Beta Male Revolution

How do you traverse conflicts with your partner where you feel insecure? What can you do to build healthy self-esteem? How can you navigate your insecurities to pull them out at the root?

In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldridge speak with Juan Santos about dealing with insecurity.

Meet Juan Santos

Juan is a licensed clinician that helps people reclaim their lives and build healthy relationships. Mr. Santos owns a counseling practice, Santos Counseling PLLC, located in Greensboro, NC. Juan loves coaching people through journeys of self-discovery and uncovering creative ways to become their best version.

Visit his website, listen to his podcast.

Connect on Facebook and Instagram.

In This Podcast

Summary

* Navigating insecurities

* Parenting and insecurities

* How do you build healthy self-esteem?

Navigating insecurities

As you navigate it, try to remember that your relationship has a safe place. (Juan Santos)

Remember that no harm will come into play between yourself and your partner. At times we forget that, and it pushes us to be more insecure. People will do what they want to independently, however when those two people are in a relationship, those two individual choices can clash.

Therefore, it can help to resolve those issues as a unit and it shows your child that the message is coming across from two united people, versus from one

Parenting and insecurities

Some people will come into relationships with insecurities due to previous unresolved traumas.

What’s really happening is that the past is tapping into the present moment and reminding the person of the hurt they experienced, so then they’re in this state of alert and their reaction to their partner could be aggressive or avoidant. So, there’s a prime example of how our individual insecurity can hurt a relationship. (Juan Santos)

Once you recognize you are operating from a place of insecurity, you can move towards security by doing an evaluation of yourself.

Do journal writing: view your insecurities in work, in your relationship, when you look in the mirror, and break down those insecurities by becoming aware of them. Dig into them to try and find some sort of understanding, keep asking ‘why’ to go deeper into them.

How do you build healthy self-esteem?

We must engage in healthy changes to allow ourselves to fully grow and release what is no longer serving us. We need to be as vulnerable as we can with ourselves and shed the idea of perfection because that fuels insecurity.

Get 50% off when using code ‘BMR’ on the Relationship Success For Men Course – Helping Men Become Better Husbands

Are you ready to find the freedom to be yourself as a beta male? Do you want permission and tools to be your best beta? Are you ready to join the revolution to find strength as a beta? If you want to be comfortable in your skin and be the most authentic beta male, then our free beta revolution course is for you. Sign up for free.

Useful links:

* Beta vs Alpha | Bonus Episode

* Ol...

Are you curious and wanting to learn more about Pastors that are women? How does feminism and religion intersect? What can you remember in the face of criticism?

In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldridge speak with Pastor Tara Eastman about Holy Shenanigans

Meet Pastor Tara Eastman

Tara Lamont Eastman is a pastor, feminist and creative. She/her is ELCA minister in central New York who has a background in social work, teaching, arts, and music.

She has a new podcast called Holy Shenanigans that discusses the spiritual and sacred – that is never stuffy.

Listen to her podcast.

Connect on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @holyshenanigans

In This Podcast

Summary

* Feminism and being a pastor

* Why is there a fear around women stepping into leadership roles?

* How do you build resilience against criticism?

Feminism and being a pastor

Historically speaking in the Christian church, the first creature [to find Jesus] was a woman, so you know, I’m just trying to do right by Mary.

For Pastor Tara, feminism is treating women as people.

Why is there a fear around women stepping into leadership roles?

I think there’s western civilization, like America and Christianity right, and there’s so much tied up in that idea that is not necessarily – and this is kind of a revolutionary thought – the heart of Christianity. (Tara)

The heart of Christianity is loving your neighbor, yourself, and God. Jesus did a lot by speaking up for women. There are so many examples of Him raising and lifting up people, women included. Pastor Tara thinks Jesus would want everyday people to do, men and women working together.

How do you build resilience against criticism?

Pastor Tara recites that nothing will separate you from the love of God.

