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What we think makes us good stepparents and what actually makes us good stepparents are sometimes exact opposite things.

We come into this gig with our own ideas about what being a good stepparent "should" look like: active, involved, hands-on parenting. And then we go so overboard trying to prove that we're not evil or wicked that we end up over-engaging in a way that burns us out.

Then we're also faced with all the outside opinions from our partners, friends, family, or even the ex about how they think we "should" be acting for us to be considered good stepparents. And those opinions are often at odds with the reality of stepparenting too, or they're just not realistic for our actual lives.

Common example: we think we need to parent our stepkids to be good stepparents. Our stepkids typically don't like this, and our partners then accuse us of being too hard on their kids. Wait, how are we supposed to show we care if we're not parenting?? The answer: let go of that first preconception that we must parent in order to be good stepparents.

Look, this is a confusing gig, and there's no right answer that works for every stepfamily. Some stepkids are thrilled to have a new stepparent enter the picture. Some think their new stepparent is THE WOOOOORST. Most stepkids have mixed feelings.

What's the answer? BE YOURSELF.

Don't stress so much about whether the stepkids like you (they'll probably come around) or what outsiders think about your role (their opinion doesn't matter anyway).

Just be yourself, stop giving yourself empty, and create your own version of the stepparenting role that works best for you, your relationship, and your stepfamily... in that order.

Not sure how to get started? Here’s our free stepparenting survival guide. xo

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