Be with the Word

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: You can make a positive change in your family system.

Dr. Peter: Take a step-by-step approach to living out the virtues.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“God sets a father in honor over his children;
a mother's authority he confirms over her sons.
Whoever honors his father atones for sins,
and preserves himself from them.”

“Put on, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,
heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”

“Wives, be subordinate to your husbands,
as is proper in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives,
and avoid any bitterness toward them.”

“Rise, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel,
for those who sought the child's life are dead.
He rose, took the child and his mother,
and went to the land of Israel.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

• God calls us to the Holy Family’s level of perfection but doesn’t discount how difficult that might be within broken family systems.
• Subordination of wives to husbands is often a difficult verse within traditional Catholic marriages. Although final authority is needed, husbands are also called to love their wives as Christ loves His Church
• A husband must not simply excise his desires and authority but put his wife’s interests above his own as Joseph protects Mary and Jesus. Mary is joyfully obedient because she knows Joseph loves her and is looking out for her and Baby Jesus first.
• We need to proactively make changes within our family systems to move toward the perfection and virtues God wants for us.

Action Item

Pick on virtue from the second reading and do one proactive thing daily to live that virtue. Don’t simply react to the events of the day. Then, watch to see the ripple effect in your family system.

Schedule and prioritize 20 minutes every day to sit and talk with your spouse. Consider doing “snippets” with children. Set aside 5-10 minutes for each child daily to give them your full attention in a game, story or conversation.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: We need to let go of self-sufficiency to experience belonging and receive God’s help.

Dr. Peter: We need to identify the obstacles that keep us from being psychological ready to obey God.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“The LORD spoke to Ahaz, saying:
Ask for a sign from the LORD, your God;
let it be deep as the netherworld, or high as the sky!
But Ahaz answered,
"I will not ask! I will not tempt the LORD!"”

“Through him we have received the grace of apostleship,
to bring about the obedience of faith,
for the sake of his name, among all the Gentiles,
among whom are you also, who are called to belong to Jesus Christ;
to all the beloved of God in Rome, called to be holy.”

“When Joseph awoke,
he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

•  We are called to belong to Jesus Christ, but we often rely on ourselves and the world to do it alone.
• An inordinate level of self-sufficiency leads to isolation from God and others.
• God speaks directly to both Ahaz and Joseph this week. Ahaz puts his trust in the Assyrians, not in God. In contrast, Joseph obeys immediately.
• Why? Joseph was psychologically and spiritually ready when God called him.
• Look at all the Christmas decorations and see them as signs of Our Lord’s coming.

Action Items:

Recognize the negative effects of self-sufficiency.

Open yourself to God and others in the spirit of hope.

See the signs of Jesus’ coming in all the Christmas decorations and activities.

Go in front of the Blessed Sacrament and ask: “What is getting in the way of me being psychological ready to obey you, Lord?” Don’t figure it out on your own. Listen for that answer; it might come right away or later. Be open to that answer.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: We store trauma and wounds in our bodies, and Christ brings healing during Advent.

Dr. Peter: We need to identify our psychological blindness, know ourselves better, and then work to change.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“Strengthen the hands that are feeble,
make firm the knees that are weak,
say to those whose hearts are frightened:
Be strong, fear not!”

“Then will the eyes of the blind be opened,
the ears of the deaf be cleared;
then will the lame leap like a stag,
then the tongue of the mute will sing.”

“Make your hearts firm,
because the coming of the Lord is at hand.”

“Amen, I say to you,
among those born of women
there has been none greater than John the Baptist;
yet the least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he."

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

• Realize we all have blind spots and that it’s human to hide from ourselves and not want to see them. These blind spots are consequences of the Fall and original sin.
• Be humble and ask others to tell you what you’re not seeing. The most important thing is to seek. Asking loved ones to help you may allow God to work through them to answer you.
• We cannot overcome psychological lameness by sheer force of the will. We need to prepare ourselves and achieve better readiness.
• Understand the “order of operations” in dealing with good and bad emotions. First, attend to body; then to the emotions. This will eventually reveal cognitions.
• Use your body, breathing and prayer to reduce unwarranted fear and anxiety.

Action Item

Ask a loved one to help you find your blind spots. Ask the person to pray and reflect about what you’re not seeing or hearing in your life. Work to tolerate that vulnerability, and be open to how God might be talking to you through this individual.

When you experience good and bad feelings this week, focus on where you feel that emotion in your body. Make a note of those physical feelings to help you gain body awareness.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: Empathy includes listening before reacting.

Dr. Peter: Sin is whatever harms relationships.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“Then the wolf shall be a guest of the lamb,
and the leopard shall lie down with the kid …
The baby shall play by the cobra's den,
and the child lay his hand on the adder's lair.”

“May the God of endurance and encouragement
grant you to think in harmony with one another.”

“When he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees
coming to his baptism, he said to them, "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath?
Produce good fruit as evidence of your repentance.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

• Existing family systems are often hostile and resemble the natural discourse between predator and prey. God’s vision and hope is peace and harmony. How do we get there?
• We also have this conflict between parts within ourselves, the part that cuts us down or the small part that’s afraid.
• Five steps to developing mutual empathy: anticipate the other’s feelings, be open to influence, be curious, experience vulnerability, and abandon trying to have power over the another.
• John the Baptist’s harsh warning is an expression of love for the Pharisees.
• Sin is not just about breaking the rules but about severing relationships.

Action Item

Take your list of attachments from last week and write down how they negatively affect relationships.

Pick an important relationship and practice the five steps to mutual empathy.

Write down the successes you’ve achieved.

Overall Takeaways

Dr. Gerry: People who believe they can change will change.
Dr. Peter: Let go of those bright, shiny objects in your life.

Key Verses from Sunday Mass Readings

“Come, let us climb the LORD's mountain,
to the house of the God of Jacob,
that he may instruct us in his ways.”

“It is the hour now for you to awake from sleep ....
Let us then throw off the works of darkness
and put on the armor of light.”

“Therefore, stay awake!”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

•  Readings call us to grow closer to God this Advent.
• Part of God’s instruction is a better understanding of the human person.
• We need to let go of our psychological baggage before we can climb the mountain.

Action Items

Pray and reflect about your attachments.

Write down what weighs you down and keeps you from climbing God’s mountain.

Do a cost/benefit analysis. What will happen if I change? What will happen if I don’t change?

Think about what your attachment represents and what need it fulfills.

Select a healthier, holier way to fulfill that need.