with Instagram, to say, like, oh, you got to be in your feminine. And it's like, well, yeah, and I run my own business, so, you know, sometimes I have to talk about taxes, sometimes just got to do it. So I kind of wanted to hear your take, because I'm I also am someone who's, like had gut issues, and I've had a lot of people who listen, who have that, and I'm like, how do I stay not taking it all in, but also, being in this world, this world is a lot going on.

Inna Segal 32:02  

Yeah, absolutely, when we're looking at archetypes, essentially, what we're looking at is emotion meets your belief systems and a perspective, a particular way of seeing life, meets your life story. So what's actually occurred to you specifically, and also it connects to your ancestry, what you've picked up and you're playing out that you're not necessarily aware of. So let's say we are looking at feminine and masculine as archetypes. So if I'm looking in the feminine archetype, and I feel hardly anyone talks about this, I need to, actually, to understand my own feminine I need to understand my feminine line. I need to understand, well, what was the feminine in terms of my grandmother, let's say, how did she express that? And is that in alignment with what I feel feminine is at this point, so was she warm, kind, loving, expressive, or was she cold, disconnected in herself? What was the example of feminine from, let's say, my grandmother or my auntie or my mom, ideally, all of these people, because that became my idea of what feminine is. Now around the age of 14 to let's say 16, we are as we're growing in that teenage age, which is also an archetype where we're looking at our family, female and females and males, and we're going, who would I like to be like? Who is showing me something that is more appealing to me than the other person? So for a lot of us, especially of my generation, like you said, people in their 40s. You, you, you kind of had that more of a choice than the generations before that, where you looked at your mom and you looked at your dad and you went, I think I want to be more masculine because it looks more fun and I can and I want to, you know, for me, it was like, I want to be like, Madonna, look, if she can do it, I can do it. 

Lesley Logan 34:32  

I wasn't allowed to have her on my wall, but I am so I feel like I missed out on an amazing chapter of life, if I could have had her as my mentor.

Inna Segal 34:41  

So, you know, and she was quite masculine, and since she went, I'm going to do whatever men do. I'm going to conquer the world, blah, blah, blah. So to me, it was that, and subconsciously, again, no one does this consciously. Subconsciously, I went, well, my mom, so. what feminine means for her. in terms of what I've seen, is cooking, cleaning, doing what you don't want to do, being subordinate to your partner. I'm not doing that. So I was like, I'd rather be masculine than feminine in that sense, again, not consciously, because my dad has freedom. He does whatever he wants to do. My mom does whatever my dad wants her to do, whatever she feels, she's constantly adjusting herself. And so I kind of went like this, you know, bull into the real, into my earlier relationships, going, oh no, it's my way, like I because I cannot be like what I've seen my mom be, which obviously then create a lot of conflict, and made me go, okay, so when I'm looking when somebody says, be feminine, and I'm looking at this, and it's still work, a work in progress, right? And I'm going, so what does it look like today to show up being feminine in terms of this person and that and I thought about it in so many different ways, and one of the easiest ways I've thought about it is through color. So it was like, okay, let's say I'm wearing pink today, so I'm going, pink is a soft color, quite feminine in that sense of expansion. It's it's a love color, but it's gentle. It's not that red passion, you know, and intensity. It's softer than green. Even the green is connected to the heart and healing the heart. So, I, you know, I might go, okay, so what does it look like to be pink and connect to my son, for instance, through that, you know, more of the gentleness let me, let me get to know myself in that feminine through that color. How do I breathe? How do I feel? How do I walk? How does my voice sound? Can I adjust my voice based on this color? Right? Because people get affected. And so it started to look at that. And I also think that when you're looking at again feminine or masculine, it's about role models. It was like, what what do I already have, and what am I missing? And so one of the things, because I grew up in, you know, both when I was very young, in Eastern Europe and then in Australia, most of the time now, in both of these places, gracefulness is not one of the things that you see in terms of women. But in France, you see that all the time. And so at one point, I was like, what am I missing? Oh, I'm missing this sense of grace that I find really attractive in terms of seeing in other women. And so where do I find this? And I was like, I need to, I need to look at old movies. I need to look at French women, not all of them, but. 

Lesley Logan 38:06  

Yeah, no, Inna, this is so be it till you see it. This is the blueprint for how to be it till you see it. And I agree, oh my god, the French women, they know how to just like they exude luxury and grace.