If you want to receive a coloring fish freebie as mentioned in this podcast, please email [email protected]

Books mentioned in this episode

Are you ready to find the freedom to be yourself as a beta male? Do you want permission and tools to be your best beta? Are you ready to join the revolution to find strength as a beta? If you want to be comfortable in your skin and be the most authentic beta male, then our free beta revolution course is for you. Sign up for free.

Useful links:

* Jon Vroman is an Alpha Getting it Right | Episode 29

* Sign up here for the free Beta Male Course

Are you a father or family provider who feels stuck between wanting to work to support your family, and wanting to actually be at home with your family? What can you do to take a step away from work expectations? How can providers in families build strong relationships with their partners?

In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldridge speak with Jon Vroman who is an alpha male getting it right.

Meet Jon Vroman

Jon Vroman has been married for 10-years to the beautiful Tatyana, proudly served as a father for his two energetic boys, Tiger and Ocean, and founder of FrontRowDads.com, a brotherhood that helps men become better family men.

He hosts the Front Row Dad podcast, which focuses on thriving marriages, empowered parenting, emotional mastery, optimal health, and integrated living.

Front Row Dads is designed for high-performing entrepreneurial men who believe in being family men with business, not businessmen with families.

Jon has been featured on Today Show and Inc.com for his work in helping others “Live Life In The Front Row™”. He’s been requested to speak for the US Navy, Vitamix, Dove, Keller Williams Realty, Entrepreneurs Organization, and many others.

As the author of #1 bestselling author of The Front Row Factor, he shares inspiring stories, compelling science, and life strategies that challenge you to explore your values, establish priorities and reconnect to a higher purpose and deeper meaning within your life.

In 2005, Jon founded FrontRowFoundation.org, a charity that helps individuals who are braving life-threatening illnesses, to experience the event of their dreams, from the front row.

Visit his website, listen to the Front Row Dad podcast, and the Facing Life podcast. Connect on Facebook and Instagram.

In This Podcast

Summary

* How do you scale back?

* 18 Summers

* How can entrepreneurs make time for this?

How do you scale back?

Figuring out how to serve the families, live out their passion, and give back to the world without putting out the family is a big challenge that many providers and fathers face. Some of the ways that Jon Vroman addresses these challenges in his work through Front Row Dads is creating programs throughout the year that call in men’s attention to checking in with where they are at.

If you want to change the heart of a man, you want to change the direction of their life, you have to change the conversations they are having. Which, to change the conversation we’re having, we need to change the questions we’re asking.

They call up the men of asking big questions to make them really think about their lives, and that they are doing. The important conversation is thinking about how to get out of the intensity of working continually to get back in touch with the family.

Another big conversation is thinking about what the biggest focus is, the lead domino. What does my family look like on the calendar, what does my health and what will my vacation look like in the calendar and afterward working the business around these non-negotiables.

18 Summers

What this concept revolves around is the idea that we only have a finite amount of time, and a finite amount within each season – like with children,

Do you live with someone who is going through recovery? What can you do when the fear of a relapse kicks in? How can each party interact with one another and work together to move through the fears?

In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldridge speak about recovery in real time.

In This Podcast

Summary

* Fear

* Daily acts

Fear

Both parties experience fear, the person in recovery, and the loved ones close to them. Even though someone is in recovery and has been sober for a long period of time, that fear is still present of ‘will they relapse’.

This fear can also be felt by the person in recovery, who may feel antagonized when their partners or family are nervous – however, it is a traumatic event for everyone involved and it can, and does, take a long time for things to settle again.

I don’t fight it like I used to. I really have been relieved of the obsession to do that, but I still have crazy thoughts that still enter into my mind – Billy

It is sunup to sundown for many people in recovery, because that feeling is just behind the door.

We never want to present ourselves as like this cheesy couple with all the answers, and we don’t have any of the answers … but we do wanna talk about issues to give people hope – Brandy

All kinds of betrayal, whether it is an addiction, infidelity, or abuse, all create a type of anxiety in our partners, and in order to bridge the divide, you need to lean into the uncertainty and look at the pain.

