Becoming You Again

Self-love shouldn't come with conditions, yet so many of us hold ourselves hostage to impossible standards. I’m tackling this concept of "transactional self-love" in this throwback episode. Transactional self-love are the unconscious bargains we make with ourselves, promising kindness and acceptance only after certain benchmarks are met.
 
We've all said it: "I'll love myself when I lose weight," "I'll be kind to myself once my divorce is finalized," or "I'll accept myself when I find someone new." These conditional statements reveal how deeply we've internalized the message that we must earn our own affection. I explore this phenomenon through multiple lenses; our biological negativity bias, childhood experiences of conditional love, and the societal conditioning that teaches women their value depends on external factors.
 
The relationship you have with yourself forms the foundation for every other relationship in your life. When you withhold compassion from yourself, you're likely applying the same transactional approach to others. Breaking free from this pattern starts with awareness – identifying your personal conditions for self-acceptance and consciously choosing more compassionate alternatives.
 
Through practical steps and thoughtful guidance, I demonstrate how to build an unshakable foundation of self-love that doesn't fluctuate based on achievements or circumstances. This isn't about achieving perfect self-love but creating a baseline of acceptance that supports you through life's inevitable challenges. You'll learn how to recognize your conditional thinking and practice new neural pathways of self-compassion through consistent, intentional thought work.

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE. 

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The first night alone in your own home can be extremely challenging after divorce. For some of us, it's a completely new experience – I was 39 years old before I ever spent a night completely alone in a house. But what starts as overwhelming can transform into something unexpectedly liberating.
 
This episode explores five essential strategies for navigating the transition to solo living after your marriage ends. We begin with the foundation of creating genuine safety – not just physical security, but emotional and mental safety too. You'll learn how to develop a personal "safety plan" for those moments when loneliness or anxiety feels overwhelming, with practical ways to calm your nervous system and reassure yourself.
 
Loneliness represents one of the biggest hurdles during this transition. Whether you're experiencing actual solitude for the first time or feeling emotionally isolated despite having been lonely within your marriage for years, these feelings can be intense. I share specific techniques my clients have used to meet their needs in these moments – from immersive books that provide company to creating community connections when you feel most alone.
 
The surprising revelation for many is discovering unexpected joys in living alone. Sleeping in the middle of the bed. Eating whatever you want (or skipping dinner entirely). Cranking your favorite music while cleaning. The small freedoms of solo living can become genuine pleasures once you open yourself to the possibility that being alone might actually be fun.
 
Beyond survival, this episode guides you toward thriving independently through practices like establishing nurturing routines and finding daily moments of awe that research shows reduce stress and increase wellbeing. These micro-practices take just seconds but create meaningful shifts in how you experience your new living situation. Enjoy this throwback episode and start living a life alone on your terms. 

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE. 

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Divorce guilt can be overwhelming, especially when it's tangled with religious upbringing, family expectations, and concerns about your children. In this deeply personal episode, I open my heart about the guilt I carried after ending my 20-year marriage, particularly how my Mormon background shaped my beliefs that divorce wasn't a viable option and that I was jeopardizing eternal salvation by making this choice.
 
My journey through guilt included what I call the "parental report card" – this imaginary scorecard where I believed my parents were tallying my life choices and finding me increasingly disappointing. I began seeing myself as "the black sheep" of the family, assuming my parents viewed my authentic choices with sadness and disgust. Despite feeling more connected to myself than ever before, this guilt continued to weigh heavily on me.
 
The turning point came when I discovered a passage that helped me create a powerful reframe helping me create a much needed perspective shift helping me heal from the guilt stories I'd been carrying and embrace a new narrative about my choices and their meaning.
 
Whether your divorce guilt stems from religious teachings, family expectations, or concern for your children, or something else, healing is possible. You can learn to unwind from these stories, forgive yourself for the inevitable pain that comes with major life transitions, and recognize that choosing authenticity isn't selfish – it's revolutionary. You are worthy of setting down the divorce guilt in all its forms and embracing your role as a seeker of liberation for yourself and future generations.

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE. 

