Be with the Word

Overall Takeaways

We often have psychological barriers to recognizing Our Lord. Learn how to identify and remove things such as grudges, old assumptions, and memories that tend to distort how we see and understand Jesus.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“The word of God continued to spread,
and the number of the disciples in Jerusalem increased greatly;
even a large group of priests were becoming obedient to the faith.”

“You are ‘a chosen race, a royal priesthood,
a holy nation, a people of his own,
so that you may announce the praises’ of him
who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

“Thomas said to him,
‘Master, we do not know where you are going;
how can we know the way?’
Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life.’”

“Philip said to him,
‘Master, show us the Father, and that will be enough for us.’
Jesus said to him, ‘Have I been with you for so long a time
and you still do not know me, Philip?’”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

We’ve had a theme of trying to recognize Jesus in recent Sunday readings: story of Thomas, the road to Emmaus, and the sheep recognizing the voice of the Good Shepherd. Do we recognize Jesus in our life?

When Thomas asks Jesus to show them the way, Jesus says He is the way, the truth and the life. That implies an intimate relationship with Jesus.

The early Christians recognized Christ in the holiness of those among them. They didn’t become Christians because of their learning or intelligence; they were chosen as leaders because of their love for one another and for non-Christians.

We often have a failure of the faculty of imagination. We are not open to possibilities that are beyond our limited vision. We need to be able to visualize how to let go of the filters that block our clear vision of who Christ is for us.

Action Plan for the Week

Participate in this week’s exercise designed to help you identify psychological obstacles to recognizing Jesus. Things like grudges, old assumptions, memories, resentment, and a lack of a providential worldview can be like sheets of distorted glass in front of us, which warps our perspective and relationship with Christ.

Overall Takeway

When Jesus, the Good Shepherd, calls us to be His sheep, He’s calling us to be docile. This often means listening to Him through others, being humble, and being open to others’ concerns, and even criticisms, about us.

Verses

Now when they heard this, they were cut to the heart,

and they asked Peter and the other apostles,

“What are we to do, my brothers?”

Peter said to them,

“Repent and be baptized, every one of you,

in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins;

and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

If you are patient when you suffer for doing what is good,

this is a grace before God.

For to this you have been called,

because Christ also suffered for you,

The gatekeeper opens it for him, and the sheep hear his voice,

as the shepherd calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.

So Jesus said again, “Amen, amen, I say to you,

I am the gate for the sheep.

All who came before me are thieves and robbers,

but the sheep did not listen to them.

I am the gate.

Catholicism Meets Psychology

It’s human to want to defend ourselves and our ideas when someone comes to us with concerns or criticism. Our natural inclination is to defend and argue to get our point across.

Christ reminds us of the importance of relationship: He knows His sheep by name. We need to focus on loving the other person and that relationship instead of winning the argument, even through a difficult conversation and criticism.

If we are defensive and argumentative, we tend to damage the relationship with God, one another, and even ourselves. This often leads to suffering, isolation, and disconnection.

Instead, we should be open to being influenced, work on being docile, and listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd through the conflict.

Remember that God’s Providence works through all people and situations. Even if there’s no truth in what the other person is saying, God has something for you to learn or take away from that experience. If we can be open to that, we maintain connection with Christ and may be able to understand something deeper in the relationship itself as well.

Action Item

When someone criticizes you this week: stop, drop and listen. First, stop your natural immediate reaction to get defensive. Second, drop your objection and simply try to see what the other person is giving you. Finally, listen, by trying to understand that person’s experience is, focusing on the relationship. God may be opening a door for deeper understanding and relationship.

Overall Takeaway

We must have a firm, stable, constant and unshaken confidence in God. According to St. Thomas, “Confidence is a hope fortified by solid conviction.”

 Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“Therefore my heart is glad and my soul rejoices,

my body, too, abides in confidence;

because you will not abandon my soul to the netherworld,

nor will you suffer your faithful one to undergo corruption.”

“Jesus himself drew near and walked with them,

but their eyes were prevented from recognizing him.”

“With that their eyes were opened and they recognized him,

but he vanished from their sight.

Then they said to each other,

‘Were not our hearts burning within us

while he spoke to us on the way and opened the Scriptures to us?’”

“Therefore my heart is glad and my soul rejoices,

my body, too, abides in confidence;

because you will not abandon my soul to the netherworld,

nor will you suffer your faithful one to undergo corruption.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

When we are children, we tend to see our parents as god-like figures. We are totally dependent on them, and we are born with a complete trust in them. As we grow up, we are disappointed in the fallen nature of those around us.

