Be with the Word

Overall Takeaway

It’s often difficult to believe that God delights in us because, as fallen human beings, we fail to affirm and delight in one another.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“I will make of you a great nation,

And I will bless you;

I will make your name great,

So that you will be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you

And curse those who curse you.”

“He saved us and called us to a holy life,

Not according to our works

But according to His own design

And the grace bestowed on us in Christ Jesus before time began.”

“While He was still speaking, behold,

A bright cloud cast a shadow over them,

Then from the cloud came a voice that said,

‘This is my beloved Son, with who I am well pleased;

Listen to Him.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

We learn about God the Father through our earthly fathers or father-figures in our lives. If our own fathers were distant, absent or abusive, our understanding of God the Father is often erroneous.

Parents need to delight in their children, not simply provide for their physical needs and tolerate them. They need to cherish and value children for who they are, not what they do.

By blessing and affirming one another with kindness and gentleness, we can spread that blessing, which ultimately comes from God, to those around us.

God is not interested in micromanaging us; if we work to seek His will for our lives, He will delight in us because we are made in His image and likeness. We have much room for creativity in how we do His will.

Jesus, in His humanity, needed to hear His father say, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” We, in our humanity, need to feel that God delights in us as His beloved son or daughter.

Action Items

Use an image that speaks to you about receiving God’s love. While you’re praying, imagine yourself as a child sitting on God’s lap, having your feet washed by Jesus, swaddled as a baby in St. Joseph’s arms, or any other picture that can help you experience God’s love in a human way.

Bless or affirm someone this week, not for what they do, but for who they are.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: Our temptations reveal our true needs.

Dr. Peter: Giving into temptation usually begins with doubting God’s ability to meet our needs.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“The serpent asked the woman,
‘Did God really tell you not to eat
from any of the trees in the garden?’”

“God knows well that the moment you eat of it

your eyes will be opened and you will be like gods

who know what is good and what is evil.

The woman saw that the tree was good for food,

pleasing to the eyes, and desirable for gaining wisdom.”

“But the gift is not like the transgression.

For if by the transgression of the one, the many died,
how much more did the grace of God
and the gracious gift of the one man Jesus Christ
overflow for the many.”

“He fasted for forty days and forty nights,
and afterwards he was hungry.
The tempter approached and said to him,
‘If you are the Son of God,
command that these stones become loaves of bread.’”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

• Satan is a real person and tempts us within a relationship. First, the devil tries to introduce doubt as he did with Eve, which attacks faith. Then, we begin to mistrust God, which means we lose hope. Finally, we commit sin that is against love. 
• Behind every sin is often a true, good, legitimate need that is not being met. We turn to sin as a distorted way to meet a real need. Satan tempts us to do so.
• Jesus is a real person, and we see His humanity in his hunger. Satan tries the same tactic, tempting Jesus to use His power in distorted ways in order to satisfy His true and legitimate need for food.
• Unlike Adam and Eve, Jesus repudiates Satan and trusts that the Father will meet His needs. Angels were sent to minister to Him; Jesus gets everything Satan promises, but in the right way, through His Father.
• Catholics often think sin is only about vice, but psychologically, the sin is usually an outward manifestation of an inner pain. 
• For example, young men who struggle with purity often find a greater temptation when they feel closer to God. Why? If they believe that relationship equals fusion, they falsely believe that getting close to God means they will be annihilated. The temptation, then, is a means to survival. 

Action Items

Dr. Peter: Ask in prayer, “In what parts of my life do I doubt God’s love?” Ask where you are hurting.

Dr. Gerry: As you prepare for reconciliation during Lent, identify the real need that is behind each of your recurring sins. That need might be better self-care, connection with others, or the need to be seen. Then think of a way to meet that real need in a healthier way to avoid that sin.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: Choose God’s love over human judgment.
Dr. Peter: How does my history with authority figures impact how I see God and the Church?

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“If you choose you can keep the commandments, they will save you;

if you trust in God, you too shall live …

No one does he command to act unjustly,

to none does he give license to sin.”

We speak a wisdom to those who are mature,

not a wisdom of this age,

nor of the rulers of this age who are passing away.

Rather, we speak God’s wisdom, mysterious, hidden.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

* Children learn about rules with a carrot-and-stick approach. They do good to receive rewards and to avoid punishment. God calls us to obey with a mature heart. We are called to obey from an act of love.