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Imagine finding a secret perk to divorce that transforms everything about how you see yourself, your life, and your future. That's exactly what this episode uncovers – the extraordinary gift that divorce offers women: the ability to have the best of both worlds.

Most divorced women struggle with guilt for focusing on themselves, feeling trapped between societal expectations of motherhood and their own unfulfilled desires for personal growth. Through years of coaching women through divorce recovery, I've discovered that this painful transition actually creates a unique opportunity to balance two critical roles – being fully present as a mother while also honoring yourself as an individual woman with dreams, desires, and needs.

This balance isn't just possible; it's necessary. When you become the best version of yourself by reconnecting with your intuition, setting healthy boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and learning self-love, you simultaneously become the best parent for your children. You model wholeness rather than self-abandonment. You create safety through self-trust rather than people-pleasing. You demonstrate what it means to live with integrity and authenticity.

Breaking free from the socialized idea that marriage and motherhood represent a woman's highest purpose isn't easy. Many women completely lose themselves in these roles, forgetting they exist as individuals outside of caring for others. Divorce disrupts this pattern, creating space to rediscover yourself while still being the mother you want to be – perhaps an even better one because you're no longer depleted, resentful, or disconnected from your own needs.

Ready to embrace this powerful perspective shift and start experiencing the best of both worlds? Listen now to discover the four key ways to become your best self after divorce, and join the community of women who are rewriting their divorce stories from ones of failure to stories of liberation, growth, and wholeness.

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

======================================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE. 

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The darkness of divorce creates the space for our rebirth as we learn to reject society's harmful narratives and embrace our authentic transformation. Darkness gets a bad rep, especially during divorce, but what if it's actually the birthplace of transformation? Drawing inspiration from Lyz Lenz's book "This American Ex-Wife," in this episode of Becoming You Again, I’ll explore how darkness and light function during a woman's divorce journey.

Society bombards women with what I call "false light" – harmful narratives that make women the bad-guy when it comes to divorce. These deceptive guideposts, like artificial coastal lighting that confuses us, leading women away from their authentic self toward figurative death – living as shells of themselves in marriages where growth has stagnated.
 

True darkness is where you decide for yourself what your divorce means. It's where you reconnect with your inner wisdom, align your brain, body, and intuition, and discover the resilience that was always within you. Like twilight with its beautiful gradient of colors, your divorce darkness contains unexpected beauty that leads to the genuine light waiting on the other side: joy, peace, self-trust, and the power of living authentically.
 
 

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

======================================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE. 

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Grief is an inevitable part of divorce, but the shame and judgment that often accompany it? Those are completely optional. In this episode, I explore why so many of us pile unnecessary suffering onto our natural grief during divorce—whether it's shame about past behaviors, feeling we weren't "enough," or guilt about hurting others, especially our children.
 
Drawing on the Buddhist story of the two arrows, I explain how when we layer shame and judgment onto grief, we actually block the very healing process we're trying to move through. The solution isn't to avoid grief, but to approach it with self-compassion instead of criticism.
 
I share a practical three-step self-compassion practice that you can use whenever that mean inner voice starts berating you about your divorce. This isn't about giving yourself a free pass—it's about creating the emotional safety needed to actually feel and process your grief without the additional burden of shame.
 
As someone who's walked this path, I know firsthand how religion, family expectations, and our own perfectionism can make divorce feel not just painful but shameful. But I also know the liberation that comes when we drop that second arrow and simply allow ourselves to grieve with kindness. Your healing doesn't require suffering—it requires feeling, with compassion, exactly as you are.
 
Ready to get off the emotional rollercoaster of divorce? Download my free guide "What to Expect During Divorce" through the link in the show notes and start feeling more grounded today.

For more information and full show notes go to:
https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/ep223

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

======================================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE. 

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Divorce creates the perfect breeding ground for resentment - that heavy, persistent feeling that can linger for years after your marriage ends. But what if you could finally set down that emotional burden?
 
This episode dives deep into understanding what really fuels your post-divorce resentment. Through practical exercises and thoughtful guidance, you'll learn to identify the specific ways the resentment was created in the first place.
 
