Be You Not Them

Welcome to your mini pick me up! For those of you new to our thrive tribe, these little joys of fun are bite size tidbits that feature a question tying into each weekly episode. We will both answer the question and pitch it right back to our listeners!

This week, our question will highlight what we discussed in Monday's episode which was all about how crying is not a sign of weakness and why we keep being ashamed of it.

Are you ready for this weeks question?

Question: Have you ever felt ashamed or guilty after crying over something? Why do you think that is?

We share how both of us still struggle with feelings of guilt whenever we cry in front of others.

We want you to feel less alone in this... it's ok to cry it out! You are not being a BURDEN on anyone. You can be a proud member of our Crying Club ;)

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Baklava,

Nat & Nina

IT'S OK TO BE VULNERABLE. Anyone else struggle with crying or feeling guilty whenever you need to cry? Especially when you cry in front of others? Yeah, we can relate. This episode is all about CRYING and how tears do not mean we are weak. It's been ingrained in most of us that we need to "suck it up" or "big girls/boys don't cry." It's foolishness! Let's break this down and talk about becoming more comfortable with our tears.

[3:13] Why Does Crying Have A Bad Rep? We discuss the main reasons why we are so uncomfortable with crying. From being afraid to be labelled as "too emotional" when you're a woman to the taboo of crying in public… and many other reasons.

[7:51] Assigning Genders To Traits and Emotions. We share another passage from our new favorite book, "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle. How strength and bravery are associated with 'masculinity' and sensitivity is associated with 'femininity'.

[10:31] The Lies We're Told About Crying That Stick With Us. We're breaking down the reasons that negatively impact our perception of crying and why it's total BS.

• [10:35] Our Upbringing. Getting told to "suck it up" or that "big boys don't cry." Putting a time limit on how long we can be upset about something. We start associating the act of crying as something to be ashamed of.

• We talk about growing up in a Latin culture, which is patriarchal and goes back to crying being seen as 'too feminine' or 'weak'

• [14:15] Socially. We're worried about what other people think and we don't want to be shamed. Society shows us what is acceptable through the media and how others react to us. Vulnerability makes us scared.

• [16:30] Crying Is Unprofessional. Let's face it, a lot of work culture still prevails from back in the day where most office jobs were occupied by men… and while that has shifted significantly, the culture hasn't as much.
• • Nina shares her experience in the construction field.
  • Natassia shares a moment where a female executive at her company cried in a meeting and she thought it was beautiful.

[20:10] Crying Does Not Always = Sadness. We can cry happy tears. Any angry criers out there? Join our Angry Crier Club.

[21:43] Flip the Script. Why Is Crying and Sensitivity Good? Let's reframe the way we think about crying and look at it from a different perspective.

• [21:50] It Is Good For Your Health. Shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins.
• [23:33] "The Orchid Theory." We share a passage from The Confidence Code. The most sensitive children, dubbed "orchids", are tricky to raise but are able to excel more than others.
• [25:45] Feeling Too Much Is A Blessing. Natassia shares her experience of not being able to feel at all when she was depressed… and that's why she appreciates ALL of her emotions, including sadness.
• [29:25] We Need Sadness In Our Lives. Our recommendation is to watch Pixar's "Inside Out" to understand how important all of our emotions are. Especially sadness. You don't always have to be happy. Cry. It. Out.

Can we start normalizing crying? And not having to be happy all the time? Let's work on that together!

Resources:

• "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle
• "The Confidence Code" by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay
• "Inside Out" - movie by Pixar

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Don't be ashamed of your tears!

Baklava,

Nat & Nina

It is that time of the week!!!!! Welcome to your mini pick me up! For those of you new to our thrive tribe, these little joys of fun are bite size tidbits that feature a question tying into each weekly episode. We will both answer the question and pitch it right back to our listeners!

This week, we chatted it up about our close friend, ANXIETY. We not only discussed the various types of anxiety responses and how we have experienced them but we also talked about how we can turn anxiety into a SUPERPOWER. How you may ask? Check out Monday's episode to find out!

Today we ask ourselves and our lovely listeners the following questions:

When is your anxiety at its worst? How do you overcome that?

