Be with the Word

Overall Takeaway

We need to understand that God doesn’t expect us to pray perfectly. In fact, it’s okay to pray badly -- and we need to get better at praying badly. From a psychological perspective, we need to take risks in prayer to deepen our relationship with God.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“And you taught your people, by these deeds,

that those who are just must be kind;

and you gave your children good ground for hope

that you would permit repentance for their sins.”

“You, O LORD, are good and forgiving,

abounding in kindness to all who call upon you.”

“The Spirit comes to the aid of our weakness;

for we do not know how to pray as we ought,

but the Spirit himself intercedes with inexpressible groanings.”

“While everyone was asleep his enemy came

and sowed weeds all through the wheat, and then went off.

When the crop grew and bore fruit, the weeds appeared as well.

The slaves of the householder came to him and said,

‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field?

Where have the weeds come from?’

He answered, ‘An enemy has done this.’”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

G.K. Chesterton says, “If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly,” which is counter to the world’s message that we have to do things perfectly. This can lead to us being afraid or to avoid trying things, especially in prayer.

Think about how a good father helps a child to learn to talk. He works to understand what the toddler is trying to say, help him with grammar and diction, and helps him put his needs and thoughts into the right words. We are to be like little children with God. He promises us in this week’s readings that He will help us.

Remember that prayer is all about relationship with God. He looks at me; I look at Him. Many of us may get wrapped up the perfect form of prayer. God wants a relationship with us; not a perfect performance of prayer.

The translation of “weed” in this week’s gospel is actually Darnel ryegrass, which looks a lot like wheat, gets impossibly tangled with wheat, and can host a poisonous microbe that can cause hallucinations. The only main, recognizable difference is the fruit: the seed of wheat is brown while the seed of Darnel ryegrass is black

Just like some people in the world, it looks good and perhaps holy on the outside, but has poisonous fruit. However, God assures us that He will take care of it in the end. Our job is to do the best we can. We can pray badly; He will compensate for us. He’s only asking that our hearts are in the right place; He will do the rest.

Action Items

This week, try one new thing in your prayer that you think might bring you into a deeper relationship with God. It might be singing a hymn badly. It might be having a heart-to-heart discussion about something important; maybe you can’t express your fear, anxiety or worry in the right words, but try. Recognize how God helps you in the effort.

Overall Takeaways

The parable of the sower and the seed is about being receptive to God’s gifts and promptings. It’s a story that’s meant to touch our heart and soul as well as to be intellectually understood. Learn how to be spiritually and psychologically more receptive to the soil of God’s word.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“We know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now;

and not only that, but we ourselves,

who have the firstfruits of the Spirit,

we also groan within ourselves

as we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.”

“A sower went out to sow.

And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path,

and birds came and ate it up.

Some fell on rocky ground, where it had little soil.

It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep,

and when the sun rose it was scorched,

and it withered for lack of roots.

Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it.

But some seed fell on rich soil, and produced fruit,

a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold.

Whoever has ears ought to hear.”

“Gross is the heart of this people,

they will hardly hear with their ears,

they have closed their eyes,

lest they see with their eyes

and hear with their ears

and understand with their hearts and be converted,

and I heal them.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Jesus teaches in parables to help Him reach our hearts just as we teach our children moral lessons through fables and stories. Jesus wants us to learn in an integrated way--not just intellectually through studying our catechism--but through stories that can change our heart, soul, and even affect our body sensations.

When Jesus talks about seed falling on the hard path, we can see that psychologically as a closed mind. When we are afraid or cognitive inflexible in hearing, the seed is landing on that hard path.

The rocky soil are the moments of trial and persecution. We all may know we need to stay calm and recollected, but when life’s irritations or frustrations arise, it’s easy to get carried away by our passions and allow that seed to wither away in those moments.

Seed falling among the thorns could mean our attachments to worldly cares and riches or they may refer to things like anxiety that shades the seed and steals its nutrients, preventing it from truly growing.

The good soil is receptive. The essence of life is in the seed, but the seed needs the soil. There’s a necessary relationship. It’s interesting to note the Latin root of humus, which is the organic material in the soil, is the same as humility, which is needed to be in relationship with Christ.

Action Item

Practice at least one of the four ways to hear with your heart, or do all four this week:

1. Allow yourself to be influenced by God and by loved ones. Be receptive to the soil.
2. Spend some time in reflection, perhaps in your prayer, spiritual reading, or observations. Let those experiences sink in.
3. Make some space to be with those reflections. Slow down daily life. Let go of distractions. Allow the nourishment in the soil to reach your heart.
4. Take some kind of action. That’s the fruit. Do something differently as a result.

