Being A Better Man

Hey everybody, welcome to Being A Better Man. I am your host my name is Alf Herigstad, and today I’m going to do something a little different. I’m actually headed out of town and my schedule is totally booked up for a few days so I thought I would replay an episode from December 30th, almost 6 months ago. It’s the last episode of 2016, number 147.

I chose this episode because the content is still valid for one—but also because it’s an opportunity for all of us to check in on how this year is going. Are we accomplishing the things we set out to do at the start of the year? Or, do we need to change directions and do something different for the next half of the year? I’ll be back on Monday with a brand new episode. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

It’s amazing. When you get an agreement from someone prior to starting a conversation it’s a whole different world. Suddenly you are both free to express yourself without trying to prove something. You are exchanging ideas and opinions without someone insisting on being right. The best part though, is that you both have an opportunity to hear one another. People who are angry don’t hear, they can’t because they are too busy formulating their next verbal onslaught, instead of listening and responding.

I’m talking about this today because I think it’s important, that we all acknowledge our mother’s, and all the other mothers we know. The mothers of the world do more for the advancement of our species than any other force on earth. Each one of us, regardless of your circumstance owes your life to your mother. Even if you happen to have a crappy mother, you still owe her your life, and that isn’t a small thing. In short, what I’m trying to get across is that motherhood itself is a miracle. It is a magical, spiritual, biological, emotional phenomenon that we as men will never be able to grasp entirely…but we can acknowledge it. We can admit that it’s something we will never be able to do or be. It is something to be celebrated because without motherhood, civilization would not exists. Motherhood makes everything else possible.

Some guys spend their whole life on that hamster wheel, and when they retire on a big pile of money they can’t understand why they are divorced or on the verge of it. They don’t know why they aren’t close to anyone, why their kids don’t really know them, and why so many friends aren’t around anymore. I’ve seen these men, they are lonely and sad. I think this is one of the most tragic fates a man can suffer.

Hey every body! I’m back! This is Alf Herigstad resuming the Being A Better Man podcast after mother nature took me out for a few days. As you may have noticed there was no podcast last Friday, or this Monday, and todays podcast is coming out late in the day. I am sorry for the break in continuity, it’s the first time that I have ever missed releasing an episode on time and there is a good reason for it. Here where I live in the wilds of Western Washington, we had a major weather event that causes severe damage.

I didn’t start this podcast because I know everything or have all the answers, I started it because I was on a journey. I have to tell you that putting these 200 episodes together, writing them, researching them, recording them…all of it has also transformed me. I can say without reservation, that I am a better man today than I was 464 days ago and I have this podcast and you the listeners of this podcast to thank for that. Thank you.

It’s not rocket science, we all kind of know this stuff already, but our biology and our passion and our excitement gets in the way of our intellect and the next thing you know we’re stuck somewhere that’s kind of miserable. When we are miserable, we can’t be the best man that we are capable of being. That’s why I’m talking about this, not for you exactly today necessarily, but for you in the future as well. We all encounter these situations in life, and if we can think about them before we get there it can help with our decision making process.

When I read these descriptions, of which there are many more, I do not see a nice guy being described. What I see is a sad excuse for a male human. A spineless, self absorbed, candy-ass facsimile of a man who is pretending to be nice. The problem is…there isn’t anything nice about a guy like that. That’s why I feel like a truly good man, is by definition, an actual nice guy. He’s the real thing and not a pretend nice guy because a good man has a certain level of genuine care for those around him. Their safety and well being. Sure he might hurt feelings occasionally because he is being honest, but overall, that is a greater kindness to the people in his life than being a deceptive jerk.

As men we have to suck it up and do what we need to do as men so that we can enjoy the rewards of being a man. So that our families can be taken care of, our bills will be paid, all the things in our life including ourselves will be in good working order and most importantly…so that all of our relationships will be healthy, and happy. Not only that, but in our wake we will have left an example for the other boys and men around us. That is why the minutia of manhood is so important.

I think one of our jobs as a man is to learn as much as we can about everything. It helps you make decisions better because you have more data for comparative analysis. The more you learn about other people, the better understanding you will have of yourself, and of your impact in the world. If you develop a habit of paying attention to people and things around you you will increase in wisdom, confidence, and social intelligence. All of these things are really handy in a world with so many other people, each one of them a little different than you. There are so many interesting things to learn from our fellow human beings.