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In honor of World Mental Health Day, this week we have decided to release our much anticipated episode on ANXIETY. As many of you may already know, we have both dealt with anxiety and depression most of their lives and today we not only invite you into that crazy world but are here to remind you that you are NOT ALONE. Let's get ready because this episode is PACKED with not only our experiences but ways in which WE ALL can master it!

[3:13] Anxiety Defined. Anxiety is NORMAL...yes, we said it. It is our body's natural response to stress; however, we describe how today's stress versus the stress at the dawn of mankind is VERY different. We break down anxiety into three different tiers in which some of us may fall in one or all three:

[6:26] Physical. Anxiety can manifest physically via panic attacks, GI symptoms, sweating and weight fluctuation. Nat has the most experience in this arena and shares her struggles with dealing with physical symptoms of anxiety.

[9:50] Mental. This by far Nina deems to be the most challenging to master. Mental manifestations of anxiety include intrusive and ruminating thinking, an inability to focus, catastrophizing, avoidance and feelings of losing all control.

[15:05] Emotional. Nina expresses how this is the tier she struggles with the most. Some examples of emotional symptoms of anxiety include rapid cycling of emotions, being on edge, engaging in autopilot, and the lone soldier syndrome.

[17:48] Nat & Anxiety. Nat shares a beautiful essay expressing the feelings felt during panic attacks. Much of these panic attacks began to manifest in her early teenage years. Nat identified that the primary trigger to these attacks was her feeling of loss of control regarding time, schedule, or especially not being able to tell an outcome of something right away. Nat also dives into the delayed responses resulting from her panic attacks which include GI symptoms.

[28:51] Nina & Anxiety. Nina shares how primarily one work experience drove her to experience anxiety in a way that she has never experienced before: the physical realm. This experience first manifested emotionally where she broke down in her car before work everyday for a year and then, the physical symptoms started to kick in which included her being unable to get out of bed, having body consistent body aches, extreme lethargy/fatigue and sleeping 12+ hours a day

[37:11] Opposite Ends of The Spectrum. We discuss how both of our experiences impacted our sleep but in opposite ways where Nina was essentially hibernating and Nat was a zombie barely getting sleep.

[37:53] Mastering Anxiety. We would be remiss without leaving the BYNT Thrive Tribe with some tips on how to master (not overcome, because let's be honest, we are going to keep facing it) anxiety which include:

[37:58] Being open to medication - As we know, Nina was very resistant to medication but she explains the options she executed in working with a medical professional

[42:02] Anxiety is a superpower. From their all time favorite book, Untamed, Nat shares some insight that Glennon Doyle writes in regards to shifting our own perspective about anxiety

[44:34] Being still + Identifying the type of processor you are. We often are quick to act when anxiety creeps up but Nat & Nina encourages us to take some time and sit with the anxiety and identify how you typically process it.

[48:40] Understanding your triggers. Do you notice a pattern of how your anxiety begins? Nina and Nat share some of the triggers that spark their anxiety.

[52:23] Identifying your tribe. You are not meant to walk this journey alone. Nat & Nina drive the point home of how important it is to have a strong support system that you can be vulnerable with.

Resources:

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

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You are a freaking superhero!

Baklava,

Nat & Nina

Welcome to your mini pick me up!

This week, our question will highlight what we discussed in Monday's episode which was about how often we apologize. It's a struggle. The big takeaway is that we do not need to say sorry for EVERYTHING.

Your question for this week: What do you apologize the most for?

We discuss several things we typically are guilty of CONSTANTLY apologizing for. Natassia also says sorry to inanimate objects. Anyone can relate? No?

Let's hear it BYNT Thrive Tribe! Share with us your own experience. What are some things that you apologize for that don't necessarily warrant an apology? What can you do to flip the switch and take ownership for in place of saying sorry? As always, you can hit us up on the typical channels below! Make sure to subscribe and leave a review as well. We would really appreciate it!

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ARE YOU REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT? This is something we're definitely guilty of, because it's so ingrained in us that it's like we say "Sorry!" before we even realize what we're saying. Have you ever apologized for taking up space? Or in your work e-mails all the time? Or for feeling an emotion other than happiness? If so, then we're here with you and to tell you that this needs to stop! We're going to have a vent session because we have noticed it's so hard to kick this unless you become more self aware about it.