Daily acts

Billy gets up, gets on his knees, and asks God to help him stay sober. Having something outside of him helps him keep aware of his actions and act in the integrity of his family.

It really is just a slaying of the ego, because my best thoughts and my best laid plans got me here, so why would I think they could get me out of this place that I had gotten myself into? – Billy

To keep the sobriety, you keep it and pay it forward to others. He goes to meetings, reads every day, talks to people, and at night, getting on his knees and saying, ‘thank you for helping me’. Opening himself up to be available for what needs to get done on that day.

Brandy takes pride and feels compassion towards Billy for getting up every day and working on himself, being an example to the family of deep, simplified spirituality. Asking God for favor and wisdom, and talking to Billy when she feels like she goes in a small spiral from worry.

Together, they plan for the future but live for the day, in the present.

Books mentioned in this episode

How can you help people who are feeling isolated and stressed? Why are people in need of human connection now more than ever? Want to hear about facing fears and other difficulties in life from a therapist’s perspective?

In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldridge speak with Nathan and Aaron from The Shrink Think Podcast.

Meet Aaron and Nathan

Nathan is a licensed counselor, clinical supervisor, and owner of his private counseling group practice in Oregon. He has been a therapist since 2004 and a supervisor since 2014. He loves camping with his family and friends, wearing shorts and flip flops to work, and figuring out the neurobiology of everything!

Aaron is also a licensed counselor, clinical supervisor, and owner of his private counseling group practice in Oregon. He also co-owns another business with Nathan. He has been a therapist since 2007 and a supervisor sine 2015. He loves working out and playing sports, spending time with his family, and practicing speaking with different accents!

They share some of their experiences as counselors, business owners, and most important of all, as everyday people.

Visit their website, listen to the podcast. Sign up for the free e-course.

In This Podcast

Summary

* Isolation and stress

* Human connection

* The Shrink Think Podcast

Isolation and stress

For now, we just need to know that we are not alone and that there are others of us that are caring for one another and I think you just can’t underestimate the power of that connection.

In the current climate, people are feeling a different level of stress as they deal with a host of uncertainties in their daily lives.

People want to come into therapy and be seen, be cared for, and be connected with. It’s really important to be validated, share that space, and share that uncertainty with someone.

Human connection

It is becoming very evident that there is a need for human connection, but at the same time, people are terrified of it because of COVID.

The Shrink Think Podcast

This podcast comes from the point of view of therapists and the general human side of life. There are interviews with people that discuss their successes, insecurities, struggles, and so forth to encourage you to find a community, because even though everyone is dealing with things differently, the things that they deal with are the same.

In the interviews, they talk to people who are outwardly successful and speak to them about their insecurities and helps listeners understand how human they are behind their success stories.

The free e-course available on the website below teaches people how to deal with fear, breaking down mental illness stigmas, and encouraging self-acceptance, self-compassion while teaching you how to practice these aspects in your life.

Books mentioned in this episode

Are you ready to find the freedom to be yourself as a beta male? Do you want permission and tools to be your best beta? Are you ready to join the revolution to find strength as a beta?

Are you wanting to learn ways to be a better parent to your kids and partner to your spouse? What skills can you learn to help you shift your patterns? How can having a mentor help you?

In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldridge speak about radical mentoring with Kevin Harris.

Meet Kevin Harris

Kevin Harris is the president of Radical Mentoring. Kevin grew up in Durham, NC, and attended Furman University before moving to Atlanta. Before joining Radical Mentoring, he led a sales team at Wells Real Estate Funds and served in sales positions at CNL and Atlas Energy.

He and his wife Susan have two boys, Thomas and Bo. Kevin enjoys coaching his sons, cooking a good meal, reading a good book, and watching a good game.

Visit Kevin’s website, connect with him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Vimeo.

In This Podcast

Summary

* Kevin’s foundational points

* 5ft for 5 minutes

* How radical mentoring connects with the male community

* Quick tips on how to be a better dad and husband

Kevin’s foundational points

For Kevin, becoming a better father and husband is a universal truth to follow.

