Be with the Word

Overall Takeaway

Listening in charity and trying to understand another’s point of view does not mean we need to agree with the other person. When Christ calls us to unity, it’s important to understand He’s calling us to unify in a love for God and one another--not necessarily in a singleness of ideas.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“When someone virtuous turns away from virtue to commit iniquity, and dies,
it is because of the iniquity he committed that he must die.
But if he turns from the wickedness he has committed,
he does what is right and just,
he shall preserve his life.”

“Remember your mercies, O Lord.
The sins of my youth and my frailties remember not; 
Good and upright is the LORD;
thus he shows sinners the way.
He guides the humble to justice, 
and teaches the humble his way.”

“Complete my joy by being of the same mind, with the same love,
united in heart, thinking one thing.
Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory;
rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves.”

“Rather, he emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave”

“'Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.'
He said in reply, 'I will not, '
but afterwards changed his mind and went.
The man came to the other son and gave the same order.
He said in reply, 'Yes, sir, ‘but did not go.
Which of the two did his father's will?”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

We often underestimate how much parents affect children, but we also underestimate our ability to be able to break out of old patterns.

We have freedom and choices to make; with that comes both hope and responsibility. 

We’ll be judged by how we play the hand we’ve been dealt, yet God provides many graces to those who seek to do His will. The requirement is our humility.

Humility is psychologically difficult for all of us. There is self-protection in pride. We need to seek humility and be small like a child, trusting that we have a loving Father in God and mother in Mary.

Right now, we see a great deal of division within the Church. We see infighting about liturgical practices, COVID responses, masks, and many other issues of the day.

When Christ calls us to unity, He’s asking for a unity of spirit and of love -- not a similarity of ideas. How can we all be part of the mystical Body of Christ? It’s easy to lose the ability to understand where another person is coming from in the divisiveness.

Action Item

Think about how you are both supporting the unity of the Church and how you are undermining that unity. Take those observations to prayer. What is getting in the way of greater unity? Envy? Fear? Jealousy? Take it to prayer because of how important unity is to Our Lord.

Overall Takeaway

Work should not define the person, as it is often the case in today’s world. Instead, we have to see that the dignity of work comes from the fact that it is done by an individual made in the image and likeness of God.

Key Verses from the Sunday Readings

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
nor are your ways my ways, says the LORD.”

“Brothers and sisters:
Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.
For to me life is Christ, and death is gain.
If I go on living in the flesh,
that means fruitful labor for me.”

“What if I wish to give this last one the same as you?
Or am I not free to do as I wish with my own money?
Are you envious because I am generous?”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

We often get to know ourselves through our work. However, sometimes work begins to define our worth or who we are. If someone loses a job and wonders “what am I good for,” he or she has lost sight of the value of life itself.

Work should not define us. Instead, our human nature can be more fully expressed through our work. Work is only one expression of ourselves.

The world tends to have a utilitarian view of life. Our goodness and value are too frequently tied to what we contribute in our work.

We are reminded by St.Therese of the Little Flower that it’s important to do “little things with great love.” The love is the important part of the work.

Action Item

Look at the different elements of your work, and try to identify an aspect of your work that you tend to under value. What do you recognize about yourself? What can you better appreciate about these aspects?

Overall Takeaway

It’s important to understand the difference between the feeling of anger, which carries no moral weight, and the importance of learning to deal with anger in a healthy way psychologically. Doing so, not only affects us in a positive way, but helps us lift up the entire body of Christ.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

Wrath and anger are hateful things,
yet the sinner hugs them tight.
The vengeful will suffer the LORD’s vengeance,
for he remembers their sins in detail.

The Lord is kind and merciful, slow to anger, and rich in compassion.
For as the heavens are high above the earth,
so surpassing is his kindness toward those who fear him.

At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said,
‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’
Moved with compassion the master of that servant
let him go and forgave him the loan. 

Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers
until he should pay back the whole debt. 
So will my heavenly Father do to you,
unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

It’s important to understand that the feeling of anger carries no moral weight. Jesus is angry at multiple points in the Gospels. His is always a righteous anger that reflects justice, as is the king’s anger in this week’s Gospel reading.

As parents, we need to help our children with emotional regulation. We need to help them find ways that they can appropriately express anger in an acceptable way. It’s not psychologically healthy to believe that angry feelings are wrong.

As adults, we often need to learn the same thing. Often, we will either suppress anger, which means it eventually comes out in other unconscious ways, or we tend to lash out uncontrollably when we’re angry. Instead, we have to titrate anger, understand how to heal from wounds, and make the willful decision not to harbor anger.

It’s also important not to “spiritually bypass” anger, by saying, almost too casually, “Oh, I just forgive whatever wrong happened.” Although forgiveness is an act of the will, doing so casually, can have negative impacts both for yourself and others.

Finally, remember that learning to titrate anger must be done in relationship. This could be in relationship with God through prayer, reaching out for help with a therapist, or dealing with the people involved in the situation.

We are all connected in the Body of Christ. Not only do we need to help one another, but those interconnected relationships affect the health of the entire Church Militant.

Action Items

1. Identify what you’re angry about. If you’re unreasonably angry about something, look for what’s under that. It could be some unresolved event from the past. Be open to that.
2. What about this event is emotion and what about this is the will? Am I harboring it? Am I acting out or gossiping?
3. Choose something relational to do. Take it to prayer. Maybe you want to discuss it further with a confessor, with an individual, or with a therapist.

Overall Takeaway

We need to embrace three basic principles, as well as overcome the common psychological barriers to these principles, in order to exercise real love to one another. Learn this week about how to overcome avoidance, isolation and resentment--and how doing so helps us love more fully and completely.

Key Verses of Sunday Mass Readings

“You, son of man, I have appointed watchman for the house of Israel;
when you hear me say anything, you shall warn them for me.
If I tell the wicked, ‘O wicked one, you shall surely die,’
and you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked from his way,
the wicked shall die for his guilt,
but I will hold you responsible for his death.”

“Brothers and sisters:
Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another;
for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.”

“Again, amen, I say to you,
if two of you agree on earth
about anything for which they are to pray,
it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father.”

Where Psychology Meets Catholicism

Here are the three principles and the common psychological barriers that prevent us from achieving them:

Principle One: Don’t try to escape the pain. Although it’s human nature to try to stop pain and suffering, we are called as followers of Christ to approach suffering differently. The typical psychological barrier is avoidance, whether that be addiction, binging on food or videos, or simply not addressing the issue. Instead, try to bring that pain to God, ask for His will and understanding. Try to see God’s providence, but accept the fact that we may not be able to understand. Instead, we may need to rely on faith.

Principle Two: Don’t do it alone. Whatever the pain, come together with loved ones in prayer or ask for help. Address conflict, and find ways to accept the love and support of others. The psychological barrier to this principle is isolation. Although it’s good to take time to pray and reflect, don’t sink into stonewalling, resentment and harboring of anger.

Principle Three: Destroy your enemies with love. It’s easy for us to brood about someone’s mistreatment or wrongdoing, but this can have a negative effect on us more than the other person. The psychological barrier here is getting locked into negativity. For example, if we’re so worried about someone stealing from us that we can no longer be generous. Instead, try to remain detached and recollected.

One thing to keep in mind is that every person is at a different development point psychologically. It’s important to think about what is available in your arsenal of responses. In some cases, it may be best to walk away. Understand that this is a dynamic process. Work toward these principles while also being humble enough to know your limitations.

Action Item

Choose someone you’re having a conflict with, and try to put these principles into action to make a true act of love this week. 

