Be with the Word

Dr. Gerry discusses the Sunday readings from a psychological and family-oriented perspective. Dr. Gerry meets with Mac Barron who is the author of “Clueless in Galilee” and co-host of the long running “Catholic in a Small Town” podcast. Dr. Gerry and Mac discuss their reaction to the commercialization and consumerism of Christmas and the loss of the true spirit of the Advent season. They discuss how a family can make Advent more meaningful and doable. 

“Kindness and truth shall meet; justice and peace shall kiss.” Psalm 85

Dr. Gerry and Mac discuss remaining joyful and being intentional, penitential, and reverential this Advent season. Dr. Gerry explores the parts of us that do not want to be repentant, and how to address our parts that need self-soothing. Dr. Gerry brings up attending to our pain during the holiday season rather than escaping with problem behaviors. Attending to our own pain can help us to be truly repentant and relate better with our loved ones. 

“Conduct[ing] yourselves in holiness and devotion, waiting for and hastening the coming of the day of God” 2 Peter

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As we begin the Advent season of waiting on Christ, Dr. Gerry and Thomas Clements discuss “Learning to Wait: The First Step in Overcoming Addiction”. Thomas is the founder of Zenith Ministries and has a graduate degree in Theology from Franciscan University in Steubenville. Thomas shares his Seven Steps in dealing with addiction which include: 1) Put others first, 2) Run to something else, 3) Repeat the opposite action as often as possible, 4) Accountability, 5) Fasting, 6) Prayer, and 7) the sacramental life.

Dr. Gerry and Thomas discuss how to overcome the narcissism of addiction by facing the often difficult (and even terrifying) task of surrendering to God and reaching out to others for help. We must often wait and be watchful. Thomas provides practical strategies for addressing the gaping hole left behind from an addiction. Dr. Gerry discusses how our addictions reveal what we really need, and he explains how we need secure attachment with God and others to feel safe.

“Watch, therefore; you do not know when the Lord of the house is coming” (Mark 13)

Thomas discusses how to see people as subjects instead of objectifying them, and Dr. Gerry brings up the topic of conditioning and how to “rewire” the brain. Addiction robs us of our sense that we have any choice, but activities like fasting, prayer, and receiving the sacraments allow us to slow down and receive the love, mercy, and a renewed relationship with God which leads us to choose a new path and receive further graces of love, strength, healing.

“Yet, O Lord, you are our father: we are the clay and you the potter; we are all the work of your hands.” (Isaiah 63)

Dr. Gerry mentions Our Lady of the Inexhaustible Cup and how Christ provides Living Water. Dr. Gerry explains how addictions begin when a behavior soothes deep pain that we would prefer to avoid. Dr. Gerry and Thomas also discuss how to wait when it feels intolerable. Dr. Gerry discusses “stillness” or “hesychasm” – cultivating a spirit of slowing down, waiting, and sitting with and ing to the pain. It is important not to spiritualize problems but seek meaningful forms of accompaniment. Our current culture makes it difficult to wait. Dr. Gerry also alludes to the need for boundaries when engaging with a loved one with an addiction.

Learn more about Thomas Clements and Zenith Ministries here:

www.zenithministries.com
470-253-0802
Twitter- @tweetzenith
Instagram- @zenithministries
Facebook-/welcometozenithministries

Listen to Zenith's latest podcast at https://zenithministries.com/podcast-series/

Overall Takeaway

Human nature tends to want to be more like “goats'' than “sheep”. It’s important to reflect on our internal dispositions to learn how we can be more like the “sheep” in the Good Shepherd’s flock.

Key Verses in Sunday Mass Readings

“I will rescue them from every place where they were scattered
when it was cloudy and dark. 
I myself will pasture my sheep;
I myself will give them rest, says the Lord GOD.”

“And he will separate them one from another,
as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.
He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
Then the king will say to those on his right,
'Come, you who are blessed by my Father.
Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

At the natural level, sheep and lambs are vulnerable and not very smart. They are docile and follow without question. Many of these characteristics are difficult for human beings to embrace; our nature tends to rebel against those things.