Overall Takeaway

It’s often easier for us to read about God or execute spiritual practices than to have a true relationship with Him due to psychological wounds from our past. We need to learn to open our hearts to allow God to give us an experience of His comfort and care.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“See, your king shall come to you;

a just savior is he,

meek, and riding on an ass,

on a colt, the foal of an ass.”

“Brothers and sisters:

You are not in the flesh;

on the contrary, you are in the spirit,

if only the Spirit of God dwells in you.”

“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened,

and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,

for I am meek and humble of heart;

and you will find rest for yourselves.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Two secular psychologists promote an Idealized Parent Figure Therapy protocol where patients are asked to create perfect, imaginary parent figures to relate with in order to heal. As Catholics, we already have perfect real parents in God the Father and the Blessed Virgin Mary. We need them to re-parent us.

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Learning to feel reassured and comforted from God the Father and Mary is not a mental exercise. It’s a matter of becoming a small child full of simple trust. This is difficult because many of us have been hurt when we’ve allowed ourselves to become vulnerable to people in our lives. Because of these experiences, we don’t want to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to God.

When the Gospel says “my yoke is easy,” the translation of easy is “fits”. God selects a yoke that fits us perfectly; just as a carpenter can make a yoke for an animal that fits it perfectly. When we pick our own yokes, our own crosses, our own practices, we sometimes experience pain, chafing and greater difficulties. 

Action Item

This week, reflect on where you go for comfort when you’re in your dark place. Do you try to find consolation in your spouse, children, or friend? Or in alcohol, food or TV? Then, start doing St. Ignatius’ particular examination of conscience that focuses on a particular vice and its opposite virtue. Ask God to help you trust Him to be the ultimate source for comfort and consolation. Ask Him to help you experience that.

Overall Takeaway

Although there is some overlap of good that comes from both secular and Catholic-based psychology, they are often diametrically opposed when it comes to finding true happiness. Humanistic psychology is often focused on self while psychology based on a Catholic worldview is focused on selflessness.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“Since he visits us often, let us arrange a little room on the roof

and furnish it for him with a bed, table, chair, and lamp,

so that when he comes to us he can stay there.”

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me,

and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me”

“Whoever receives a prophet because he is a prophet

will receive a prophet’s reward,

and whoever receives a righteous man

because he is a righteous man

will receive a righteous man’s reward.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

There’s a theme in this week’s readings that focus on service and hospitality for those called to a more direct and active mission for God. In helping those called to achieve their mission, we achieve ours.

We are called to live out our duties of state, and within that, we are asked to look for ways to be selfless in serving Christ.

Many people make sacrifices from a worldly perspective: giving up time with family to succeed in a career, leaving homeland to serve in the military, passing up expensive items for financial security. 

Are we willing to make the same level of difficult sacrifices for Christ? Psychologically, it’s harder to pick up the cross to serve God in a radical way.

We are steeped in the message that secular psychology delivers: if we reach our full human potential, we will be happy.

The gospel instead tells us that in giving up worldly things to serve God, we undergo a process of sanctification that will radically transform us to finding our true selves and true happiness.

We can’t understand the cross with human reason only, it requires divine revelation to accept the “hard road” especially when secular psychology pushes us to find the easier way, the way of safety and comfort, the path that we’re naturally inclined to take.

Action Item

Pray about something you can do that’s selfless for someone else. Really listen to someone you don’t like or don’t agree with. Let others go first, in line or on the road. Make a financial sacrifice. Replace the time you spend playing video games or watching TV with prayer or service this week.

Overall Takeaway

No amount of knowledge or control will help us overcome our fear, only a trust in God’s love will help us truly overcome fear. We must exercise courage, despite our feelings of fear, in order to grow in this virtue.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“I hear the whisperings of many:

‘Terror on every side!

Denounce! let us denounce him!’”

“O LORD of hosts, you who test the just,

who probe mind and heart,

let me witness the vengeance you take on them,

for to you I have entrusted my cause.”

“See, you lowly ones, and be glad;

you who seek God, may your hearts revive!”

“Jesus said to the Twelve:

‘Fear no one.’”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Fear is a natural human response. People can do things to make their fear better or worse.

We make fear worse when we lose our sense of time and leave the present moment. We either remember bad scenarios in the past or worry about what might happen in the future. Instead, focus on the present and ask yourself, “Do I have everything I need right now?”

Knowledge, intellect, and human control doesn’t give us an increased sense of safety. Secular psychology that focuses on increasing self-confidence doesn’t work in the long run.

Instead, we have to have a primary sense of God’s love. He is our source of safety and security. Remember God knows everything that’s happening now and will happen. He’s in control.