Overall Takeaway

It’s so easy to forget to try to see the events of our lives from God’s perspective instead of our own. We want to be in control, and instead of looking with eyes of faith at our personal crosses, we tend to get angry, sad and disappointed in what appears to be an injustice, suffering, or other wrongdoing on God’s part.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“You duped me, O LORD, and I let myself be duped;

you were too strong for me, and you triumphed.

All the day I am an object of laughter;

everyone mocks me.”

“But then it becomes like fire burning in my heart,

imprisoned in my bones;

I grow weary holding it in, I cannot endure it.”

“Do not conform yourselves to this age

but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,

that you may discern what is the will of God,

what is good and pleasing and perfect.”

“‘God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you.’

He turned and said to Peter,

‘Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me. 

You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.’”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Just as Jeremiah has an “I’ve had it with you, God!” reaction in the first reading this week, how often do we feel that way about God? Yet, Jeremiah has this solid relationship with God, which is like “fire in his heart” giving him strength to see God’s providence.

Just a few verses before this week’s Gospel reading, Jesus calls Peter His rock, establishing him as the vicar of Christ. Yet, just moments later, Jesus is rebuking Peter. In this week’s Gospel, Peter is seeing Jesus’ upcoming crucifixion only in two dimensions -- only through human eyes. With no crucifixion, there is no redemption. That’s the third dimension; that’s what God sees.

We need to transform our minds to discern God’s will. We can’t understand all the events of our lives, especially the difficulties and sufferings with human reason alone.

We need to renew our minds, addressing the psychological factors that get in the way of seeing in that third dimension, of seeing God’s perspective and His providential love.

“Lord, that I may see!” We need to ask for God’s help and make an effort to see God’s providence. We need to listen, be small, trust in God -- and appreciate how difficult that is for us as fallen humans.

Action Item

Get in the habit of trying to see God’s perspective. Take three sheets of paper and some quiet time and space. Think of something that’s troubling you. It can be something small that just happened or something more long-standing.

On the first sheet of paper, simply write down what comes to mind about that situation.

Pray that the Lord will help you see His perspective, ask to be enlightened. On the second sheet of paper, write down your perceptions and thoughts again.

On the third sheet of paper, try to let God write it down. Ask Him how He sees the situation. If you have trouble with this step, reflect on why and bring that to prayer. For example, “Lord, I’m having trouble hearing you because I’m feeling so angry, hopeless, depressed, anxious, etc.”

Overall Takeaway

As human beings, we learn who we are in relationship to others. Because of our sin and the sin of others, this often results in an inaccurate picture of who we really are. We usually don’t see ourselves as God sees us, which often results in feeling “lost”. Learn how to begin to change that--and how we can allow Christ to “find” us.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“On that day I will summon my servant

Eliakim, son of Hilkiah;

I will clothe him with your robe,

and gird him with your sash,

and give over to him your authority.”

“For who has known the mind of the Lord

or who has been his counselor?

Or who has given the Lord anything

that he may be repaid?”

“And so I say to you, you are Peter,

and upon this rock I will build my church,

and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

We learn who we are in relationship to others. When we grow up in dysfunctional families, this often leads to a lack of affirmation. We cannot see ourselves as beloved children of God if those around us do not treat us as such.

Even the best of parents and teachers, in the human fallen state, cannot help us develop a true sense of how valuable and loved we are by God. There will always be distortions.

Think of how many of us “know about” Jesus -- but how many of us really “know” Jesus?

Jesus constantly selects people who are flawed and imperfect during His time on earth to help show them who they are in His eyes. We are the work of His hands--we are works of art.

We need to learn to be found by God by  loving ourselves, and we do that by bring ourselves into relationship with Our Lord and Our Lady.

Action Item

Take some time this week to participate in an experiential exercise led by Dr. Gerry. He helps us imagine ourselves being called by name at the River Jordan by Jesus. Bring your experiences, feelings and thoughts from this exercise into your prayer life this week.