Inna Segal 38:20  

Exactly. And just watching it and going, oh, okay, let me, let me embrace this. Let me practice this. Right? Because people think, oh, I am who I am, and I'm, I don't agree with that. It's like, you are a refinement, you know? And this is why I don't agree with this whole idea in the New Age movement of I'm already perfect. It's like, what? Why? What are you doing here? If you're already perfect, what's the point of this? Perfection, as my partner says this (inaudible) perfection is the enemy of creation. It's like, you're not perfect. You would not be here. This is not a holiday. You're here to evolve and grow. And, refine. You know, let's not even use the word perfect. Let's use the word refine. And, you know, grow in that sense. And it's the same with the masculine. What I find, for instance, is that people who find it very hard to be successful in the outside world have a very weakened masculine without any doubt, it's almost like that spine of the masculine is weakened inside of them, usually from childhood, usually from, you know, all sorts of belief systems and early failures and lack of direction and lack of support often from their family in terms of, rather than pushing somebody into direction, actually discovering the direction that and supporting them in the direction that is right for them. And so what ends up happening is that these people start having these very, very strong belief systems. But it shows up in their spine like literally shows up energetically in their spine, because lower back, for instance, is all about finances. And you know, how good are you at looking after and supporting your family? And I grew up with people who constantly thought about finances, so it was not a surprise when I figured it out I had back pain, and love back pain. So it's almost like, as you become aware of it, you actually have choice to do something about it. So with the masculine you can, you know, you can go, oh, I need to work on strengthening that archetype, that part of myself, but also my spine, and my ability to handle rejection, my ability to handle objections, my ability to to guide if it is my own business, let's just say my ability to make decisions, concentration, logic, so all of those are beautiful masculine qualities. But I need to, let's say, whether you're in a masculine or feminine body, feminine is creative. It's light, it's a bit chaotic, but it's, you know, it's flowing at the same time, it's colorful, it, you know that there is that divinity and spirituality magic that it has there, whereas the masculine is more about making it happen, taking something that's creative and amazing and putting it into practice.

Lesley Logan 41:35  

Well, and you can, I would love to hear, I want to make your own opinion for you, but it just sounds like we need both. We have to we all need both. And it sounds like understanding where we got our our vision of what those two things are and how we are using them in our body is going to either help us or it's or it might be what's harming us. And so the more we can take our time to discover who is. Where did I discover my feminine and where am I, where would I like it to be? And where did the masculine happen? And where would, where would I prefer it to be? And then working towards that. And I love that we are not perfect. There's no perfect. Just keep on evolving and refining and getting better and so but the Instagram world is like, oh, I have three friends who are like, I'm just gonna, live in my divine feminine I'm like, oh, okay. I mean, I think that's gonna be hard.

Inna Segal 42:32  

Well, actually, interestingly, quite a few years ago, when I was separating from my ex husband, I ended up meeting this friend of mine, and she was doing this whole divine feminine thing at the time. And I remember I would call her and I would say, we caught up three times a week at the time, which was amazing. And I'd call her and I'd go, oh, what have you been doing, you know, this week, besides the times we've, you know, caught up, and she'd go, I'm connecting to my feminine I'm just literally lying next to the pool, journaling, you know, getting the sun, having a swim, and that's all I'm doing, because I'm slowing down internally and and she would speak in this beautiful, kind of very slow way. And I remember thinking, it's like she's the complete opposite to me. I don't even know what that looks like, or what that means to just, you know, go, and this was happening over many months, where she just, you know, it was covered. She wasn't working, and she was, you know, she'd pick up her son and do some things in the evening from school, but most of the day was about this and and really embodying it. And I was well, firstly, I think it's amazing that she's doing it, but most of us do not have that luxury of just or a (inaudible). 

Lesley Logan 43:53  

Right, we do have to kind of go do something today.

Inna Segal 44:01  

Exactly. And, you know, in the same way that it was beautiful, it was also really challenging for her, because then she was kind of like, well, I want to start a business, but there was all sorts of blocks that were coming up for her to start a n business, because she really got into that state of, well, feminine means there's no time limit. You just do what you want. You just kind of, right? And eventually it's she had to step into her masculine and start to balance it out, because you cannot just be in one, you know, constantly.

Lesley Logan 44:41  

Yeah, one or the other. Yeah, it goes the same with like, oh my gosh, I we don't have time to get into it. But on the ground, these people are, these dudes, this is what it means to be masculine. I'm like, is it though? Maybe you should find your feminine. Maybe you should. But I appreciate that you sharing that story and also, yeah, we it's kind of taking the time to understand both archetypes for ourselves and what that refinement looks like, and then working on what the transition is between the two and when, when you're applying both. You know, I feel like I could talk to you forever, because, it's so beautiful what you do, and you're so knowledgeable, and there's a lot of kindness and how you approach these things, it's also so patient. So, you know, I appreciate that, because, you know, our listeners are like, okay, but tell me. And I think they need to hear it does take time, so we are going to take a brief break and find out where people can find you, follow you, work with you, and your Be It Action Items. 

Lesley Logan 45:31  

All right, Inna, where do you hang out? Where can they buy your book? Where they take courses? Where should they go to learn more about you?