Goats, on the other hand, are often troublesome, independent, headstrong, and agile. They get bored easily and get into mischief. Humans tend to be much more like goats at the natural level.

To grow spiritually, we need to work on fostering the nature and internal disposition of sheep. Dr. Gerry and Dr. Peter go through a structured association exercise this week and invite you to do the same. Dr. Peter explores what Dr. Gerry’s responses might mean about his internal disposition and tendencies.

Action Item

Go through this week’s exercise, work with your responses to the structured association exercise, and pray about your internal “goat” and “sheep” dispositions.

Overall Takeaway

When God hands us our “talents” in life, He knows what we are able to do with them and expects us to use our gifts for His glory. It can be challenging to overcome fear and avoid “burying a God-given talent.” Learn about getting to what’s behind the fear and techniques to help you affirm yourself and perhaps get unstuck in some aspect of your life.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“His master said to him, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant. 

Since you were faithful in small matters,

I will give you great responsibilities.

Come, share your master's joy.’”

“‘Master, I knew you were a demanding person,

harvesting where you did not plant

and gathering where you did not scatter;

so out of fear I went off and buried your talent in the ground. 

Here it is back.'”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Just as the master gives each servant a different number of talents, God gives us different gifts. He knows what we can handle and expects only what He knows we can do.

We often get psychologically stuck, frequently due to a feeling of shame or inadequacy, that causes fear. We can be like the third servant who “buried his talent” out of fear.

We often react the same way as that third servant, putting the cause of his own actions back on the master. Instead, we need to address where that fear comes from, work on ways to affirm ourselves, and seek the advantages of taking a risk.

To overcome fear, we can address the feelings of shame and inadequacy and where those feelings originated, we can deflate the risk, we can take smaller steps.

During a role-play exercise, Dr. Peter pretends to be the third servant and Dr. Gerry works with him through his fear, illustrating how active, motivational listening can help someone consider alternatives. 

Action Item

Identify one thing in your life that’s “a buried talent.” Think about an advantage to making a change. What would happen if you tried? If you sense fear, walk it back and see what causes the fear. Bring that root cause to prayer, to a friend or to a counselor to address.

Overall Takeaway

We are called by Wisdom, or the Holy Spirit, to grow in virtue and our relationship with God over the course of our lives, but we often face common psychological reasons that get in our way.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“Resplendent and unfading is wisdom,
and she is readily perceived by those who love her,
and found by those who seek her.”

“O God, you are my God whom I seek;
for you my flesh pines and my soul thirsts.”

“We do not want you to be unaware, brothers and sisters,
about those who have fallen asleep,
so that you may not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.”

"The kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins
who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 
Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 
The foolish ones, when taking their lamps,
brought no oil with them,
but the wise brought flasks of oil with their lamps.”

Where Psychology Meets Catholicism

Intelligence is different from wisdom. We can have intelligence with evil, but we cannot have wisdom with evil. Wisdom is alive, a personification of the Holy Spirit.

We are called to be more God-like in our relationships. Consider the mode of receiver; sometimes it can be prudent to not say something that is true.

Wisdom seeks us out; it comes to us if we’re receptive to that gift of God. We are called during our lives to build up our “oil” -- our virtues, our human formation, our spiritual formation. We need to be deliberate so we are ready for the wedding feast.

Just like the unprepared virgins could not “borrow” oil, we can’t borrow a relationship with God, virtues or human development at the end of our lives.

Action Item

Try to assess your “readiness” this week. Consider your prayer life and think specifically about the human things that get in the way. For example, do you struggle with lack of discipline or structure that leads you to forget to pray? Is there a lack of accountability to prayer? Do you feel you have to be perfect in your prayer? These things tend to also get in the way of our human relationships as well.

Overall Takeaway

Jesus turns the shame-filled, anxiety-ridden narratives of our lives into redemption and transformation. Often, we don’t recognize that when we’re on that journey, and it takes effort to gain that perspective.

Key Verses From Sunday Readings

“These are the ones who have survived the time of great distress;
they have washed their robes
and made them white in the Blood of the Lamb.”