Overall Takeaway

Learn the four essential things that are needed to allow God to grant our hearts’ desire.  We also discuss the common psychological impediments to each of these things in petitionary prayer.

Key Verses in Sunday Readings

“The foreigners who join themselves to the LORD,

ministering to him,

loving the name of the LORD,

and becoming his servants—

all who keep the sabbath free from profanation

and hold to my covenant,

them I will bring to my holy mountain

and make joyful in my house of prayer.”

“For God delivered all to disobedience,

that he might have mercy upon all.”

“At that time, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 

And behold, a Canaanite woman of that district came and called out,

‘Have pity on me, Lord, Son of David! 

My daughter is tormented by a demon.’

But Jesus did not say a word in answer to her. 

Jesus’ disciples came and asked him,

‘Send her away, for she keeps calling out after us.’”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

Sometimes we tend to look down on petitionary prayer or see it as only being acceptable if the petition is requested for someone else. In this week’s Gospel, the Canaanite woman begs for Our Lord’s help. Despite the fact that Jesus seems to dismiss her at first, she perseveres.

When God says what seems like “no”, it should increase our desire to ask again to grant our prayers, according to His will. We need to be humble and enlightened by faith and trust that He wants to give us what is the very best for us.

Here are the four essentials things we need to have and do to allow God to answer our prayers:

1. Have a Worthy Request. Be sure that you come to Christ with a pure intention in your petitionary prayer. Sometimes, we may feel that we are certain something is good for us but may not see all the details. Be sure to add to your prayer a request that God’s will be done in His answer. 
2. Confidence in Christ. Most of us have faulty God images that are based on our worldly relationships. It’s easy to lose confidence in Christ when people have disappointed us. Instead, we need to learn to see God for who He really is and have the utmost confidence and trust in Him.
3. Stay Engaged. Just like the Canaanite woman, we need to be persistent in our request. Be humble and patient. Many of us may have a fear of rejection, which can lead us to give up on God or on working on our relationship with Him. Instead, we have to work to stay engaged, struggling and wrestling with God through our prayer request.
4. Humility. Sometimes, making a petitionary request can activate shame, which can close us off to further engagement with Christ. The Canaanite woman is not full of pride. She accepts being compared to a dog and continues to make her request for the healing of her child. She is transparent and vulnerable to not only Christ, but to the disciplines and others in that public setting.

Action Item

Consider the four essential things and think about where you might have psychological impediments to petitionary prayer. Then bring those things to Our Lord in prayer and ask Him to help you overcome them so you can grow in relationship with Him.

Overall Takeaway

Many of us need to learn to down-regulate and re-focus our attention on God in order to better cope with the challenges of daily life. Learn a simple process that can help you slow down before making an impulsive decision.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“Then the LORD said to him,

‘Go outside and stand on the mountain before the LORD;

the LORD will be passing by.’”

“Kindness and truth shall meet;

justice and peace shall kiss.”

“‘Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.’

He said, ‘Come.’ 

Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. 

But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened;

and, beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

In this week’s gospel, Peter follows his heart and asks to go out to our Lord. While he’s focused on Jesus, he’s walking on water, but when he notices the wind and the waves, he starts sinking. We often focus ‘on the wind and waves’ of our lives and lose our focus on Christ.

However, Peter has great resiliency. As soon as he begins sinking, he calls out immediately to Jesus for help. He draws his trust and resiliency from Christ.

Christ calls Peter in the midst of the wind and the waves; He calms the storm after Peter walks out to him. In order to hear and respond to Christ, we need to not only quiet our external environment but also quiet ourselves internally. We need recollection.

We need to learn to filter out unnecessary external stimuli so we can focus on what’s important. We need to attend to our physical bodies, slow down our breathing, down regulate so that we can problem-solve with God’s direction, presence and assistance.

Action Item

This week when we are tempted to be impulsive, try the following technique. Remember SLPTA:

S: Stop, don’t act immediately.