Inna Segal 45:39  

So the best place to go to is my website, which is innasegal.com I-N-N-A-S-E-G-A-L dot com, and what I really invite people to do is to take a step forward. And in the last few years, what I wanted to do is to take away people's excuses. So I used to do these master classes, slash mini workshops. I used to charge quite a bit of money for it. And then I said to my partner, you know what? I just feel like I want to spread the seeds, so to speak, and I want to give people an opportunity for, you know, some time. And this can change at any point that we've decided to change it, but for some time, an opportunity to access these, you know, mini workshops for free, because I want to take away excuses, because most people have excuses, non stop excuses, of why they don't do something. And the only excuse I cannot take away is you actually making a time for yourself and going and doing it, right? Actually doing the course, the mini workshop, the masterclass, and giving yourself the opportunity to tune in and there's, there's several master classes, so there's option. It's not, I never believe in one fits all kind of mentality. Some, some people very new to my work, my book, The Secret Language of Your Body, and they just want to go, how do I work with the book in the best way possible, right? How do I work with my body in the best way possible? So we have options for that, where people can, you know, can can do a course based on my book, The Secret Language of Your Body, or they might, you know, we also did something called the eight-week challenge where, you know, connecting to your intuitive body, where I go through all the systems of the body through the eight weeks, as well as archetypes and tuning into your body. And this is a way for people to really get to know and understand all the different aspects of their body that shows up and really befriend it. But then I teach, I teach my kind of 10-day workshop of Awake the Healer Within which is what I'm most excited about, because it's what you know, what is the foundation of healing? What does it actually mean to heal on the deepest level? And we talk about and work with a lot of archetypes, from feminine and masculine to the victim to the, you know, inner child, to really understanding your saboteur and how you sabotage your life, how you procrastinate and so, as well as the archetypes connected to your intuition and your capacity to move forward. So, and there's a lot of kind of tools around working with the body and healing and different conditions and energy and so on in that particular offering, which is a master class as well, but it goes for four hours. You need more time, and we go into all sorts of processes. I always, I don't just talk in these master classes. I actually give people a lot of wisdom and processes. And then I have one on your purpose and the sole purpose, and what it even means and looks like, and one on understanding ancestry and understanding your kind of your stages of development. So there's a lot.

Lesley Logan 49:17  

Inna, oh my gosh, if you try it right now you can, you can access it for free. So you should go do that. Why would you wait? And if you have to pay, I think it's probably worth it. So, I mean, I learned so much already. You have given us so much, and I agree with that. Like, take a step forward so that could be your Be It Action Item. But if you have any other bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted steps people can take to be it till they see it, we'd love to hear them.

Inna Segal 49:43  

I feel like step one is making a decision that you're you're somehow responsible for your own healing, not for what happened to you, not for all the trauma that occurred to you and other people's involvement. But what can you do about it and without it, nobody actually really heals in a real way. Other people can do all sorts of things for you, but it won't fully hold, because unless you take that step forward, you're not, you know, you're not really understanding what it's about. And so step one is being interested, being willing to understand, taking that responsibility and then searching for it, taking step a step forward, and then I'm going to say is helping yourself from the perspective of, how does this become part of my life? Right? So, how do I make it part of my life? In other words, what do I do when I wake up in the morning most of the time, right? Because we can't do something all the time. Things change. But most of the time, what is your first thought when you wake up in the morning? Are you focused on meditation, divine connection? Are you focused on what you could do during the day? Are you focused on the positive? Are you focused on stress and worry. You know, what, what happens to you? Then you know what happens to you when you're eating, for instance, are you conscious? And I think that's a huge one for most people, including myself, because we're just running and doing this and this and that in the you know, can you start to create time? And I had this conversation yesterday, actually, with my partner. I went to meet his family. He's from the UK, so we went to England last year, and I was watching his family, and I was like, oh my god, I can't breathe because they just ran. There was no stopping, there was no kind of breathing, there was no self-reflection. There was just doing, doing next thing, next, next, next. And he said to me yesterday, he said, I've just realized that, you know, I do my work. We work together. I think like you do with your husband. And he's like, I finished something, and I go, what's next, what's next, what's what's next. And I never give myself time to really connect and tune in. And he and I said to him, yeah, because this is that's all you've seen when you were growing up, I was exhausted watching your family, and I remember at one point I did a process, and I did in the wrong place, in the wrong room, where everybody could see me, where they started coming into the house. I didn't realize how long it would take. And they were like, what are you doing, wasting your time, as opposed to, actually, I'm doing something really important. Why are you not helping us? I was like, oh, because I'm being I need to, you know, I'm doing something for myself because it was, it's non-existent, and he went, it's almost like I feel guilty, or I feel, you know, that I'm wasting my time. That's why, when you keep saying, do processes, but I have so much more to do, but it's practical. And what you're saying to do is impractical. It's you know, internal stuff, but not, I don't see the practical application of it. And, you know, he's like, can I feel guilty, and he's like, I need to change this, right?

Lesley Logan 53:18  

Yeah.

Inna Segal 53:20  

And this is many, many people, especially men, where they kind of go up, I just need to fix stuff, I just need to do stuff, as opposed to, unless you're good inside, and you even give yourself an opportunity, like you said, Lesley, to ask questions, to go within, to discover who are you? What do you stand for? What do you do? What are you about? You know, all of this takes time to self-reflect and self-connect. How can you have boundaries? How can you have good relationships with someone if you never think about it right, because that shows up in your body. So how do you allow yourself to access feelings if you're being taught to push them down? Well, it takes time. It takes time for you to explore, but you have to make that choice to explore.