“Beloved, we are God’s children now;
what we shall be has not yet been revealed.
We do know that when it is revealed we shall be like him,
for we shall see him as he is.”

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they will be comforted.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Remember that we didn’t create ourselves. We’re all handed the context of our lives, and we’re called to live it out in a unique way in our journey toward heaven.

We are not the authors of our life narrative; we are the editors. From a psychological perspective, we can change our perception about the events of our lives to see Providence and grow nearer to seeing us as God sees us: as His beloved children.

Remember that you're the protagonist of your story, and that God always gives you a guide to help you along your journey as the “hero” of your story. That may be God the Father, Mother Mary, one of the saints, or someone here on earth. 

When we experience shame, we accept the story that someone else tells us about our lives, which is often inaccurate or simply false.

If our story involves great pain, we sometimes come up with a different story to cope. In the short term that can be helpful, but it often causes anxiety and despair in the long run. We need to find a different way to bring a new meaning to our pain and our story. We need to find and accept that transformation that God is waiting to give us.

Action Item

Pick something that has been difficult in your life. What negative emotion do you experience when you recall that part of your story? Now, pause, and think about where you go with that emotion? Does it go to a lie? Apply the story of saints to your story: when suffering comes, find ways to find repentance or purification, and then make a path decision. Go to your guide, pray, and ask how you’re supposed to see your narrative in a new light. Ask God how He wants you to see yourself. 

Overall Takeaway

People who have superiority complexes are usually trying to make themselves feel better by belittling others. When we can understand what’s behind the attitude, it can help us be more compassionate and loving toward them.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“Thus says the LORD:
‘You shall not molest or oppress an alien,

for you were once aliens yourselves in the land of Egypt.’”

“Brothers and sisters:

You know what sort of people we were among you for your sake. 

And you became imitators of us and of the Lord,

receiving the word in great affliction, with joy from the Holy Spirit,

so that you became a model for all the believers

in Macedonia and in Achaia.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

When we interact with someone exhibiting a superiority complex, we tend to either take a helpless stance and become a victim or we create our own superiority complex to try to compensate.

In some cases, our psychological reaction is to just accept it because “that’s the way he/she is,” be angry about it, or even gravitate toward it.

Take a step back to think about what’s driving that behavior. Often, we brush it off as someone simply being mean or difficult.

The Pharisees exhibited a superiority complex because they felt threatened by Jesus’ work, healing and teaching. Sometimes Jesus punctures that attitude to teach them a lesson, but this week He gently shows them the correct path.

We need to learn who we are not by taking on a superiority persona, but through the eyes of someone who loves us. If we are well-grounded ourselves, we can see those who exhibit superiority more as God sees them, in their woundedness.

Action Item

Think of a situation when someone in your life exhibited superiority. Replay that scene and notice your reaction is or how you are triggered. You don’t need to excuse inappropriate behavior, but see if you can look past the exterior and see the person as a small child, see the insecurities. Can you soften your reaction?

Overall Takeaway

Many of us feel trapped in some aspect of our lives, just as the Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus in their questioning in this week’s gospel. Just as Jesus had an unexpected answer for them, He has one for us if we’re willing to listen.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“For the sake of Jacob, my servant,
of Israel, my chosen one,
I have called you by your name,
giving you a title, though you knew me not.”

“We give thanks to God always for all of you,
remembering you in our prayers,
unceasingly calling to mind your work of faith and labor of love
and endurance in hope of our Lord Jesus Christ,
before our God and Father,
knowing, brothers and sisters loved by God,
how you were chosen.”

“The Pharisees went off
and plotted how they might entrap Jesus in speech.”

“Then repay to Caesar what belongs to Caesar
and to God what belongs to God.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

The Pharisees were trying to create a double bind with their questioning, giving Jesus only two impossible choices to select from. Often, we find ourselves in what seems like a double bind in some aspect of our own lives.

Just as Jesus showed them the true answer, destroying the idea that there was only a black and white option, He is ready and waiting to do that for us as well.

