Be You Not Them

Welcome to your mini pick me up! This week, our question will highlight what we discussed in Monday's episode which was about EMBRACING your 30s and getting older. Go check out episode #32 if you haven't yet! This week's question is related to the knowledge and awareness we gained as we've lived through our 20s:

If you could go back 10 years ago, what would you tell younger you?

We could write a book as a response to this one! What would YOU say to younger you? As always, you can hit us up on the typical channels below! Make sure to subscribe and leave a review as well. We would really appreciate it!

Resources:

Find more silliness & love at beyounothem.co

Slide into our DMs on Insta @beyounotthempodcast

Connect with us on Facebook

#32 - Embracing Your 30s And Getting Older

AGING IS BEAUTIFUL. We have another more lighthearted episode this week, where we're going to talk about our fears and the false narratives we build up as we age… especially when you're a woman! From the dreaded 'ticking clock' and fears of losing our youth, we talk about a couple of the expectations we feel we need to meet. And then we're going to tell you those expectations are all BS :)

[2:40] How We Feel About Turning 30. We both had COMPLETELY experiences as we turned 30, so we're sharing our thoughts in hopes that you guys can relate.

• Natassia talks about how she thought the big 3-0 was no big deal… and then before turning 31 had a full blown existential crisis after realizing, "Crap, I'm getting older."
• Nina shares how EXCITED she was to get out of her 20s after everything she went through, dubbed The Pendeja Chronicles.

[10:20] So… Why Do We Fear Our 30s and Aging? Comparing ourselves to others is what fuels our anxiety, plus having these FALSE expectations we feel we need to meet.

• [11:50] Expected milestones from family to marriage that we think we need to meet by a certain age. These are all
• [12:53] Beauty Standards that women need to meet and the belief that beauty is associated with younger women.
• [14:45] Expectations of how older women should dress. We feel like we need to be more 'conservative' and can't show a lot of skin anymore.
• [17:10] Societal norms for women. How we should behave and what milestones we're supposed meet professionally or within our community.
• [18:38] The fear of FEELING old. Guys, we can't accurately predict how we're going to feel 5 or 10 years from now. Let it go.

[19:30] The POSITIVES of Getting Older. So, what IS great about escaping your 20s and blooming in your 30s?

• Research (supposedly) has shown that we're the happiest in our 30s.
• Embracing our own beauty, regardless of how we look. Instead of looking at wrinkles as something negative, why don't we look at it as a sign of a life well lived?
• You start to understand that there's so much more to you than your outward appearance.
• Finding out your purpose in life and WHAT YOU WANT.
• You learn a lot in your 20s and your 30s are when you can TAKE OFF.

This was a lighthearted episode that we hope helped you start your week off on the right foot. Remember, age is more about your mentality and perspective. There's no expectation you have to meet. Just be yourself and FLOURISH.

You know where to reach us. Sending you a lot of love.

Resources:

Find more silliness & love at beyounothem.co

Slide into our DMs on Insta @beyounotthempodcast

Connect with us on Facebook

Here's to being fabulous at any age!

Baklava,

Nat & Nina

Welcome to your mini pick me up! This week, our question will highlight what we discussed in Monday's episode which was a little different than our typical episodes. This time around, we wanted to check in on each other and see how the pandemic has impacted us both. We shared our challenges and some wins that we both experienced during this time. In light of those wins, we wanted to ask the following question:

What are three good things that have come out of the pandemic so far?

We'd love to hear your wins! As always, you can hit us up on the typical channels below! Make sure to subscribe and leave a review as well. We would really appreciate it!

Resources:

Find more silliness & love at beyounothem.co

Slide into our DMs on Insta @beyounotthempodcast

Connect with us on Facebook

We are doing something a little different today! As you know we have been in a pandemic for what seems like FOREVER. Today, we are doing a pandemic check-in in which both of us discuss how COVID brought some challenges and also empowering moments in our lives.

[1:48] Check-in w/ Nat. Nat dives into her pandemic highs and lows which include the following:

• Staring BYNT podcast (high)
• Too much introversion & lack of human interaction (low)
• Increased anxiety (low)
• Salary cut (low)
• More time to think and reflect (high/low)

[5:37] Check-in w/ Nina. Nina shares her own struggles with the pandemic below and was surprised to find herself that she was not in fact the work remote queen:

• Distractions GALORE
• Boredom to the MAX
• Missing her scenic office walk breaks
• Inner chatter enabling depression
• Being away from family

[10:15] Impact on Family. We share how much the pandemic has impacted our family interactions from not being able to physically see our family to Nina experiencing the death of her grandmother due to COVID.