Lesley Logan 54:18  

I love this so much, and also, isn't it so funny when we see our partner or our friends, where they come from, and then you're like, oh, that's why you don't sit still. No one is sitting still. And my husband will listen to this when we'll do a recap, but like, hey, babe, do you did you see yourself in that description of her partner? Because, we're going on vacation. And he put he brought the computer to the pool. We brought the computer to the pool. And I was like, I'm gonna shame you. I'm gonna put you on the internet. My husband brought his computer to the pool, everyone. You know, but also, you know it's we're all on this journey. We're all learning the more we can actually take it, take your Be It Action Items, and embody them and use them. I think we can. We all get to grow together, and we can affect so many people's lives. Our bubble of influence will be affected in a positive way. So thank you, Inna for being you and for all that you brought to us and all that you educated us on. We're gonna have to talk again, I'm sure, because I barely, I think we barely touched the surface of all that you know, but y'all make sure you connect with Ina. Make sure you share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it, and let us know which Be It Action Item you use and how that helped you. We would love to hear it. We'd love to celebrate with you. And until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 55:36  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 56:19  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 56:24  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 56:28  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 56:35  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 56:38  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

In this Fuck Yeah Friday episode, Lesley Logan shares why neuroscience confirms confidence is built by acting before you feel ready, not after. She celebrates a community win from a Pilates instructor prioritizing self-care post-surgery and reflects on the years-long ripple effect of her eLevate teacher training program now halfway through Round Six. The episode closes with a grounding mantra for letting go of what's keeping you stuck.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• A featured neuroscience post on why confidence is built through action.
• A community win on choosing self-care while recovering from surgery.
• How eLevate grew from a one-time idea into Round Seven.
• This week's mantra for releasing what holds you back.

Episode References/Links:

• @letstrainthebrain https://www.instagram.com/letstrainthebrain
• @pilatescoreuk – https://www.instagram.com/pilatescoreuk
• Jay Grmes - https://pilatesology.com/instructor/jay-grimes
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlist

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilates
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/
• The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Brad Crowell 0:01  

Fuck yeah. 

Lesley Logan 0:02  

Get ready for some wins. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:48  

Hello, Be It babe. How are you? My gosh, this is a great weekend. Most of you, if you're in the States, you're leading into holiday weekend, a big holiday weekend. I am leaning into a girls trip, which I can't wait to tell you more about next week. And I'm gonna share a win of yours, a win of mine, and some inspirational stuff. I'm gonna get you on your weekend, because that's what FYFs are about. They're about you sending your wins in so we can celebrate you, celebrate the things that you're doing. This podcast is here to make sure that you get to have all the worthiness and success and love and things that you want in this world and celebrate you along the way. So send your wins in. Send them in, small, big, they can be one sentence, they can be a paragraph. I'll read them all. 

Lesley Logan 1:24  

Before I get into your wins. This says, neuroscience shows confidence is built by repeatedly taking action before you feel ready. So most people have this backwards. They wait to feel confident before they act. Outcome, hesitation, avoidance, overthinking and delaying and because they don't act, their brain never gets new evidence. That means your brain builds confidence in different areas of life, emotional, social and professional through action and evidence. Listen to the podcast intro, action is the antidote to fear, and it brings clarity. More action you take, the more evidence your brain has for you to feel confident to take more actions. So no action, no evidence, no update, no confidence. This negative feedback loop weakens confidence over time. So even if you think I'll never know anything new, then you're slowly going to be less confident, right? Confidence grows or weakens based on the predictions your brain makes about you. Your brain is constantly asking, can I handle this? Those predictions only change from action, not from thinking of taking action. When you act, even while uncertain or afraid, your brain gets new data. I did it. I can tolerate discomfort. I handled it. That new data creates prediction errors in the brain, increasing neuroplasticity. New input action is more manageable than my fear anticipated. Taking consistent action reduces that thread response over time, increases tolerance for uncertainty and strengthens self-efficacy. I can handle this. This is when confidence grows. You don't become confident, and then act. You act. Your brain updates. Confidence grows. Act before you feel ready. That's how confidence is built. So Be It babe. This is literally, a post about being it until you see it. Do you, do you see that? So the link is in the show notes. It's from @letstrainthebrain. So grateful for that. I saw this and I was like, that is the be it, that's the be it that it is. I love it so much. 

Lesley Logan 3:16  

Okay, so now your win. This one is from @pilatescoreuk, going for lunch with friends for the first time out since post op. So if you haven't followed @pilatescoreuk, you should. Kimberly is amazing. I love her so much. She had an unexpected surgery recently, and she's been sharing and showing how she is still getting movement and steps in and and taking care of herself and prioritizing self, even while in pain, even while injured. She has kids, you guys, her life isn't this all fluffy and ponytails, like she is doing it, and she does it in a way to help you see you can, too, take care of yourself in these cases. And so thank you for taking the time to share a win with us so I can highlight you and how you're inspiring me and other people every single day with all that you're going through. So thank you so much.

Lesley Logan 4:05  

Okay, so my win is, here's my win. You've heard us talk about this and the things that are coming up, but I just have to take a second. eLevate, which is in round six, it's halfway through, where we did the eLevate round six weekend the previous month, their assessments for are coming up. They're going to have their fourth out of five weekends next month. And this is the part where it's like, oh my god. I just like, I'm so proud of the work that they're putting in, but more importantly, I'm really proud of how I continue to challenge myself and understanding how people learn, so I can continue to make each round understand the work that Jay taught me better, and then I get to share that with past rounds as they support the new people and as they come on retreats. But all in all, I can't believe in 2022 when I started this program, I was like, I think I'll just do it one time, we'll see and so my win is kind of big, because it's so many years in the making. So proud I did something scary. I'm so glad I'd be it till I saw it so I got confidence over it, and I'm so proud of how confident I am in the product that we're doing, because it really does change people's lives. And just watching these students at eLevate continue to share their wins, of how they're applying what they're learning and changing how they're teaching and impacting lives around them. Like, it's a win that keeps on going. And I also it's something that I have to celebrate as well, because they love it so much, because past grads have loved it so much, next year is almost full, and that is because of the dedication that my team and I put into this program and so doing something scary that we're like, should we be ones that do this? Shouldn't there be other people to do it? So that inspirational post is really an example of it's literally the thesis behind what I've been doing. And yes, I can say confidence does come from doing the thing before you feel ready. So thanks to all my eLevate grads from one through five. Thank you for six, for trusting me. You guys are working so hard, and people who are set up for round seven, we are going to have a lot of fun. We are. 

