Be You Podcast

Momma Bear, mental health/wellness advocate, mid-life athlete (53), NASM Certified Behavior Change Coach, 25+ career in corporate risk management.

After being diagnosed as prediabetic with high cholesterol and other poor health markers in early 2021, Kiki embarked on a transformation health journey that took her deep within exploring dark corners that had been long ignored and needed healing. Her gritty journey resulted in a physical weight loss of 47 pounds and a newfound confidence in a body builders' gym doing deadlifts and pull ups at 53! But most importantly, she found courage to share her voice, give air to deep trauma, wrap herself in a community of dynamic and like-minded women, and ultimately find her light… maybe for the first time!

[4:02] - After her story, you will look at life differently, be inspired, and become even more grateful for the people in your life.

[10:32] - The interview with Kiki begins. Learn about her name and why Kiki suits her.

[14:58] - Kiki was married to her dream guy and he died suddenly in the 90s.

[18:47] - Extreme grief is radioactive. People don't know how to carry it with you.

[22:23] - 18 months after her husband's death, Kiki became extremely ill. We carry grief in our lungs and the infection attacked her there.

[29:49] - Through this experience, Kiki learned the power of visualizing.

[33:52] - Kiki describes what happened while she was in a sudden coma as a single mom to a new community.

[40:17] - After going through these major life events, she decided to take her life back.

[45:49] - When you see someone showing off their looks and sharing things that they are proud of, you don't know their whole story.

[48:38] - Kiki's weight journey was impacted by her past. Her career in the corporate world drove her to not take care of herself.

[51:13] - Covid-19 lockdowns in 2020 created an expectation of no boundaries and no separation between home and work life.

[53:45] - Kiki met her husband online and has been happily married for 15 years. Her bonus daughter is a holistic health coach.

[60:46] - She describes the beginning of her health and fitness journey and leaving her corporate job.

[65:50] - In the program that has really changed her life, she has done a lot of mindset work.

[68:22] - Kiki describes the experience of going through an unsafe relationship.

[71:50] - She felt so much shame that she started to self-harm.

[77:00] - What is co-creation? In Kiki's situation, her trauma drew in a relationship that matched her vibration.

[81:18] - A good thing that came out of this horrible situation is the connection she made with his ex-wife.

[87:47] - She began to build a healthy relationship with herself.

[91:04] - Jill didn't realize how much she was avoiding health and wellness conversations.

[93:40] - "When the pain of staying where I was got so great, that was when I was ready to change. And it was work. And I needed help."

[96:33] - Around self-love and taking care of herself, there was no trust.

[100:16] - Jill and Kiki talk about recent "ah-ha" moments.

[102:18] - Do the thing that builds trust and keep showing up.

I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys.

Happy birthday to us and to you, the listener.

Thank you and congrats for being on this journey of remembering, uncovering, shedding, unlearning, and healing with us for three years.

The best is yet to come!

[2:47] - Jill is so proud of the podcast and her ability to show up every week to record.

[3:38] - It has been an interesting experience talking into a microphone and not seeing who she's talking to.

[5:41] - When she hears herself speaking and opening herself up, it is healing and clarifying.

[7:01] - Be You's growth has been completely organic.

[9:24] - Anyone who says they don't have any "shit", shows just how traumatized they are.

[11:37] - There could be a whole episode about what Jill has learned simply through the podcast.

[13:54] - Jill has become very protective over Be You Podcast, herself, and her listeners through this process.

[16:13] - Something in the plans for Be You Podcast is video!

[18:45] - There are some things that Jill has wanted to do with the podcast or said that she would, but realized that they made her uncomfortable. She plans to get out of her comfort zone.

[21:40] - Over the last three years, Jill has learned so much about herself and learned so much from her guests.

[24:04] - In upcoming episodes, Jill will not be apologizing for the things she says, possibly sounding crazy.

[27:15] - Jill shares the growth she has gone through in the last three years.

[28:58] - Thank you for being loyal listeners.

I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys.

Jill's chickens have taught her more than she ever could have expected about how she shows up as a mother. You won't believe the lesson they taught her this time. Prepare to laugh and marvel at their wisdom.

[3:02] - When are people, situations, events, maybe even animals, conspiring against you but for you, like in your favor?

[4:30] - Jill's chickens were named by her grandson. She explains a recent situation regarding Elowen.

[6:04] - Something she learned is that when another chicken is injured, other chickens will try to kill it.

[7:44] - Jill's autopilot is to feel guilty. She felt a lot of guilt over her dog attacking the chicken.

[11:03] - Something weird started happening with the chickens' behavior.

[13:46] - Jill shares the experience of finding one of her chickens.

[17:11] - Have you ever cried about something and could tell it was because of something more?

[18:40] - Because of this experience, Jill started playing over every scenario possible.

[20:11] - Instead of blindly going into an old pattern, Jill willingly jumped in.

[22:02] - At the lowest point, Jill's chickens were alive but had been hiding. They returned to their coop.

[23:12] - Jill believes that this experience was for Jill to move through pain and unresolved sadness that she said she didn't want to move through.

[25:41] - We cannot underestimate the power of the words we speak into the universe.