[12:41] A Glimmer of Light. Both of us share some positive nuggets during this pandemic, enabling a little glimmer of light to shine in our lives. These nuggets include:

• Becoming more self-aware
• Gaining clarity
• Being on your own time-table
• Morning routines down packed
• Getting creative with time
• Solo adventures

[17:25] 2020 is NOT cancelled. Many beautiful things happen out of what may seem like hell. We discuss how pivots really make us resilient and reveal light bulb moments that would not have happened otherwise (likeeee Nina moving back to FL *cough *cough).

[21:18] What Kept Us Sane. We share the ONE thing that kept us from going cray during the pandemic: refraining from news coverage and social media

[26:08] Nina's Special Story. Ooo this one is too hilarious to capture in words but Nina share's how one experience has lead her to some big revelations during COVID.

[28:10] Generating your own income. Nat shares how COVID hit differently for 9-5 jobs and entrepreneurs. We challenge the idea of stability being in a 9-5 job.

We want to express that this pandemic hits everyone differently and BYNT is a space where you will be supported, no matter your experience thus far. You know where to find us and we are here for you.

Resources:

Find more silliness & love at beyounothem.co

Slide into our DMs on Insta @beyounotthempodcast

Connect with us on Facebook

Standing together with you,

Nina & Nat

Welcome to this week's mini pick me up episode! If you haven't checked out Monday's episode, we discussed ESCAPING the victim mentality and the reasons why we end up adopting this type of mindset in our life... where we relenquish responsibility for our own life and instead place it on others.

So, to tie in to this week's topic... our question for today is:

How has victimhood impacted your life or relationships?

Nina discusses her OWN experiences of playing the victim, while Natassia discusses friendships that ultimately drained her due to friends constantly playing the victim in their lives.

Also - special shoutout to Rob Reynosa (@robreynosa_) for the little gold nugget of wisdom we share on today's episode.

We'd love to hear your answers to this week's question! As always, you can hit us up on the typical channels below! Make sure to subscribe and leave a review as well. We would really appreciate it!

Resources:

Find more silliness & love at beyounothem.co

Slide into our DMs on Insta @beyounotthempodcast

Connect with us on Facebook

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. Either we've played the role of the victim in our lives or we have seen those close to us adopt a victim mindset. Why do we fall victim… to the victim mentality? See what we did there? So clever. Anyways, we're going to discuss how to break free from this mindset and how we've seen the victim mindset throughout our lives, whether in ourselves or in others.

[2:45] A Pet Peeve of Ours. We discuss what frustrates us about having a 'victim mentality' in some of the relationships that we've had.

[4:04] What Is A Victim Mentality. This is a learned mindset. So let's delve into a bit more.

[6:10] Signs You Have a Victim Mentality. Do you think you or someone else you know has a victim mentality? We go through what we've noticed when we typically play the victim in our life.

• The Blame Game. It's always someone else's fault.
• Self Defense Mechanism. Always being on the defense when there's conflict.
• "I don't get involved in drama"....but they cause it or are always involved in drama.
• Narrative development that paints you as the good guy.
• Becoming resentful of other people's happiness.

[15:10] The Why Behind the Mentality. Why is it easy to fall prey to the victim mentality? We discuss a few reasons why people may default to this mindset.

• Getting attention from others, especially if there is some insecurity there.
• Validation from others because it makes you feel good.
• Learned from the environment you grew up in.
• The people you surround yourself with - friendships who enable your behavior.

[20:16] Unlearning The Mindset. How can we combat this and start changing this mindset to one of victim to survivor?

• Take RESPONSIBILITY for your life.
• Reflect, process and try to understand what was your role in the situation.
• Identify what narrative you are telling yourself. Separate facts from fiction.
• Get to the root: Why do you feel you don't have responsibility or control? Why do you only think bad things happen to you?
• Start practicing gratitude for what you have.
• Challenge limiting beliefs about yourself.

Remember - even if you've been through a traumatic experience or a negative experience in your life, why should you give it that negatively impact the rest of your life?

You know where to reach us. Sending you a lot of love.

Resources:

Find more silliness & love at beyounothem.co

Slide into our DMs on Insta @beyounotthempodcast

Connect with us on Facebook

You are NOT a victim. You are a survivor.