Lesley Logan 6:08  

All right. Let me get you a mantra. I let go of everything that holds me back from being my best self. I let go of everything that holds me back from being my best self. You'll let go of everything that's holding you back from being your best self. Yes you will, Be It babe. All right, until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 6:22  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod. 

Brad Crowell 7:04  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell. 

Lesley Logan 7:10  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 7:14  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 7:21  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals. 

Brad Crowell 7:25  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

In Part 2 of the Listen to Yourself series, Lesley Logan delivers a hands-on toolkit for hearing your intuition more clearly and telling it apart from fear. She breaks down what real intuition actually feels like in the body, why so many high achievers struggle to access it, and how to build trust in your inner voice through small, repeatable habits. The episode closes with journal prompts, simple daily practices, and one intuition-led decision that completely changed where Lesley lives today. Tune in for the practical follow-up listeners have been asking for.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How to calm a busy mind using meditation, breathwork, or guided practice.
• Why true intuition feels calm and steady, not frantic or fearful.
• Journaling prompts that uncover patterns and reveal your gut's voice.
• The body sway test and other small practices that strengthen instinct.
• How to overcome doubt by slowing down and recalling past hunches.

Episode References/Links:

• Breath by James Nestor – https://www.mrjamesnestor.com/breath
• The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron – https://a.co/d/0ip3UjJB
• E-Squared by Pam Grout – https://a.co/d/07pIwZuh
• Ep. 559 with David Corbin – https://beitpod.com/ep559
• Ep. 388 with Lauren Zoeller – https://beitpod.com/ep388
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlist

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilates
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/
• The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

The fear. Voice is so loud because we spent so much time listening to it, we have had way more experience listening to the fear instead of listening to our intuition, and that may be because just of the life that you've had prior to this. 

Lesley Logan 0:17  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 1:00  

Hello, Be It babe. Hi. Welcome back to our Listen to Yourself series. I'm so happy you're here. Okay, so if you missed Tuesday's episode, you're gonna probably want to hear that one, because it does talk about what is our intuition. What is listening to ourselves? And then also, why is it so freaking hard? And by the way, after listening to all the different reasons it's hard, it's an I'm actually shocked any single one of us can listen to our intuition at all. So I also shared some stories about different times I listened to mine and didn't listen to mine. And I just want to say thank you to all of you who shared your takeaways from that episode. It really means so much to me. You know, it's I record these alone in a room and talking to myself. So I really appreciate when you all share how the episodes affected you, or takeaways and wins and things like that. So questions you have that answer those on Thursday episodes, wins and aha moments, I'll share on Friday episodes, but today we're talking about the tools to help you listen to yourself better. Listen to your intuition better. So sources for this information will be in the show notes. But I have to say, this is kind of fun. There's lots of different things. So here's the deal my, Be It babe. I know that it's easy to try to do all the things at once, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask you to pick a couple of these things that sound good and the ones that don't immediately sound easy for you, just ditch them. Save them for later. Give them to a friend, right? Please. My overachievers who are listening, who are in recovery, don't try to do them all. 

Lesley Logan 2:20  

Okay? So some of these might sound redundant as we go through, but know that sometimes we hear same thing in slightly different way. It kind of makes a little more sense to us. So here we go. How do we hear our intuition better? Calm the mind? Use meditation or breathing techniques to quiet the noise. So I will say I love doing breath work, or I like a guided meditation. I know that sounds opposite of listening to yourself, but if you just have music playing for me and I have to just sit still, I'm gonna tell you right now my mind ain't quiet. I kind of need someone that's like, look at this cloud. Watch this thing, right? That's kind of my MO. So if you're like that, find guided meditations or breath work. If you haven't read the book, Breath, that is one of my favorite books of all time to recommend. So I highly recommend it. Okay, tune into the body. So pay attention to physical sensations such as a sense of lightness aligned like an alignment, or a sense of thinking or tightening feeling like not aligned. So lightness is going to fill a line, tightening is not going to fill a line. And that means you're going to have to start body scanning, right? So you might do this one time a day. Maybe you do it in the morning, or you do it at night, to start to just notice where you already feel tight or where you don't feel tight, and so you can know yourself. Because, sometimes it's like a doctor might ask, Oh, how long have you feeling like that? You're, oh, I actually don't know. So it is if you're going to tune into the body, which I highly recommend you do, finding ways to make that a habit. I use this. I use OPC to help our members with this. I use Pilates for myself. So when you do the 100 is going to feel different each and every time you do it, depending on what time of day you do it, depending on what happened the day before, how you slept, all that information, and that is a way to tune into your body. So for me, body scanning I only do when I'm trying to fall asleep, to be completely honest, or if I'm in a breath work that's guided, they're like, pay attention. I've truly used my Pilates to go because I do the same exercises. And I'm oh, I could get more out of that, right? That is a great way to feel what feels light and what doesn't feel light so that I can kind so that when I feel lightness, I know I'm in alignment when I feel tightness and making a decision, I feel like I'm not. So that can be helpful, but that takes time, so just be nice to yourself about learning how to feel alignment and business alignment in your body. 

