The efforts and methods of the marriage counselor are great, but they often lack the leverage to move the grounded semi truck that is two people anchored in opposing positions. The size of the job grows exponentially when they’ve dug in their heels and transferred the struggle to a third party.

Now contrast this with the power of one of them simply making a decision to change the situation.

Take the “What is Your WifeStyle?” quiz at

https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/61c0e2c4b3f4200018bf41e0 This episode references Susan Page’s book HOW ONE OF YOU CAN BRING THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER, and Terri Cole’s book, BOUNDARY BOSS.

You’ve dusted off the Nativity figurines or the Christmas villages and arranged them festively in strategic places where your toddler can’t reach, and with each reiterated action, your heart strains to catch at least a breath of Christmas warmth or good cheer, but you’re coming up empty. Let me lift your spirits with this message of hope. And here is the link to the fun quiz I mentioned: https://www.tryinteract.com/share/quiz/61c0e2c4b3f4200018bf41e0

There is a sweet spot between complete accord and opposition which says, I see you. I can imagine being where you are, feeling what you’re feeling and doing what you’re doing. I understand. Maybe I don’t think it was the best choice, but you are a real person and I am here with you, sharing your experience, without offense, without defense, without any kind of fence, because I’m not viewing you as an annoyance, an obstacle or a threat. And that kind of alignment is even more powerful than agreement, because it expands your soul. It is the kind of alignment that creates peace in the world. The kind of alignment that is humanity’s best hope.

Every point in your life that seems like a detour, is actually leading you along a path to your wildest dreams. Every step along the way is a guidepost to your own nirvana, and every ounce of your heart that gets hollowed out by wrenching pain is making a receptacle for awaiting joy. There are no real mistakes, there are only necessary discoveries. Dark places we wander into to induce us to reach for light. One day you will thank heaven for this marriage and the universe of understanding it will open to you.

We have a twisted habit of punishing ourselves. You CAN’T take a break when the kitchen looks like a regiment of dwarves just fortified themselves there for their heroic, dragon conquering quest!

But guess what, if your head is swimming, you need a break. If you need permission, there it is.

Whatever disagreements you’ve been having with your husband, however unloved you feel, whatever multiverse of responsibilities you’re failing at, and no matter how many hatchimals are littering the playroom floor, you can find instantaneous peace. How? Tune in. Includes quote sourced from ronrolheiser.com/ and story from the book THE 21 DAY CONSCIOUSNESS CLEANSE by Debbie Ford.

It’s Thanksgiving season- the perfect time to talk about THE GAP AND THE GAIN. This is a book I recently picked up by Dr. Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan, and it’s a complete game changer. The concept is simple, profound, comprehensive and universally applicable, and today I’m applying it to you and your marriage.

SEEN in the comments of an ad (not my ad as it happens) promising to help women improve their marriages without the husband’s buy in: “Sounds like a scam. Shouldn’t the man share responsibility?”

This one got me thinking. I want to answer this. If you’re putting the finishing touches on the Cruella DeVil costume for your plucky ten year old, lean in, because the answer to the question: Shouldn’t the man share responsibility is…

We all have a secret horror. And as spouses, we’re always pulling back the curtain on each other’s secret horror, like a masked, chainsaw wielding agent of death. Let me explain what I mean… Some ideas inspired by ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY FOR COUPLES by Abigail Lev and Matthew McKay.

Sit comfortably, close your eyes and do this needed reset.