Fearlessness is being out of touch with your own fear and not understanding of others’ fear. Courage is taking positive action in spite of feeling fear. Remember Our Lady was afraid when she was searching for Jesus in Jerusalem, and Jesus was afraid in the Garden of Gethsemane.

You have to make a choice between suppressing fear or rallying courage. Suppressing fear often leads to a shrinking “safe space” while rallying courage helps you rise to the challenge and expands your world.

Action Item

Pray and discern what you’re fearful about, ask for God’s help, and then take an action to practice courage. It could be a particular phone call you don’t want to return or a specific action you’re afraid to take. Trust in God and do what is right. Put yourself in a situation to practice courage.

Overall Takeaway

Addiction can be a false idol, distancing us from the Body and Blood of Jesus as well as dehumanizing and isolating ourselves from one another.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

"Remember how for forty years now the LORD, your God,

has directed all your journeying in the desert ...

He therefore let you be afflicted with hunger,

and then fed you with manna.”

“The cup of blessing that we bless,

is it not a participation in the blood of Christ?

The bread that we break,

is it not a participation in the body of Christ?”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

The context of the second reading this week discusses how there used to be a belief that demons resided in food, and by partaking of that food, you had the demon within you. The teaching, then, talked about how that could not co-exist with the Eucharist.

When we have an addiction to something, it’s like allowing that demon or enslavement into us. Those things cannot co-exist with our Christian life. However, from a psychological standpoint, we tend to want to compartmentalize ourselves: we can try to hold our Christian self and tuck away this addiction into another part of us in order to hold onto it.

The problem is that once that addiction seeps into the rest of our lives, it can overwhelm our entire selves and systems, drawing us into relationship issues, shame, and other serious problems.

We need to bring out that part of us, at least to ourselves and to our confessor and admit this addiction is an enslavement and not compatible with the whole. We need integration of self. Watch for the two bad fruits of addiction: dehumanization and isolation.

Action Items

If possible, have a priest come bless your home. However, Dr. Gerry shares a short prayer you can use to sanctify your devices and living space, turning them over to God’s service. Dr. Peter suggests that you explore any negative reaction to saying such a prayer over a particular item or place, which can give you insight to a potential attachment or addiction.

Overall Takeaway

Our God concept is what we profess to be true as faithful, orthodox Catholics and is based on our catechism and the teachings of the Church. Our God image, however, is what we feel in our unconscious about God when we’re in our dark place. We experience tension when our God concept conflicts with our God image.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

"The LORD, the LORD, a merciful and gracious God,

slow to anger and rich in kindness and fidelity."

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world,

but that the world might be saved through him.”

Where Catholicism Means Psychology

Everyone has a God concept. This is what we profess to be true about God and what we know intellectually. It reflects the teachings of the Church, the Bible and our catechism. It’s what we believe in our conscious mind.

We also have a God image. This is what we feel to be true about God in our unconscious when we’re in our dark place. It’s often based on our experiences in this sinful world and incorrectly generalizes to God.

We experience tension when there is conflict between our God concept and our God image. In a way, we need to internally evangelize those unconscious parts of us that hold an untrue God image.

Much of our God image is formed before we are two years old and definitely before the age of reason. For instance, if we’re taught that God loves us and will protect us, but then experience abandonment, abuse or neglect as a child, it’s easy to generalize those human experiences to God.

You can’t reason your way out of an incorrect God image. You have to allow God’s grace to provide an experience to help you remove these psychological impediments.

Action Item:

Answer the following questions to help you begin to understand your personal God image. Begin by imagining you’re in your dark place. It may be a place of depression, anxiety, shame or inferiority. Reflect on these questions:

1. How do you feel? How do you feel about God?
2. What are your assumptions or beliefs?
3. How do you generalize these beliefs to God?
4. What does your body feel like?
5. What are your resulting attitudes?
6. What are your temptations?
7. What are your acts?

Bringing these reflections to consciousness can help you understand what to pray for. God wants our brokenness so He can heal us.

Overall Takeaway

Ending power struggles with spouses, children and within other important relationships requires an acknowledgement of what you can own on your part, a recognition of the other as a child of God, and an understanding of the need we all have of one another.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“Then there appeared to them tongues as of fire,
which parted and came to rest on each one of them.
And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit
and began to speak in different tongues,
as the Spirit enabled them to proclaim.”

“As a body is one though it has many parts,
and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body,
so also Christ.”

“Jesus said to them again, ‘Peace be with you.
As the Father has sent me, so I send you.’
And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them,
‘Receive the Holy Spirit.’”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Just as Christ chose to “need” us to complete His mission on earth, we “need” one another in our individual lives as well as within the Body of Christ.