Lesley Logan 4:34  

Pause and reflect instead of reacting immediately to emotions. Pause to see if the feeling is a panic response or calm, enduring insight. So this is interesting, right? As an ADHD person whose brain goes 17 miles ahead of most people, I am like, let's take instant action, and then, of course, I'll regret how quickly I made a decision, not that the decision is a regret, but how I handled it. Right? So something I am trying to work on is just like, take a moment. Why am I upset? What am I wanting to have happen? What might be all the different ways I could have that happen? And then in taking that pause, it really lets me feel what my inner knowing is actually trying to tell me, which is, you're actually not upset about this thing, you're upset about this thing, and it's coming out here. I think that that takes that also just takes time. So I also wanted to find out, does intuition sound like something? Because if we're going to hear it, what does it sound like? Right? So intuition often feels like a calm, quiet and immediate inner knowing or gut feeling that provides certainty without logical explanation, which is different than anxious thoughts, which are frantic and fearful. True intuition is neutral, steady and frequently experiences a physical sensation, such as a quiet, grounded insight, a sinking feeling, or a sudden, clear, non emotional, not joy. I think it might not have an actual sound to it, but it has from all this research. It doesn't feel you don't feel uneasy when you're listening to your intuition. It feels this is so normal and natural. I think that will help if those, for those of you who are getting having a hard time differentiating between gut intuition and anxiety, right? 

Lesley Logan 6:20  

So trusting your intuition involves cultivating inner quiet paying attention to bodily sensations. Those are somatic markers. We have some, had some great somatic guests on the show, like Lauren Zoeller, so definitely listen to her episodes. If you want to dive into somatics more, you got to practice the intuition in low stake situations. So that's going to be helpful, because we don't want to be making our first decision on a high stakes situation, you got to is it going to the gym, right? It's like a muscle. So key methods for listening to your intuition are going to be in meditation, journaling and slowing down. That's going to help you distinguish that feelings from fear by identifying physical signs like tension or calm and validating past experiences. You can build confidence in your intuition. And I, will say, you know how I get on every guest I'm like, if you're gonna tell us how to journal, what are we journaling about? And I think this is where, if you are trying to listen to your gut more, maybe the journaling is a form of question, why do I feel that way? Why is this coming up? What? How does this make me feel? Where do I feel this in my body? Then you can, you know, write it out, and that can be really helpful. So asking yourself questions based on the gut instinct that you're feeling that might help you discover if it's truly from you, if it's from fear. I can't I mean, slowing down. Oh my god, right. So as I said, there's gonna be a few more here that might sound the same, but we're talking about a different way that might help you. 

Lesley Logan 7:41  

So widening your mind, reducing mental noise, or meditation and deep breathing, or spending time in nature to better hear your voice. So I love this suggestion, because I don't think people get on nature enough. If you've read the book The Artist's Way she has, you go on artist dates, and sometimes it's like just taking your shoes off and walking in grass, right? I think that that can be really helpful. And so if you have a hard time quieting your mind, maybe that's what you're practicing. Listening to your body. We talked about that tightness versus the ease. Journaling daily, we talked about that this is really good. Write down your thoughts and hunches to uncover patterns in your thinking and recognize your intuition has guided you correctly. So taking a legal pad of paper and just writing out what's on your mind, you'll recognize patterns quickly, because, especially if you force yourself to do three pages, here's what happens. Some of you guys are overthinking your thoughts and just gonna say, don't even try to read your writing. Just write. Right? David Corbin will say, close your eyes and just write. But, I think that some people could overthink the journaling, which means you're not quieting your mind. You're not going to get your intuition, but just writing. And what I found when I was doing The Artist's Way page is I found why I was inactive in a lot of decisions, because I was I had so much fear, but I wasn't able to articulate that. And I've been feeling that in my body, but I couldn't get it to my brain. And so it really helped me go, oh, this is what I'm afraid of. Okay, well, is that gonna happen? How could that happen? How can I avoid that happening? Okay, now I can make the decision, right? So you're gonna practice with easy decisions to build trust by following your gut on small daily choices such as, what to eat or who to reach out to. So we're not making big decisions on your job or your relationship. You're just like, hmm, I feel like having a sandwich right now. Okay, let's go have a sandwich right now. Was that? Was that your intuition, right? Like reaching out to a friend? Oh, I feel I should call this person, call them, or at least text them, right? Try that out. 