“I believe that I’m the better husband and the better dad if I love and serve my wife and my kids really well.”

Although this is difficult sometimes and it can feel like an upside-down way to live initially, but having a loving and strong relationship with his children and his partner bring Kevin the greatest joy and deeper inter-relational connections.

Learning how to care for our families and the people closest to us seems to feel increasingly alien in a world where we care more for our clients at work. However, making this conscious change to also value and uphold the family as a unit is necessary to build healthy interpersonal relationships.

5ft for 5 minutes

This is an idea that comes from Radical Mentoring where someone will come home from work and when they walk in the door, they go up to their spouse and give them 5 minutes of undivided attention to reconnect with the home life after the work life.

For some busy families, this may not always be the most ideal strategy, and Kevin recommends that this little transitional period does not have to strictly be 5 minutes or 5ft, but that it is a guideline and an encouragement to check in with your partner first-thing when you come home from work instead of automatically switching off.

How radical mentoring connects with the male community

Some people have outdated ideas about what mentoring is that put them off of the idea, however, it is a lot more than simply talking.

Through radical mentoring, they provide a space and place for men to calmly and safely express their vulnerability – this is something especially important since in many ways men are encouraged to bottle up their emotions and experiences instead of dealing with them.

What Radical Mentoring aims to do is to create environments where men can have the space to share their stories and experiences with other men and can connect with others who have also been in similar situations and find true empathy amongst their peers instead of feeling isolated.

Through Radical Mentoring, the men are also given interesting and helpful books to read, resources to interact with, and taught how to journal and complete daily assessment hom...

Are you a faith-based counselor? Do you feel the need to pretend to either your clients or your therapist that you are all put together because you are faith-based? Do faith-based therapists differ from others?

In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldridge speak with Whitney Owens about Christian counseling not being what we thought it was.

Meet Whitney Owens

Whitney Owens is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Private Practice Consultant. She lives in Savannah, Georgia, where she owns a group private practice, Water’s Edge Counseling.

In addition to running her practice, she offers individual and group consulting through Practice of the Practice. Whitney places a special emphasis on helping clinicians start and grow faith-based practices. Whitney has spoken at the Licensed Professional Counselors Association of Georgia’s annual convention and at Killin’ It Camp. Whitney is a wife and mother of two beautiful girls.

This entrepreneur went from a private practice owner to being a consultant. Providing fellow clinicians the tools they need to run a successful practice.

Visit Whitney’s website, connect with her on Facebook, listen to her podcast, or consult with Whitney. Email Whitney at [email protected]

In This Podcast

Summary

* A Christian counselor versus a counselor?

* Is there a pattern to having a crisis of faith?

* Challenges of being a faith-based Christian counselor

A Christian counselor versus a counselor?

People think that a Christian counselor has to have some kind of huge credential or training and yea its good to have some training and understand how faith integrates into therapy but honestly, I think a Christian counselor is just somebody who’s a counselor and also is a Christian and when appropriate, makes faith a part of the work you do with clients.

When Whitney says ‘appropriate’, she refers to when a client is requesting counseling that has a Christian perspective. However, it is possible to see lots of clients that are not faith-based and you can market yourself as someone in the middle who can work comfortably with both sides of people, faith-based and not.

Is there a pattern to having a crisis of faith?

I do think a lot of people have a crisis of faith because of what I actually just said, the church has hurt them in some way. So then they start to think, ‘so if the church isn’t real, and this is supposed to represent God, if they can’t be real then maybe God’s not real’.

Sometimes the church and people’s relationship to God coincides and other times it may not, but what is important is that you try to keep your faith consistent to yourself and not let outside perspectives of people mislead you. Especially so when you assume they are judging you when in fact you may be misunderstanding their actions.

When people come to see a counselor, they may try to act like everything is alright when in actual fact they need help. This also happens with Christian counselors and Whitney says people come in with a need to prove their faith to God to their counselor and that this is unnecessary and actually inhibits the therapy process further.