[27:47] - The icing on the cake is that Jill realized that Elowen was an energy leak.

[30:54] - It's all working in our favor and is all divinely orchestrated.

I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys.

Do you know the difference between a closet edit and a CLEANSE?

Edits are helpful and safe… but a cleanse shifts everything in our life. But it requires digging deep and facing off with what we're running from.

[1:35] - We can be more connected to our creativity through our clothing - what we wear and what we don't wear.

[3:31] - Jill went to the birthday party of a dear friend and wanted to wear something that embodied joy and celebration.

[6:16] - She chose something loud and colorful that drew attention to her, even though she has felt uncomfortable with her appearance lately.

[8:59] - Look at yourself and ask when you've done this before and how you felt. And ask yourself when and why you haven't done this.

[12:04] - You'll find yourself opening up and speaking your truth when you wear what you want without fear.

[13:47] - Completely on a whim, Jill spent several hours doing a closet cleanse. She got rid of 15 trash bags of clothing.

[15:36] - When she found herself hesitating on an item in the closet, she realized that it was all because of guilt.

[18:34] - Jill feels like a completely new person after cleansing her closet and drawers of clothing and jewelry she hadn't worn in over a year.

[19:40] - There is a pair of pants that Jill kept because she remembers how good she looked and felt in them.

[21:41] - When you clean out your closet, are you getting rid of a few things here and there or are you doing a true cleanse?

I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys.

Many times in relationships, points of contention and arguments will repeat over and over and over again, because there is something deeper that wants to be healed and resolved in one or both of the participants.

Jill uses a real life and real time example from her own relationship to illustrate what happens when we recognize ourselves going into fight, flight, freeze or fawn (aka "appease") and shows the listener exactly what to do to get back in the body and back to truth, so the pattern can be broken.

[2:23] - This can show up as everyday stuff.

[4:02] - When we get "back online", we get a message. We see the guidance and learn the lesson.

[5:34] - Jill shares the reason she recently became mad at her husband and what lesson she had to learn through it.

[8:04] - One thing that played into her nervous system is something that didn't actually have anything to do with her relationship with her husband.

[10:33] - Jill's brain was overwhelmed with information and it was too much for her.

[11:42] - Have you ever had a bigger reaction than was actually appropriate?

[15:05] - We have reactions sometimes that are "key phrases".

[18:51] - A key phrase is a hint to something that is underneath.

[20:07] - We can move through these things through sound, breath, and movement.

[21:32] - What is it that pokes through?

[23:10] - Jill was reminded of what it felt like in her childhood to experience something that triggered her big reactions to this situation.

[25:49] - A part of her was trying to self sabotage to protect her.

[30:00] - What happened in this experience wasn't an accident. It was a culmination of things to provide answers to Jill.

[32:17] - When you feel like you are going offline, it is okay. There is always an answer deep inside you.

[34:30] - The problem isn't the argument. The problem is not taking the time to do the work.

Check out this link for more information with Jill's trainer: https://trubeehealth.com/

I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys.

There are so many opportunities and paths we could take. We might be really good at something and we may have the chance to make more money or have more of anything if we would just do that thing or take that offer or go down that road....but what if it's life's way of giving us the opportunity to practice choice? What if it's exactly what would take us off course?

[1:40] - Jill was asked to speak at an event but had the feeling she should do it differently than she used to.

[2:54] - What actually is embodiment? It is autopilot.

[4:13] - Jill shares the things that started coming up in her head that were old ego problems.

[5:45] - Everything that we see around us is a result of our masks.

[7:09] - As a result of getting uncomfortable, she had a realization that public speaking isn't something she wants to do anymore.

[10:02] - There were parts of the event that stood out to Jill, and she is confident that these things happened for a reason.

[11:16] - What is something that used to light you up and doesn't anymore?

[12:48] - It's not just excavating. It's being on the journey.

[15:02] - Jill's boundaries have been warped and she knows she has been off course.

[17:20] - We are taught to believe that we are only supposed to serve others.

[18:02] - Text this episode to one person and tell them why it made you think of them.

I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys.

Jill does a rare life update and shares that her month of travel, hosting three big parties, watching her baby leave the nest and hosting guests for three weeks was such a life giving privilege yet proved to be too much.... and most importantly, why.

In this episode, you'll learn about the concept of efforting, what it looks like, and how it can be too much. It's important to understand and listen to our bodies and not let ourselves get pushed too far.

[4:48] - Jill is so grateful for an amazing summer, but it was just too much.

[6:04] - Jill shares all the events from the summer, including Europe trips and amazing parties.

[9:05] - Your nervous system doesn't know the difference between good stress and bad stress.

[11:16] - In addition to traveling, Jill hosted other podcast guests in her home.

[12:23] - Jill's youngest son is moving away for the first time ever and she shares the upcoming list of things that are planned.

[14:09] - For three days, she was sick. If you don't rest, your body will make you rest.

[16:06] - What does it look like when your body is trying to tell you something and you don't listen?

[17:23] - When you find yourself always saying yes, what are the real reasons?

[19:33] - Ask yourself questions about how you are feeling and why you are ignoring your intuition.