[1:45] Why We're Talking About This. We need to STOP over-apologizing about everything to everyone. We are running on autopilot and apologize even when it's not a situation that warrants an apology.

[5:00] Why Do We Apologize So Much? We discuss why we believe we tend to apologize so much to others… as well as how these reasons can actually negatively impact us.

• Women especially are taught to be overly polite and conscious of others feelings.
• Self-esteem and earning approval. We want to be seenas sympathetic.
• We don't want to be a burden on others.
• Our fear of conflict. You want to avoid an argument or conflict with others.

[11:40] What You Need To Stop Apologizing For. Let's talk about some things you need to stop apologizing for, as of TODAY. We're going to delve a little deeper to each one of these AND what you can say instead of apologizing for it:

• [12:14] Your feelings. Your feelings are absolutely valid and we don't need to apologize for feeling them.

• [13:27] Other people's feelings. We share an amazing excerpt from "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle that captures this perfectly.
• [17:00] Asking questions when you don't know the answer. Own the vulnerability to admit you don't know everything.
• [18:20] Not responding immediately. Are you really sorry for not answering that e-mail ASAP? Not everything is urgent.
• [21:35] Things outside of your control. Don't apologize for everyone's experiences or your own.
• When you say "NO."
• [25:57] Taking up someone's time. While it's ok to be polite, there are better ways to verbalize this instead of making it seem like we're a nuisance.
• [27:23] Disagreeing with someone...A.K.A. Conflict

[31:10] Our Ultimate Takeaway - Bring awareness and intention back to what a sincere apology for you may be. Pause and see whether the situation warrants a true apology or if it is necessary. Stop apologizing for taking up space.

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#SorryNotSorry… Just kidding, that's cancelled too.

Baklava,

Nat & Nina

Welcome to your mini pick me up! This week, our question will highlight what we discussed in Monday's episode which was all about setting those boundaries! We dove into how important it is to not only identify the boundaries you need to set but VERBALIZING them, especially when they are violated.

Our question for this week is: Have you recently experienced one of your boundaries being violated? How did you handle it?

Let's hear it BYNT Thrive Tribe! Share with us your own experience in handling boundary violations. As always, you can hit us up on the typical channels below! Make sure to subscribe and leave a review as well. We would really appreciate it!

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How many of us have struggled to set boundaries with others or in other areas of our life such as work or family? Ever feel guilty or that you are letting others down in doing so? We can certainly relate and know that we have ALL felt this way at one point or another. This episode we not only define different boundary types but also put to rest the many misconceptions regarding boundaries. Today, we challenge our listeners to reflect on what areas boundaries are needed. No need to fret because we are going to drop some knowledge bombs, experiences and hard truths that only came from our own mistakes that will help pave a path forward. Let's start drawing our lines in the sand y'all!!!

[1:58] Defining Boundaries. Nat describes boundaries as us telling other people how we want to be treated in all aspects of our lives.

[2:14] Boundary Types. Nat & Nina describe different types of boundaries which include physical, temporal and emotional. First to be discussed is physical boundaries which though this boundary may appear to be easiest to achieve, the context as well as relationship dynamics can make this boundary more challenging. Nat shares an experience where she has experienced this challenge herself.

[7:00] Cost of Time. How often do we freely give our time and how much is it actually left for ourselves? This is the main struggle attributed to boundaries dealing with time. Nina shares her own challenges with this particular boundary.

[8:26] Emotional Boundaries & Empaths. Nat & Nina deem this one to be the most challenging, especially for empaths or highly sensitive people who take on the emotions of others.

[12:54] Boundary Misconceptions. It is time to hash out the lies we are told about having boundaries which include that boundaries are selfish or indicative of us not caring for others. Additionally, Nat & Nina address how sometimes we feel that we are letting others down with the boundaries we place.

[16:03] Boundaries at Work. We have all been there...overflowing our plate with work responsibilities, working overtime, and feeling like there are not enough hours in the day. Nat & Nina discuss how boundaries in your work are not only important for you but also to those that report to you if you are in a leadership position.