* Human reason and rationalization will not get us there. It makes no human sense to love our enemies. Instead, we need God to teach us His wisdom to transcend human reason to love as He loves.

* Our culture teaches us to take care of ourselves, which can often snowball into anxiety. It goes against human nature to trust Him completely. Ask God to help us be humble, childlike and trusting to receive His love.

* Our experience with our human parents or others in authority affects whether we believe God is a good parent. If someone was abused by a church official, it’s difficult to separate the evil human act from the love of Christ.

* We often would rather to be happy than holy. Jesus was not always happy. He was angry with the moneychangers in the temple, sad at the death of Lazarus, and anxious in the Garden of Gethsemane. However, he was always at peace.

Action Items:

Dr. Peter: Write down issues you have with authority. By writing them down, you may better be able to understand why you have trouble in your relationship with God.

Dr. Gerry: Notice when you have a human judgment and what is your immediate reaction. Pause and just notice it. You can stop there, or you can further reflect on it. Try to move from human judgment to a spirit of love, stillness and recollection.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Peter: We despise in others what we don’t tolerate in ourselves.

Dr. Gerry: Stop mislabeling yourself.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“Share your bread with the hungry,
shelter the oppressed and the homeless;
clothe the naked when you see them,
and do not turn your back on your own.
Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,
and your wound shall quickly be healed”

“His heart is steadfast; he shall not fear.
Lavishly he gives to the poor;
His justice shall endure forever;
his horn shall be exalted in glory.”

“Jesus said to his disciples:
‘You are the salt of the earth ….

You are the light of the world.’
Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket;
it is set on a lampstand,
where it gives light to all in the house.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

* Christ says clearly that if we do good deeds, our wounds will be healed. Sometimes reaching out to others helps us get outside of ourselves and does help heal wounds.

* However, we have to remember to start with ourselves. We have to have our own house in order: making sure we are not hungry, naked and homeless from a psychological perspective. It’s hard to help others if we don’t trust that God will take care of us.

* At the same time, we can’t be only attentive to ourselves and our relationship to God. Christ calls us to be that light to the world by our actions.

* We often take one negative belief and generalize it for ourselves and others, which is unhealthy. Often we learn these negative messages early on and suffer from a malformed conscious.

* Look for the perceived benefit in the negative belief. For example, if a parent calls a child an idiot and he calls himself an idiot, that may be the only way he can connect with the parent.

* Christ is calling us out of our shame to be the light of the world.

Action Items

Dr. Gerry: Notice the lie in mislabeling yourself this week. Remind yourself of the truth. Take one small action to demonstrate that truth.

Dr. Peter: Ask God or Mary, “what’s getting in the way of my light shining?” It could be fear or failure to trust God.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Peter: Emotions are morally neutral, but what we do with emotions can be good or bad.

Dr. Gerry: The path to holiness is through love.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

"You shall not bear hatred for your brother or sister in your heart.
Though you may have to reprove your fellow citizen,
do not incur sin because of him.
Take no revenge and cherish no grudge against any of your people.
You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
I am the LORD."

“Brothers and sisters:
Do you not know that you are the temple of God,
and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?
If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy that person;
for the temple of God, which you are, is holy.”

"You have heard that it was said,
You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.
But I say to you, love your enemies
and pray for those who persecute you.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

• The readings have a progression from internal to external. God wants us to avoid “bearing hatred in our heart” first before we take action to “love our enemies.”
• When we hold someone else’s faults, criticisms and negativity, we foster hatred in our own hearts. Getting caught up in online criticism of the world and the Church plays on our vanity.
• Practicing “holy indifference” allows us to be responsible for only our own actions and remain detached from others’ actions. It allows our identities to be free and recollected.
• Paying attention to our daydreams can help us diagnose our primary emotion. Do we relive situations looking for the perfect cutting comment? Do we plan out what we’ll do next time that coworker irritates us?
• When you make a self-sacrifice, consider whether you lose your identity or build up your identity to determine if you are being holy or being a doormat. You have to be able to say “no” in order to freely say “yes.”

Action items

Dr. Peter: Think about which emotion dominates you, then try to practice first in your heart how you can love in that situation instead.

Dr. Gerry: Pray for someone in politics or the Church whom you despise.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: Take risks, and do not live in fear.
Dr. Peter: We don’t know the thoughts of our hearts.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“For he is like the refiner’s fire,
or like the fuller’s lye.
He will sit refining and purifying silver,
and he will purify the sons of Levi,
Refining them like gold or like silver
that they may offer due sacrifice to the LORD.”