People come in like that and I get to see them in their yuckiest moment and I get to love them in the middle of it and they experience God in that. They experience God’s presence when we choose to love and accept somebody and their messiness, then they learn that its okay to be who they are...

Do you and your partner go through patches where communication becomes incredibly difficult? Do you seem to misinterpret the other ones’ behavior, turning it into an argument? How do you navigate these sensitive situations when your ego and pride seem to stand in the way?

In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldrige speak about the fact that it’s not about the damn sheets.

In This Podcast

Summary

* It is the small things

* Presence versus proximity

* Gottman sayings

* We all do bids for attention

It is the small things

It is a metaphor for life and couples struggles and it’s not the big things that get us, it’s the little things that destroy relationships. I believe over time that it is the ask, and the rejection. If we do that enough times it whittles away.

Arguments that become bigger and aggressive over small things usually point out that there are bigger, more important issues underneath that need to be vented or dealt with. The small things are symptomatic of big things, and they both need careful attention.

Presence versus proximity

It seems to happen that someone in each couple will have one of these properties; one will value proximity as quality time and the other will value presence as quality time. These can become issues when this is not fully communicated and each person in the couple feels that they are not being valued, or listened to sincerely.

For Billy, proximity is important. It matters that he and Brandy are in the same house together. For Brandy, it is presence. That she and Billy are spending intentional and conscious time together. When these needs are not met for either member in the couple, tension can build because each person’s personal needs are not being met.

Gottman sayings

When couples get into arguments, it can turn nasty quickly when each person gets wrapped up in their ego or need to be right. It is important to take a step back to remember that it is you and your partner against the problem, not you and your partner against one another. These are some helpful expressions to keep in mind that you can say to your partner in the heat of an argument to ground one another:

* I am on your side.

* I hear you, I see you.

* I understand you, I understand what you are saying.

We all do bids for attention

In research, it’s observed that happy couples turn towards their partner approximately 20 times more than couples in distress during everyday non-conflict discussions.

Throughout the day, you or your partner can request that the other meet a need of theirs. In healthy relationships with solid boundaries and respect, if your partner asks you to help them, then you should be able to. However if meeting their basic needs becomes a challenge and erupts into arguments, then some internal work may need to be done.

Books mentioned in this episode

Are you ready to find the freedom to be yourself as a beta male? Do you want permission and tools to be your best beta? Are you ready to join the revolution to find strength as a beta? If you want to be comfortable in your skin and be the most authentic beta male, then our free beta revolution course is for you.

Are you and your partner struggling to reestablish intimacy in your relationship? How can you make a long-lasting impact in your relationship that benefits you both? How can you begin to talk about the difficult things?

In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldridge speak about sex and relationships with Dr. Susan Orenstein.

Meet Dr. Susan Orenstein

Dr. Susan Orenstein, a licensed psychologist, and relationship expert and has successfully helped couples optimize their marriages or learn to let each other go so they can find “happily ever after” elsewhere.

She is also the host of the After The First Marriage, which is a podcast dedicated to helping individuals find their happily ever after elsewhere.

This means getting back in touch with their best self and reimagining possibilities for a fantastic future.

Visit her website and listen to her podcast here.

In This Podcast

Summary

* The most common thing couples need help with

* How do couples regain that trust in their partners?

* Addressing issues with sex

* Tools for easing into difficult conversations

* Hardest pills to swallow

The most common thing couples need help with

In Dr. Susan Orenstein’s experience, the answer is intimacy. People may come into the consulting room and say that they have a communication problem, but in fact, it is larger than that. Couples may have stopped trusting their partners, are walking on eggshells around them, they may have stopping confiding in one another and therefore they have less intimacy. Over this period, they have built up armor in the tense environment and can no longer interact with one another sincerely through their barriers.

How do couples regain that trust in their partners?

By starting to talk about the elephant in the room and getting right to the root of it. Have the tough but necessary conversation about how each person feels in the relationship.