If we experience dissonance or a feeling of being trapped in an impossible situation or relationship, we are called to take that situation to God. Perhaps through prayer, speaking with a trusted loved one, or seeking professional help will give us that answer we’re seeking.

We need to learn to truly trust in God. Often, we want to trust God only if He gives us the answer we want Him to give us. We have to trust in His providence that whatever answer He gives us is best, even if it’s not what we think we want.

Action Item

Think about a situation that doesn’t appear to have a “right” answer. Seek and pray for truth in the situation. Then, seek a second set of eyes. Turn to a trusted friend or family member, priest, or counselor and bring the situation to them. Putting the situation into words can often help. Think about advice you’d give to someone else who is in the same situation to gain distance. Listen to your own advice. Bring that to prayer.

Overall Takeaway

Just as the invited individuals in this week’s Gospel refuse to attend the king’s wedding feast, we often do the same in our lives. Although this can be attributed to sin or distractions, it can also come from psychological blind spots that we refuse to address.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“On this mountain the LORD of hosts
will provide for all peoples
a feast of rich food and choice wines”

“My God will fully supply whatever you need,
in accord with his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

“The kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king
who gave a wedding feast for his son.
He dispatched his servants
to summon the invited guests to the feast,
but they refused to come.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Parts of us may feel that we are not valued or good enough. Other parts of us may be very self-centered or narcissistic in nature, which can be a defense against shame or fear. When we are blinded by these psychological efforts to protect ourselves, we cannot know ourselves, know others, or know God accurately.

These psychological blind spots lead to misperceptions of who God really is, and can keep us from the wedding feast.

God is waiting to give us the very best--the choicest wines. However, He can only invite us. He gives us the freedom to accept or refuse His gift.

In our fallen world, few people exhibit the conviction and boundless love of Jesus. We, instead, often separate those things, which can result in polarization. 

When Jesus encounters sinners in scripture who sincerely ask who He is, He is right there with them. When the Pharisees are dead set against Jesus, He still loves them by trying to pierce through their questions and accusations.

Action Item

Recognize that we all have blind spots. In order to find yours this week, ask yourself “What do I blame God for?” Don’t think about it too much, instead, just write down what comes to mind. It could include things like the premature death of a parent, an abusive situation, a difficult marriage, a lost job, an illness, or anything else where you feel “wronged by God.”

Take this list to God in prayer. These feelings can generate blind spots that keep us from being in relationship with Jesus. Give God the space to work in your life and listen to Him.

Overall Takeaway

Anxiety is often a symptom in our modern world and can be a real barrier to our relationship with God as well as to our own healing. Our cognitions and surroundings can clearly affect our mood while meditation and prayer can bring an unsurpassing peace.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“The vineyard of the LORD of hosts is the house of Israel,
and the people of Judah are his cherished plant;
he looked for judgment, but see, bloodshed!”

“Brothers and sisters:
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
make your requests known to God

Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

“Finally, brothers and sisters,
whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious,
if there is any excellence
and if there is anything worthy of praise,
think about these things.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

In the early days of the Church, there was a high cost to being Christian. Anxiety was often external; you often had to be in or out. Today, we have a great deal of anxiety, but it’s often more internal, especially in the midst of the pandemic. These internal conflicts make us vulnerable because we can destroy our own “vineyards” by withdrawing from God.

From a psychological perspective, we can often be stuck in shame, which can then become a barrier to God’s love. We can end up sabotaging our relationship with God.

Remember that anxiety is a symptom of something that causes us to feel that we are not being loved or cared for. God calls us to get to the roots of anxiety, which allows us to enter into a relationship with Him, and then heal.

God won’t force us into relationship with Him. We need to remove those natural barriers and allow ourselves to accept His love.

The world often offers a false truth. Instead, hold onto objective truth and focus on the honor and worthiness that exists in creation. Don’t allow yourself to let the media and sources of bad news disrupt your peace.

Cognitions affect our mood. Work to elevate your thoughts to something higher.

Action Item

Participate in this week’s meditation led by Dr. Gerry, which is based on a passage from St. Francis de Sales. Access God’s gentle presence and unsurpassing peace through meditation and prayer.