Power struggles within relationships are often counter to this mission; they are divisive. From a psychological perspective, power struggles are often about “winning” an argument or trying to control or change another person. They do not “give life” or “restore” the other as we are called to do.

Jesus calls us to be in harmony in the Body of Christ. In order to do this, one person in the power struggle must be self-possessed, calm and recollected to de-escalate the situation. Remember, you can only control your portion of the conflict.

Nearly all, if not all, conflict has two sides. Own the part of the conflict that is yours. Apologize if it’s warranted and you are in a place to say you’re sorry.

Remember to see the other person as God does: as a beloved child made in His image and likeness. Use that image to help cultivate respect of the other, even in conflict.

Parents often demand respect from their children. Instead, work to create an environment for respect to flourish. This could start with praying together or doing positive activities to foster a change within the family system.

Recognize that we all have an interdependancy within the family and within the body of God. 

Action Item

After a power struggle or before one occurs, think about and even write down the part of the conflict you can own, how you can recognize that, and if an apology is appropriate. Recognize the other person is a beloved child of God. Consider the important role that person plays in your life, not only in what they are or do for you, but what they encourage you to work on in yourself. 

Overall Takeaways

By understanding the psychological factors that contribute to why we struggle with faith and doubt, we can bring them into our conscious awareness and deal with them directly. This, in turn, opens our hearts to be able to better accept God’s grace and His gift of faith.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“He presented himself alive to them

by many proofs after he had suffered,

appearing to them during forty days

and speaking about the kingdom of God.”

“When they had gathered together they asked him,

‘Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?’”

“They said, ‘Men of Galilee,

why are you standing there looking at the sky?

This Jesus who has been taken up from you into heaven

will return in the same way as you have seen him going into heaven.’”

“May the eyes of your hearts be enlightened,

that you may know what is the hope that belongs to his call.”

“The eleven disciples went to Galilee,

to the mountain to which Jesus had ordered them.

When they saw him, they worshiped, but they doubted.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

We see the apostles’ doubt throughout all the readings and the gospels over the last several weeks. It was hard to believe in the resurrection even though Jesus was there with them. Many of us also struggle with doubt today.

Often, there are psychological factors underlying why we struggle with faith and doubt. We need to bring those factors out of the unconscious to the conscious so we can address them.

As a result of original sin, we suffer psychological as well as physical consequences. Because of things like trauma or dissociation, parts of us may not be in union with Christ. Those parts can then breed doubt or intrusive thoughts.

Just like the serpent created doubt in Adam and Eve’s minds in the garden of Eden, he may use our doubt as a hook, which opens us to temptation that can lead to sin. 

Sometimes our doubt may be trying to “protect” us from some perceived danger, which may actually be an underlying problem in our relationship with God. We need to bring these things to the surface so we can work with them in a deliberate and prayerful way. 

Action Item

Participate in this week’s experiential exercise, which Dr. Peter leads you through at the end of the program, to see if you can uncover any psychological reasons for doubt.

Overall Takeaway

The real reason to be obedient is because God loves us and He has the perfect plan for our lives. Obedience is the way to discover that plan.

Key Bible Verses from Sunday Readings

“Always be ready to give an explanation

to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope,

but do it with gentleness and reverence,

keeping your conscience clear,

so that, when you are maligned,

those who defame your good conduct in Christ

may themselves be put to shame.”

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.

And I will ask the Father,

and he will give you another Advocate to be with you always,

the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot accept,

because it neither sees nor knows him.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Our world often equates being obedient to relinquishing freedom. However, being obedient actually makes us more free to become more fully ourselves.

Children learn about obedience through their relationship with their parents. If obedience is used along with fear to force acceptable behavior, this affects how that person sees obedience to God later. Although it’s extremely difficult, demanding obedience as parents must always be surrounded with love. Parents should try not to discipline in anger, which is difficult in times of stress.

We have many psychological motivations for our actions. For instance, if we have bad thoughts about ourselves because we do bad things, we might try to convince ourselves that those things are actually good to justify our actions. Other times, we may feel bad about one area of our life and try to overcompensate in another area to “make up” for the first instead of addressing the root of the issue.

Any psychological disorder is a problem with love. Sin is anti-love, anti-relationship.

God sends us the Paraclete, who is a comforter and helper who will make us strong and brave. We have a mission to fight for Love and fight for the Good. 

Action Item

This week, think about your “cause” right now, how you will fight for Good. Consider who reflects the Holy Spirit in your life; who is your support and helper?