Lesley Logan 9:30  

So this one is a little bit. Might be a little woo-woo. Okay. But if you read the book E-Squared, you'll, you won't think it. So use the body sway test. Stand up, relax and think of a decision. Feel if your body moves forward, that's a yes or backward, that's a no. My girlfriend, she wanted to see if she if I was drinking something, and she was like, oh, I wonder if that would work for me. And so she closed her eyes, she held it in her hand, and she's like, will this help me? And then her body leaned forward. I watched it happen. I swear to God, so that could be helpful, right? Some other key practices to strengthen your intuition. So, getting quiet, and this means getting in nature or quiet for 10 to 15 minutes daily. I know that's a lot, because, you know that's 1% of your day, so just keep that in mind. Notice physical sensations. I think a lot of us are really not connected to our bodies, which is why I'm such a passionate person about having a consistent Pilates practice, but noticing physical sensations, right? Being able to really notice, oh, my feet are cold right now, or you know just what's going on your body? There's things that are changing all the time.

Lesley Logan 10:30  

Differentiating from fear. So in Tuesday's episode, we talked about how like, fear can also say it's intuition. So intuition is generally calm and patient and persistent, whereas anxiety feels urgent and chaotic, intense, trusting, small signals. So this is really, this is where I find, like, My intuition is the most helpful. And once I start to notice these, I start to notice bigger ones, but small signals that something just something's going on. You're like, oh, you know, that's what a hunch, right? What a hunch. I'm going to follow that hunch, and then that way, with these little signals, we actually can actually lead to bigger decisions without waiting for the big gut instinct. Like, you should do this, right? Some people do a coin flip method. That's not something I would love, but, it might help you, right? Because, I think if you put a head, I'm going to do this, tails, let me do this, and then it flips. You're like, oh, it's tails. Well, that tells you what you really wanted. You wanted a head. So go to the heads. And then visualize outcomes. Imagine living with each option for a few days to see which brings a sense of peace or relief. And I think that also is helpful for understanding how you feel when your gut instinct is telling you to do something. What does ease feel like in your body? It might feel different than what it feels like for me, right? And then clean up emotions. Suppressed emotions can block intuitive signals, so acknowledge and process fear and anxiety clear the wave for clearer and quieter and more confident guidance. And so I think that that's important. I think a lot of us have a lot of bottled up emotions, which I like to do breath work because or exercise, because you can just, like, emotions just leave the body. Oh my gosh. If you were like, why did I cry in that workout today? Because it wanted to get out. It wanted to get out. And you got to stop suppressing these things because it's clogging up your channels through your intuition. 

Lesley Logan 12:14  

So, in thinking about intuition, I was just thinking about okay, there's obviously a confidence thing here. And if you don't have confidence, you often have doubt, right? So like, how do we how do we figure out how to overcome doubt? And so I think this requires all of us, high achieving, busy people, to slow down, because your busy schedule can mask the intuition because you're not creating space to even hear it. So I'm not saying quit things. I'm not saying stop doing things. What I'm saying is how can you say no to some things, like, look at your schedules, or anything you can, like, take off of it this week. What pressures are you doing? It makes it really easy to start feeling what you're feeling, which means getting into your intuition. Also, I think another thing you can journal about that will help you overcome doubt is recalling past times your hunch was right. I think you need a little have, not a burn book, but some sort of wins hunch book where you put any hunches you followed on and then they were right. That's going to help with the confidence that you need to overcome the doubt that is this my intuition, or is this fear, right? And then being patient, developing trust in your intuition, takes time and consistency, and it is particularly going to take time if you're an overthinker, right? Just something to keep reminding yourself about, because I get it like I have so many things I want to do, I have so many things I care about. And the reality is, I'm one human being, and I can only do so much in a day. And if I'm too busy, I'm missing out on on picking up on things that might just be the best way to dial this way or that way, that can change the course of the impact I want to make. Right? Sometimes we just get on a path and we're doing the we're following the directions, this is the path I made, and I'm here, I'm going to just follow this path. And then there's like, Hey, do you want this path over here? And you're like, I'm too busy to see that ding. And it's like, hey, do you want to see this path over here? It's going to get you there fast. And you're like, Oh, this is the path. Because I'm too busy. I'm not thinking about it, right? 

Lesley Logan 14:13  

I also wanted to give you some prompts for your journal that will help you when it comes to our intuition. So here they are, and we'll have these in the blog, in the show notes, so you can just copy and paste them. What is my body trying to tell me right now? You can even ask. I'll just give you a little second. We can hit pause. What is my body trying to tell me right now? If I were to trust myself completely, what would I do? Would you do anything differently? I would trust myself completely. What would I do? What is the gut feeling I have about blank and why? So if you're like, I don't hear my gut she's not talking to me. Well, what do you think the gut feeling is about that thing? Why do you think that what is one thing I know to be true? So even if I cannot logically explain it, what is one thing I know to be true? And I think that's helpful, it's almost like, oh, that I know that to be true, and it feels like this in my body. So if it feels like this, and this thing over here I'm thinking about feels the same, even if I don't have logic for it, then I then they can both. The feelings are the same, so they can both be true. What does my inner voice feel like? Is it a sound, a feeling or a vision? I think this is helpful, because I hear it as a voice, right? But some of you are more kinesthetic, and you feel it, or you hear some sort of sound. I know people that there's a scent that they'll smell, and then they'll literally, when they hear it, when they smell that scent, they'll stop, and they'll listen to themselves, and they'll actually hear their intuition. And then the scent doesn't fit anywhere. So for example, let's say the scent is Jasmine. There'll be no jasmine plant around, but they smelled Jasmine, and then they paid attention to what they were thinking, and that was how they did it. Or is it a vision? Can you see it happening in your brain playing out? So some more prompts. Recall a time you ignored your gut and what happened. So that helps you figure out what the signs are. Recall a time you trusted your intuition. What was that outcome? When do I most feel in touch with my inner voice? What am I doing when I feel the most in touch with my inner voice, that will help you go and find it. Maybe it's like, oh, when I walk outside, well, then that helps you, because then if you need to hear it and make a decision, and you're like, I don't want to do get the hell outside, right? What is one fear that stops me from listening to my intuition? What is one fear that stops me from listening to my intuition? Like, what are you afraid of? If you listen to it? Isn't it so interesting how when we like call out our fear and we actually say it out loud, how silly it sounds? 

