Below The Bible Belt

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In which the good ol' boys decide that THIS is the year, as they start 2015 off with a bum knee, a dungeon full of VHS tapes, and the perfect peanut butter-to-jelly ratio. Resolve to do better next time, as James gets academic apathy, Matt looks for love in all the wrong apps, and the two get to the bottom of another Midnight Detective Johnson mystery.

I HAVE A RIGHT TO WALK THROUGH HUMAN EXCRIMENT. DON'T TREAD ON ME.

   

LINKS:
This is the only Mountain Goats cover you will ever need to hear. Watch the whole thing. It is beautiful.

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In which the good ol' boys ring in Twenty-Oh-One-Five the only way they know how: by thumbing their nose at the laws of God and man! Listen as James dodges enlightenment on the dog treats aisle, defends Black Friday with his blood, and spends the Rapture sitting happily on the fence. Double-listen as Matt gets the 3 AM phone call this entire podcast has been building to, mocks the educational system he hopes to one day join, and tells us about the second-most terrifying hostage situation he's even been a part of. Then triple-listen as a personal mas sager once again drives two siblings to the brink of madness... and beyond.

I BET HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE DUCK DYNASTY!

   

LINKS:
The game is actually called "Altered Beast", not "Lord of Beasts", but I assure you it is EXACTLY as I described.

Heidi Creamer Suspected Of Assaulting Twin Sister Over Sex Toy, Boyfriend

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In which the boys once again welcome their not-so-special guest Alex "MB" Koch, who delights and enrages them with word of his harrowing escape from The House of Low Prices. What did he want with a motorcycle helmet?! Why the water noodle?! Why were the callgirls dressed as Batman?! Who will stop the rampage of Money MB?! And then Matt writes a history paper on a schizophrenic ventriloquist.

MATT JENSEN: THE LAST MOUNTAIN MAN! COMING SOON TO A BOOKS-A-MILLION NEAR YOU.

NOTE: Yeah, this episode's audio quality is for shit, but we were forced to use a back-up recording after a corruption in the main file replaced all of James's audio with an endless loop of high-pitched farting noises. That is not a joke. No. Really.

   

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In which the good ol' boys soil their family names and TP their reputations, as they get talk about two or three times they've actually misbehaved. Matt defiles his body with a memento of his beloved, James enters into a dark compact with a Child of The Nile, and the two spend entirely too much time recalling Not Another Teen Movie.

SHOOT SHOOT. KISS KISS. WHITE WHITE. VOTE FOR ME.

   

Tissuegate Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Enter: Big Luther

His Nemesis

Enter: Hubbard

The final reveal

The gauntlet has been thrown down

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In which the good ol' boys register themselves as sovereign nations and don't need their Moms telling them what to do, as they declare this day their Independence Day. Salute Matt as he drops the mic in History class, suffers the cruel tutelage of Professor PJ, and gets caught up in Dollar General intrigue with a dame to kill for, Meanwhile, James once again stumbles onto a dark conspiracy, involving shoes, wizards, Elvis, a possum, and a deep-fried minimum wage harem, as he struggles to answer the most elusive question of all... who REALLY knows what's going on?

ATTENTION SHOPPERS: HE CAN TUNE. I REPEAT, WE HAVE ONE WHO CAN TUNE.

"The Man" copyright 2013 Aloe Blacc Recording, Inc.

   

How the handi-capable have fallen.

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In which one of the good ol' boys is laid up with some bullshit, leaving the g'day boy to pick up the burden, as James welcomes Matt Fuss back to the show as his special guest-host. After binging on season one of House of Cardboard, Aussie Matt tells tales of his journey to the Americas, the accursed voyage of decadence that nearly did him in, the strange sights and sounds awaiting travelers at The Carrot Top Cave, the dark secret of the Epcot Center, and the cleanest pair of dog balls there ever was.

JUST KEEP SHOUTING AND WAVING YOUR ARMS. HIS ACCENT WILL FEEL THREATENED AND RETREAT.

"Immigrant Song" from "Whole Lotta Blugrass: A Bluegrass Tribute to Led Zepplin", copyright Iron Horse, 2005

"Vegemite (The Black Death)" copyright Amanda Palmer, 2011

   

The Bacon Bowl. Well, we had a good run, Planet Earth.

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In which the good ol' boys throw on their mortarboards and inhale a lung-full of chalk dust, as they reminisce on their long-forgotten days in the public education system. Matt steps off his high horse of low prices long enough to stand idly by while the Dollar General Response Team performs a heroic rescue, James struggles to save a child from the grip of his dopplecreeper, and the two men are left forever shaken by a bond they never knew they had.

SO THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE... WHEN DOVES CRY.

   

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And then this happened.

   

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In which the good ol' boys aren't rid of their special guest yet, as they brace themselves for the encroaching amphibian onslaught with more Tales of Cody. Be sure to stay in line as you're taken on a guided tour through the most wretched domicile imaginable, a place where the laws of God and Man cease to exist, sinister St. Nicks lurk at every corner, and mason jars appear and disappear when they see fit. Will Cody learn to trust the fungus? What secret does the M.O.D.O.K. mug still hold? What REALLY happened to Sinbad's career? Some of these questions and more are answered in part two of the weirdest BtBB ever.

HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLASE' ABOUT A BAG OF MANNEQUIN HEADS?!

   

... it's a really good movie.

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In which the good ol' boys welcome a very special guest to the show: A dark secret from James's past, a traveler from the distant land of Wisconsin, the last son of the Alft tribe, the #2 fan of President #11, the Frogmaster himself, Cody Alft. Furrow your brow in confusion as The Strange One befuddles our hosts with tales of the WereMcConaughey, runs an illicit smuggling operation at Summer Camp with tragic consequences, goes on an epic, cancerous journey for a smoking jacket, and reveals how our show saved his life, before our show immediately tries to kill him. Then there's the penny story.

CURSE THIS M.O.D.O.K. MUG!

NOTE: Cody recorded this episode while phasing between Earth and his home plane of Dimension-F, so instead of leaving a potentially awkward silence, each exit from our reality is signified by an ear-splitting tone, AS PER HIS INSTRUCTIONS.

   

Join the M.O.D.O.K. Mug Club!

Listen to more of Cody on Box Office Pulp!

Check out his tumblr why you're at it!

Or this other tumblr I made when I was bored one night.

Okay

I admit

This was weird