How our natural idealization of our parents ends plays a big role in how we come to see God. For example, if we are abused, neglected or traumatized as children, it’s easy for that god-like image to be shattered, and it’s understandable that we develop a lack of confidence in God.

We naturally begin to idealize other people such as teachers, romantic partners, or celebrities, seeking something that only God can provide. If all these idealized people disappoint us, we develop an unconscious belief that God will also let us down.

These human wounds blind us to God, just as the disciplines were blinded to Jesus on the road to Emmaus. But just like Jesus “opened their eyes,” He can open our hearts to Him, giving us the grace to experience this unshakable confidence, if we allow Him.

In order to develop a firm confidence in Christ, we must integrate our mind, heart, soul and body into one. This requires an experienced relationship with God to develop that complete trust and overcome a human fear of abandonment.

Action Plan for the Week

Participate in this week’s experiential exercise, which is led by Dr. Peter at the end of the episode, to help you begin this human integration and grow your confidence in God.

Overall Takeaways

Forgiving is good for you. However, it's important to understand the difference between decisional and emotional forgiveness, the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, and the role that mercy plays to elevate human forgiveness to a supernatural level.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

"Let the house of Israel say,
'His mercy endures forever.'
Let the house of Aaron say,
'His mercy endures forever.'
Let those who fear the LORD say,
'His mercy endures forever.'"

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who in his great mercy gave us a new birth to a living hope
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading,
kept in heaven for you."

“Receive the Holy Spirit.
Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them,
and whose sins you retain are retained.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Decisional forgiveness is an act of the intellect and the will. Emotional forgiveness is the following of the heart. The first is a decision to be made; it can take years or even decades for the latter to follow.

Forgiveness does not justify or condone the sinful act that occurred. Instead, it is a choice that is made to free yourself from harboring anger.

Forgiveness is a gift that you can offer. The receiving or accepting that gift by the other person is a separate component, which may not occur or may take longer to happen. If the gift of forgiveness is given and received, you achieve reconciliation.

Dr. Gerry cites several interesting psychological studies as well as a story of heroic forgiveness from the New York Times in this week's episode. Many studies find that the act of forgiving contributes to better emotional and physical health.

Dr. Peter reminds us that forgiveness occurs at the human, natural level. God's mercy is the infusion of grace, propelling forgiveness into the supernatural realm.

Action Plan for the Week

Identify something small that your spouse, child, or close friend does repeatedly that annoys you. Let go of the resentment or frustration, and make a decision to empathize with what they are doing and why they are doing it. Commit to forgiveness and observe what happens inside yourself.

Overall Takeaway

Just as Mary Magdalene and all Jesus’ disciples were shell-shocked on Easter morning, we are often confused about the events of our own lives. Dr. Gerry and Dr. Peter talk about how we cannot rely solely on our limited human vision to understand why God allows the things that happen in our own lives, but instead rely on what we know from divine revelation.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

"I swear by myself, declares the LORD,
 that because you acted as you did
 in not withholding from me your beloved son,
 I will bless you abundantly."

"The LORD calls you back,
 like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,
 a wife married in youth and then cast off,
 says your God.
 For a brief moment I abandoned you,
 but with great tenderness I will take you back."

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
 nor are your ways my ways, says the LORD."

"I will give you a new heart and place a new spirit within you,
 taking from your bodies your stony hearts
 and giving you natural hearts."

"We know that Christ, raised from the dead, dies no more;
 death no longer has power over him."

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Early on that first Easter Sunday morning, the disciples were utterly shell-shocked. The faced uncertainty and couldn’t understand the crucifixion. It’s similar to the fear and uncertainty that we might all be experiencing with COVID-19. We must not rely on our unaided human vision but on what we know from divine revelation.

If we did not form solid attachments as children, it’s easy to feel forsaken in difficult times. Today, with the closing of our churches, we may feel abandoned. God tells us this week that His love will never leave us. 

We often distort and confuse things in our minds or rely on our feelings. It’s important to remember that our subjectivity isn’t the measure.

From a neurological perspective, parts of our brain go offline when we experience trauma. As a result, we feel like both the past and future are collapsing into the present. Although that is a natural phenomenon, it has tremendous spiritual implications.

