Remember the first time you received your first "F" in school? You probably felt your stomach drop, followed by a surge of anxiety running through your body as you imagine the scenario of telling your parents. Whether it is failing an exam or a failed business idea, we have all walked this road before; however, we continue to approach failure with FEAR. Today, we're discussing why we need to EMBRACE failure and WELCOME it when it comes knocking on our doors.
[1:25] Not So Popular Opinion. We dive into why viewing failure in a more positive light is so RADICAL. Failure is often viewed with such fear and negativity and thus, it becomes more uncomfortable that it needs to be.
[3:04] Grade School Conditioning. Nat brings up a key point in how we are conditioned in school that failing is bad given our grading system. Also, what about those award ceremonies? Giving everyone an award for fears of making us fear that we are not enough?
[3:49] Decision Paralysis. The negative view of failure can lead us to decision paralysis. Basically out of this fear, we don't take that new job, try a new experience or date someone because of the fear of "what if it doesn't work out". Nat and Nina share their own experiences with decision paralysis below:
- Relationships: Nat would end a relationship as soon as she saw signs of it potentially failing. Nina had fears of relationships failing and thus, led her to fear getting out of them when they weren't right...all because she did not want to be alone.
- Career: Nina always had a fear of leaving engineering and thus, passed up opportunities that would open her up to a new path more aligned with her gifts.
[9:11] Aversion v. Ascension. What if we looked at failure as a way to ascend? We bring in some golden nuggets from Brendon Burchard's, Motivation Manifesto in how fear plays a role with aversion and ascension.
[10:50] Avoiding Reality. Similar to that of decision paralysis, avoiding reality is yet another fallback we get consumed by when we allow the fear of failure to rule our lives. Avoiding reality simply means that you default to inaction or choose comfortable solutions to avoid failure at all costs.
[11:55] Ask the BIG Question. One of our first takeaways is asking yourself, "what is the worst that can happen?" Being okay with that outcome enables you to get comfortable with the uncomfortable and 9 times out of 10 that "terrible outcome" doesn't even happen.
[14:00] Take Responsibility. We call you out to OWN up to your failure and take it as a valuable lesson that teaches you to either pivot to something new or learn from past mistakes.
[14:35] Resiliency. Failure teaches us how to not dwell in our weaknesses and helps us to develop a behavior to BE OK if something doesn't work out. We become EXCITED because instead of being defeated by failure, we see it as a chance to pivot or improve in an area of weakness.
[17:45] Idea of "Gaman". We dive into how other cultures, like the Japanese embrace failure as a path of perseverance.
[22:18] Fear of Uncertainty. Nat discusses how the fear of failure ties back to how uncomfortable we are with uncertainty and not having that control. For our lovely Type A ladies, this one's for you.
[24:15] Radical Mindset. Shifting our perspectives in seeing failure in a positive light is the ONE action we hope you can move forward with after listening to this episode. We challenge you to think of one way you can possibly do this.
Resources: Books and articles referenced:
- "Motivation Manifesto" by Brendon Burchard
- "The Confidence Code" by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman
- Article "The art of perseverance: How gaman defined Japan"by Jullian Littler: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20190319-the-art-of-perseverance-how-gaman-defined-japan
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Failure doesn't define you...it REINVENTS you :)
Baklava,
Nat & Nina