“Since the children share in blood and flesh,
Jesus likewise shared in them,
that through death he might destroy the one
who has the power of death, that is, the Devil,
and free those who through fear of death
had been subject to slavery all their life.”

“Behold, this child is destined
for the fall and rise of many in Israel,
and to be a sign that will be contradicted
--and you yourself a sword will pierce--
so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

* The heart is the seat of our emotions. We have so many things hidden in our hearts, in our unconscious, that would be helpful to us if they were revealed to us. Mary can help reveal those things to us.

* God gives us Our Lady, the perfect mother, who loves us. She can help us not only spiritually but in emotional and psychological ways, and in ways that our earthly mothers could not.

* Jesus becomes like us to save us. He’s in the trenches with us. He shares our blood and flesh to relate with us. He suffered and was tested so He can help us when we suffer and are tested.

* Death has power to destroy us, but Christ came to destroy death. Often, we don’t really believe and so we live in fear of death and stay enslaved.

* We may understand that Christ conquered death in our minds, but it may not reside in our heart. We need to take a risk, understand possible suffering will follow, and trust He will refine us through the process.

* Dr. Gerry and Dr. Peter share how Souls and Hearts has done this for them personally.

Action Items

Dr. Peter: Ask Mary in prayer, “What do I need to know about my own heart right now?” Keep your eyes and ears open for the answer. It may come in prayer, in a comment from someone else, or in your scripture reading.

Dr. Gerry: Pick one risk you know you need to take, accept there may be discomfort or suffering, and trust God enough to take that risk. It can be small: talking to a new person, applying for a new job, or sharing something you believe in a conversation. Make trust in God greater than your fear.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: Letting go of control of others and of the outcome.

Dr. Peter: To really love someone, really listen to them first.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

"Anguish has taken wing, dispelled is darkness:

for there is no gloom where but now there was distress.
The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light."

"For the yoke that burdened them,
the pole on their shoulder,
and the rod of their taskmaster
you have smashed, as on the day of Midian."

"I urge you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that all of you agree in what you say,
and that there be no divisions among you,
but that you be united in the same mind and in the same purpose."

"For it has been reported to me about you, my brothers and sisters,
by Chloe’s people, that there are rivalries among you.
I mean that each of you is saying,
“I belong to Paul,” or “I belong to Apollos,”
or “I belong to Cephas,” or “I belong to Christ.”
Is Christ divided?"

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

• God is calling us to all Him to "smash" those things that lead us to darkness. For many of us, that means letting go of those little things that lead us to daily frustrations, that take away our peace. Dr. Gerry shares his personal frustration with people who are late.
•  Remember that there's always some good or reason that's behind those things people do and say that frustrate you. Dr. Peter explores that a frustration with being late may be protecting you from embarrassment. Appreciate the good and purpose, but then make choices that allow you to stay recollected and try not to take it personally.
•  God's call to unity is relevant in our extremely polarized world and Church today. Each faction has a good motive. Listening to those who don't share your perspective doesn't mean you're giving up ideals or truths. Instead, it is a means to understanding and loving them.
•  Dr. Gerry and Dr. Peter share several examples this week. One explores the idea of God as mother. An individual who wants to see God as mother may be trying to equate God with good, but perhaps had a horrible earthly father. Someone arguing by citing scriptural references to God as father will be missing the deeper issue. Listening and loving doesn't mean agreeing with the other's beliefs. 

Action Plan for the Week

Dr. Peter: Ask an open-ended question; one that can't be answered with one word. For example, "What was that like for you?" It shows that you're opened to listening. You'll be surprised at what you hear.

Dr. Gerry: Choose one thing that's an emotional burden or something that's frustrating to you. It can be small like heavy traffic or being late. Choose to let it go, allow God to smash that burden, and accept the peace He's giving you instead. 

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: Our mental filter prevents us from allowing God to show His glory through us.

Dr. Peter: We don’t know who we are because we don’t know who Jesus is.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“The LORD said to me: You are my servant,
Israel, through whom I show my glory.”

“It is too little, the LORD says, for you to be my servant,
to raise up the tribes of Jacob,
and restore the survivors of Israel;
I will make you a light to the nations.”