God, as a good father, can’t gratify us all the time. He must frustrate us with events that are good for us, but we often don’t understand why these things happen in the moment.

Action Items

Look at the image of Mother Mary holding Jesus and the sheep, and put yourself in the position of the sheep when you are upset, worried or anxious. Imagine Mary taking care of you in those moments.

Pray the Litany of Trust.

Overall Takeaways

As the coronavirus crisis stretches into the Triduum this year, we have a unique opportunity to embrace suffering in union with our Lord. Just as everything was stripped away from Him; many things are being stripped away from us this year. It's time to embrace His suffering and unite ourselves with the Body of Christ.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

"Even as many were amazed at him
so marred was his look beyond human semblance
and his appearance beyond that of the sons of man
so shall he startle many nations,
because of him kings shall stand speechless;
for those who have not been told shall see,
those who have not heard shall ponder it."

"Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered;
and when he was made perfect,
he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him."

"Pilate said to them,
'Take him yourselves and crucify him.
I find no guilt in him.'"

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Remember that our natural psychology will rebel against suffering. We were not made to suffer; suffering entered the world through original sin. We need the light of faith to illuminate the natural.

Secular psychology doesn't help as much in a situation like COVID-19 because you don't have the theological virtue of hope; you only have optimism. That's not enough; you can't reason your way out of the suffering that's happening now.

Christ illustrates the paradox during His passion. He is the King of Kings and the suffering servant at the same time. We are made in His image and likeness, yet suffering without our sacraments, Mass and easy access to our priests this Holy Week.

Everything from a worldly standpoint failed around Jesus. The trial was a farce. His friends disappeared. The civil and religious systems collapsed for Him. COVID-19 is doing the same for us in 2020. It's stripping away everything from many, including jobs, security, health, and control. We have a unique opportunity to experience Good Friday in our bare humanity this year.

Action Plan for the Week

Remember that Christ first experienced the paradox of being God and the suffering, disfigured servant at the same time. It's our turn now to embrace the current opportunity, in union with the Body of Christ, the Church, on a global scale. 

Overall Takeaway

The uncertainty and disruption of the global pandemic reveals the areas where we need to be perfected and challenges us to make an intentional effort to connect with God.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

The Lord GOD has given me

a well-trained tongue,

that I might know how to speak to the weary

The Lord GOD is my help,

therefore I am not disgraced;

I have set my face like flint,

knowing that I shall not be put to shame.

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?

Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

The current crisis can trigger unresolved adversity from our childhood and past. Dr. Gerry recalls the stress associated with his father’s job loss from his childhood that are now surfacing in the current pandemic.

Individuals who have lived through other adversity can thrive in the current situation because they have already learned to be resourceful. You can apply that resourcefulness to more intentionally turning to God.

When the whole world seems threatened with the virus, its economic fallout, and its unknown length and affect, we have no choice but to rely on God and His providence. It becomes a stark reminder for many of us who depend on our own efforts on a day-to-day basis.

Most of us are like Peter. We have every intention of following our Lord, but it suddenly gets really hard when we face adversity to truly trust Him.

Stresses like the current pandemic are going to reveal the areas we need to work on to be perfected. We need to work through our range of emotions, lament our brokenness, and surrender to God. Jesus expresses and works through His range of emotions during the Passion in His humanity.

Action Item

Be determined to persevere. Grapple with our emotions during the crisis, express and accept them, and surrender to God. Try to make an empathetic connection with someone in your life who is struggling, perhaps an elderly relative or someone acutely affected by the pandemic, and be Christ to them.

Overall Takeaway

Things that make us afraid or anxious now usually connect to a past perceived life-or-death event. We need to allow Jesus to bring life back into those fearful, numb, “dead” parts of ourselves.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“O my people, I will open your graves

and have you rise from them.”

“If the Spirit of the one who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you,

the one who raised Christ from the dead

will give life to your mortal bodies also,

through his Spirit dwelling in you.”

“When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who had come with her weeping,

he became perturbed and deeply troubled, and said,

‘Where have you laid him?’

They said to him, ‘Sir, come and see.’

And Jesus wept.

So the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him.’”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Dr. Peter reflects on his own fear about the current coronavirus crisis and financial fallout and connects it back to being hospitalized alone as a 10-year-old boy. As that child, he learned that fear was dangerous and anger gave him control and power.

Although adaptive responses like anger and control can be useful in some situations, they are not helpful in all. Changing those automatic ways of responding requires insight and prayer.