Lesley Logan 16:47  

All right, how can I honor my needs today? Another prompt for your journal. How can I honor my needs today? What does the best version of myself need to know today? That's a be it till I see it. What is the best version of myself need to know today? What feels heavy or forced right now? What feels light and flowing right now? And then you can complete the sentence I am ready for link. 

Lesley Logan 17:15  

And then last thing I just want to leave you with is different ways to journal, because I know you. I know you, and that's why I it on our guests, like, you can't just say journal. You have to tell them what to journal about. So I gave you those prompts, but you can do free writing. I talked about that's like The Artist's Way, or what David Corbin does, just like writing. What's like just going just write your thoughts. Or you can do more of a set the scene type thing. So you create a quiet space. You take a few deep breaths, and you use your journal to remove distractions. So you're probably gonna have more of a prompt there. But you're gonna take a quiet time, ask yourself the question, take some deep breaths. But set the scene. For me, I will just write anywhere some people need to go, in their writing corner that's setting the scene, and then you have to review. So in The Artist's Way, you don't read the notes back, but if you're doing the book during one of the weeks closer to the end, you do go back, and she has you look for certain words to see what the patterns are, and that's going to help you understand the recurring themes, words or feelings. When you do that, that helps you realize your gut is talking to you and that your intuition is there, it makes it easier for you to listen to it in the future without that. 

Lesley Logan 18:26  

So think I want to just leave you with this building trust. Building up that trust to listen to your intuition, it's necessary to pause so you can distinguish between the true intuitive calm and the loud, reactive fear. And I really do think that some of the reasons why so many of us have a hard time listening to our intuition, aside from what society's pressures are, is that the fear voice is so loud because we spent so much time listening to it, we have had way more experience Listening to the fear instead of listening to our intuition, and that that may be because just of the life that you've had prior to this. And I need you to give yourself kindness and grace, and I need you to consider getting help around that, some professional help. If journaling for you like, I've journaled all this. Lesley, this is stupid, great, then you might need some help. And if you I've had help, get different help, right? Because I can say confidently that at the times I've listened to my intuition, they've always led me, yes with obstacles, yes with some pain, yes with some frustration, but they've always led me further along and closer to the person I want to be. And I can connect the dots looking back, but I can definitely could not connect the dots when I was in it. There was no logical pattern for how he's gonna get from a point A to point B. 

Lesley Logan 19:44  

This house that we're in, I told people I wanted to move by June 1st. I was like, oh, I live there on June 1st. And they're like, you can't buy a house in nine days. There's always 30 days of extra. Watch me do it. We found a person who wanted to rent to own. Guess what? Move in nine days. Bought the house on our contract to deed, and we did it, you know. And there were so many times when logic was going to say, that's not gonna work out. I just kept trusting, like, what feels right? When I walked in this house, I was like, I don't use any other houses. This is the house. They said. The rooms are exactly where I want them to be. Is it perfect? The outlets are fucking crooked. No, I gotta fix those. But I think that's where using your gut instinct to get yourself like when you trust it, when you can hear it, when you've got that muscle, it really helps you not focus on what logic is saying. Because if I'd focus on logic, then I would have waited probably a couple more months. Maybe we'd more taxes. Then it had been too expensive. We might have moved to Vegas. We wouldn't be able to we wouldn't, we would not be in our neighborhood. I can tell you that right now, and been priced out. We've been in a different neighborhood and have an office somewhere. 

Lesley Logan 20:48  

So I'll just say, maybe the last thing to say is this, be mindful of whose opinions you listen to that let you let talk you in or out of what your gut instinct says. I have some people my life that when they disagree with me, I just lean heavier. I'm like, oh yeah, because you don't like this idea. I know it's a good one, but that might not be you. Maybe if someone says those things to you, you actually doubt yourself. And I would say they don't get to know the decisions that you're making, not until you get stronger at it. You're amazing. I hope that these two episodes on intuition are helpful. We have ina next week talking about listening to your body to heal yourself. And we're going to keep these amazing series going. If you have more topics, or you want me to dive in even deeper, you have a question, send it in, because that question could end up becoming a two episode series that we dive into and that could lead into a guess all that kind of stuff. Don't keep it to yourself. How can we help you be it till you see it if we don't know what you're trying to be it till right, all right. Thanks so much. And until next time, be it till you see it. 

Lesley Logan 21:49  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 22:31  

It's written, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 22:36  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co

Brad Crowell 22:41  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 22:48  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 22:51  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.