I have moved to my fourth place in 11 months. I am aware of how much deeper I have gone over the past year in living my own work and utilising the techniques I use with clients. I am on the same journey as every other human…I am aiming to live from my higher Self, connected to Source energy. The closer I get the better I am at assisting others who are on the same path. I am celebrating all the challenges I have addressed in my ever evolving expansion.

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I have asked the universe to send me to the best place for my continued expansion into being able to live consciously, guided by inner wisdom and connected to my SELF. I am being asked to move to a new location. This means saying goodbye to a city and friends who have been part of my life for decades. This week also saw me saying goodbye to my mother as I scattered her ashes in a place filled with meaning for me. I knew I had to scatter the ashes before I moved to the next phase of my life. The phase dedicated not to healing the past wounds but in living from my heart and creating from my heart.

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I have been noticing and celebrating the fact I have been relying on the opinion of others much much less & listening to my own inner wisdom instead. I may still ask another for some advice and input, but now I no longer just believe without question, they spoke my truth for me. Now I listen and if they shine a light on a new way of seeing my situation and assist me to see my choice or path clearer, then that is a bonus. Others are never experts on our life. We are the experts on our own lives, but we can have others be a great mirror or a great catalyst for us to see ourselves in more light.

We do of course have to learn to hear our own inner wisdom. So we may make mistakes as we learn this skill. But being human mean it is ok to make mistakes. Nothing is a mistake if it assists us in the long run. We have to know what works, what doesn’t work and be ok with the time it takes to be able to discern the difference.

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Surrendering or letting go is an important part of allowing integration of old programming and patterns that created faulty beliefs or there are unprocessed emotions remaining. Sometimes it is easy to surrender. Other times it can feel like we have surrendered but later we discover it is still there holding on like old chewing gum on the sole/soul. Being compassionate to this sticky tricky pattern is required. The pattern sneakily tries to stay ‘alive’ by creating drama and sabotaging your life in an attempt to prove it is still needed. When it is seen and finally feels safe enough it will integrate….it is a process. We are all human and on a journey within to know ourselves and these patterns block our own understanding of ourselves. The patterns were formed to help us survive when we couldn’t respond any other way. They helped us. Now they are sabotaging us….but they require safety, compassion and non-judgement.

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To integrate a ego pattern of unprocessed energy- whether it is appearing as a physical symptom, pain or a behaviour or a repeated life circumstance it is vital to become aware of the issue. Awareness is the first step to integration/healing. Often the awareness will shift a lot of the problem, but sometimes a tricky pattern or energy can require the safe presence of a compassionate witness. The energy space can assist in lifting the consciousness in which the issue is viewed or held and this can catalyse it to integrate deeper. Also many wounds and issues are created in relation to another person so they often require the presence of another to be integrated and dissolved of its ability to trigger a reaction in us.

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I asked to meet and live from my soul- from my own Higher Power, the part of me that is whole, loving, compassionate, wise and knows it is connected to the universe. This spiritual seeking triggered a dark night of the soul. I am still in this dark night.

What does the dark night of the soul mean? It is the universe and soul’s way of leading me towards my request. To become whole and our true self we have to meet all the places within us that are still unconscious or in shadow. These are often parts of ourselves that we do not like or feel ashamed about. Or these parts can trigger guilt within us because of past behaviour.

So, because I have knowledge that my true self is pure love. That all my ego patterns or coping strategies have been created out of attempting to keep me safe when I was unable, ill equipped, or too young to be able to address the original situation. I have enough tools in my toolbox to allow myself to safely sit and feel and witness these feelings in compassion. I used my own somatic therapy and counselling skills for myself.

N.B. if any overwhelm or trauma reactions occur from this post this may indicate you have unresolved patterns that may require the assistance of a static therapist/counsellor/trauma therapist.

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Sometimes on the journey to healing or knowing our SELF we use a variety of tools and techniques from various practitioners. Sometimes these tools and techniques are helpful at guiding us closer to our inner wisdom and higher self. At other times they can be a bandaid, used to cover up the patterns and energies that require changing because we give the technique the power. We believe they will be the ‘fix’ we need. Often we don’t need fixing, just the ability to access our inner wisdom and higher self. The power is within us and the techniques are just a way to activate our inner wisdom and higher power connection. Telling the difference can be tricky…..

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I was at a film night with friend. We watched ‘The Wisdom of Trauma’. My friend asked about the concept of inner children, so I described them like a series of Russian dolls…with every moment of our life represented by the dolls in a linear way…until the present moment. The doll’s shape may change or the expression may alter at a point when a trauma or unprocessed emotion occurred.

With somatic therapy & counselling we can often discover at which point an inner child or inner Russian doll accumulated a ‘wound’ or trauma. This can integrate the ‘change’ so the wound is no longer causing the effect on our present self as it once did.

How do our inner child wounds present in the present moment? Maybe thinking how an actor would portray that wounded adult, may give an insight into how our body and biochemistry may change? It is with our perceptions that we view the wound from these inner children and that can be different for each of us.

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From my learnings I have have come to view humanity, each of us, as having an inner essence, inner wisdom, a perfect version/template of ourselves and that eons of human existence with its imperfection, ego driven behaviours has acquired layers upon layers of ‘stuck’ energy from our lives and those we have inherited. This has created an outer armour of unprocessed energy & emotions. What has happened to us and our ancestors, if unresolved or unintegrated, can manifest as chronic symptoms, pain or maladaptive behaviours/patterns.

The first step towards recovering our inner essence is to ‘see’ or acknowledge these energies/feelings/emotions etc and then to surrender them.

We store thoughts in our body according to feelings. So by addressing a feeling in our body, with compassion & non-judgement we can allow the feelings to be integrated and we feel lighter as we are carrying less unresolved energy. The thoughts can go on mass, as many are linked to one feeling. We, layer upon layer, uncover our true essence and reconnect with our inner wisdom that has been there all along. But sometimes the ego patterns are so crafty they keep coming back even after we ‘think’ we have surrendered them.

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There is more usually, to physical chronic pain, injuries & illness. Recovery is not just about the body but also about how we are thinking/believing, what unprocessed emotional issues are running unconsciously in the background calling for our attention with the symptoms or even the spiritual aspect to the issue. Connecting to our inner wisdom, being in awe when in nature or when gazing at the stars, being with a beloved pet or connecting to a Higher Power, can be aspects of the spiritual. all aspects are being found in research to be important for a healthy balanced life.

As life is a journey, and everything is connected, it doesn’t matter where you start or with which of the four aspects of true health but once you start you will influence all the others to a varying degree. As we become more aware and in connection with our inner wisdom the interconnections become clearer & we are more able to consciously choose our path.

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