Many fearful and anxious moments, like people fighting over water or toilet paper, tap into a basic human fear of death and desire for survival.

We all have parts of us that are numb, disconnected, despairing or even dead. Grappling with the causes and turning to our Lord can help us bring those parts back to life.

We all ask, “Why?” Martha and Mary wondered, “Why didn’t Jesus come before Lazarus died?” We ask, “Why is the coronavirus happening? Why did I lose my job? Why did my loved one get sick? Why doesn’t God do something?”  Just like Jesus loved Martha and Mary and wept with them, He is with us, understands our sorrows and struggles, and loves us through them.

Action Item:

God provided the Israelites with manna for the day. When you are fearful, anxious or stressed, stop and ask yourself, “Do I have what I need right now? Am I safe right now?” and then explore what you think you need that you don’t have. Take that to prayer.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry shares his own journey as a survivor of child abuse, how it formed his own thoughts about himself, and how he eventually found light, love and healing through God as he and Dr. Peter explore this week’s readings.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“Not as man sees does God see,
Because man sees the appearance
But the Lord looks into the heart.”

“Even though I walk in the dark valley
I fear no evil for you are at my side.”

“Awake, O sleeper,
Arise from the dead,
And Christ will give you light.”

“‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents,
That he was born blind?’
Jesus answered,
‘Neither he nor his parents sinned;
It is so that the works of God might be made visible through him.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

As a victim of abuse, Dr. Gerry shares that, as a child, he always believed he did something wrong to deserve the abuse, just as the Pharisees believed the blind man deserved his blindness due to sin.

For children, it’s too overwhelming to believe your caregivers are abusive or neglectful. Instead, they need to believe they are bad because the perception is they have control. If they can become good enough, they won’t deserve the abuse or neglect anymore and it will stop.

This coping response has significant consequences psychologically. It’s easy to believe you’re outside redemption, suffer from isolation and begin to despair.

It’s hard to go to God when you feel like He’s abandoned you. It’s like a psychological auto-immune disorder: we tend to avoid what we need most.

Jesus touches the blind man’s eyes and then tells him to wash and see. When we allow Jesus to touch us while also doing our part by getting help if needed, we become a soldier of light.

With that healing can come the recognition that greater good can come from bad things that God allowed to happen. 

Action Plan for the Week

* Do an act of kindness for your body this week. That might be taking a relaxing bath, having a massage, getting your nails done, or anything else that appeals to you personally. Recognize God’s love in that activity.

* If you find it difficult to see God’s love in caring for your body, notice that and bring that to prayer or to a therapist to understand why.

Overall Takeaway

When we are disappointed, it’s easy to lose hope in God. Take the time to reconnect with past pains, bring them to Jesus, and allow Him to give us hope again.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“In those days, in their thirst for water,
the people grumbled against Moses,
saying, ‘Why did you ever make us leave Egypt?
Was it just to have us die here of thirst
with our children and our livestock?’” 

“And hope does not disappoint,
because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts
through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” 

“Many of the Samaritans of that town began to believe in him

because of the word of the woman who testified,

‘He told me everything I have done.’

When the Samaritans came to him,

they invited him to stay with them;

and he stayed there two days.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

* Participated in a guided imagery exercise in this week’s show to identify an unresolved hurt or disappointment in your life.

* When we face disappointment or lose a dream, we often immediately blame God as the Israelites did. Although God sometimes asks a lot of us, He never disappoints. His ways are not our ways; God sometimes doesn’t act in the way we want or see best.

* We rely too much on our human perspective and assume we “know” that the cause of our disappointment is rooted somehow in God’s failure or cruelty. We tend to harden our hearts. As humans, we tend to block out those pains and disappointments and move on without dealing with them. We have a natural inclination to not bring those things to God.

* Consider the Samaritan woman and her lost hopes. Jesus comes to her and gives her more than she ever could have hoped for: an encounter with the Messiah. Previously a shunned outcast in our village, she is the one to bring Jesus to others after allowing Jesus to come to her.

Action Items

Participate in this week’s guided imagery exercise. Remember a past hurt or disappointment and visualize its color, form, shape, and details. Recognize that it exists and bring it to Jesus, Mary, Joseph or a favorite saint, or your guardian angel in prayer and tell them about it. Not because they don’t know, but because you don’t know. Ask for help in carrying it, for greater hope, and for the steps needed in healing.