[20:05] Relationship Boundaries. With the lovely play of personality dynamics, Nat & Nina emphasize the importance of communicated and agreed upon expectations that set these boundaries in all relationships including romantic and friendships. Nina & Nat touch on a few areas including:

• Intimacy in a romantic relationship
• Communicating Self-Care & "Me" Time
• Text Communication

[30:55] Drawing the Line with Family. This is especially challenging with the parent-child relationships with the misconception of respect to be had for our parents and vice versa.

[35:21] It is ALL Interconnected. Nat describes how boundaries in work, family, and relationships are all interconnected. If you do not put up a boundary for one area, it can potentially have negative implications in other areas of your life as well.

[38:35] THE Takeaway. What we fear most is not just the boundary itself but actually COMMUNICATING them and WHEN they are being VIOLATED. This is especially challenging with those we may have close relationships with.

[45:15] Silent Non-negotiables. Sometimes as women, we are fearful to also discuss our non-negotiables in relationships and this sometimes causes unintentional friction and resentment that could lead to larger challenges down the road. Nat & Nina especially dive into the area of dating.

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We say this with love: Put the damn boundary up!

Baklava,

Nat & Nina

Welcome to your mini pick me up! This week we'll be discussing some of the microaggressions we've experienced throughout our lives. This was pretty much a vent session, guys. If you want to learn MORE about microaggressions, you should listen to our previous episode with Hilliary Turnipseed, where we had a chat about different types of microaggressions and how we can become more aware of them.

We'd love to hear your experiences as well! Maybe you get riled up as much as we do when it comes to this topic... As always, you can hit us up on the typical channels below! Make sure to subscribe and leave a review as well. We would really appreciate it!

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NOT SO HARMLESS COMMENTS. We're so excited to welcome back the fabulous Hilliary Turnipseed to have a discussion about microaggressions that women, minorities and people of color typically face throughout their life. It's an important topic and one that WE are not experts on, which is why we wanted to invite Hilliary over to shed some light on this! This is a casual chat (with lots of laughs) about a topic we ALL need to be more aware of.

[3:00] So… What Are Microaggressions Exactly?? Hilliary tells us what this means. These are very small behavioral cues that people say or do, UNCONSCIOUSLY, that affect how we behave and feel about ourselves.

[5:00] Examples From Hilliary's Experience. Hilliary shares how she has faced microaggressions from other women of color for being "too white". Competitiveness and putting other women down

[10:40] Seemingly "Harmless" Comments That Are Microaggressions. Things we hear or say everyday to others that actually can affect how others feel. Unconsciously stereotyping others based off of their gender, color of their skin or ethnicity. Some examples below:

• Making a woman be the designated note taker in meetings
• Telling women to "smile more"
• Offhanded comments to moms who also have a fulltime job.
• Age discrimation - the whole "Millennials ruin everything" or "are lazy"

[21:20] How Can We Recognize Microaggressions And What Do We Do? Trust your feelings and don't gaslight yourself. Don't develop a VICTIM mentality.

• Separate the facts from feelings.
• It's not your responsibility to call it out when it's done to you, but if you witness someone experiencing a microaggression, YOU should be an ally and address it.
• Becoming more aware of what YOU are saying to others

[26:00] Microaggressions vs Unconscious Biases. What are the differences between these two and how are they related?

[27:40] Dealing With This In the Workplace & "The Memo". How do you deal with constant microaggressions at work that can impact your mental health and self-esteem?

• Your feelings are valid and you don't need to justify it. Your gift isn't meant to be shared with everyone.
• "We want a seat at the table, but is it the right table?"
• Find common ground, even if you agree to disagree.

[31:18] Some Additional Takeaways From Today. Changing habits that we don't realize that we're doing. It takes time and self awareness. It's ok to make mistakes - be resilient and just keep learning. For people in HR or business owners, while training sessions are great, it's not a one and done fix.

[37:58] Resources for You! Read "The Memo" by Minda Harts and listen to her podcast (#SecureTheSeat). Michelle Obama's podcast to hear a perspective from a black first lady and her own experiences. DIVERSIFY your sources and read things from the perspective of those who are affected.

Where you can find Hilliary: https://www.hillstreetstrategies.com/ or find her on Instagram @hilliaryt

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We love you!

Baklava,

Nat & Nina