Baklava,

Nina

How often have we sat in our regrets of choices we made, paths we pursued or didn't pursue, and opportunities we walked away from? I for sure have sat in these regrets for WAY TOO LONG.

In this episode of my solosode, I walk through my regrets and how they colored my way of thinking and ultimately, what I felt to be failure. I have convinced myself for many years that my regrets are failures but it was not until recently I was able to look at regret in a different light.

[1:46] A Special Thank You. Giving some credit to my girl Angie Sanchez for inspiring this solosode. She was the main inspiration to help me change my view of regret.

[3:06] Bye Bye Julliard. I begin my regret journey with one of my earliest regrets: turning down my audition for Julliard to pursue engineering.

[5:04] The Childhood Dream. Often in my journey, I get reminded of my childhood dream of being a Nat. Geo explorer. This was first recognized during my second year of college in an Anthropology Class.

[6:30] Our Lovely Friend Fear. Being inspired by my anthropology class, I felt compelled to connect with that department in my school but before I even talked to anyone, I was paralyzed by the fear of leaving engineering and disappointing others.

[9:25] New York Bound. After yet another sign pulling me back to what I loved, I head to New York to pursue my Master's in Historic Preservation. Even here, I discuss my third regret in turning down opportunities that were more aligned with my love for archeology.

[11:12] The Kicker. In recounting my experience of regret in pursuing an engineering path, I have learned to make peace with this path as a means to transcend my skills into something GREATER.

[12:47] How to Transcend. I know turning regret intro transcendence may be easier said that done. Below are some ways you can do this:

• Get to the root of your decisions
• Think about the WHY behind the regret
• Ask yourself, what false narrative does this regret represent?
• Are you equating regret with failure or something else?

[16:36] Regret in Relationships. Though I discuss mainly my regrets in my career, I touch on the regret of carrying baggage into my relationships.

[17:34] Propelling Yourself Forward. I discuss that at the end of the day, once we transcend our regrets, it aids us into being better versions of ourselves.

You know where to reach us. Sending you a lot of love.

Resources:

Find more silliness & love at beyounothem.co

Slide into our DMs on Insta @beyounotthempodcast

Connect with us on Facebook

Turn those regrets around to be the best version of YOU!

Baklava,

Nina

THE STORY OF FORTRESS NATASSIA. Solosode time! We're bringing you a new episode format here at the BYNT podcast… because, let's be real, life has been hectic and your two besties have not been able to record together!

This episode, I want to tell you a story about Fortress Natassia. A fortress that I built myself, to protect myself from ever getting hurt. These so-called emotional walls that stuck with me for most of my 20s.

[1:25] Building My Fortress. I discuss the beginnings of my 'emotional walls' and the reason I started building Fortress Natassia. My fears of experiencing any of my triggers and being hurt. Deciding who could and could not enter - and how much they could even see behind the walls.

[4:10] No Man Shall Pass. Men were definitely not allowed behind the fortress walls. I discuss how these walls prevented me from having any sort of deep or serious relationship. Access to my deepest thoughts or secrets? NOPE.

[7:07] Fortifying The Walls. Anytime I allowed anyone further in and got burned, I fortified the walls of Fortress Natassia. Anyone who came afterwards would be impacted because it was harder to get in.

[8:25] The Destruction Of Fortress Natassia. The beginning of the end to the emotional walls. I talk about meeting Ben, my boyfriend, and how he helped me slowly bring down the walls.

• The sirens started RINGING as soon as I started to develop deeper feelings.
• Admitting to myself that this fortress wasn't doing me any favors.
• Realization that I just need to TRUST. Embrace the uncertainty and have faith.

[14:18] The Beauty In The Destruction. The positive side of tearing down emotional walls. Realizing how the fortress was impacting ALL of my relationships and making me cynical. I had built this facade to come off as this STRONG and that no one could take me down… when it was just armor because I was so scared of getting hurt.

[16:50] The Last Room Of The Fortress Standing... The whole reason that the fortress was built in the first place. My depression. I locked it away and hid it deep inside Fortress Natassia. The hardest part of the fortress to tear down.

• Letting go of the shame.
• Finally getting a chance to heal.

[22:00] The Problem With Emotional Walls. We're preventing ourselves from connecting with others when we have . "To be human is to also be in relationships, not just with others, but with yourself" - Angie Sanchez.