L: Listen internally, reflect, check on your emotions and your physical state.

P: Pray and be recollected.

T: Think about the best course of action in this situation.

A: Action. After slowing down and moving through these steps, then decide on your action.

Overall Takeaway

It’s easy to understand that we often translate our human experiences into how we do or don’t relate to God. If we have lacked safety and security in an important human relationship, it makes it very difficult for us to trust God. Finding ways to work through that disconnect is a key to a more intimate relationship with Him.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“Brothers and sisters:

What will separate us from the love of Christ?

Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine,

or nakedness, or peril, or the sword?”

“No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly

through him who loved us.”

“The hand of the Lord feeds us; he answers all our needs.”

“When Jesus heard of the death of John the Baptist,

he withdrew in a boat to a deserted place by himself.

The crowds heard of this and followed him on foot from their towns.

When he disembarked and saw the vast crowd,

his heart was moved with pity for them, and he cured their sick.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

When we suffer with psychological issues like anguish and distress, God is ready to help us conquer them overwhelmingly.

We’re always stuck in this place of tension where we have one foot in the spiritual reality of God and the other foot stuck in our secular world where we’re often disappointed in the people and relationships around us.

One main psychological issue in attachment theory is feeling safe and secure. When we lack this in a part of our human lives, we face a psychological catch-22. If we’ve experienced a lack of safety or security in our childhood, we assume safety and security will not be in future relationships. Therefore, we also don’t seek it.

It’s hard to consciously ask God for safety and security when we unconsciously don’t believe it’s there.

God gives special graces to those who have suffered from abandonment, abuse or death of a father figure. Often, there’s both a spiritual and natural hunger for God the Father who draws us into an even more intimate relationship with Him.

When the crowds seek Jesus while He’s grieving in this week’s Gospel, He helps them. We are not an inconvenience to God. When we turn to Him, He is waiting for us.

Action Item

This week, work on creating an affect or emotional bridge. Consider sometime in your past when you’ve lacked safety and security, perhaps when you got separated from a parent in a store or were frightened by something. Take that to prayer, and walk through that experience with God, Jesus, Mary or one of the saints by your side. Engage God in a conversation about the experience, ask questions, share how you’re feeling, and allow Him to help you heal through that memory. The exercise combines prayer with working through attachment aspects of safety and security.

Overall Takeaway

Sometimes we think that doing God’s will is about simply bearing the cross and giving up good things in this life. However, when we do God’s will, it often leads to unexpected joy -- a greater joy than we would have imagined.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

“Give your servant, therefore, an understanding heart

to judge your people and to distinguish right from wrong.”

“We know that all things work for good for those who love God,

who are called according to his purpose.”

“The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure buried in a field,

which a person finds and hides again,

and out of joy goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.”

“When he finds a pearl of great price,

he goes and sells all that he has and buys it.”

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net thrown into the sea,

which collects fish of every kind.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

It takes a level of humility to believe that doing God’s will ultimately brings us the greatest joy. Often, we equate God’s will with bearing the cross or giving up a good.

For example, some people who struggle with addictions may believe they need whatever they are addicted to in order to survive, but once they are able to give that up, often with professional help, they find themselves so much more joyful and free.

We often create our own “yokes” or problems that are not what God intends for us. We need to ask Him what we need; sometimes, it’s not apparent what we need to find the joy that God intends for us.

The net in this week’s gospel is cast to collect everything: different fishes and other sea debris. It’s not our place to sort it out. God will do that in the end. Although we can judge actions as right or wrong, it is not our place to judge intentions or souls.

Even if we do not verbally share judgments, if we harbor them in our hearts, it still affects our relationships with others. We must recognize how little we understand about others’ intentions.

Action Item:

Ask yourself, “What do I have to give up to do God’s will?” Think about what comes to mind, and remember it can be an objectively good thing. Then, ask “Will giving that up bring me more joy? More freedom? More peace?”