Acknowledge that you are not feeling as close as you would like to feel and be with your partner, and then commit to talking about this together – not with friends behind the partner’s back, not delving into escapism. Commit to having a difficult conversation together with sincerity and integrity.

Addressing issues with sex

It is important to talk about what is getting in the way of the one person who is having trouble with sex at that time. There is not only one cause but a multitude of factors that have built up over time. However, Dr. Orenstein gives a generalized cause which most couples struggle with when it comes to issues with sex; that it is to do with stress. But trying to solve this issue by pressuring your partner or guilt-tripping them does far more damage than good because it adds more stress.

Couples should take a step back and try a new tactic of having ease in their relationship outside of sex first, to genuinely enjoy time spent with one another. Someone in the relationship can be more controlling over the other and feel as if they control the other person’s sexuality. This ownership or hostage situation is what adds more stress. Working to create an environment that is free and loving and open to express sexuality can encourage the partner to open up.

Tools for easing into difficult conversations

I think it’s important for couples to look at themselves and to say ‘okay am I doing anything threatening, am I being sarcastic, am I being belittling and then saying it’s a joke’? Just to be honest with ourselves about how we might be threatening our partner and not recognizing it and just cut all that out. When you cut all that out it makes a world of difference.

How did Laura come to be a badass therapist? What are some noticeable patterns between betas and alphas? Why is it so difficult for guys to be more emotionally in tune?

In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldridge speak with Laura Long about her therapy journey as the badass therapist.

Meet Laura Long

Laura Long is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the owner of YourBadAssTherapyPractice.com, where she helps ambitious, Type-A therapists push through their fears and unleash their inner badass in private practice.

Laura offers free practice-building tools through her email list and her brand new Youtube channel. Her signature 8-week online course has successfully graduated over 200 therapists, and she also runs small mastermind groups and a private online community reserved for her students.

Laura is best known for her off-the-cuff coaching style that includes colorful language, a witty sense of humor, and an uncanny ability to keep it real. Her unique approach to marketing and customer service challenges the status quo and helps therapists to become better business owners. She shows therapists how to grow and scale their practices without losing their minds – because building your private practice should be fun!

You can read Laura’s blog at www.YourBadAssTherapyPractice.com and follow her antics at www.Facebook.com/YourBadAssTherapyPractice.

In This Podcast

Summary

* From armchair therapy to building a brand

* Couples and individuals

* Patterns with betas and alphas

From armchair therapy to building a brand

Laura worked with taking chances and experimenting to see how things progressed. She helped people in her community along the way as a therapist; colleagues, friends, and loved ones and so began to realize that she could transfer all this knowledge onto one online space – a process that happened over time, step by step.

Through coaching group sessions and individual people, Laura was able to expand her practice and grow as a therapist.

Couples and individuals

Laura works with a solution-focused mindset and starting out working with couples. Here, with the solution-based work methods, she combined that with EFT therapy to work with families too.

In 2018, she experienced a shift in her therapy from wanting to work with couples to working with individuals. This niche burnout experience happens often with entrepreneurs where you think that you must pivot your business and your work methodologies, or run yourself into the ground.

Since this shift in 2018, Laura’s practice has been working mostly with entrepreneurs and assists them with business coaching.

Patterns with betas and alphas

There are plenty of men out there who need to embrace that – it’s not less masculine at all, in fact I think its actually more masculine to know what emotions you’re feeling and how to express your feelings to people. Not just to puff out your chest at any sign of discomfort.

Men are socialized and taught from a very young age ‘not to be a sissy’ and ‘to toughen up’, and that as soon as boys realize they have emotions they are taught to suppress them, and that leads to them growing up into men who are out of touch with their emotions and see them as weak. However, this is not the case. This emotionally suppressive behavior is modeled to boys at a young age, so they grow up internalizing these beliefs that is it emasculating to express emotions.

However, beta males are more in touch with their emotions. This does not mean they are any less masculine,