The transformation begins with awareness. By recognizing exactly what you're holding onto and why, you create space to process these emotions completely. I walk you through a step-by-step writing exercise to help you name your resentments without judgment, identify the expectations and then I offer concrete techniques to process through the resentment and release it with intention.
 
As a bonus, are you ready to free yourself from unnecessary emotional baggage? Download my free guide to managing the emotional rollercoaster of divorce through the link in the description to accelerate your healing journey. 

For more information and full show notes go to:
https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/ep222

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

======================================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE. 

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Divorce guilt is one of the heaviest burdens mothers carry, particularly when it comes to our children. We're bombarded with messages about "staying together for the kids," research on divorce's negative impacts, and cultural narratives that paint divorced families as inherently damaged. But what if we've been looking at this all wrong?
 
In this episode, I challenge the notion that divorce harms children by offering four powerful ways divorce can actually benefit your kids. One of the profound gifts that I’ll cover is your children get access to the best version of you - a woman who honors her needs, maintains healthy boundaries, and models self-respect rather than self-abandonment. When you reconnect to your authentic self after divorce, you demonstrate for your children what healthy adulthood actually looks like.
 
Ready to release the burden of divorce guilt and embrace the positive impact your choices can have on your children? Listen now, and discover how reframing your divorce story can free both you and your children to create healthier, more authentic lives.

To download your FREE GUIDE: "What to Expect When Divorcing: The Ultimate Guide to Dealing with the Emotional Rollercoaster of Divorce" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

For more information and full show notes go to:
https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/ep221

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

======================================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE. 

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Struggling to feel grounded after your divorce? The path forward begins with something surprisingly simple: being present.
 
When we're caught in the cycle of regret about the past or anxiety about the future, genuine healing remains out of reach. In this episode I’ll share a powerful yet straightforward technique that can transform how you navigate post-divorce emotions. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise engages all five senses to anchor you firmly in the present moment—the only place where true healing occurs.
 
What makes this approach so valuable is its simplicity and accessibility. You can practice it anywhere: during a stressful meeting, while managing chaotic family moments, or when those painful divorce memories resurface unexpectedly. By doing this practice you're actively realigning your nervous system and creating space for healing.
 
This episode goes beyond just teaching a technique—it reframes how we understand emotional regulation after divorce. The goal isn't to achieve perfect calm at all times but to develop greater capacity to navigate life's challenges without being controlled by habitual fight-flight-freeze responses. When we can ground ourselves in the present, we gain the ability to make conscious choices about who we want to be and how we want to show up in our post-divorce lives.
 
To download your FREE GUIDE: "What to Expect When Divorcing: The Ultimate Guide to Dealing with the Emotional Rollercoaster of Divorce" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

For more information and full show notes go to:
https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/ep220

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

======================================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE. 

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What happens when the future you've always planned for suddenly disappears? After divorce, many women find themselves trapped in a pit of despair, believing their chance at happiness vanished along with their marriage. But what if this challenging transition actually offers an unexpected gift – the freedom to design a future that truly resonates with who you are?
 
In this episode I’ll explore how society's prescribed notions of family, happiness, and success have shaped our expectations. Those perfect retirement scenes in medication commercials? The idyllic nuclear family portrayed in media? These aren't universal truths – they're social constructs that have evolved (and continue to evolve) throughout human history. You'll discover how challenging these inherited beliefs creates space for authentic growth and self-discovery.
 
The episode offers practical guidance for creating a new vision that aligns with your values and current reality. Through targeted questions – about your guiding principles, bold dreams, and how you'll view this chapter in hindsight – you'll learn to craft a future outlook that serves and inspires you. Because if we're going to "make up" our futures anyway (as we all do), why not create visions that genuinely support who we are and who we're becoming?

To download your FREE GUIDE: "What to Expect When Divorcing: The Ultimate Guide to Dealing with the Emotional Rollercoaster of Divorce" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

For more information and full show notes go to:
https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/ep219

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here. 

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

======================================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE. 

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