• You can't run away from pain.
• It's ok to feel pain and sadness and anger.
• You have to trust others, but we also have to trust ourselves. You will be able to overcome anything if you have faith in yourself.
• You cannot live life to its fullest if you're constantly shielding yourself from others.

I hope this story resonates with even just one person. If you've built your own Fortress, maybe this story can help you realize it's time to tear down those walls. It may take time, but you can persevere through anything.

You know where to reach us. Sending you a lot of love.

Resources:

Find more silliness & love at beyounothem.co

Slide into our DMs on Insta @beyounotthempodcast

Connect with us on Facebook

Tear down those walls, because you don't need them!

Baklava,

Nat (and Nina in spirit)

Welcome to this week's mini pick me up episode! If you haven't checked out Monday's episode, we dove into how we can lose ourselves in relationships and the big red alarms that sound off when we do not stay true to who we are. Keep in mind this is NOT ONLY in romantic relationships but also our relationships with work, family and friends. We are all about NOT DULLING YOUR OWN SHINE! To help us keep shining bright, this week we ask ourselves:

What helps us stay true to ourselves?

We'd love to hear your answers to this week's question! As always, you can hit us up on the typical channels below! Make sure to subscribe and leave a review as well. We would really appreciate it!

Resources:

Find more silliness & love at beyounothem.co

Slide into our DMs on Insta @beyounotthempodcast

Connect with us on Facebook

#27 - Losing Yourself In Relationships

Remember that friend who would disappear from the face of the earth when she entered in a new relationship? We have all had that friend or even was that friend (Nina is guilty as charged). This episode is all about how we can lose our identity in relationships, whether it be friendships, romantic or even with work. Each of us has a unique light that makes us who we are; however, sometimes we enter relationships that dim that light. We are here to drop some truth bombs, identify red flags and remind you to SHINE BRIGHT, no matter what relationship you are in.

[2:09] "You Complete Me". Oh boy, our absolute favorite phrase...NOT. We vent about how much we dislike this phrase and the confusion it brings forth.

[6:45] The Red Flags. We dive into some of the signs that you may be losing yourself in a relationships, some of these include the following:

• [7:01] Same hobbies and dislikes. We don't mean that having a sharing interest is not ok...this becomes an issue when your life completely mirrors your friend, colleague or significant other.
• [10:23] You're losing touch with yourself . Each of us has a light that makes us unique whether it is a personality trait or quirk. When this light dims, this is NO BUENO.
• [13:45] Same friend circle. This may happen when you lose connection with long standing friends such that you intentionally surround yourself with the friends of your significant other.
• [16:50] Sacrificing our own desires and goals. We don't mean compromise here. We are talking about how your world, your future plans and dreams all go to the wayside for the person you are with.
• [20:40] Codependency. We clarify here that dependency is not the same as co-dependence and how codependency is often where we get our justification and validation as a person.
• [24:14] Inability of self-care. Ask yourself, when was the last time you had some time to yourself? or had a girls night? This not only applies in romantic relationships but also friendships and family.

[28:57] Takeaways. We offer some tips on reconnecting with yourself when you may be feeling like you are losing yourself a bit in a friendship, relationship or work:

• [29:34] Ask, what are you doing for yourself? Check-in with your energy levels and how you are recharging yourself to bring your best self forward. Do something for you!
• [30:43] Boundaries. We go in depth about setting up and implementing boundaries in Episode 23; however, in relationships, boundaries are extremely important as we encourage our listeners to not be afraid to ask what you need or express something you may disagree with.
• [35:04] Traveling Solo. Have you ever taken a trip by yourself whether it be the next town over or out of state? Nina shares how this has been a game-changer for her.
• [40:30] Engaging in your own hobbies. Find something that ignites YOUR PASSION. This can be as simple as reading a good book or taking up a new little adventure. Oftentimes, when we engage in something we love to do, we get recharged and free of mental blocks.
• [43:57] Self-development & Self-Awareness. Sometimes this comes after we experience losing ourselves but that is OK! These are lessons learned that help us become the best version of ourselves in maintaining our identity. We also stress the importance of healing from previous friendships, relationships and work situations that may have negatively impacted your life.

Resources:

• "Boundaries", Episode 23

Find more silliness & love at beyounothem.co

Slide into our DMs on Insta @beyounotthempodcast

Connect with us on Facebook

Don't dull your shine!

Baklava,

Nat & Nina