“I did not know him,
but the one who sent me to baptize with water told me,
‘On whomever you see the Spirit come down and remain,
he is the one who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.’
Now I have seen and testified that he is the Son of God.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

* If Jesus’ cousin, John the Baptist, says “I did not know Him,” do we really know Christ? If we don't know Jesus, then we can't really know ourselves. Not really understanding who we are is one of the four reasons people seek therapy.

* In our society, our identities are often tied to our jobs, our roles, and what we produce, not that we’re made in the image of God.

* If a woman’s identity is tied to being a mom and her kids grow up and leave, she may wonder who she is and what her purpose is now. If individuals retire from jobs that have defined them, they may not see a reason for their existence.

* Tying our identity to what we do causes distress. Our true identity is developed in relationships with God and others.

* We often have positive or negative mental filters that color everything about the Church, our families, or other aspects of our lives. We tend to pick one thing and dwell on it.

* Jesus comes to “raise and restore.” How can we imitate Him? We need to put our security in Him, not in ourselves. We need to break our mental filters so we can see truth in ourselves and others.

Action Items

Dr. Peter: Go into prayer, and ask Jesus, “Who are You? What do I not understand about You?”

Dr. Gerry: Break a mental filter about your family or the Church, and affirm the goodness and beauty in them instead.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: We have to receive in order to give.

Dr. Peter: What we judge most harshly in others is often what we hate about ourselves.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“Here is my servant whom I uphold,
my chosen one with whom I am pleased,
upon whom I have put my spirit;
he shall bring forth justice to the nations,
not crying out, not shouting,
not making his voice heard in the street.
a bruised reed he shall not break,
and a smoldering wick he shall not quench.”

“In truth, I see that God shows no partiality.
Rather, in every nation whoever fears him and acts uprightly
is acceptable to him.”

“And a voice came from the heavens, saying,
‘This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.’”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

• When the prophet speaks of a “bruised reed” in this week’s first reading, he’s talking about us. Often, we may feel discarded if we are not “useful” as a bruised reed is no longer useful. However, Jesus comes to us in gentleness, welcoming us in our brokenness.
• Sometimes we reject ourselves, or reject others, because of imperfections. Jesus’ message is counter to that human tendency. He seeks the wounded.
• When we see something we don’t like in someone else, it’s often really something we hate in ourselves. Dr. Peter shares a personal example of hating weakness because of a wrong belief that he had to do everything himself. He recognized is as a survival instinct but also accepted his dependence on God.
• Jesus shows us the way through His baptism. God says, “you are my beloved Son,” before Jesus ever does anything in his public ministry. God loves Jesus for Who He is, not what He does.
• God puts His spirit in us. We have to be prepared to receive it first before we can give.

Action Plan for the Week

Dr. Peter: Look at who you judge and what you judge them for. Write down what you don’t like. See if you can embrace that in yourself and recognize some good it has brought you.

Dr. Gerry: Affirm someone today. Tell them a truth about who they are, not what they’ve done. Notice how they respond.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: You can celebrate and choose to be grateful.

Dr. Peter: Where are we are seeing Jesus? More importantly, where are we not seeing Jesus?

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“It was not made known to people in other generations
as it has now been revealed
to his holy apostles and prophets by the Spirit:
that the Gentiles are coheirs, members of the same body,
and copartners in the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel.”

“Lord, every nation on earth will adore you.”

“Where is the newborn king of the Jews?
We saw his star at its rising
and have come to do him homage.”

“They were overjoyed at seeing the star,
and on entering the house
they saw the child with Mary his mother.
They prostrated themselves and did him homage."

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

• Recognize that God calls the whole world to Him through this feast.
• The Magi who were not Jewish saw the star and went looking for Jesus. How many other people were nearby and failed to see the same star? Why do some people see while others do not, even when they look at the same situation?
• God gives us things to see every day. Do we see the star? Do we recognize Him?
• Many things blind us. We all have prejudices that keep us from seeing Jesus and recognizing the gifts He sends us.
• During the holidays, we can be blinded by all the details. Although it’s sometimes hard to feel joy, we can choose to be grateful.
• It’s important to look back and be thankful for 2019 and acknowledge mistakes, and then look forward to see what we can do better and where we can get support.

Action Item

Dr. Peter: Look at Our Lord in prayer. Ask the question, “Where am I not seeing you, Jesus?” Listen for the answer. If you don’t hear right away, keep asking in prayer or ask your confessor.

Dr. Gerry: Thank one person for simply being in your life.