Be There in Five

This week, we discuss how I don't do verbs, city vs. burbs, California teens, Real Housewife trivia dreams, gender reveal vids, thoughts on wanting kids, Facebook makes me feel my life is out of order, does your Craftsman home laundry room accept quarters?

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A lighthearted (yet irrelevant) title for what has been a krazy week for those of us that Keep up with the Kardashians. And, if you Keep up with Kate, she's also having bit of a week, and is still so behind she didn't have time to write a description or have this kast professionally edited. Officially changing the tagline to 'I'll Be There in Five Days, I swear!'

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This week, Kate had other plans, but right before recording, was sent a 'weird' message by an internet stranger. This prompted a more dark and brooding intro this week, thanks to the musical stylings of the lesser-known singles off of one of the late '90s most acclaimed albums made by a band with a member still in elementary school. We then take a journey through some of Middle of Nowhere's most important songs, address an unsolved mystery in Tulsa, Oklahoma, then take a sharp turn into discussing LifeTouch school picture day, the joy of Yearbook typos, and Kate's general bitterness toward people that wore Peace Frog shirts in the front of the class picture while tall people wearing fierce corduroy overalls get shoved to the back.

Then we follow up with her prediction about Channing & Jenna's breakup and discuss her favorite current internet blind item celebrity gossip stories that are worth a deeper dive, only to then accidentally go back in time for a brief SBTB / Nickelodeon discussion, but then Kate remembers she's boycotting Nickelodeon, and moves onto discuss her frustration with common backhanded compliments. She forgets what she talks about next, probably how The Keepers destroyed her faith in humanity and/or how she's really actively seeking a chocolate milk sponsor for the podcast. Another week, another tangent, another 50 mins of a person shamelessly laughing at their own jokes.

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We've familiarized ourselves with All or Nothing, All Saints, and now we move onto one of Kate's other favorites of 'All' time; All-4-One. From there we discuss the fine line of romance being gross or endearing depending on how into the person the recipient is, then a sharp turn to reminisce on none other than the prank that was WhiteHouse.com during the era where we coincidentally were searching for US Civics answers. Then some ramblings about the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack, my misunderstanding of most of the Jagged Little Pill lyrics, and move onto a more serious topic, can chivalry exist in a feminist era? From there Kate takes a stab at some vocal tricks on her recording software, only to immediately regret it and liken it to using a Yak Bak, which brings her (obviously) to the conspiracy of breakfast not really being the most important meal of the day. Then we move onto favorite Destiny's Child anthems, some unsolicited advice for Willa Ford and Blu Cantrell, my hopes for the next season of RHONY and an argument in defense of Ramona Singer. Finally, we almost kind of end but then she feels called to explain why Elsa is a bad role model and why Mulan should get more credit. Finally, we actually do end with Kate's thoughts on how being a bride isn't a free pass to be a jerk, some light reminiscing of how '90s R&B made for a meaningful first dance, and then a brief discussion of how DARE scared Kate from doing anything in fear she'd end up looking like the stoner clip art used on the drug education PowerPoint. All-4-One and one-4-all these topics that have absolutely nothing to do with one another.

This week, Kate mostly talks for too long about a topic that she knows an embarrassing amount of information about; the speculation surrounding the friendship and/or feud of Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss. However, before and after, she talks about other stuff too, including an analysis of the mansplaining that takes place in City High's "What Would You Do," reviewing her favorite punny business names, her first foray into philanthropy via Chicken Soup for the Soul books, some brief This Is Us and Gilmore Girls discussion (because Milo Ventimiglia). But not before a farewell to her youth realized during St. Patrick's Day, a related a case against curdling, some thoughts on British X Factor contestants, Polly Pocket, one more complaint about the Les Mis remake, her issues with Jeopardy outfits and anecdotes, and an homage to one of her favorite 90s R&B groups that shares a name with an overrated retailer.

To learn more about Be There in Five and Kate, go to bethereinfive.com.

Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!

Follow Kate on Instagram for more pop culture commentary throughout the week instagram.com/bethereinfive.