[21:47] - In this next stage in her life, Jill is being called to do something.

I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys.

Selomé Samuel is a certified trauma-informed financial and life coach who wants to help people realize that anyone can be good with money.

She's also a creative who through doing her own work around money, realized how much money stress can hijack our creative energy.

She believes that work around money is deep and has the power to ripple out for generations.

Money is power and it is her mission to restore power to those who have historically been stripped of it.

[4:37] - Selomé shares her background and how she found herself as a life coach with an emphasis on money.

[8:09] - A really common misunderstanding is that if you are bad at money, it's a characteristic you can't change.

[9:53] - Hard work is good, but it is a myth that the harder you work, the more money you'll make.

[12:36] - A lot of people hide behind their hard work and believe that they don't deserve more money because they aren't enough.

[15:40] - Everyone has a different relationship with money.

[20:22] - Selomé explains what your nervous system is and how it is connected to your relationship with money.

[24:10] - In her own experience, Selomé's nervous system perceived spending money as dangerous.

[27:05] - It can be very frustrating for people who know there's something wrong with their finances and they can't find a solution.

[32:30] - There can be a really shaming narrative that people with debt fall into. They feel like all their money should be going to pay it off.

[34:04] - Many women feel uncomfortable with money.

[37:18] - With money, it is so easy to place blame on someone or something else.

[40:50] - Shame is at the root of most money problems.

[43:20] - There is a common disconnection between people who heal and want to help the world and making money.

[47:20] - Jill shares an experience in owning an expensive bag that she never felt that she deserved.

[49:19] - A lot of people place their worthiness with how much money they have.

[52:23] - Selomé describes the experience of buying a vacuum that created such a negative experience that she could have completely avoided.

[55:03] - The way you feel about money isn't bad or wrong. It's connected to something that needs to be worked on.

[56:27] - As challenging as it can be, doing the inner work is crucial.

[58:55] - You can find a good coach in the ones who don't actually have it all figured out.

I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys.

• Net Positive Coaching Home Page

• Apply to work with Selomé

• Free masterclass recording on Discovering Your Subconscious Money Blocks

• Selomé on Instagram

What do others think about you? What if they are judging your appearance or decisions? Better yet, what if they aren't? We tell ourselves three major lies when it comes to the opinions of others and the worst part is that we are doing this to ourselves.

Today we are talking about something that every single person in this world encounters and struggles with: the need for approval. It is natural, but we can't live our lives based on what we think others are thinking. So listen on for some experiences I have had in my life and some actionable steps you can take in your life to be you.

• [1:58] - It is very common to struggle with the need for approval but that most women feel like they are the only ones experiencing it.

• [2:47] - Jill gives an example of something that she has experienced in her life of getting feedback from people who don't even know they're giving you feedback.

• [5:57] - She realized that those women were really saying that they wished they didn't care what others thought.

• [8:56] - A lot of women fear that it won't look good or that their partner won't approve of it.

• [10:18] - What your partner is attracted to is you being happy and comfortable in your own skin.

• [11:42] - There is likely another area of your life where the opinions of others matters to you.

• [12:08] - There are three lies that we tell ourselves. Jill discusses these three lies in her free ebook Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others.

• [12:41] - The first lie we tell ourselves is that others' opinions matter.

• [13:06] - The second lie is that their opinion matters more than our own. And the third lie is that others actually care.

• [14:33] - Get a sticky note out and write down the names of the people whose opinion should matter to you. Be careful with this task.

• [15:45] - Jill also recommends breaking the list into categories. Do you value someone's opinion about certain decisions but not others?

• [16:41] - Be sure not to put someone on this list due to obligation or guilt.

• [20:07] - We also tell ourselves that others actually pay attention to what you are doing. Everyone is wrapped up in their own lives that we know nothing about.

• [21:10] - What if people are noticing you because they are seeing the best in you?

• [24:26] - When you quiet your mind and tune into your heart, you know the answer, and you know the decision you should make.

• [25:13] - You don't have to tell the people you put on your sticky note, but what if you did?

• [26:11] - Every single person out there, no matter how successful, is a work in progress. They are not better than you.

• [30:21] - When you acknowledge the freedom and power in another woman, you are giving permission to yourself to be you.

I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys.

Jill shares a very personal story about her decision to sit with plant medicine after saying she never saw herself doing that.

Listen as she shares how this came to be and the shocking message she received.

[3:01] - Not everyone has treated plant medicine with respect and some have had several challenges and discomfort.

[4:16] - Jill was feeling called to certain plant medicines but not to others.

[5:17] - Nobody prompted or coached Jill to do this.

[7:24] - Jill shares her experience of receiving a message through nature.

[9:54] - There were several messages in just one walk through nature. She took the experience seriously.

[12:05] - Before the experience, Jill had felt sick. But there was a reason why.

[15:27] - How do you know if you're afraid of something or not meant to do something?

[17:30] - Jill felt a deep connection to her feelings as a child.

[19:58] - She was ready for something specific to happen but she got a different message than expected.

[22:25] - The messages are only for you.

[24:13] - Jill asked for the experience to be sweet and gentle and requested the message she was meant to hear.

I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys.